708,624 posts

Update on my frame RE: parade

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March 16, 2017
8 upvotes

It went down pretty much exactly as I suspected it would. I told her last night that I arranged for our neighbor to come babysit the kids, and we are going to the parade together.

H: I'm not interested, I dont want to go, etc

M: with a smile dont forget to wear your green. Be ready around 10:30

H: No thanks, cancel the babysitter, etc

M: STFU

We dont talk any the rest of the night, she watches tv in the other room. Today she sends me a text. I have been avoiding meaningful conversations ocer text for some time now, and I know I should not have engaged this text, but I just wanted to get this fucking over with.

H: Make sure you cancel that sitter. Don't want them to linger when they could make plans for themselves.

M: I'm going to the parade, and I hope that you'll join me. If you want to cancel the sitter, that's on you.

H: Actually u hired, u cancel. And you're not going to leave me with kids so u can go party.

M: I lined up the babysitter so we could spend time together. I'm not going to cancel it. The babysitter is coming, and I'm going to the parade, and I hope you'll join me and we can spend some time together.

H: I wouldn't join you if my life depended on it after the things you've said and done.

H: I'll just cancel for you. It's neighbor, right?

M: Yes

I have no clue to what exactly she's referring to on the "things I've said and done". Body of work maybe ... ? Whatever.

I think that now I'm going to bring my two older kids because I love them, they love a parade, and that's what I want to do.

I'm really battling to put my anger to bed, but interactions like this make it really fucking hard. I'm just so angry she has to make life so difficult for no fuckkng reason. / puke


Post Information
Title Update on my frame RE: parade
Author prarrott
Upvotes 8
Comments 28
Date 16 March 2017 06:41 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/206404
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/5zsf6l/update_on_my_frame_re_parade/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
frame
Comments

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

From /u/Sepean:

She'll make Damm sure you actually have frame and that it is rock solid before she gets hot for you.

Her:

No thanks, cancel the babysitter, etc

And here's volley number 1. If you reply to this, she's got you. And she likely expected you to bite. You didnt. But then...

H: Make sure you cancel that sitter. Don't want them to linger when they could make plans for themselves.

What's this? Some logic and fake feels for the babysitter? Something doesn't compute. That's right...this is volley #2. But this time it has feels. Her hamster is running and since you didn't cave in to her being a bitch, she's trying the angle of false concern and logic to try and reel you in. She felt a nibble, but just to be sure...

H: Actually u hired, u cancel. And you're not going to leave me with kids so u can go party.

There's a theory in arguing that you say one thing and stop. If you feel like your argument isn't strong you'll feel like you need to stack reasons one on top the other to add more weight to it. Here she's stacking. She feels her argument is weak.

 

So let's review, big pussy husband suddenly is showing spine and she gets nervous and feels like her argument is weak. That is, until....

M: DEER GUILT DEER GUILT DEER GUILT

H: I wouldn't join you if my life depended on it

You had her. Do you see how pissed she gets when her pussy husband suddenly may be growing a spi...oh wait no he didn't he's still a gelatinous blob. Man...that was anticlimactic.

[–]weakandsensitive4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

I'm really battling to put my anger to bed

outcome independence my ass

and it's probably time for you to find a girlfriend.

probably also time to stop bullshitting yourself about where you're at

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

outcome independence my ass

Yes, keep calling me out on it. I've been defined internally by my marriage (and its failure) fo so long, its a long journey for me to be devoid of negative emotion when my wife acts like this.

Want to elaborate about where I think I'm at vs. where you think I am?

[–]weakandsensitive3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

No.

[–]SepeanRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm really battling to put my anger to bed, but interactions like this make it really fucking hard. I'm just so angry she has to make life so difficult for no fuckkng reason.

There is a fucking good reason why she's making it difficult: you've demonstrated a clear lack of frame for years. She'll make damn sure you actually have frame and that it is rock solid before she gets hot for you.

So suck it up. Your very anger and inability to enjoy yourself regardless of her moods is part of why she still tests you.

It's a process, you've got a lot of frame to build and a lot to atone for. Keep at it, do the work, and eventually she'll throw the main event at you and it becomes easier and a lot more enjoyable.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (6 children) | Copy

I have been avoiding meaningful conversations ocer text for some time now, and I know I should not have engaged this text, but I just wanted to get this fucking over with.

Why are you DEERing your text fuckup? Even guys with tinder dates know, text the address once, and STFU.

The advice you were given, and it was good advice, was to act as if she was dead, and do what the single dad who wanted to go out would do. you did that.

But then, like a

big

fucking

faggot

you had to open your mouth, DEER everything, fall into her frame over text, buckle when she couldn't be arsed to get off the couch to ream you out, and brag about your Plan B: Cunt approved.

And you preface as 'how I suspected'. So why the fuck did you fill your role as pussy ass bitch so quickly? The Coyote knows that it was just paint, he knew it wasn't a tunnel. And he ran into it at full tilt to chase roadrunner.

