How to Deal with Wife's RP-Strategy Push Back?

StingrayVC · 2014-12-20T15:39:01+00:00

Stop treating me like one of the kids.

Tell her to stop acting like one.

Why won't you deal with me?

You don't deal with people until they act like an adult/stop whining/start treating you like an adult/what-have-you. Pick one that she will understand in her gut. If it hurts a bit, it hurts a bit. She won't understand until you make her really feel how badly she is treating you.

DO NOT let her leave the house with your children. If she wants to leave, let her leave. Do not let her take your kids. Why? She is using them against you. You know that she is trying to get back frame. She is trying to manipulate you. She is trying to guilt you into your old BP ways and she is using the kids to do it. Shut that down right now.

As to the dead, being Christian does not mean that you can't use soft dread. It is not a sin to talk to other women. To let her see you talking to them. Don't let it go beyond talking, but why not conversation? She will see how other women subtly throw body language your way. You don't need to reciprocate at all. It will be there other women who make her nervous. Often this is enough.

You are not loving your wife. Love is so much more than an emotion. To love her, you must have expectations. You must have boundaries. Right now, you are trying to establish them. Do not conform to her. She sounds very stubborn, so it might take some time for her to trust the "new you". Be her Rock.

Try to find a church that doesn't teach churchianty. Find a church with actual biblical teaching that expects women to follow it at well. They are not easy to find, but they are out there. Hopefully, the women there will help her as well.

BluepillProfessor · 2014-12-20T16:40:27+00:00

Holding frame doesn't always mean being Mr. Spock. You really need to provide some comfort sometimes.

-"Oh great, here it comes, the new you..."

Classic Shit Test: Agree and amplify: Smirk and correct her: "The new Improved you."

-"You're not a Saint. Why do you act like you're a Saint?"

Smile and maintain eye contact.

-"You are so cold to me. Why won't you just say you're sorry?"

-"You used to love me and care about our relationship. Now you just want to win."

This is where I think you are getting comfort tests not all Shit Tests. Take her in your arms and let her rage while you remain firmly planted in place.

-"You're like a rock. You have no emotions. You're a block of ice. Why won't you deal with me? Doesn't it matter how I feel?

[take her in your arms]...Of course it matters sweety. Tell me how you feel.

alpha_n3rd · 2014-12-20T14:41:26+00:00

Bend her over and fuck her like a caveman. If she refuses go out to the bar.

shouldastartedb4 · 2014-12-21T23:33:21+00:00

Phoenix gave some great advice, but I'd like to add some more, also from the Christian perspective.

Her push back is just her trying to shame you. It's a version of the modern notion that men are just broken women. when she complains your cold, it's implying that a good person would necessarily be more emotionally compliant-believing that feminist crap is what got us men into this mess in the first place. The "you're no saint" line is just a christian version of this.

Drawing mainly from Paul's letters, here how I see God's instructions to husbands.

God's the boss, not you not your wife. You answer to him. The question is never "is your wife angry, upset, etc." the question is always "does God approve?"
The husband leads the wife as Christ leads the Church. This is active leadership. You must have a plan for both the short and long term. It must be a plan for the family-not just yourself-that works for all of your family. Your plan is the plan God has set for you and your family. Don't know what that plan is? Then it's time to go talk to the boss.
Anytime anyone impede the plan, he/she is impeding God's will for you family. That's not acceptable, even if it's your family doing the impeding.
Anytime you let your family get off the path, you are failing your family and God.
So, what if your family won't stay in the plan? It's God's plan, you can't abandon it without abandoning him. If your wife makes you choose, then you are literally being asked to choose, who is your God? You need to answer for yourself, right now, who you would choose--would you let her walk out and divorce you or would you follow her--consequences be damned? If you aren't clearly prepared to choose God, go ahead and sideline him right now.
What happens if she walks, takes the kids and divorce rapes you? Haven't you failed as a father, a husband and a man? You have no economic life, never see your kids and the world sees you as a total loser. For this, I look at Jesus. You've never met the dude, but as a Christian you identify with him, you worship him, follow his example, even call him father, I bet. Of course, that was easy for him given how wealthy he was, how many palaces he had, how many countries he conquered, etc. Seriously, the man didn't have place to sleep, no money and no food--nothing. Still, he was unquestionably the most influential person in your life, I argue all of history, and he did all just by being a living example of what he thought was right in following God, irregardless of what other people did or intended to do. And he did it 2000 years ago--that's influence. Imagine the influence you're going to have on your children right now. They will, all of them, grow up believing that what they saw in you is what a man is supposed to be. Think about that long and hard. Every time you interact with your wife, you're teaching your kids what it means to be a man of God. Do men of God obey God or their wives? Who do they listen to? Who do they consult? Whose words do they follow? who do they follow?

phoenix_md · 2014-12-20T17:59:35+00:00

Welcome brother! I'm a Christian and am thrilled to have the chance to share some insight into the Christian RP experience. RP works as a Christian, but some tailoring of the message is required. I certainly don’t claim to have it all figured out, but I think my experiences may help.

