what reason for staying am I missing? No attraction from wife

Reddit View
March 8, 2017
7 upvotes

Basic Backstory / Puke mid-20s, Married, 2 Kids, Marriage has been up and down since it started 6 years ago. Have separated once previously but then got back together after a couple of weeks, don’t believe wife has any attraction for me, moving forward. I’ve been unhappy with this relationship since the honeymoon, and was thinking of ending it then, but then kids came along and stuff just kept rolling etc.

Well guys, this wall of text doesn’t really give much value, but it is about just sharing my situation as it stands in a bit more of a detailed format than an OYS. So my marriage has been painful for years, Sex is the lowest thing on her priority list, and I was a beta in terms of trying to buy it through massages and holidays etc. Since finding RP around 6 months ago, I’ve been doubling down on STFU and working out and trying to improve myself, and while there was some initial gains, it really didn’t give the results that I was expecting in her, however the results that it gave me personally were great, I feel like I’m moving forward with my life and going to leave her in the dust.

So about 4 week ago I came back from a major interstate trip, where I got a couple of IOI’s that I didn’t follow through with and a lot of validation, had sex and she basically finished first in a couple of minutes and then rolled over and fell asleep leaving me high and dry, and around that point in time, it really sunk into me something that she had told me a million times that she is not attracted to me, fyi, we haven’t kissed on a regular bases for years.

While I’m not super attractive, eg. I’m 20% bf, I’m definitely not in the unattractive basket.

I still believe that MRP could work in time, but I don’t see the value equation anymore, why would I improve myself to X level, to get Y results, when I could just go out and get relative good results as I continue to improve myself.

After this night 4 weeks ago, I moved into the spare bedroom, and have kept discussions centred around logistics for the most part while I slowly sorted out a way forward, eg. I have a couple of trips coming up, and then will need to get my own place. To be honest I expected this to work as a bit of dread, and for her to try and win me back, but so far while she acts sad on the outside, I think she wants it to be over.

Her view is that I changed from the guy I was before I was married, a super total beta, and now I’m a bit more a dick, and that if she “gives in” to having sex with me, that I’m never going to change back to person she wants me to be. My view is that I’m happy with the person I am becoming and want to double down and improve.

However I’ve realised that she is not attracted to me at all, and I really don’t care because there is a lot of girls that are, and while I full take onboard that I need to improve in a lot of massive ways, my issue has always been complacency and oneitis.

So with all that, my question is "what reason for staying am I missing”?

I just want to be 100% sure, I’m not missing something major as to why I should do the full MAP if I can check out now.


Post Information
Title what reason for staying am I missing? No attraction from wife
Author redpillfocus
Upvotes 7
Comments 40
Date 08 March 2017 04:25 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/206442
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/5y5v0w/what_reason_for_staying_am_i_missing_no/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
MAPbetadread game
Comments

[–]SeamusAwl4 points5 points  (7 children) | Copy

You are at 20% body fat. See where her attraction is at 10-12% and then decide to stay or go. Also at 20% BF you couldn't possibly be high on the dread levels yet.

So why should you stick it out? Dunno, that is for you to decide. Most here would say to keep improving yourself and work those dread levels. But we cannot and will not make this decision for you.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

See where her attraction is at 10-12%

massive covert contract in the making

[–]Blunter-S-Thompson2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Exactly this.

Don't drop down BF to 10-12% for her do it for you.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

not where I was going with it either... but ok.

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Agreed, it wasn't until I got below 20% that my wife really started to notice the improvements. I'm probably around 18% now (Navy method) and as the fat keeps dropping her attraction keeps growing. It's pretty obvious to me now what my biggest problem was.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

You need to realize you are becoming more confident and you are exuding this........ I hope you are lifting and getting enough protein

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Lifting like my life depends on it.

[–]SepeanRed Beret4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Her view is that I changed from the guy I was before I was married, a super total beta, and now I’m a bit more a dick, and that if she “gives in” to having sex with me, that I’m never going to change back to person she wants me to be.

That's not how it works. Fuck what she says, it is a test for alphaness. It will get worse up until the main event, and from there on the attraction is real.

Women does not say what they mean, they don't tell you to do what they want you to do, and they're not going to do what they say they'll do. Don't listen to her.

My view is that I’m happy with the person I am becoming and want to double down and improve.

Amen brother.

[–]abdadaRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

"defiantly"

RIP

[–]WesternhagenWinner1 point2 points  (12 children) | Copy

she basically finished first in a couple of minutes and then rolled over and fell asleep leaving me high and dry

I don't even understand how this happened. She was riding you cowboy style? If she was under you, how did she roll over? And if she was on top and rolled off, how come you didn't grab her and mount up so you could finish?

Anyway, if she got off quick, it sounds like she IS attracted to you.

[–]redpillfocus[S] 0 points1 point  (11 children) | Copy

Ok, so to give some more detail, was cowgirl, she got off and then got off me and went to the bathroom to clean up, and then came back to bed, I was surprised that she wasn’t going to at least give me a HJ or BJ, we have a bad habit of not continuing PiV sex after she cums, and usually I time mine about the same time so its ok.