Put a fucking acme sticker on your forehead, you earned it.

Now you come back, and write your FR, as the hamster desperately tries to make you into the hero here. You aren't. you're still looking for mommy to approve of you.

"Dear, I haz the alpha now, can I haz a blowie?"

"Not until you finish your ice cream. Oh take the kids, I can't have them around for Pawn Stars marathon"

I'm 100% with /u/anythinginc This is 100% of a Cunt scenario. Learn to be the guy to tell a girl off. You should be angry enough, just got to shed that learned helplessness.

EDIT: I'm all for self deprecation, god knows you deserve it. Problem is, you're avoiding the real pain points, and beating yourself up for superficial shit. If you're going to be a mopey faggot, least you could do what do it properly

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

I like you stoney, you've helped me alot, but I have no fucking clue what you just said other than the first and last sentence

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (3 children) | Copy

You wanted to go to a parade, you hired a babysitter, as a guy with responsabilities does.

This field report should have been

"I hired babysitter, I went to parade, I left the phone on silent and had a great time"

Instead, you took her text message bait instantly... Knowing, fucking KNOWING that it was a shit test. Then you say phrases like "get this over with" and you know whats coming:

Tells me you know exactly what to expect. She shits on you, and you acquiesce. So for the life of me, I cannot figure out WHY you did exactly that. Just like the Coyote and Roadrunner.

He paints the tunnel, and will catch the fucker. But as soon as he gets started, runs into the fucking wall anyways, the roadrunner wasn't even phased, and blew right through it. You old enough to remember those cartoons? You're fucking ACME.inc

I know I sometimes do a brain dump, and if you're not following the mindset, it looks a little aspie, so let me rewrite your field report:


It went down pretty much exactly as I suspected it would. I told her last night that I arranged for our neighbor to come babysit the kids, and we are going to the parade together. Don't care about this self defeatest bullshit

Trying this frame thing out, as per my parade plans, quick summary of conversation:

H: I'm not interested, I dont want to go, etc

M: with a smile dont forget to wear your green. Be ready around 10:30

M: K, babysitter is here at 7

H: No thanks, cancel the babysitter, etc

M: STFU

We dont talk any the rest of the night, she watches tv in the other room. Today she sends me a text. I have been avoiding meaningful conversations ocer text for some time now, and I know I should not have engaged this text, but I just wanted to get this fucking over with.

I didn't even read it. She eventually talks to me. I tell her I didn't read it. If it was important, it is face to face important.

H: Make sure you cancel that sitter. Don't want them to linger when they could make plans for themselves.

M: Lol, MAGA baby, Trump wants to stimulate the economy, I'm doing my part. take the day off, you earned it!

M: I'm going to the parade, and I hope that you'll join me. If you want to cancel the sitter, that's on you.

H: Actually u hired, u cancel. And you're not going to leave me with kids so u can go party.

M: I lined up the babysitter so we could spend time together. I'm not going to cancel it. The babysitter is coming, and I'm going to the parade, and I hope you'll join me and we can spend some time together.

M: I'm going to the parade, the sitter is for the kids, if you want her job, I'll pay you 50% of what I paid her. Of course, it's an open invite.

H: I wouldn't join you if my life depended on it after the things you've said and done.

M: Gotcha

H: I'll just cancel for you. It's neighbor, right?

M: Yes

I have no clue to what exactly she's referring to on the "things I've said and done". Body of work maybe ... ? Whatever. I think that now I'm going to bring my two older kids because I love them, they love a parade, and that's what I want to do. I'm really battling to put my anger to bed, but interactions like this make it really fucking hard. I'm just so angry she has to make life so difficult for no fuckkng reason. / puke

Do yourself a favour, read through this, picture yourself in this interaction. Instead of shitty flirting, like telling her what to wear, picture a guy going to the parade come hell or highwater. Picture a guy who hired a babysitter. You can maybe call the babysitter, tell her to ignore if your wife fires her, she's getting paid to be there. If she starts a fight, let you know, and you'll sort it out later.

I've been in a scenario like this, and I said even less. It's somewhere here, where I talk about my main event. Typical stoney,

just be me, worked for me

Regardless, being you is not working for you

Oh, and fucking leave with a smile, come back with a smile, don't say shit. In fact, go practice approaches, make some use of your alone time

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Thanks for the feedback. You're right, I'm not you. And the me that deals with her isn't all that great, but it's going to get there.

Oh, and fucking leave with a smile, come back with a smile, don't say shit.

This I can guarantee I will do. I want to bring my kids, so I'm going to do that, and we are going to have a great time. Her loss.

[–]SepeanRed Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

And the me that deals with her isn't all that great, but it's going to get there.

