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I already know the answer...

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July 24, 2016
9 upvotes

We are 4 years from being empty nesters, so I was trying to hang on. But wife has filed for divorce, about a week or so ago.
I'm following Iron Rule #7 of Tomassi and not trying to salvage just move on. She has initiated sex a couple of times since then, which is mostly the norm of our sex life. I know "I am the prize." But in that moment, I can't come up with a "no."

Just to put a fine point on it: Is it appropriate to continue sex? If not, help me with reasons to say no.


Post Information
Title I already know the answer...
Author throwaway99847
Upvotes 9
Comments 39
Date 24 July 2016 11:53 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/207298
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/4uctww/i_already_know_the_answer/
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Comments

[–]ArchwingerRed Beret9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've never understood women who file for divorce but still keep trying to be sexual, friendly, or romantic.

It's an official divorce proceeding. Not just one more random shit test. Some lines you don't cross.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

My iron rule of divorce 101.

Once the papers are filed, quit fucking her.

Stay away from her.

Start a new life while you can, time is a-wasting.

Anything else is proven to not work, is retarded.

EDIT: Assuming you want the divorce...

[–]throwaway99847[S] 4 points5 points  (5 children) | Copy

We got an early start and 20 years in, she is just getting into her career. The most I can get out of her is that she doesn't feel like she can make a decision without running it by me first. She wants to stand on her own for a while.

I told her I wasn't going anywere. So she's having me buy her out of her half of the house. The kids are still here. She was in the process of moving out until her lawyer advised her to stay in the home. Looks like we'll get to an amicable uncontested, she's taking all of her debt with her. I've been lifting, dropped 10+. That's not going to stop. She has been commenting.

As I air all this out, I'm starting to see it: oneitis. She, she, she...

In all of the sidebar, which I've gone thru about all by now, I haven't seen much as far as making the transition to being single again. Is it time to check out trp?

[–]Chump_No_More2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

This has 'affair' written all over it. A woman does not leave her home and her kids without an agenda... Usually her wanting to fuck some other guy. If you were abusing her, she'd try to take the kids.

My bet is you're a clueless, beta schmuck just trying to do right by your family and she's 'getting into her career' by gagging on strange cock.

The "amicable, uncontested" shit is another dead giveaway... very small part of her feeling guilty for abandoning her family so she's throwing y'all a bone.

Take this as the gift that it is. Continue to 'be reasonable' and milk her guilt for all you can get. Continue improving yourself, go Monk Mode to build your Frame and become your Mental Point of Origin.

Newly divorced RP-aware men tend to jump back into dating way too soon, find some younger single mom hottie who fucks them stupid and jump right back onto the treadmill... Don't do that! Get your fucking head on straight first, focus on your kids, get them properly launched, and add some plates slowly... enjoy!

Consider carefully what I've just said, this wisdom was hard won.

[–]throwaway99847[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Great advice man, exactly what I came for. Monk Mode time for sure.

[–]redearththeory1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

she is just getting into her career. The most I can get out of her is that she doesn't feel like she can make a decision without running it by me first. She wants to stand on her own for a while.

A long time ago mine said something similar to me. She walked out. Came back crying a few days later. Confessed to having and "emotional affair" with someone. She was probably fucking him too, but at time bluepill me was pretty gullible and now red pill me doesn't care. Seen anything suspicious lately OP?

[–]assured_destruction0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

thats a good reason to stay around then.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Look up some studies about why people divorce at your stage of life (empty nest). From a woman's perspective, the #2 reason (after I fell out of love....lol...with my beta) is the that sonofabitch was too controlling.

You might want to do some introspection and work on not be an overcontrolling micromanaging prick. Maybe not if this is just her hamster justifying the branch swing, only you know. I agree with consensus that she already has strange cock, and you need to move onto your awesome life. This is your opportunity to be a better man with a clean slate.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don't fall for it. Work on self improvement

[–]youcantdenythat1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you want to fuck your (soon to be) ex then fuck her. Why are you asking us?

Things to consider:

Will this cause more drama in my life?

Is this making me comfortable enough that I won't do things to raise my SMV and date other women?

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

She has initiated sex a couple of times since then, which is mostly the norm of our sex life. I know "I am the prize." But in that moment, I can't come up with a "no."

In your case, NO. She's being a branch swinger and throwing you a bone for whatever reason. She feels bad, she thinks you feel bad, she misses the connection, whatever, the fact remains she's still out the fucking door. How are you going to feel after she's fucked you for the umpteenth time and announces she's got a date with Chad? She's opened up the relationship but you're not in on it.

Tell her to pack her shit, and move out. Even if it's just to another room. Tell her you're an "All in" kind of guy and you don't need her anymore, because you are moving on. The opposite of love is indifference. Show her your fucks garden is empty and you have none left to give.

[–]throwaway99847[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

That transition is coming sooner or later. Might as well embrace it on my terms. Makes sense man, thanks.

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia2 points3 points  (15 children) | Copy

My wife filed for divorce on me over a year ago. I fucked her like a back of the alley slut every time she initiated.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (14 children) | Copy

are you still married?

what are your thoughts on the whole once she files... forget her other than an opponent in a divorce

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia1 point2 points  (13 children) | Copy

Yep still married, she filed on March 13th, 2015. A Friday the Thirteenth. Wrote a post on how I handled my life during the first few months and what happened later that was gilded. I never asked her why, she never told me why, and a few months later she filed the motion to dismiss. She even knew very directly that things were going to be different than they had always been. She liked it and has never been happier.

