If I had read my own title I would have automatically assumed a number of things about the guy who wrote it. I will be the first to admit that I have become slow cooked into a beta loser over the 12 years I've been married. I was however raised by a hardcore red pill man and have a number of RP things going for me. I have a good job and a couple small businesses, I'm fairly fit, but mostly I'm an emotional rock and an outlier even among men in that sense. My self-esteem is probably higher that it should be most of the time. I am my own slave driver.

It wasn't until I found TRP that I realized I married the female stereotype. She was a hottie that was never without a boyfriend and she jumped to me when she got sick of her ultra beta boy toy. At 20 I was something of a wild man, I was partying my balls off, getting straight A's in college and performing in jam bands. 6 weeks later my future wife was pregnant and a year after that we were married.

On our wedding night sex went from a freebie to a pay in blood type arrangement. I quickly came to understand that she owned me and that I was prisoner in her concentration camp. It wasn't always bad but when it came down to trump cards she always won. As a logical man I knew that I could escape her by chewing off a leg but I have a no man left behind policy and there was no way I was going to let her keep my 2 boys without me around. So I began to study her and look for weakness.

I learned that she makes poor decisions based on feelings and as an emotionally controlled person she responds well to fear tactics. If I wanted her to make a certain decision or abstain from a bad one I would try to point out the bad things that would result and make her feel the dread of that outcome before hand. I charted her cycles and timed my moves. I noticed that she ate shit and didn't workout and was weak minded in the evenings when she was tired. She would have quarterly emotional meltdowns like clockwork. I was able to know her better than she knew herself. For 5 years sex rationing worked in controlling me and when I became somewhat immune to that she began to resort to threats of divorce and using my love of my children as a device against me. It worked very well and rightfully so, we both knew fully well that our legal system would fuck me if I didn't suck her ass. However, I also knew that with each passing year as the boys grew older that her death grip on me was loosening and I was able to chalk up one more year that I could be an active father and train my children myself and not some other sorry loser.

I paint this picture of horror but in reality it was often happy and as we stayed together longer it was really only the trump card in decision making that I wanted so I could be the head of my household. I think if divorce laws were tilted in my favor all of us would have been happier including her. That said, something new altogether recently went down that even with all of my wife studying and tracking I didn't see coming.

My wife was working as a manager of a small business and the owners 18 year old troubled lesbian granddaughter came to live with her and my wife was asked to befriend her and take her to school and things like that. I would describe this girl as frumpy goth. A very quiet, wrist slitting deep type girl. Apparently she fell in love with my beautiful wife and began to woo her with poetry, texts, notes, coffee etc. Long story short, I set up a camera in my basement and caught the two of them playing tonsil hockey and groping each other like crazy. Keep in mind I was watching this from my home office live while they were in the basement. It turns out that they were in love with each other and driving around finger blasting each other. In the end my wife lost her job. That was 6 months ago and I've stayed with her. At first I decided that I would stay because I wasn't ready to divorce. I lacked the cash and proper planning. I decided if I was going to divorce it would be at a time of my choosing and in a manner I was prepared for. I've begun to better myself more than I had been and to recalibrate my business planning somewhat. I got fixed and took my wife off the pill.

Am I crazy for not kicking her to the curb? I have to say, I now feel like I hold the upper hand for the first time in our marriage and now with her off the pill she is so much nicer and hornier it's actually really nice. Other than my slow burning anger and resentment for the cheating and 12 years of shit I'm kind of happy. Whats wrong with me? Straighten me out guys.

Edit:

Thanks for all the posts, even the ones I didn't want to hear. Yes she does know I have the video but has not seen it, I did meet with an attorney who told me the video has no real use and that it is a real possibility that I will get fucked in the divorce due to my work ethic and that I would be expected to continue to produce the same level of lifestyle as during the marriage. He said my only real strategy would be to get her to begin making as much money as possible in the mean time. Since I'm not prepared and I intend to pick fights I might "win", I've begun to seek advice and learn what I can here to help me. I've also doubled down on the health and fitness and have implemented a number of self betterment habits. I imagine by the end of the year I should be positioned much better to get some kind of decent outcome.