I think what happened here was not I was pissed at I didn’t cum, but it was a moment of realisation that I felt used and that she wasn’t attracted to me, she was ovulating and just wanted to get off.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy

we have a bad habit of not continuing PiV sex after she cums

YOU have a bad habit. You. You allowed this to become the norm.

[–]sh0ckley1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

OP. This. Wtf.

[–]A_RexRED KNIGHT3 points4 points  (5 children) | Copy

I've never seen such beta faggotry with respect to sex in all my time on here. Jesus. She cums cowgirl, you hold her pelvis and tell her you're not done, then Pound her from underneath until you are...

Your frame fucking blows. You are not a prize. You are a servant. Fix that attitude. If you were a woman, would you be attracted to the man spineless bitch you present as? I wouldn't.

Sometimes the mirror that reflects our unfuckability is in our heads. Find it and look deep within in.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (4 children) | Copy

Yeah I can't understand this at all. Only a woman with literally zero respect for the guy she's fucking would straight up dismount before even attempting to bust his nut.

For fuck sakes

[–]A_RexRED KNIGHT7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

Well, it makes sense in this context - he's not a man. If he was, he'd be fucking her. But he's not. He's a living dildo. That should be his flair. "Living Dildo".

[–]Blunter-S-Thompson1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

My only regret is that there's not enough gold in the world to give you.

[–]WesternhagenWinner4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yup. She's ovulating but doesn't want him to come inside her - not a good sign.

[–]A_RexRED KNIGHT3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Only a matter of time before she finds a guy she does want to creampie her; OP should start saving if he wants to support that guy's kid.

[–]drty_prRed Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

she got off and then got off me and went to the bathroom to reflect on how disappointed she is in her marriage

No way she cums enough in 1 minute of riding to require a cleanup. I've gotten to a point where my wife will lay beside me as long as I want with my load in her. Keep improving man.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I used to date a girl, had anemia. would do the bacon dance after less than a minute, and couldn't be touched after. Would be fairly selfish about 'your O is your problem, not mine' as well.

She was low quality, single mom, ended up married to one of my students in fleet school, and they berated him endlessly when they found out I had her first. In my life, there is no greater red flat, short of crack cocaine

I'm surprised you let it get to marriage, and then six more years while not dealing with this.

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

she got off and then got off me and went to the bathroom to clean up, and then came back to bed, I was surprised that she wasn’t going to at least give me a HJ or BJ

You have to advocate for your own orgasm. I would say the same if it was her. That butthurt is on you; it's a covert contract to expect it otherwise.

[–]RBuddDwyerRed Beret1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

Her view is that I changed from the guy I was before I was married, a super total beta, and now I’m a bit more a dick, and that if she “gives in” to having sex with me, that I’m never going to change back to person she wants me to be.

Now that is some hamsturbation. Give us more detail on this, was this a single time she said this? How did it come up? While I generally agree with the others that you cannot be sure until you are further along, I think this is interesting enough to flesh out more.

[–]redpillfocus[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Ok, so pre-marrage I was constant romantic gestures, available to assist her at her bec and call, I was the good boy that her parents loved.

Going into the marriage I started to tone those things down, I still understood the importance of being interesting, but was confused when a fancy 5* hotel wasn’t getting me laid, which lead to a lot of resentment on my part, I started to treat her in a more traditional manner with the expectation that she has to deal with house while I work, eg. She hasn’t worked since before wedding.

It took me a couple of years before I was really clear enough to her that the lack of regular sex was a deal breaker for me and that I would be out the door if it continued.

She views sex as a “gift” that she gives me, even though from all appearances she enjoys it, in her head she sees it as something that she wants to maintain control of when and how it happens, and thinks I’m just a horny guy for wanted sex on a regular bases.

She has used the “give in” description many times, I believe she feels like if she gives me sex she is accepting me as who I am, that I’m not the guy that she married, and that I’ve changed.

I’ve even seen it happen when she is horny and we have sex, but then she regrets it afterwards because she “gave in”, I remember one time when she turned me town even though I was massaging her and she was turned on, and she said “I’m glad I didn’t give into you, because you will never change"

Also In the last 2 years, I’ve left the religion we were both brought up in, and in which case made her happy little religious family blueprint smashed.

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Hate to break it to you but either you're not reading the sidebar or you just don't get it yet so here it is in big letters for you, SHE'S NOT ATTRACTED TO YOU.

Reading your post reminded me of a lot of the covert contracts I had with my own wife. Be a good husband, romantic gestures, fancy hotels, elaborate gifts, etc and she'll reward me with sex.

My wife was (and still is to much smaller extent) the same in the way she saw sex as something she was "giving me". I realize now that this was only because she had lost all physical attraction for me. Her subconscious was repulsed by my appearance while her conscious was telling her that she "should" want to have sex with her husband. Leading to her "giving" me sex, sex she didn't really want.

Work on you MAP, become a man other women would want to fuck and see if her attitude towards "giving" you sex changes. I think you might be surprised.

