Wife works in the city. I ride with her once a week for my client meetings and she drops me off along her way. This morning, I ride all the way downtown with her and go our separate ways. She texts me an hour later that she can't find the car. Turns out it was parked in a tow spot and the car was towed. She picked the spot, I parked it, she paid the meter so the ownership feels 50/50 here. She's taking an Uber over there to get it after work, then picking me up. Only $100 so not a huge deal...
...but an opportunity for a test.
For a good contributive wife I would have gladly offered to get the car, as that is a good thing to offer. But I have resentments about her as a shitty non contributive wife and that's influencing me here. I'm tired of carrying the bigger load in the marriage. It's pulling teeth to get her to contribute her fair share of money and chores.
TFA had a post about resentments. He said to either let the grudge go completely or let that person go completely. I'm stuck in the marriage that is full of resentment landmines.
What am I not seeing? It's 50/50 situation in a 20/80 marriage. She didn't ask for help. I didn't offer help.
EDIT (UPDATE): I fucked up I know. I wasn't alert and my hamster hopped on immediately. I got resentful about the past and that knee-capped my ability to read the situation in the moment. I'm almost finished with WISNIFG and slowly internalizing that it's okay to just go after what I want. In this case I wanted something impossible, and that spun the hamster. I wanted my wife to pay her share in the past at the expense of me owning my shit in the present.
Resentment induced argument avoided when I just didn't any offer help, and her employer paid the ticket, and that defused the bomb.
But I knew I had to address the real issue. Later that night I stated that I wanted to rework our finances, put it all in one new account (in my name). She said, "Whatever you think is best". Chalk that up to my months of progress and running a MAP. Thank you all for letting me run my hamster here and not on her.
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