I'll try to summarize. - Married 15y, 4 kids. I know I can can 'do better - physically and emotionally, however I still want to give the marriage a fighting chance without going too far down the purple pill path. I just feel like after the last 15 years I could see how I could have 'wandered' so while it still hurts like hell, I'm trying to forgive her.

I was born a mamma's boy and have always owned and been proud of all of my beta traits, even going so far as to become a full time househusband the last four years while creating and running my wife's (successful) business for her from home. During that time, I came down with a chronic illness and was even more of a chump. Not that I'm defending her, but I can see how it only lowered my SMV. Around six or seven months ago my wife started an emotional affair, eventually I listened to my gut and caught up, but instead of being a man about it, I tried to operate through guilting her. I also got drunk and went of a few rampages around the house - way the fuck out of character for me and I'm still trying to really understand what that was all about - it scared her though and sort of contributed to things going downhill.

I guess on the bright side, throughout the process I discovered TRP and was already halfway through No More Mr. Nice Guy (I swear the book was wrote directly to me.) as well as dressing better, hitting the gym, etc. when she ended up getting drunk and sleeping with an old friend on a trip.

I am doing the work, but right now I feel trapped. The night I found out I got a DUI so I'm currently w/out a driver's license for the next 6 weeks. I do work from home and now that the kids are in school I'm going to start rocking that shit out, but I still feel like my progress is going to be retarded by my inability to drive (looking into saying fuck the gym and just buying some free weights though)

I don't even know what I'm looking for. I know changing my core being is going to take some time, but I have been feeling my inner alpha for the last few months bubbling to the surface and I love him, he's a badass. We were separated for a few months and despite my perceived flaws (spare tire), I had no trouble whatsoever finding/spinning plates.

  • Should I keep my plates spinning? My therapist thinks that I should let them go and focus on my marriage. I think they are building my confidence and 'rationalizing' them that way.

  • My wife has been diagnosed with explosive personality disorder. She is seeing a therapist and working on that - she hates her temper, she hates the way she acts to me and our kids when she blows up. I'm just not sure how to handle it for the time being. I know I don't deserve the bullshit - so I'm trying to call her out on it. 95% of the time she's a great person, but she's emotionally broken and her default anger response is rage/contempt - me being a beta-for-life, get very hurt (though I'm working on that). As an example, the other day we had some miscommunication about where we were going on a trip, she though I was going to wait for her someplace, I though I was going to meet her someplace. She finally called me, I did my best to explain where I had gone 'west on the same street' I told her I could see her/was waving - and she tried to call me out, lashed out, called me and asshole and hung up. I didn't acknowledge it, and within 15 minutes she was trying to hold my hand, but I still felt like I needed to shut that shit down. STFU worked, but it did not feel right to me. Her explosions, be they shit tests or just her being imbalanced are pretty extreme and I need to find a better way to shut that shit down while I'm trying to shift the power. Thoughts?

  • Lastly, and I know I'm being a pussy here - how the fuck do you move past an affair? Even a drunk one night stand. There's been a strange dick in my wife, and that's not sitting well with me. I've more than balanced the scales of justice, but that's done nothing to change the fact that there are way too many nights that I still fall asleep broken/crying. Not sure how to process this.