On Snooping

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April 17, 2018

I understand the urge to snoop. But why do we snoop? You cannot control someone else. You can only control yourself.

There have been a few posts in the last few days that were initiated because of snooping. I understand - you get a hunch, it eats away at you, so you go and look. Hard to fight back. You're afraid. Why?

You're afraid of her leaving. Let that sink in for a moment.

Do you know AWALT? Then what are you afraid of?

Do you have your personal shit together? Then what are you afraid of?

Do you know hypergamy is a thing? Then what are you afraid of?

Nine times out of ten, the time would have been better spent un-fucking the relationship, or better, un-fucking yourself.

My point being...RP men shouldn't snoop. Snooping is for chicks. It's insecure. You should be busy being confident, getting stronger, increasing your SMV. If she swings, be ready to get a newer hotter one. But honestly - if you're hot, and funny, and fuck her right - the odds are in your favor.

I don't snoop. I love my wife, but I also love my life without her in it, because I have cultivated a life for myself that I love. She gets to share in it. Were she to swing away...it was my turn.

I am curious what others have to say about this, as there may be better reasons for snooping (perhaps a large sharing of assets to protect. Children also come to mind.)

Rather than "trust but verify", I practice "assume, and don't worry about it."


Post Information
Title On Snooping
Author the_grizzlebee
Upvotes 13
Comments 27
Date 17 April 2018 02:56 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/204608
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/8cx583/on_snooping/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
AWALThypergamysexual market value

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill11 points12 points  (2 children) | Copy

An Alpha Provider has no need to snoop, generally. But we're not talking Alphas here.

Some of these men are in deep crisis and they are literally in the midst of a sinking ship. Any man, needs to have full operational awareness so that he may make life changing choices. If her behavior leads you to believe her trustworthyness is in doubt you need to know your options.

We tell men to watch a woman's actions, not listen to her words. If a woman's behavior is becoming sketchy you should do everything in your power to make the best decision possible. If you're a Missouri kind of guy then go for it and snoop. Some guys are more like "if I get to the point where I have to, she's gone." hey more power to them. Redpill is amoral after all.

I would only warn those about to embark on that path not to go chasing all the boogie men they find. Set your life up so that through her constant acts of devotion you don't have to worry about snooping. But don't be so blind you ignore warning signs when they are blatant.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Born in MO. Got your reference. ;)

[–]broneilbro7 points8 points  (4 children) | Copy

Here are my thoughts as I am one of those that has snooped.

I did the assume, and don't worry about it before, and I got burned a day before I deployed finding out she had an emotional affair. I knew something was up and while in her frame because of the upcoming deployment, I trusted her words vice actions.

I found RP afterwards. I learned about hypergamy, when are emotional thinkers, and listen to actions vice words. I noticed her actions, asked her about it, she denied, I snooped and found some red flags.

Why did I snoop? To protect myself when I am deployed and when I am back in case it goes south. I have seen too many soldiers get burned by their ladies only to see it after the fact.

Mainly it is financial protection while you are gone ie not buying her a x or transferring how much money. I am securing my finances and have shifted from paying off debt to hoarding cash. Got to go have a go bag if things don't get right after I get back.

TLDR: Deployed and snooped to protect myself.

[–]mrpthrowa3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

I knew something was up and while in her frame because of the upcoming deployment, I trusted her words vice actions.

This is key. You don't need to snoop to find this out.

[–]broneilbro0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Yes, the veil was removed after the fact. Now when I see it I address it but gents if she is going to cheat she will cheat.

I'm just protecting my ass lol, oh and laughing at my insecurities...

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She already has cheated

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Why did I snoop? To protect myself

that which the wicked fear shall overtake them

[–]Trtntrenbrah6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

This is debated a lot and have read pretty sound arguments on both sides.

Speaking from a place of experience where the ex wife concealed her affair for a decent length of time.

You’re never going to catch the shit completely or even on time.

Sure you may see a small red or even yellow flag pop up just momentarily.......

But the good ones, and most are.

You won’t suspect a fucking thing.

Just the way it is.

Personally I don’t lay awake at night thinking about it.

[–]the_grizzlebee[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That is kind of what I was getting at. I assume she's capable of it and get on with my day.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

This is why i hate:

Trust but verify.

Bull. Shit. There are over a thousand different things that can be red flags that aren't. Snooping only allows the hamster to run wild.

What men, and even Red Pill are afraid of are being Cucks. When really a cuck is a man who does nothing about the cheating bitch he has in his life. if he finds out she was cheating then act. And act quickly. What you are guilty of is a poor vetting process and even still the other person can change their mind.

There is also a certain level of wanting revenge. the upper hand. Alphas are always in charge amiright? No. Alphas always know how to act and what to do. And more importantly take action for the things in their life. Alphas are no immune, but we know what do when it happens. All too often men come here looking for the Red Pill to be a cure to the life and what it really is a realization of what is really going on. Hypergamy is here. It's not going any where. She can stay or go. At any point.

