MAP a little too fast

Persaeus · 2016-09-04T22:05:55+00:00

You need to be that guy at home , that fun loving guy. The party is in your head and it goes wherever you go. Extend it to the kids first. If you can maintain this demeanor at all times , no matter what she says, she will follow.

[edit] or she won't

onmyownpath · 2016-09-04T23:47:30+00:00

Yes your frame is weak - you are allowing your wife to make you be someone you are not.

She is depressed because you are taking the leadership away from her. The world doesn't make sense to women the same way it does to men. She had this whole little control system laid out to give her a feeling of security.

You need to keep stepping up and being more of a leader in your home. When I first swallowed the pill - my wife was really depressed, considering leaving me and I know she at least considered cheating on me. As I took more and more control of the leadership roles of the home, she became much more carefree.

Just today a song came on and she was dancing and laughing in the living room while I sat and watched. She fell into my lap and was kissing me.

This is so much different than when I was a beta bitch. She was stressed and miserable. Now I am in charge, make the decisions, she defers to me and is happy. This woman is smart, educated, very driven and successful in her career - but that is not what she is at home. At home - she is my woman.

You can get there too. You just need to keep being a better man and she will play along.

redearththeory · 2016-09-05T09:08:46+00:00

Are you doing things to lead your family and make her life awesome too? Yes, you need to refuse to let her control you, maintain frame, practice OI and demonstrate IDGAF. Ignore her attempts to shame you back into compliance. But you also need to add value to her life and show her why your ship is the one she wants to be first mate on. A prerequisite is that you must be able to do these things without talking about them (at all) or seeking approval. But once you can do that, you should be fixing things, solving family problems, making her life easier, taking her on dates, lifting her mood, showing her a good time and otherwise adding value to her life. Make sure you mix in a bit of that with the assholery.

The_Litz · 2016-09-05T09:34:05+00:00

"You seem to be someone else with other people and I think I could learn to like that guy."

This guy at the church event, how far from the real you is he? Are you putting up a front to the outside world or are you really that guy deep down?

If it is an act to get people to like you, go back to NMMNG. If it is close to the real you, build on that. Once you act in a way that is close to your true self you will discover you have frame.

Your true self may not be the man she wants, but he will be a happy man.

Have your views around divorce changed?

BobbyPeru · 2016-09-05T18:11:38+00:00

How many of the books have you read on the sidebar? I think that the education and continued reading on this thread are vitally important.

Don't EVER separate yourself from your kids. They are not the problem. 20 hrs of marriage is tough, and it sounds like it has made you totally BP. It's very common.

Keep focusing on you: lift, career, love on your kids, AA&AM or STFU with shit tests (build frame that way). Slow the fuck down. This is a marathon, not a race. Don't take your wife so seriously - that's why you get caught in her frame. You are in a serious situation though - but there's no quick fix. That's why you have to slow down and STFU and keep reading. Improve a little at a time. It doesn't happen overnight. Be happy with small improvements and quit beating yourself up.

BluepillProfessor · 2016-09-05T18:42:01+00:00

I have a podcast on "Frame" in my Married Red Pill Basic Class. Episode on Frame is here:.

Also:

https://therationalmale.com/?s=frame

FireTempered · 2016-09-05T19:53:42+00:00

I'm guessing based what you didn't say in your post, so bear with me.

Are you resentful of your wife? Is your poor demeanor around her, and only her, a result of a collection of things that have made you, not only angry, but resentful. Your split personality of fun guy vs unhappy guy sounds like classic deep anger.

It is hard for you to get out of her head, when you think that everything that comes out of her head, is a direct affront to you. If I am correct, you couldn't muster a decent A&A on your best day. If true, you have a lot of work to do.

One of the things that is hardest about TRP is learning to not be angry with a woman, for being a woman. And even harder, not to be angry at yourself, for believing the Disney dream, that everyone seems to promote, and acting against your best interests.

This inability on your part to get out of her frame, is really just a hang over of your beta conditioning. You are letting your hamster take over your feelz' and ruin your day and short circuit any progress with your wife. We have all been there.

I wish I had a magic pill for you. I suffered, at my own hand, through a long and deep anger phase. What helped me most, was a combination of things.

Meditation
Everytime I got angry I would analyze the real cause, described here: https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/4br3sm/a_process_for_letting_go_of_anger/
STFU

Best

Title	MAP a little too fast
Author	logger1234
Upvotes	5
Comments	18
Date	September 4, 2016 8:09 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/515qbx/map_a_little_too_fast/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/map-a-little-too-fast.207130 https://theredarchive.com/post/207130

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