Wanting to postpone having first child.

Westernhagen · 2017-10-18T19:25:29+00:00

I'm 27, I lift, married one year and transitioning to

Transitioning to what? Female?

Anyway, there are lots of men on this sub who had two, three, or even more kids before starting the process of self-improvement. They were by no means "fully evolved" when they had their kids. Yet this has not stopped them from improving. It is all a matter of self-discipline and eliminating time-wasting distractions.

If you think you're going to be in some ideal "finished" state by the end of 2018, you are wrong. Self-improvement is never-ending. Are you going to tell her at the end of 2018, "sorry, sweetie, not done yet, but at the end of 2019 we'll see"?

You don't want to have a kid yet, and that's fine. But you're hamstering it up about your need for personal development holding you back. That doesn't sound like the real reason. You sure you're not punishing her for something she did or did not do?

InChargeMan · 2017-10-18T21:26:21+00:00

Lol, new concept: Physical Fogging:

"Why did you pull out and cum on my chest again? We are trying to make a baby? That is the 6th time this month!"

"I can see why that would upset you. You won't get pregnant if I cum on your tits. Next time I'll try to remember where to finish."

bogeyd6 · 2017-10-18T19:16:27+00:00

I can sympathize with her wish to have children before she is 30. Older women sometimes have many problems having children and it just becomes one of those things she can't do. She might wait, for you, and not being able to have kids. As far as you waiting financially, you can trust in that you will never have enough money for children. Believe me. They are cheap as babies, and grow more expensive as they get older.

Anyway, back to rp concepts here. If you don't want children in the next 13 months, then assert yourself and tell her no. Then, you will probably want to go snipped because she will sabotage all forms of birth control when she has that baby fever. I can even envision a scenario in which you get snipped, she doesn't know, and still ends up pregnant.

SteelSharpensSteel · 2017-10-18T19:10:28+00:00

Personally, I don't think anybody is "ready" to have a kid. If you say you are, you're lying. I wasn't ready, but I had to absolutely step it up when I did.

I would only add that there is some truth to declining fertility - do some research on miscarriages.

You take a look and work it out with your wife. If you want to, do. If you don't want to, don't. Make a plan. Only you know your situation and where it stands.

justpickanyusername · 2017-10-18T19:25:55+00:00

I'm going to sort of give you two answers here. First off, you are 27, you are likely as ready as you will ever be to have a child. The truth is that you are never fully ready. You just get in there, man up, and be the best damn dad you can be. That kid will teach you things about life and yourself that you never would have known otherwise. I like kids and I am grateful for the ones I have and that I didn't put it off too long. That is my old wise man advice to not put off kids in order to wait to be ready. You will never be fully ready, ever.

My second answer is this. I have four kids. My wife desperately wants a 5th. So, I too am in a similar situation though I had never promised anything beyond what we have now. I am done. I love what we have and will be the best dad I can be to those 4 kids. It is actually the fallout from this dispute with me and my wife that brought me to discover MRP in the first place. The truth is, you are able to make your own decisions. You are also allowed to change your mind. She is allowed to divorce you as a result if it means that much to her and she simply wants a man to get her pregnant. I guess at that point you will know that you were only a sperm donor to her and just a paycheck. If you are dead set on not having a baby in 2018 then stand by that and deal with the fallout.

Just make sure this is what YOU want, what is best for your family (even for your unborn children), and not because you are suddenly questioning everything she wants because you have read NMMNG and WISNIFG and found out that you can actually say no.

Edit: We are talking about 4 months and a couple of weeks here. Start banging her April next year and that baby won't be born until 2019 at the earliest.

Sl0wRideTakeItEasy · 2017-10-18T21:24:52+00:00

There is never going to be "the right time" to have a kid. Just go for it.
One kid is not a significant loss of freedom. 2+ kids is. Keep that in mind before you have a second one.
Childbirth is for the young, even with the wonders of modern medicine. The stats don't lie.

crimson_chris · 2017-10-19T00:35:06+00:00

If you want to delay having kids, fine - but have an end goal. Mine was finishing grad school first. "Someday when I am ready" is not a solid end goal.

bala-key · 2017-10-18T19:41:07+00:00

she is unwilling to move on this issue.

What does that mean exactly?

I don't fully grasp what exactly you plan to do in that one year. The arrival of a child will fully disrupt your life (for both of you) in any case.

If making this decision is somehow a big power play for you, that's probably stupid.

Rian_Stone · 2017-10-18T19:43:16+00:00

Question, are these hard rules you need to meet, or are you shifting goalposts? bogey nailed the strategy, I'd suggest looking into motivations

ScottishDragon · 2017-10-18T19:50:55+00:00

My wife is 2 years older than me so perhaps we are at different timelines I'm our life. It's a tug of war with certain areas.

red-sfpplus · 2017-10-19T01:12:32+00:00

There is more to getting preggo than simply depositing some sperm in your wives vagina.

You need good swimmers. Lots of swimmers She needs eggs Good eggs Etc

My wife and I are the only people in our friend group that had kids naturally. Most people I know have had to have science get them preggo. One close friend had to have 1/4 of his ball removed, the sperm sucked out and then inserted into her egg and then put inside her. They were all prime breeding age to.

My wife did the same thing to me. Preggo by 30. I countered with fine but job, money, etc first.

It all worked out. These days I would not assume you can just get preggo. Lots of stuff in the water to lower sperm count but this is not the conspiracy forum so Ill leave it at that.

Play nasty if you have to. Track her cycle wo telling her. Facials when she is ovulating will help slow the process down.

screechhater · 2017-10-19T04:21:23+00:00

"that perhaps I am simply fearful of loss of freedom."

I have three kids, I had to give a few things up. But I wanted to be there for each one. Trust me, by the I was your age I was road hard and put away wet for many years I still live a fulfilled life

MRP will make you a great father

Pull your head out of your ass though and take a look around, they actually open a whole new world

straius · 2017-10-19T13:40:36+00:00

If your going to delay having a kid, personally, one of the better reasons is so you can do traveling and hit a bunch of goals like that you and your SO want to do together. Once the kiddo is there, traveling gets a lot harder. You can make it happen, but it's just never the same until the kid is old enough you can leave for a week without 'em.

Timing, career wise, it will never be a good time. Just do it and then do what you have to.

Title	Wanting to postpone having first child.
Author	ScottishDragon
Upvotes	3
Comments	33
Date	October 18, 2017 7:02 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/778sxb/wanting_to_postpone_having_first_child/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/wanting-to-postpone-having-first-child.205267 https://theredarchive.com/post/205267

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