LTR Said I Scare Her

red-sfpplus · 2018-07-09T15:37:55+00:00

You clearly do not lift. If you did, your therapist would be the Iron, not your GF.

mrpthrowa · 2018-07-09T15:08:52+00:00

Congrats you have adult problems. Woo!

I proceeded to tell my girlfriend about this because I wanted her to know where I was at in my life.

So what you did here is purposefully worry and scare her. If you handle it fine, then handle fine. Handling it fine does not mean attempting to handle fine but going around telling your crew that you're facing so many problems. That puts your crew on alert expecting stuff to go bad.

You fucked up.

What I'm hoping to accomplish requires an immense amount of discipline and focus that cannot be achieved if I keep letting my emotions dictate my actions

you already failed. You let slip the pressure to her.

I was just wondering if any of you older gentlemen have ever faced something like this and how you handled it?

Going forward, act as if this did not happen. Proceed as normal, if she brings it up, act as if it's not a serious issue, AM/AA and escalate.

Lately I have been very busy with work. My main girl has sensed it, or may be she has issues to deal with anyway, and she's approaching her period.

We were watching something yesterday, she was leaning against me and she said "My mind is doing a lot of thinking about you right now". I just ignored it, and we had a good dinner.

Later that night, in the dark, she again rested her head on my shoulder, and she says: "Tell me about your biggest worries, are you worrying right now?"

May be she really sensed it, may be she is projecting, may be she is trying to get me to ask her about her worries so she pushes some further commitment from me..

Doesn't matter...

I thought for a few seconds and I told her:

"right now... my biggest worry tomorrow is... whether to shave with my gilette or with my electric shaver tomorrow".

I was thinking of my face.

So she says: "Ooh we don't want it to get hurt"

She immediately thought of my pubes...

So I say "Oh not that, but you know, nothing sharp gets anywhere near there! it needs the best care"

Some further nonsensical double entendres ensued for a few minutes with great amusement and laughter, and the night ended up with a blow job.

RedDreadWolverine · 2018-07-09T16:27:35+00:00

Curious.

How’s your boss toxic? (Are you victim puking?)

What does “shutting off your emotions” actually mean? (Is it possibly stress and adult responsibility you have not learned how to deal with yet? If it’s that then seek squared away male mentors and let them give you perspective.)

1.) Don’t be vulnerable with your girl, you bring that kind of thing here or to a respected mentor type in your life.

2.) She’s not “scared of you”, she’s insecure that you seem weak. She’s prodding at you to see how deep it goes.

3.) If she was actually “worried” about what you’re “capable of” she would be a lot more compliant with you in general. She’s not gonna prod unless she’s checking for weakness or evaluating if there’s a threat of competition from another woman. This is how lady brains operate.

4.) learn self ownership. Stress is good, it means you’re doing things. Lean into it, turn your trial into a challenge. A nightmare boss now makes a somewhat harsh boss later seem like a vacation.

5.) with your girl: have fun, be in the moment, you don’t need her, she needs you, stop talking to her about your feelings to her.

mindfulbutgutless · 2018-07-09T17:02:31+00:00

My solution for this situation has been to simply just shut off my emotions and get shit done

I have been here. It doesn't work they way you think it will. Instead of using the emotion to your benefit, you are allowing it to seep out in the most unattractive way, unaware. every question you respond to will be dripping with the emotion you are trying oh so hard to suppress. Try owning the emotion and process it in a productive way. The "negative" emotions like anger and sorrow should be used a fuel in the gym or other endeavors. The positive ones should be used as reminders of why you are doing this. Voluntary hardship, the burden of performance , you know being a man. Remember your emotions are yours, OWN THEM

EveryGodDamnDay · 2018-07-09T17:31:36+00:00

So I'm reading your post and I'm thinking cool, 22 year old kid thinking about his future and carrying his own weight, manning up and doing the hard work ...

I proceeded to tell my girlfriend about this because I wanted her to know where I was at in my life.

Fuck. You were on a roll, and then this. She is not your mother or your therapist. She's your (current) fuck-friend. She wasn't even prodding you, and you rolled over and showed your belly. If you're "trying not to get myself into a catch 22 situation when I get married", then cut this shit out now.

/u/mrpthrowa has it right: you fucked up, and the only way to fix it is to act as if it never happened and never again expose your weakness to her.

nastynickdr · 2018-07-09T18:49:32+00:00

"You scare me, I dont know what you are capable of, you need to open up more to me"

"This is just the way I am."

"But blah blah blah!"

"If you are unhappy with the way I am, you are free to find someone who is the way you want"

Rian_Stone · 2018-07-09T15:34:32+00:00

Law 30

The sidebar answers all, perhaps you could try it out

MrChad_Thundercock · 2018-07-09T16:07:02+00:00

“because I tend to not be emotional to begin with”

She’s said that because she doesn’t Feelz a connection with you- Right Now.