(true dread game won't work per se)

Wrong. Dread works great in Christian marriages. It might help to not think of it as dread but rather as a chance to demonstrate you value to your wife. For example, I recently posted on a successful experience at a Christmas party.

The nuclear option is also viable for Christians. Let me preface by stating I love my wife and abhor divorce. But in your RP transition you MUST take on a mindset that divorce is a possibility. This point was probably the most difficult aspect of the pill to swallow. However, without this mindset your power as the gatekeeper of commitment is nullified and you will never escape the hold your wife has over you.

So early in my RP transition I took the plunge and, in response to continual disrespect, went nuclear by stating I was moving out (though only down to our large, completed basement). I felt very justified in doing this as just days before she had tried to get us to work out details of a separation as a Fitness test to my new RP ways (ironic? Yes). This choice WAS NOT easy, but I was doing this for the ultimate improvement of our marriage.

Within 2 hours, while I was busy at the grocery store buying food for my new dig, she was calling me begging for me to return home. I used the moment to full effect, laying down RP ground rules as a condition to my return. At that point her spirit of control was broken and the following months have just been working out various details of our new, improved life together.

In hindsight would I have truly carried forward with separation and later divorce? No, not unless she committed marital unfaithfulness. But she must sense the true threat if you ever want to move forward.

Maintained alpha tendencies for about 8 minutes after our wedding, then went full BP. Became domestic servant in my own home, told myself I was trying to be a good husband and father. Stopped almost all outside activity, saw friends once per year for boys-only trip, but that was it. Gained weight. Maintained some ambition by starting business, but which ultimately failed. Argued with wife constantly, got really bad over past two years. REALLY bad. Only way to not fight was to just do whatever she wanted.

Been there man. It sucks. First, you HAVE to get fit. I was already fit when making the RP transition but I’ve started Stronglift 5x5 and in two months have gone down by 2 belt loops.

As for arguments, in my beta days these roller coaster rides were quite common. Eventually I would get angry at how nasty she was talking to me, or not making sense and contradicting herself, or flat out making things up. During the worst fights I would try to leave to get my cool together but she would stand behind my car so I could not drive away, or track me down in the house (often with scared kids in tow), or threaten suicide, and has even hit me a few times. The most I have ever laid a finger on her was defending myself from further blows, and even then she would take pictures of subsequent bruising and threaten to take that to the cops.

I don't blame her for past emotional and physical abuse toward me. Truly all women are like that. I only blame myself for my failure to stand up against her and be the man I was supposed to be.

It is very important to only apply anger once your RP marriage is fully established. Instead be an oak, maintain frame, and don't let yourelf get drawn into arguements under the same principle that you don't argue with your children. And don't be afraid of her emotions.

We used to argue all the time, with arguments almost always ending with me apologizing for EVERYTHING, whether I was wrong or not. Now, we only argue once every couple of weeks, but they are doozies - they last several days

See my post on Wives that never apologize and followup post by /u/strategos_autokrator concerning why shouldn't care if your wife doesn't apologize. My post is concerning pre/early RP transition whereas his addresses during/after.

You get the idea. She sees that I am maintaining frame and employing RP, and she pushes back against it. It lasts for days - literally days - she comes into a room where I am, starts fighting with me, and when I hold frame it starts. Because I will only apologize now when I have done something wrong, our fights now end either with my wife going completely distant and cold and us not talking for a week, and only coming back online when something random happens, like couple friends coming over and us drinking two bottles of wine with them and that thawing our relationship, or with my wife running her version of dread game, which is to pack up the kids and go to her parents for a couple of days, always leaving me in a terrible position (one of the kids needs to stay with you because they have an activity, plus you need to watch the dog that you are allergic to while I am gone. I don't know when we will be back,")

You may be maintaining frame, but either not consistently or with a dominate attitude. What helped me most was thinking of her as the most responsible teenager in the room and myself as her father. Talk to her as such.

