GF tantrums again : Reframe to positive approach?

cholomite · 2016-04-22T13:06:48+00:00

I wouldn't say shit. This isn't a nuke situation, she's just shit testing you after you pass her compliance tests to see if you're the real deal. I think it would serve you better to keep acting like this is the natural you, and not frame it as some massive change with a grand speech laying out how awesome you want to become. Sometimes an ass slap can communicate more to her than all the speeches in the world.

Either way, keep up the good work. I could almost see my own LTRs face whining about something I refused to get her. Good stuff.

UEMcGill · 2016-04-22T17:24:09+00:00

Why do you fucking answer her at all.

Let me tell you how I would answer:

"Can you get me a soft drink on the way please?"

[crickets]

Don't make this too complicated. Why the fuck are you her beck and call boy? My wife asks silly shit like that, she goes on the ignore list. I drive home from the airport at least once a week. I have a truck and don't like to leave my laptop in my backseat, yet for the longest time she'd hit me with "can you get some stupid shti because I can't plan?" So I put that shit on ignore.

I never answer the text. She'll ask me if I saw it, and I tell her I don't look at my phone when I drive. If it's important enough she'll call, but even then I tell her no, because my time is valuable. If she learns that she can't come to you because of some stupid little thing, she will stop bothering for stupid little things.

So now if she calls me to get something, I know it must be valuable, and she knows what she can ask me to do.

stonepimpletilists · 2016-04-22T15:27:38+00:00

What did you think she was going to do?

Lol, I miss that one. I got upvoted heavily in TBP for saying the same shit there too...

nastynickdr · 2016-04-22T13:15:58+00:00

Just keep doing what you are doing. As you said, she wants her beta bitch back. Remember to take things SLOW, keep improving yourself and hold your frame. You cant go from full beta to alpha in 1 month and expect her to just accept it with no resistance.

Seems like you are still LISTENING to what she says, instead of watching what she DOES. So what if she says she feeeeeeeelz unhaaaaaaapyyyyyyyyy? If she wants to leave, its her choice. You focus on your goals. Do whats best for you. You are wondering if you should or should not take action based ON HER FEELZ. Because she FEEEELZ UNHAPPY!!!! Wrong approach.

And, in my opinion, 1 month in isnt the time for that speech. Are you ripped yet? 100% on your diet? With interesting hobbies outside of the house? Gaming hot babes that are interested in you? Killing at your job? Is your GF wondering "is he fucking that HR bitch that keeps hitting on him"? OWNING ALL YOUR SHIT? I guess not.

irateMD · 2016-04-22T13:07:46+00:00

She doesn't respect you enough for that statement to have any impact, not yet.

GF: "Can you get me a soft drink on the way please?"

Answer: Can't babe, running late for class.

GF:"Get me my iPad"

Answer: Sorry babe, running late for class. Gotta go.

You're not yet at a point where you can advocate for yourself. Keep reading and practicing skills from WISNIFG. When there's a basic level of respect, then you can try to lead/guide/show her how the relationship fits into your frame. If you're still unnecessarily self-sacrificing, then the words will carry too little weight. It would just create a fight that you are not ready to handle.

It's going to take a few months of consistency for her to learn to treat you with respect. It's going to take months for you to earn it. If she's still fighting with you and acting poorly at that point, then you might deliver the speech.

youcantdenythat · 2016-04-22T15:02:00+00:00

Sounds like you're working in the right direction, and one of the things about shit-tests that you seem to get (alot don't) is that, subconsciously, it's all just a game for her.

Realizing it's a game and sticking with her for a bit will give you practice and opportunities to improve yourself. If things get too bad, than leave, but otherwise, yeah, learn the game and maybe she'll come around.

I haven't seen many people talking about DEER lately so I'll bring it up. Don't Defend, Explain, Excuse or Rationalize. Those are the opposite of maintaining frame.

Talking with her is pretty much useless. Actions are louder than words.

il-est-ressuscite · 2016-04-22T18:45:39+00:00

All this drama because you refuse to step and fetch an iPad? What am I missing? The sooner you set some reasonable boundaries and remain consistent the better off you'll be.

There's no need to be a dick though. If you are standing right next to the iPad then by all means hand it over. If you've got one foot out the door and it's upstairs, if she is able bodied and she doesn't have a "babe in arms" then it's not a reasonable request.

I'd deep six that convo though cuz if you can't manage the errand boy expectations you might not be up for it yet.

SexistFlyingPig · 2016-04-22T22:29:14+00:00

This reminds me of a post somewhere else a while back. The post was from a girl talking about how unhappy she was in her marriage. One evening she had made dinner and she was absolutely furious that her husband was coming home late from work. She was putting him in the doghouse!

Fast forward to now, and she's happier with her marriage because she's stopped trying to try her husband like a dog.

Your GF may be treating you like a dog, and she may think that that's what she wants. But if she finds that instead you're a man, and not a good little doggie, she will be a lot happier.

Be the man.

BluepillProfessor · 2016-04-25T02:10:52+00:00

Not ready for the nuke yet. Give it 6 months. Work on you and keep being the upbeat guy leading her to a happier place.

over60_stupid_loner · 2016-04-22T20:59:16+00:00

You have got a lot of good advice here today. Allow me to say it another way…….

Follow my thinking for just a bit…..

You have been doing anything she wants, for a very long time.

You thought you were doing what you needed to do, or you would not have done it.

Now you realize that it made things worse instead of better…. With me so far?

She is clueless to anything other than, YOU have changed. She didn't ask you to change, and, isn't sure if this is good for her.

You have also learned that she doesn't have a clue what is good for her.

YOU know that if you don't change your life will suck forever because you allow it too.

If you TALK to her now and TELL her what you want, WHY should she believe that you are anything but HOT AIR?

Keep your statement for your own use for now.

I doubt you would nuke your relationship if you do tell her, but, it has PROVEN NOT TO BE EFFECTIVE.

ACTIONS NOT WORDS. It is that simple, and, yet, can be so hard to do.

Title	GF tantrums again : Reframe to positive approach?
Author	redstripedanimal
Upvotes	5
Comments	30
Date	April 22, 2016 12:42 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/4fy9lz/gf_tantrums_again_reframe_to_positive_approach/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/gf-tantrums-again-reframe-to-positive-approach.207482 https://theredarchive.com/post/207482

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