Important information: This week is 'Shark Week'(tm).
Couple of days ago, I head off to work at 7am. Left with normal hugs/kisses and feeling good after a busy weekend. Wife sorts kid for school and heads to her job at 930am.
I text a few things during the day seeing how she is going, what time she expects to finish so school drop off is sorted. All good.
Wife finishes work at 3pm, heads to school pickup and heads home. I get a message asking if I need anything at shops as she is going to get stuff for dinner to go with pork chops. I reply that I'm all good and that I'm leaving work at 4pm.
I leave work and commute home (about an hour trip) and get in before her. I get changed out of work clothes, have a drink, unpack work bag, etc. By then wife arrives home from shops, I go to meet her in garage to help with bringing shopping in. I say "Hi!" and the first thing out of her mouth is "He just doesn't think sometimes" referring to our son. I get a partial hug and peck on cheek. And she's off inside.
After bringing shopping in, she storms into kitchen and starts tidying up (she should have done that before work), clearly in a mood. After a couple of snaps that I ignore, I say I will peel potatoes for dinner and start at it. I get to the last potato and the following discussion starts:
Her: "You haven't peeled all of them have you?" (There were 4 potatoes)
Me: "I'm on the last one"
Her: "sigh I wasn't going to use all of them"
Me: "Okay. I'll stop then"
Her: "You should have asked if I was going to use all of them"
Me: "I said I was going to peel them. You could have said something then"
Her: "You should have asked"
I left the kitchen and went outside to look at suspected irrigation pipe leak under the patio paving. Yep, definite leak. Start formulating solution and timeframe on when I can repair.
Head back inside and don't say anything.
After a few minutes:
Her: "Are you going to tell me what is wrong out there?"
Me: "Yeah, a pipe looks like it has split under the paving"
Her: "We're back to you not communicating again, are we?"
Me: "You're not really in a mood to communicate with at the moment"
Her: "If you can't handle communication, we have a problem"
Me: "I'm fine with communication. What I can't handle is your attitude right now"
Her: blank look
Me: "From the moment you got home you haven't said a nice thing to me, it has all been said with a tone. You couldn't even hug me properly."
Her: "Look, I've been at work all day and then had to go out to the shops to get dinner stuff when I didn't feel like it"
Me: "Thank you for getting dinner, but I could have stopped to get it if you were too tired" (Ignored all day comment)
Her: "I didn't want you to stop because then we'd be having dinner later"
Me: "I'm not fussed that and [Son] doesn't care. I don't expect dinner on the table when I get home."
Me: Left to go do something else. Left her with dinner prep.
Realising I'd lost frame, I put on my DGAF suit and returned a little later and got the BBQ ready to cook the meat and did some parts of dinner completion. Things were tense but not bitchy for a while. We sat down as a family for dinner I talked with our son more than I talked to her, him and I had a few laughs during dinner. She left the table first at the completion of dinner.
Later on we were sitting on the couch, her in silence, while watching TV, I was enjoying the show and making normal comments. Didn't acknowledge her mood. When son had gone to brush teeth and prep for school the next day, she moved over to me and cuddled me and said "Sorry about before. It's that time of the month and I shouldn't take it out on you" (I already knew what time it was). I didn't say "That's okay" or anything like that. I just said "I don't like it when you're like that" and cuddled her back. Things have been fine since. This period is a bad one so the PMS was amplified.
I know my frame broke down and should have STFU much sooner, although I am doing better than I have in the past. Still working on improving it.
What could I have done better to cut that shit off sooner?
I need help for the future. You guys are full of great wisdom.
TL;DR: Wife has sever PMS and was a bitch, I lost frame and argued and indulged her mood.