I've been married 15 years, have two kids, just bought a house. I have only just discovered MRP in the last couple of weeks and it's struck every chord imaginable. I need a little help with a situation and don't know where to turn. My wife wakes up every morning in a bad mood, I've come to expect and accept it, I now STFU and watch, knowing it will pass, it always does. This morning, I did something miniscule to put her under pressure, she asked me (like a bitch) to go away so she could finish what she was doing (she has OCD and can get into unstoppable loops). I walked into the other room and waited until she was finished, this was about 15 seconds (no harm done), I remain in frame. I walk back into the kitchen and she steps outside for a cigarette, I didn't follow her, she's been a bitch so I don't want to be in her company in that state, I don't want to give that behaviour any attention and I'm trying to STFU. When she sees I'm not coming, she becomes more bitchy and asks why I'm trying to bait her. I tell her I'm not, nothing more, When she comes back from her cigarette, I get up to go and have mine, and she tries to talk about what happened earlier, I stop for a second to see what it is she has to say but can see she just wants to berate me for not knowing I shouldn't have pressured her so I walk away to have my cigarette. I step outside the front door and close it and she locks it behind me, locking me out of the house at 6 in the morning. I maintain frame the entire time, she steps outside to smoke again and tries to bait me but locks the door behind her with the key. She then stands aggressively looking at me, I decided at the time the best course of action is to walk away, so I start walking. I walk for about an hour before heading home, hoping for best case scenario (she acts like nothing has happened) but knowing I'll have more when I get home. I walk in the door, and go to brush my teeth and she follows me. She baits me into an argument and I maintain frame for a good 20 minutes before she knows she's losing so she resorts to shaming me for previous mistakes and here's where I got angry, I should've seen it coming but it was too late, situation escalated. I had to leave for work, so I did, last thing I saw as I was out the door was the tears. Now I don't know what to do, she's sent me one text that's a bait attempt, I replied with "This is too much, it will never be ok no matter how hard I try". She has just now replied "OK Yeah". Do I just ignore? do I find somewhere else to stay tonight? Do I go home and act like nothing happened?
Firstly, thanks everyone for their advice, I really appreciate it. I don't have any kind of support network and it's nice to have people that understand the situation/problem to talk to about this.
I text her advising that we needed to talk when I got home. She got a little concerned and tried to make me tell her over text. I told her it needed to happen face to face. She suggested a neutral venue for the discussion. I suggested our local pub. She was reluctant but I ignored this. I ignored a few more shit test texts and drove to the local pub, from there, I text her that I was there if she wanted to talk.
She arrived and I started off telling her that I was at the end of my rope, I recognised my failures and that my poor leadership was to blame for the mess she was in. I took responsibility for all of it and said it was my job to fix it and I was going to do just that.
The spoilt brat in her wouldn't accept it, she tried to tell me that I hadn't recognised all my failures because I was still doing them and I hadn't accounted for her feelings this morning! I get locked out of my own house at 6am and I'm not taking her feelings into account! She told me I wasn't being what she needed as a husband (something I just took responsibility for) and I needed to stop being so "arrogant".
I got a little tired of it all, she was just being a brat about it all. It started to escalate, by this point I'd had enough of her, I left the pub. I could see it was going nowhere and she needs to know I'm serious about it.
I ended up spending the night in a hotel not far from my house. I had a beer, did some push-ups and read some sidebar material. In all honesty, it felt good to be out of her orbit.
I know now I shouldn't have done this but I sent one more text before bed which went something like this -
I don't know many guys that would admit their failings as a man, let alone attempt any kind of self-improvement to become a better one. You have just thrown away the one person that was willing to accept his failings and change. I'm disappointed by your bratty perspective on all of this, I thought you were better than that. I will be better with or without you, I'd rather it be with you.
I've not yet had a reply and I'm not going to say any more about it.