Career Beta since day one. Lanky and non-assertive. Mr. Nice Guy all the way. 11 years of marriage and 2 kids. Sex once, twice a month. Skinny fat and decide I'm going to hit the iron. Health issue sidelines me, then an injury after that. Wife starts on a rampage of emotional abuse and threats of divorce while I curl up in the fetal position drowning in my own tears. Thoughts of losing my children and the life I know swim thru my head. She has a sit down with me and lays out all my shortcomings. She nailed every single one of them.

I decide it's time to embark on a quest of self improvement for myself as well as my family. I really looked deep, and saw that my marriage was doomed from day one. I married an assertive, independent woman who has a better career path and she played the part of my mother since the beginning. I lived in anger over unpaid covert contracts and let it show.

For the next 5 months I took a barrage of emotional abuse from my wife while I tried to fix 36 years of living as a career beta. The amount of stress was almost unbearable at times and many days I thought maybe I wasn't cut out for this life. My wife was unrelentless in her threats of divorce and cutting me down as less than a man. Everyday I was told how shitty of a husband I was and how bad a lover I was, and how I must be cheating on her. Turns out (most of you probally guessed it), she was cheating on me for those 5 months with a work colleague, emotional turned physical I was told. Denied it too, even after I had hard proof. Trickle truthed me after that.

As mad and disgusted I was when I found out, I also wasn't suprised. The more I analyzed it the more I couldn't believe it didn't happen earlier. I was prepared mentally to divorce but I kept thinking that I owed it myself and my family to give it one more try. I feel like I led the marriage to this shit hole, maybe I can lead it back out. I enjoy the company of my wife, we do get along good. I love being able to see my children everyday. 4 years of me being negative, angry and looking like shit, I cannt blame anyone but myself. I decided to give it one try. I'm 6 months past that point and things for the most part are better then they have ever been. It felt like a reset button was pushed. She backed off a bit, I have stepped up on more issues. Sex once a day mostly. We have both made it a point to plan trips together and have enjoyed each other's company. I do have some issues I'm dealing with. I have trust issues, she lied to me alot about the affair and she has talked to him twice since and lied about it because I would be mad. I told her it was inappropriate and to cut off contact. She acted like it wasn't a big deal but agreed. Now, I get that I cannt stop her if she wants to, so I'm trying to keep tabs. At the same time, this makes it harder to move on. I get nights where I wake up so angry at her still. For the lies and the abuse. Other days it's fine, mostly when we are together I am just happy. She has been putting more effort into our relationship now and so have I. I know that I am stronger today then 6 months ago but I am hoping to get some guidance at this point.
Is this just a honeymoon phase? I've read NMMNG, MMSLP, WISNIFG, Models, and SGM. I feel like I need to reread all of these. I am dealing with a woman who is career/socially higher then myself and sometimes I think this just can not work. She has responded well and I would like to think if I keep the momentum we have a chance. Her actions make her appear that she wants this too but I have been lied to so much it's hard to say 100%. As for the cheating, some days I wonder why I even care. I catch her again and I divorce, hey, at least I tried but won't have to worry anymore. Or maybe I won't catch her and I'll never know. It still eats at me. I want to become an oak for my children and for my wife if she wants to be part of this journey but most importantly for myself.