I finally get "be attractive".
I have been here for just under a year with all of the sidebar read and lifting 3-4 times a week....slowly becoming more attractive. In the first couple of months, the anger stage which led to being Rambo was all about getting more sex from my wife.
Finally clicked last night why I don't need to worry about what my wife wants/thinks at all. As I become more attractive, I am getting more interest from other women. I am not fully where I want to be with my wife but it doesn't matter. There is a point coming very soon where the options available will outweigh the loyalty I have for my wife and she knows it. As more attractive women openly begin to hit on me, she will have no choice but to enthusiastically have sex with me or I will leave. Her options are to have enthusiastic sex with me or risk me leaving for someone more attractive. My options are stay or go - the more attractive my options are, the easier it is to leave.
Understanding this allows me to see how the next 6 months to a year will unfold - which leads to a sense of calm and confidence which will only lead to better handling of shit tests.