We don't like it. But we can't change it and therefore just have to live here. Meanwhile we are going to do what need to survive it.

I practice IDGAF. i may want her in my life along for my mission. If she doesn't want to be there. Ok....I can and will adjust fire. Rethink somethings. Maybe make sure I am still locked, but the ship still moves forward.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It’s better she go sooner rather than later. Every man should do whatever is in his power to have the best information available.

The only element here is ego. As though it’s somehow better and more ALPHA not to check up on those in your charge.

[–]BostonBrakeJob0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

What men, and even Red Pill are afraid of are being Cucks. When really a cuck is a man who does nothing about the cheating bitch he has in his life. if he finds out she was cheating then act. And act quickly.

My thoughts exactly. Don't snoop unless there are some red flags. At that point, you know what you're looking for. And if you find it you should already know what you're going to do about it.

All this "I went snooping and found something and now I don't know what to do" shit is for the birds. If someone walks in the bathroom to take a shit knowing there's no toilet paper, they can wipe with their hand for all I care.

[–]hack3ge2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I spent a good deal of time before MRP snooping and the time would definitely have been better spent working on my own frame vs. living in hers. This is no way to live your life if you are constantly checking up on her. Now if she gives you a reason based on her actions to question things and you want to get information to make a decision on nexting her then go for it but really if you have to ask that question then odds are not good.

I've seen/heard too many stories with AWALT to ever question it again. Buddy of mine got divorced and I had never heard the story until I started talking to him about what was going on with me and sure as shit his story was basically the same as mine. If she wants to cheat she is going to and you snooping won't stop it. Plus when you confront her without some strange dick literally in her shes going to deny it and when you don't next her you lose all of the power in the relationship because you are now permanently embedded in her frame from her perspective.

The way I think about it now is have your shit together, be attractive, set boundaries and don't worry about it. Remember you can only control you and its only your turn...

[–]The_LitzRed Beret2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

I am sticking to trust but verify if you have a gut feeling something is off. I am not going to be cucked.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

That's my method. Periodically check in on text messages etc. But no significant snooping unless there is some smoke showing up somewhere.


If it's a fear born from a flavor of desperation, that's a problem. If it's periodically checking a bitch because, you know, AWALT, that's a different story.

[–]The_LitzRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The mindset behind it is the key.

Unfortunately, the Redpill makes one just a little paranoid.

I wouldn't even check in from time to time. Just if I have a nasty gut feeling.

[–]turbospeedsc2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Once you're married with kids, you can't just next and DGAF, there are people and money on the table, just like shooting a gun, you can't pull the trigger and go drink a few beers, there a responsibility behind every action. At least in my case once i got the redflags, went CIA mode and got as much evidence for a couple of weeks , chatlogs, call logs, sms logs the whole nine yards.

Once armed with that confronted, took my shit and i was gone. Like a good lawyer you dont go to trial without evidence, besides once the divorce starts, having the evidence even if you decide not to use it, puts you in a position of power.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

would you investigate an employee you though was stealing?

[–]InChargeManRed Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

It is for sure a double edged sword. My feeling is that you obviously shouldn't be operating in her frame, which is what excessive snooping is. On the other hand, the king needs to know what his subjects are up to.

For me a good balance is to do a "check up" every once in a while, say, 3 months. Good opportunities are when you've essentially set the stage for trouble. i.e. you are away for the week, kids are in school, she is ovulating. If she is good then you can guess there is nothing to worry about. I'm not talking about calling a PI, but double checking her phone location vs. where she says she is will do it. I've never looked, but I suppose they still keep phone records on your cell company's website, right? If you see some long calls to strange numbers that would be a tip off.

Beyond that, I agree with the general gist of your post. At the same time, I don't want to be taken advantage of or put at risk for STDs, or even just waste my time.

Call me a faggot if you want, IDGAF. I'd rather spend 10 minutes 4 times a year than waste years with a cheating wife.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy


I regret I have but one upvote. Snooping is bad all around. It’s unbecomming of a man and has 0 chance of solving any problems. So many better ways of handling suspicion.

If you’re not married and she’s not convincing you that you are the one and only. NEXT. If you are married use MRP upper dread levels to rectify OR NEXT as appropriate.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Rather than "trust but verify", I practice "assume, and don't worry about it."

More of the former, less of the latter.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Rather than "trust but verify", I practice "assume, and don't worry about it."

nailed it

any man who thinks snooping will help him doesn't understand awalt.

shift your energy. be a shaky, slippery branch so she's too focused on hanging on to bother trying to swing. be a wild lion, and she'll be too focused on trying to keep you corralled to worry about corralling another. run from her and she will chase you. chase her and she will flee.

[–]hack3ge2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

be a shaky, slippery branch so she's too focused on hanging on to bother trying to swing

I think this is the essence of using RP to address hypergamy and AWALT.

Only one person can have the power in a relationship and the person who gives the least fucks wins...

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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