I care about sex less than other parts of my marriage that suck, am I doing this wrong?

anythinginc · 2017-07-17T20:39:53+00:00

I just want to see her pulling her slack instead of being a teenager in the house.

What does she need to do that you can't?

Give up that resentment, butthurt, and entitlement and you might like fucking her more.

man_in_the_world · 2017-07-18T06:21:54+00:00

They always bury the lead ...

my wife has no job, we have no kids, and she just sits around all day. But then she complains about how hard she works and how she needs to me to take care of her.

You are a Type 2 Dysfunctional Captain of MRP who got here after years of escalating choreplay trying to make your wife happy, and who has been too much of a pussy to set boundaries and expectations of her. That linked post gives you a roadmap for what to read and for fixing yourself and possibly your relationship, if you can learn to develop your own frame and develop the courage to be more assertive with your wife.

Some of the comments to that linked post are by men who started out as Type 2 captains and were successful with MRP, and /u/resolutions316 is a current poster still in the process. Their post histories and the comments they received might be equally relevant and helpful to you.

screechhater · 2017-07-17T20:48:39+00:00

this is the truth - sexual partner first and if it's not fulfilled, resentment ensues are you her lover or friend ?

Room mates or lovers ?

define this

BobbyPeru · 2017-07-17T21:07:59+00:00

It's all tied together. Lift, mission, MAP, leadership.. The sex is just a symptom of how well you are OYS.

2017-07-17T21:52:42+00:00

[permanently deleted]

BluepillProfessor · 2017-07-18T00:46:30+00:00

We have the sex pretty well figured out. All the other stuff, not so much.

For a wife who is not attracted the solution is to become attractive. For a lazy wife, you can motivate her to fuck. You can motivate her to treat you well. You can motivate her to be less of a bitch.

However, it is very difficult to motivate a FO to "step up" and do her "share." It is very difficult to motivate a fatty to go to the gym or put down the fork. It is very difficult to motivate a lazy bitch to clean house.

InChargeMan · 2017-07-18T05:58:29+00:00

It is actually very simple, the algorithm is as follows:

--variables--

A = Do you NEED your wife to do ______? i.e. could you do it yourself or pay somebody else to do it?

B = Is it a deal-breaker? i.e. everything else being equal, if she refuses to do ________ do you want to continue the marriage?

--algorithm--

IF (A and B) THEN tell her in certain terms that it is do _______ or hit the streets.

IF (!A and !B) THEN tell her you would prefer it if she did ________ and teach/lead her in achieving this goal. If she is unwilling/unable then do it yourself or pay somebody to do it.

IF (A and !B) THEN suck it up, work on yourself, and hope that one day you are somebody she values enough to do _______.

UEMcGill · 2017-07-18T14:12:20+00:00

Rule zero is paramount. That doesn't change your question either.

As much as we like to think with our dicks first, it affects rule zero when your woman is not part of the mission. We express love through sex. We express intimacy through sex. Apathy will dull those, which is where you're at. You're starting to resent her for not being part of the mission.

So what's your mission? More importantly does she know what the mission is?

I have a friend who's going through a major career change. It's an opportunity to make a lot more money, although his wife will have to find a new job. His hours will increase and he told her upfront, "you know this means I need you to pick up the slack"

Her made the mission clear and defined. Leaders do that. We constantly refine and clarify the mission to those who are on board.

You need to have a frank discussion with your wife. "this is the mssion" what do you need to hold your end up? Then let her know that she has a choice, follow the mission or find a new boat.

askmeanything2 · 2017-07-17T20:36:57+00:00

You: I want to fix my wife (in this case something about slack)

MRP: We fix you, quit slacking and get back to lift, read, OYS, STFU, and have fun

2017-07-17T21:29:43+00:00

But I want my wife to pick up the slack in our relationship in all the other ways.

The only way that can happen is that she follows your lead.

You can't fix your wife; you can only fix yourself. She'll come along sometimes.

2017-07-18T05:50:24+00:00

Sex is a hallmark of a good relationship.

There's a post here somewhere about blowjobs being the barometer of relationships, only they were a lagging indicator instead of a leading indicator.

If you fix the bedroom by becoming a better man, a man who she wants to fuck, you'll gain the respect that you need to be able to be a captain again. You first mate will then follow her captain.

ReddJive · 2017-07-18T14:22:21+00:00

First quit lying to yourself. Sex is highly important to a man. Yet RP isn't centered around sex. It's centered around being a better man and through that getting your needs met. This is a locker room so yeah...90% of how and what we talk about is manifested as sex.

That said a man's primary drive is to have sex. Now, because you are here at MRP denotes the fact that you recognize a relationship as part of your mission. As a need or desire.

I am one of these men. I desire a relationship with a woman. One who mets my time investment and returns it ten fold. I am not nor have ever been a fuck them all kind of guy. Some men don't desire relationships, and a few start that way with a relationship only to realize it wasn't what they wanted. Others recognize the legal and secular issues with leaving and use their skills to get what they want within the confines of a relationship.

Mine is exactly as you describe. The world is centered on her and her alone. There is no room for any one else. There is no amount of leading and motivating her. She is firmly entrenched in her feminist idealism that....she is who she is. That's it.

As a result many of her duties have been outsourced to another woman. Who, by the by, even keeps me stocked with meals based on my workout and meal plan. She is making the investment.

This is why I tell you...become a better man. The man women want whether they realize it initially or not. Follow the path and you will see that women will work for an alpha. They want what you have. Eventually you will see where your investment should go.

She will follow or she will not.

Title	I care about sex less than other parts of my marriage that suck, am I doing this wrong?
Author	maybe_tom_cruise
Upvotes	7
Comments	20
Date	July 17, 2017 8:30 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6nvtgi/i_care_about_sex_less_than_other_parts_of_my/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/i-care-about-sex-less-than-other-parts-of-my.205842 https://theredarchive.com/post/205842

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