She wants to feelz fun and excitement. She doesn’t give 2 fucks about the details or your struggles, she only seeks the reward at the end- your commitment and resources ($).

You’re in college, continue to work hard on that degree, setting up your side business, improving, etc. don’t fall for the beta trap of being pressured to getting married. Fuck that.

She’s one girl of millions. She needs to k ow her rank. Fuck her good, have fun, work hard on yourself. No promises at this point.

Grimsterr · 2018-07-09T16:40:50+00:00

If in doubt, STFU. Go pick up something heavy, hit a big leather bag with your fists, or whatever it takes to get your feelz out while continuing to STFU.

screechhater · 2018-07-10T03:13:51+00:00

First of all Quit fucking talking

Actions speak louder than words, and bring an autistic Rambo will get you know where in a fucking hurry.

Work —

My advice to you is make a list for what your boss wants out of you and do it. Turn the phone off, get off the web and churn that shit out.

LTR.

My advice to you.

She is not your pastor, sounding board or friend. She is your fuck mate and you need to make your time with her fun and exciting

Your complete and undivided attention needs to be on your mission while seeking out what you need to do to accomplish and stay in track. However, I did not say to ignore your health, hygene, wardrobe, etc.

It is imperative to remain you and go after your goals, with no validation or acknowledgement fro her or other women. This needs to become habitual.

AlexGreenleaf · 2018-07-10T10:20:26+00:00

You don't have to shut off your emotions to be in control of them. Learn about Stoicism and figure out the distinction.

RedPillCoach · 2018-07-10T17:07:06+00:00

My solution for this situation has been to simply just shut off my emotions and get shit done

I really don't get how these are connected. You can use emotions to motivate you and get more done or you can let them get in the way. "Turning them off" is not a strategy I have heard discussed ever before on Red Pill, in marriage counseling courses, as an attorney, in my Coaching courses, or in my PhD program except when I studied Spectrum Disorders. I do think all of those diverse areas of study would converge on one fact: If you are overwhelmed by a particular part of your life, it may not be the best strategy to "shut down" your emotional involvement in the rest of your life.

So, if you are so good at shutting down your emotions, why not work on shutting them down for one activity (getting shit done) and letting them out for others?

This is what I think. OP has Asperger's or something close to it. He is overwhelmed and is getting flooded because life happens. He reacts negatively and then decides to use his super Aspie powers to shut down all his emotions. Girlfriend is "scared" that he is withdrawing all his love and affection and is "scared" he will lose it permanently. Boy responds with a classic response right on the spectrum- "I am not going to be emotional so that she is not scared."

Why is this an Aspie response? Because the girl is not "scared" that he is refusing to vomit his emotions all over her. She is "scared" because he has withdrawn his love and affection along with the negative emotions. A reasonable response would be to take her by the hand and then give her a hug. All he needs to do is provide some reassurances that this is temporary and "don't worry, we will get through this....I just need about 30 days to get this done." Instead, the girl gets Commander Data- super smart, and super competent but completely clueless about basic human emotion.

A better sequence would have been if OP had not said anything in the first place! Then when she comes to him he could provide some light reassurance, a quick hug, and something like: "I am working on a some things but don't worry, I will be back soon when I get on top of it."

friendandadvisor · 2018-07-10T19:37:13+00:00

...she also said that this scares her. She has, in the past said that she does not know what I'm capable of...

This sounds to me as though you need to gtfo of this relationship. Any woman that says "You scare me"...

abudun79 · 2018-07-14T18:31:53+00:00

Yes, have been in a situation that is somewhat comparable. My solution was, as will be my advice, don't treat it as an all-or-nothing situation. Control you emotions instead of "turning them all off". Your education and job and so on are one thing, but your LTR and family are a different case.

Learn to be with her as if nothing happened in your professional life. Your job is always demanding but you always handle it. There's nothing else she or your family need to feel about it. That's the only thing that will work throughout your life. The Rational Male (Athol Kay, too?) writes about that topic a few times. I think it is not as common around here.

Imagine she comes home one day, after she's been a stranger for two weeks, telling you something like you told her. She's cold towards you, mechanic. Does the household, but is a robot otherwise. Would you want to be with her?

CalvinRichland · 2018-07-15T04:45:10+00:00

Fucks sake.... shhhhhhh

Title	LTR Said I Scare Her
Author	zamunda762
Upvotes	6
Comments	19
Date	July 9, 2018 2:54 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/8xccr3/ltr_said_i_scare_her/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/ltr-said-i-scare-her.204232 https://theredarchive.com/post/204232

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