Also, you seem to be entertaining her Fitness tests way too much. Read up again on Fitness tests (RP mainsite sidebar is great source). You need to shut these tests down immediately. If she persists, get in your car, drive away and do something fun while maintaining radio silence. This will get the point across. Do NOT be fazed at the escalated tests she will throw at you during this time. She WILL involve the kids in some of these tests, but don’t be phased.

The next time she takes the kids, go do something awesome. Have the best freaking time you’ve ever had. Call you buddy and go to Vegas. You get the idea. You must show her your happiness is independent of her. Once she realizes this things will change quickly.

EDIT: Gold!? Wow, thank you. Absolutely made my day!

UEMcGill · 2014-12-20T18:42:06+00:00

Remember a woman is a covert communicator. These comments are designed to elicit emotion, not an answer. They are on the outside an attempt to make you feel guilty for her behavior. Deep down your at the crucial 6 moth period where many of us see a crisis of loyalty. She's scared that you're moving on with out her.

Use the tools of WISNIFG. FOGGING, and I-STATEMENTS can be particularly diffusing. Not every shit test needs to be smacked down. In some cases you need to be a rock and weather her emotional storm. One particular statement that works wonders is "I've been asleep at the helm and made some poor decisions, but I've found direction now and I intend to lead this family to be great". Use it wisely and sparingly, and I bet money you'll see her come back to you ready to be the best first officer she can be.

Dev_on · 2014-12-20T14:41:08+00:00

she is trying to get frame back. don't even ackgnowledge her. Remember, she's not talking like you are, to get a result. she is throwing everything against the wall, to see what sticks.

first time she throws one of those 'here comes the new you' at you, shut it right down...

"stop talking, stop x, talk to me when it's done" or something like that. as soon as you engage her shit test, you're validating it. Also, it helps to pickture her as one of your kids. If your kid was having this temper tantrum, what would you do? Same thing for this larger version

ThrowingAwayJehovah · 2014-12-20T19:57:48+00:00

The bible... you can definitely use it to your advantage in this case. There is so much in there about being a male leader and having a submissive wife.

There are plenty of verses that say things like, be submissive to your husband, to not be angry, to be flexible and accomadating to those taking the lead. Tell her you are doing these things to line yourself up better with the picture of a man from the bible and you expect her to do the same (with the female example) if she holds any value in it and wants to be respected as so.

Don't let her take your kids, tell if she needs to leave she needs to pick up some side work while she is gone to make up for what you are going to miss taking care of the kids while she is gone.

Also if you are allergic to this dog tell her to take it with her or you will just leave it outside. Or find some other solution to the problem, this seems like a shit test to me.

Also work on your dread, you can do it right without "cheating" It isn't RP to cheat anyways (just keeping options open) Also this is not outcome independant thinking.

OpiumPhrogg · 2014-12-20T23:54:23+00:00

I didn't get through all the comments, and this may be a controversial comment but here it goes.

You say you are devout / good Christians so I assume you go to church. Aren't there any divorcées or single moms at your church you can pull some soft dread with? That is probably your best option if you really want to go the dread route.

Edit: Just in case this gets misconstrued, what I meant was if your wife sees other women showing interest in you it may get her hamster going that she can be replaced, there is nothing more scandolous than a single and looking woman in a congregation (and all the church wives know it).I will say this again, dread can (and does) work but it can backfire too.I think, at least Athol Kay wrote a blog post on the nuances of dread, may be worth reading.

newlifeasredpill · 2014-12-20T20:02:29+00:00

I think you are on the right track but you need light dread. Holding frame is not enough after years of being a beta bitch. I say that as I have been there too.

It takes 8 mins to go BP as you said. Going RP is eternal.

Are you lifting? You mentioned getting back in shape. Lift hard bro...you can search if you need proof why it's so important.

Why is Christianity and dread incompatible? You don't need to bang her best friend. She just needs to see that women find you attractive. Her response is primal. Doesn't matter if she thinks you're a good Christian man who abhors cheating. She sees a woman interested then it's a new game for you.

Read 16 commandments of poon. Especially the parts about the oak tree and making her jealous.

Title	How to Deal with Wife's RP-Strategy Push Back?
Author	shouldastartedb4
Upvotes	17
Comments	41
Date	December 20, 2014 2:24 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2pvx9y/how_to_deal_with_wifes_rpstrategy_push_back/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/how-to-deal-with-wifes-rp-strategy-push-back.202779 https://theredarchive.com/post/202779

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