In the last 6 months my wife has gone from complaining about having to "give me sex" and feeling "disrespected by me for always wanting sex", to initiating by sending the kids out of the house so we can have a quicky, reading my raised eyebrows as a sign to go get undressed, and telling me how hot my chest/arms/shoulders are looking while I fuck her.

Work on your DNGAF, build yourself into a man women want to fuck, and you just might find that suddenly she's no longer "giving" you anything, she's just enjoying the new man you've become.

[–]RBuddDwyerRed Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I'm glad we clarified that. If this was some recent, specific incident where she said made the, "sex is a gift," that she, "gave up," on, then I tend to think this might be closer to an extinction burst, where she is holding onto the last vestiges of her main manipulation tool in a desperate fight with her more primal attraction urges getting stirred up by your improving SMV. But this seems to be the theme from the beginning of the relationship. What is your cultural background? You do not have to be specific, but I get the impression for some reason that she is not your typical American WASP prude, and that this is more of a culturally ingrained thing, like what I imagine a desi relationship to be. If it is culturally ingrained, then you have some hard decisions to make ahead of you as I'm not sure that can be overcome.

The advice others have given you here is the way to go, then. The only way you are going to turn this around is by becoming so attractive that you stimulate her primal, hindbrain attraction enough that it overrides her higher order thought processes. The higher order processes are what you are fighting with, her conscious desire to control you by using sex. You basically have to fry her circuits enough and hope that she goes into default mode and just fucks you. Good news is that is what leads to the raw, hardcore sex that is the most satisfying for both of you. Bad news is that this also will set up a pretty big internal conflict for her, where her hindbrain will start to push her rational side around, and she starts to fight back. This turns out one of three ways:

  1. She gives in to her newfound attraction to you and realizes the power struggle isn't worth it, especially now that she is getting fucked by a hawt dude.
  2. Her primal attraction isn't strong enough to consistently fry her circuits and drive her into attraction for you, and the rational side rules the day (mostly). She does not buy into your changes, and thinks you are just being a jerk or asshole. Basically what you have right now. Eventually, she will just decide you are not worth it and ditch you, assuming you do not fall back into the beta line.
  3. She is forever in constant struggle between the two, and you get to ride the roller coaster of her internal conflict from the greatest sex of your life to the most bat-shit crazy acts of her life, while passing back and forth through calculating manipulation.

Note that only one of those three outcomes would even remotely be considered ideal. You have to decide what to do when faced with the other two.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

  1. Fixing you is your problem, fixing the relationship is hers.

  2. if you're going to leave, leave. While you prepare, use her as the sparring partner, so you quash the dumb shit you do, before you just repeat this with the next one.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You are missing the entire point.

You don't do a full MAP for the relationship. Or for her. Or to get her, this one woman, to be attracted to you.

You do this for YOU. Individually. You, separate and distinct from her, and from your marriage.

You do this to get more attractive in general, to women in general. You do it to feel better, look better, and live better. You do it for your own happiness and contentment. You do it because you want it and you need it.

The marriage might or might not be repaired. She might or might not be attracted to you.

We are not here to fix marriages. We are here to help men fix themselves.

[–]TotesMessenger1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I'm a bot, bleep, bloop. Someone has linked to this thread from another place on reddit:

If you follow any of the above links, please respect the rules of reddit and don't vote in the other threads. (Info / Contact)

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

yuck

[–]The_LitzRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Go read my OYS, I got a cold reality check because I am not the prize I thought I was.

The same happened to you, your mind has you at a higher SMV than her, but it may or may not be the case. Fact is your image of you and the reality of you are not the same.

If I were you I'd run my MAP as planned and reevaluate. How you make the move back to the bedroom.....is another askMRP post on its own.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This whole post just has this ho-hum air of toxicity and melancholy.

[–]ParadoxThatDrivesUs0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You're fat, dude.

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I still believe that MRP could work in time, but I don’t see the value equation anymore, why would I improve myself to X level, to get Y results, when I could just go out and get relative good results as I continue to improve myself.

Because once you start getting that sweet pussy validation you'll stop working to improve yourself. And then you'll be back here again in a few years.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

So about 4 week ago I came back from a major interstate trip, where I got a couple of IOI’s that I didn’t follow through with and a lot of validation, had sex and she basically finished first in a couple of minutes and then rolled over and fell asleep leaving me high and dry, and around that point in time, it really sunk into me something that she had told me a million times that she is not attracted to me, fyi, we haven’t kissed on a regular bases for years.

Up to you.......even my wife wouldn't do this shit

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you tolerate the intolerable then she will naturally continue increasing the ante until you no longer refuse to tolerate it.

You can make that decision early in the marriage, late in the marriage, or even after the divorce. Then suddenly she will become attracted to you. Usually.

You still have not taken the Red Pill and your description of sex with the wife is beyond cringe worthy. This is truly ugly.

Watch what they do, not what they say! She is saying it very loudly indeed.

why would I improve myself to X level, to get Y results

Because you would be improving for yourself, not to regain the attraction. That you ask the question is very concerning. This is pure covert contracting. Read NMMNG again and again until you get it.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2021. All rights reserved.

created by /u/dream-hunter