Yeah man, it's a process. Take your licks, come back stronger.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Gold and I'm going to delete my comment cause it's all been said here

[–]SeamusAwl2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Look at that. You earned yourself some flair. I wouldnt be to proud of that.
Now stoney said you have no frame and you are consistently explaining everything to her.

[–]atlhartRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Honestly, without context of where you're at in your MRP journey, this is a not-as-whiny-as-usual victim puke.

Where are you in the side bar? Are you owning your shit at home and at work? Are you working your Dread levels, what level are you on and how long have you been doing it? What's your BF%?

Your wife dislikes you. At early dread levels, that's because you're unlikeable. At later dread levels, that's because y'all's time together is coming to an end.

Are you likable? Are you attractive? Are you not unattractive?

Without this, your just looking for sympathy, which is beta pussy shit.

[–]nonnimooseWoman, something something dark side1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

H: I wouldn't join you if my life depended on it after the things you've said and done.

When I first read that, I thought what could he possibly have done? Must've been pretty bad because I can't imagine having someone go off on me like that. And this not even blurted out in the heat of an argument, but texted - she must have some valid pent up anger.

And then I realized I've received texts exactly like that. Often. From my daughter from ages 15-17. Holy shit, the caricature became real.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thats why I said body of work. I have no idea, but she says things like this fairly often. I used to press her "what exactly have I said and done to make you feel this way" but she could almost never give me a straight answer. Now that I think about it, she's probably just trying to spin my hamster

[–]SeamusAwl2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Seams to me she made your life easy. What you have now is a hostile roommate who can divorce rape you. Congrats on a fucked up marriage!!!

What you do now...

Whatever you damn well please. Invite her and let her say no. And she will say no every time. Go where you are going and look for someone more fun. At this moment, she isnt worth a single thought.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

To add to this:

And fucking stick to it. Don't engage in any more texts, because it's so easy to talk you out of shit it ain't funny.

This is where irrational confidence comes into play

[–]ParadoxThatDrivesUs0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

Not knowing your full history, there's a weird disconnect here. You think you guys would have fun going to the parade together. Meanwhile she wouldn't do it if her life depended on it.

Is this typical for her?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah something is being left out here

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

You'll have to read my post history, maybe specifically this one and this one

[–]ParadoxThatDrivesUs2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Ok, read them. It shouldn't be this hard, man. She wanted to leave you in your first year of marriage, and it's never really gotten any better. You can beat yourself up all you want, but it's extremely difficult to develop frame when married to someone who doesn't like you and consistently reflects that back to you 24/7.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Yes. So its not easy, fine. I'll work hard every day to get better and enjoy life. I'll come here when I get into a situation (run into a fake tunnel I painted) and learn. On we go.

[–]crimson_chris0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Man I feel you. Long story but my wife and I moved from Atlanta to Dallas to SF Bay. We left ATL once I finished grad school. She deeply resents the fact that we left Atlanta (although I 100% told her that we could stay). When we left Dallas I again put ATL on the table - she declined.

About two weeks ago we had a huge fight. She was being a bitch. I callled her on it (BB me used to always let shit like that go) and let her know that her behavior was unacceptable (I also left the house). She flipped her shit and went down the rabbit hole. She Said that we need counciling because she has deep seeded resentment for us leaving ATL and my not emotionally supporting her in Dallas - and we cant move forward without resolving. I found it funny that WE need counciling for HER resentment..LOL.

Anyway - I asked her if I am doing anything in the present that I did in the past which she resents. The answer was no. WTF? Bitches be crazy. End of conversation.

Dude, it's her fucking problem. Live your life and be happy. I am finally internalizing that I can't make my wife happy - so I am going to stop trying. I will no longer be prisoner to a past she can't let go of. I have let go of a lot of her shit - it's useless to hold onto any of it. She can happily join me on my journey or it can be the next guy's turn.

[–]drty_prRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You had frame til you started passively begging her to come. That's where you fell into hers.

Also if she continues to be such a bitch, you should bag a couple of the chicks who gave you their digits. I know you didn't throw them away. This will truly help you see her as the bitch she is.

[–]mrpthrowa0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

what the fuck man, waste of time, come here looking for advice than you go and let yourself down and everyone down around here. fuck.

[–]nastynickdrRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

should have stopped at:

M: I'm going to the parade, and I hope that you'll join me.

[–]All_Ads_Deceive0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

How much LBM have you gained in the past 6 months? I've read a few of your posts. A lot of victim puke, nothing about lifting.

A beginner can gain 10 lbs in the first 6 months of consistent lifting. Unless you've been hitting gym and dieting hard, your wasting your time.

I've been a weak, fat fuck and jacked. The difference is like playing poker with 2,7 vs pocket Aces. For the past 6 months you've been calling her bets and hoping you get lucky on the river.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm going to cut through YOUR bullshit right now. Quit fucking texting, Deering and talking so goddamned much Either OYS or get the fuck off the bus, but do something



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