Crossing boundaries

nastynickdr · 2017-01-28T12:52:09+00:00

Imagine a mom with her kid is at walmart. The kid is being a complete brat, bouncing around, running around, touching things, dropping stuff on the ground, etc. Mom gets angry and mad, shouts at him, he keeps doing it. Tries to negotiate with him "Stop doing this and you can have some candy", he has the candy but doesnt stop doing it. She then tries to reason "Why are you doing this to mommy? Mommy gets very upset when you do this. Do you like to see mom sad? If you loved mommy you wouldnt do it!". Kid keeps doing it.

Now enters daddy. Kid behaves the same way. Dad states, in a calm and firm tone "If you dont behave you are gonna be one week without your xbox". Kid keeps doing it. At home, daddy tells him "You misbehaved at the store so you are gonna be one week without your xbox". Kid starts screaming, throws a tantrum, "I hate you!" "You dont love me!". Dad calmly gives him a kiss on the forehead, doesnt DEER, doesnt allow himself to be manipulated, completely unnafected, grabs his xbox, locks it away and gives him back one week later. Now the kid knows there are consequences if he misbehaves.

Now, your wife, the oldest teenager in the house. She acts bad,you punish her. What are your cards to punish her? Time, attention, affection, commitment. She acts like a bitch, you punish her by withdrawing those, in a non butthurt way, completely unnafected. You have more important stuff to do than being around an unpleasant bitch. You dont DEER, you dont get butthurt, you dont let her bad mood affect you. Punish her when she acts bad, reward her when she acts good. This is well explained in MMSLP. Improve yourself, works towards being a high quality man (sidebar explains how), hold frame, work on having outcome independence, and, if things dont improve, dont forget you can always walk.

Sapphire_Jizz · 2017-01-28T11:52:59+00:00

She probably doesn't treat anyone in the whole wide world with as much consistent disrespect as you. Not her Mom, not the random bitches she hates, not the mailman, not the barista, not even an ant. You've allowed -- enabled -- her to do this.

How would you treat anyone other than your wife if they acted like your she did toward you? Don't over-think this, take your initial gut reaction. When she behaves as such, treat her as if she was any other fucking person in the world, because that's what she is -- just some basic bitch who thinks she has you by the balls.

Two things are of the utmost importance here: 1. when she behaves with disrespect, your resulting actions of detachment and distance (cuz that's what we do to people who disrespect and insult us) are 100% organically in your self-interest and congruent. Out of her shitty frame, into yours. You actions are guided by your own motives, not hers. And 2. you must be willing to leave her. If she believes that you will never leave her, you will never get the treatment from her (or any woman) that you really desire. Abundance and outcome independence. And, honestly, it sounds like your kids are in a toxic environment half the time anyway, you whole family would probably be better off tomorrow if one of you two just got the fuck out.

screechhater · 2017-01-28T13:32:25+00:00

First of all, cut the fag shit

Look up self respect. Then respect. When you decide you want some, do something about it. Don't come here and expect us to give you a play by play. In reality, you won't set boundaries.

Side bar and lift. Quit the self deflating shit. You are a Fucking man

ParadoxThatDrivesUs · 2017-01-28T17:16:43+00:00

I told my wife in a calm moment that the next time it happens we're on the road to divorce. I meant it. It worked.

rocknrollchuck · 2017-01-28T17:40:25+00:00

How To Build Boundaries During Your Transition

[deleted] · 2017-01-29T21:42:47+00:00

State your consequences then make them happen. Meanwhile take your kids and go do something that's fun and good for them.

The_Litz · 2017-01-30T11:40:50+00:00

Your self depreciation is apparent, even in this post. Stop doing that and maybe, just maybe you have a chance of saving yourself.

Once you have reached that point you can start changing your situation with your wife.

UEMcGill · 2017-01-30T16:06:23+00:00

Are you willing to divorce her? Because until you're willing to give it all up you have neither the balls nor the will to enforce boundaries.

My wife gets the benefit of one warning. Then she gets papers.

[deleted] · 2017-01-29T13:40:42+00:00

but understands the need for the boundary from previous discussion

It's always nice when women say they understand what you mean from a conversation. Talks always seem to work so well. Why don't we use them more often?

Sepean · 2017-01-29T07:06:33+00:00

I scolded her as the oldest child and broken recorded while she tried to hamster pivot to other hot topics. I calmly repeated the boundary several times but she never fully acknowledged the boundary (primarily because the children were in earshot) but understands the need for the boundary from previous discussion.

Scolding doesn't work. Broken record is not for something like this. I have no idea what you mean by she understands the need for the boundary, this is not some rational discourse it is a power play.

You sound very butthurt over how she treats you. But look, bro, fair doesn't enter into it. Women respect frame and SMV and shits on men who don't have it.

Stop scolding and expecting anything from her and go with this https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3njyag/a_red_pill_man_is_happy/

[deleted] · 2017-01-28T14:22:18+00:00

She's not the "biggest child" in your house, she's your partner. Your wife is a bad partner but she's a partner nonetheless.

She probably doesn't realize this but badmouthing you in front of the kids hurts your kids the most. So she's not just being a bad wife, she's also a bad mother.

Finally I don't get why you've got to use "faggot." Lots of gay alpha men out there who are stronger more secure people then you. Why denigrate them? Work on yourself.

Hope that helps.

positivevibetech · 2017-01-30T06:23:50+00:00

Boundaries are analogous to fences, yes? You know the saying, "Fences make the best neighbors" right? Are you standing there at the fence, you on one side, her on the other, both leaning on a waist-high rock wall, sometimes talking about the weather, other times arguing over land rights, trying to drink up the other person's milkshake before they can?

Or, are you both within the SAME WALLS OF THE SAME KINGDOM?

Are you "neighborly" with this woman? Because as the saying goes, she is not the best neighbor. The damn fence is.

You are either all in the kingdom or you are in exile, regardless of who you think put the crown on your head. I am reminded of the passage in 48 Laws of Power regarding Napoleon being allowed to escape Elba because of his popularity with the French people. The British, Russians, and some in the French government devised a plan that encouraged Napoleon to escape Elba, which he did in broad daylight, build a small army, re-take the throne, and . . . then get thoroughly crushed once and for all 100 days later at Waterloo, ending not only Napoleon but essentially the populist zeitgeist of the nation of France as it had been known to that point.

You keep being let back in the "kingdom" so as to cause a spectacle. The behavior pattern is established that daddy is going to be the source of entertainment - does the remote stop at Bob Ross painting happy little clouds, or does it keep flipping until it gets back to that show about a bunch of vapid assholes in an apartment sniping and trying to one up each other's insults?

Women want there to be 280 countries in the world. They want Israel and Palestine, Pakistan and India, Russia and Chechnya, Muslims and Christians, etc to hate each other because of an imaginary line in the sand.

Men rule the earth unequivocally and offer that stewardship up to the heavens in abundance as both thanks and reward for the opportunity. Questioning that dominion is not to be feared, but losing that authority rests solely on your shoulders.

Title	Crossing boundaries
Author
Upvotes	7
Comments	15
Date	28 January 2017 07:24 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	askMRP
Link	https://theredarchive.com/post/206579
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/5qmhkn/crossing_boundaries/