Once she files, she becomes an automatic opponent and your lawyer is the only person to give you advice on handling it. We had to live together and things were somewhat amicable. Go along to get along, until you don't.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

March 13th, 2015

Interesting, that's about the time I found MRP.

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

For an account that is barely a month old, thats quite impressive ;)

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I lurked for months with a separate account, until I decided my originally chosen account name was in my wife's frame.....which was too pathetic to use.

RUNHAMSTERRUN

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Im going to go read now. Thanks

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

Maybe it's just because I've never been through this. and I'm not being critical, just inquisitive.

I've never understood this "have sex when she initiates even after she files for divorce". When a woman starts openly talking about divorce, openly threatening divorce, expressing a desire for divorce, in my book it's over. And once a woman files, she's made a decision that it's over.

At that point, in my book, everything stops. It's a whole new ball game. It's not dread time. It's not pass shit test time. It's not amused mastery/agree and amplify time.

It's rev up for war time. It's prepare for life as a divorced man time. It's meet with lawyer time and formulate an exit strategy time. It's get the best deal you can for yourself and your kids time. It's minimize your ongoing financial obligations to your soon to be ex spouse time.

Maybe someone can explain it. But I wouldn't dump any more time or effort into a relationship with any woman who has stated clearly she doesn't want that. And filing official divorce papers, asking a court to grant you legal relief in the form of a judgment of divorce, asking a court to declare that you are no longer legally married to a man you previously married, is the clearest statement I can possibly conceive of saying "I don't want a relationship with you anymore".

Help me understand it.

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

Im glad that you decided to make this into war time. There is much advice you are ignoring if you are truly treating it as such. I think the fallacy that stops the understanding is simply that because you are doing one thing, does not also mean you cannot do the other. A good general can give people what they expect, to throw them off guard. Then you can let your plans be dark as night, and when you move, fall like a thunderbolt. If you can work it into an amicable divorce that ends up being fair. That is ultimately the best outcome for everyone involved. As a man you are going to get screwed, but there are varying degrees of divorce rape.

My state is a bit more fair to men. Many things are certainly to happen. The mother will get the kids, you will pay child support, and she will get at least 50% of all marital assets. That's a fact and the best thing you can hope to happen if all things are equal. Should she decide to contest the divorce there will be financial ruin for you. She can force you out of the house while you still pay all the bills. She can ask for and receive supervised visits. You can get raped pretty good if you let it get to that.

The best plan of action is to keep things amicable and work on yourself for your soon to be single life. I will say from other people I know. Shit happens. You have a prime opportunity to practice frame against the ultimate opponent. Where there is chaos, there is also opportunity.

Sex while divorcing? It's possible, but not recommended.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Sex while divorcing? It's possible, but not recommended.

I wouldn't do it. False rape accusations. Lawyers accusing others' clients of having forbidden communication especially after the lawyers tell their clients to have no contact with each other and let the lawyers handle it. The need to disclose the sexual conduct in court especially if asked about it under oath.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

First, is sex even requisite for a false rape accusation? As far as the war tactics go, you should read bogeyd6's gilded post (I just did) because it's very insightful.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

First the level of crazy, or mental that you are dealing with is important. Second, that level of crazy usually doubles during divorce time. Therefore, if you are divorcing a crazy bitch, having sex with her might not go well. Only know what I know and it ain't much.

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

As we have found out with submissive women, there is a whole spectrum of divorce women out there too. Each situation is unique and it's up to each man to make the call on what to do. Sometimes you have to live in the same house with each other and the no contact order is vacant.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Well, that puts the post you declined to make in a new context.

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

We still have never talked about that day, not even 16 months later :D

[–]plein_old0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I never asked her why, she never told me why, and a few months later she filed the motion to dismiss.

great story

[–]redearththeory0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That's not really enough information for us to provide feedback. Is she divorcing you because you cheated on her with a bunch of hot 23 year olds? Or because she fucked chad the pool boy? Do you want to stay with her? Or maybe you're happy with the divorce because she's rich and you want to spin plates.

[–]WhiteTrashKillerRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Most courts will not grant a divorce if you are still having relations with your spouse. You can hide it if you want from the couts, but if this is known it most likely will void the divorce.

Also, why are you having sex with her? She initiated the divorce, pack up move on, salvage what is left of your masculinity.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

"She has initiated sex a couple of times since then, which is mostly the norm of our sex life."

Sounds like to me she has tried to get your attention for years over quite a bit of omega bullshit behavior and she finally had enough, and may have used divorce to finally get your attention, or not.

Your comment of the norm is probably her/your problem and she just had enough. Part of the problem with not initiating with women and LTR's in general as men get bored, or start turning themselves off because of harpiness, the woman thinks she is not attractive and all kinds of other hamsterness. So, it can be your fault. She obviously was attracted to you once and may find your DNGAF attitude intriguing

Better read side bar more and lift. Should not be asking this, you should know.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If after the divorce she wants to bump uglies as a plate and you can keep your emotions in check: Go for it.

But, now's not the time.

She filed.

Adios.

Build a new life with her as an ex.

Don't help her keep all her options open after she's already made the "final" decision.

[–]assured_destruction-2 points-1 points  (2 children) | Copy

are you still living with her? Pack up and get out.

Get yourself a new 22 yo plate.

[–]youcantdenythat1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is bad advice if he wants to get a good amount of custody with his kids.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

can he though ? seriously, if she files for divorce, how much work does he have ahead of himself ?

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy

Give me a reason to give a shit here, Jesus

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Really? You don't think he is special?

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Oh he is special alright, the short bus kind of special.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Short buses get all the best parking spaces. I should buy one.



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