Need some urgent advice

MRPguy · 2015-11-16T00:06:32+00:00

Her "needing space" is code for her to bang another guy.

Your situation is very unique and different than any other posted here. Not.

Advice for you is: lift, read the MRP sidebar, implement that reading. Problem solved.

jacktenofhearts · 2015-11-16T07:54:45+00:00

Sigh.

Look, you need to knock this shit off.

But while ive been doing this ive also been really controlling tell her who she can and cant hang around and that she cannot drink alcohol when im not around... she needs to be home before midnight... and ive been getting really jealous of her co workers...

i'm starting to act like a little bitch. Always wanting to talk about us and feelings and stuff... which is hard for me because I want certainty and that i don't have it makes me extremely anxious which makes me act like a fool/ sound desperate / etc.

That's it. This is why she's considering leaving you.

Your problem is anxiety. You're an anxious person. Anxious people don't like being anxious, and try and minimize situations that cause them anxiety. This usually results in trying to control things they can't control. Seriously man, I have no professional or academic experience in psychology, but this is textbook. I guarantee you're the kind of guy who asked her to be your exclusive girlfriend two weeks after you met, because that label would make you feel all that more secure, all that more less anxious, that she would wake up one day and want to leave you. Slap a label on that shit and she can't just ditch you, right?

Therein lies the problem. How many times has she called you "a control freak" after every argument? There is nothing you can actively do to stop your wife from cheating on you. The only things you can do are second-order. Red Pill talks a lot about hypergamy, like women are primitive unthinking creatures unable to stop themselves from hoping into any adjacent larger cocks. But really, it's just this: a woman will leave you for another man if she concludes that man adds more value to her life than you do. It's that simple.

Unfortunately, a lot of men are mislead to believe this somehow this gets suspended in marriage, that love is theoretically unconditional. They're also mislead to believe that they must prioritize adding value to their wife's life over their own, not realizing that merely associating with a high value man, in itself, adds value to her life.

You actually have a wife that seems at least partially aware of this and is trying to correct your assumptions, like when she says this:

She has told me that I need more guy mates also

When she says shit like this, she's telling you she wants to be with a high value male. That's it. High value males are never high value in response to some laundry list of qualifications some other women gave them. And they definitely don't solicit that list, which you literally tried to do:

I asked her to give me three things she needs me to start doign immediately to get things back on track

So asking is a complete waste of time. She doesn't want you to do anything. She wants you to just be. Be, that is, the high value male she wants to be associated in her life. Now, what are are is related to what you do, so you should keep doing the positive value-building things in your life, and stop doing the negative value-subtracting things in your life. Only you can determine what those are. She may be attracted to that person. She may not be. I can tell you she's definitely not attracted to her formerly lazy husband who morphed over night into a slightly-less-lazy-but-way-more-controlling husband.

She has also organised to move out in the new year for a 6 month lease with a girlfriend. On the condition i can stay over when she wants me there... and that its only for 6 months (i'm assuming incase we get back together).

Look buddy. You need to start building a life that doesn't revolve around her. That's the paradox. The more you focus on her and try and interpret everything little thing she does, and try and figure out some optimal response to it, the more you're fucking this up and ensure she's going to end up leaving your ass for good. High value men don't do this. We tell a lot of guys "stop operating in your wife's frame," which basically means, stop making every single decision you make 100% dependent on her actions. The next time some guy asks "what does that mean, to operate in my wife's frame," I hope I remember your post because I literally have never seen a more textbook example.

Take your own actions you want, the ones that add value to your life, and if she likes them, great, and if she doesn't, well you probably weren't as compatible as you thought anyway.

she is saying because im so controlling shes lost who she is and needs space (while we were together she was saying this also but just wanting her to go have fun with her friends, me have fun with my friends... and then when we spend time together its fun and we have new things to talk about, more romance etc)

Just gonna speculate here. When she goes out with her friends, and you're just kind of moping around the house, you realize that's value subtracting for her, right? If she was with a high value man, she could go out and enjoy time with friends, knowing he was probably doing the same, or even that would appreciate some alone time to work on some hobby. So instead of enjoying time with friends, she has to worry about whether you're bored, and whether you'll be pissed if she doesn't get back by a certain time, and every time someone asks her "how's envious1986?" she has to reply in that high-pitched "oh he's good!" lie that everybody always does.

What your wife is saying is that you're not very fun, which is pretty common with anxious people. If she goes dancing with some of her other friends, some of them probably bring their boyfriends or husbands and she wouldn't think to bring you. Probably because you wouldn't be fun, you wouldn't enjoy yourself, you'd just kind of mope around and complain about how expensive parking was, and the one nice shirt you finally wore (that she bought you for your birthday two years ago) was scratchy, and suggested you go home at 10:45pm. Sound familiar? Does this sound like a high value male? Does this sound like someone a woman would like to be associated with?

So knock the controlling behavior, find some ways to channel your anxiety into constructive things, or find mental exercises to mitigate that. Identify the building blocks of your life you want to work on and improve to become a high value male. Trust in the process that this is really what your wife and every other woman is looking for, but accept responsibility for your failures thus far, and the consequence that you may end up divorced. Which will suck, but it will just be yet another hard-learned lesson that despite every fiber of anxiety telling you so, you can't mitigate every bad thing that could happen to you. In fact, you usually just make them more likely to happen.

It's not that easy, but it is that simple.

Trekneck · 2015-11-16T01:01:30+00:00

You're wife is giving you the exact same advice that you're going to get here. She is literally telling you to swallow the pill, which you clearly haven't done based on the wall of text you posted.

Stop focusing on her, and start focusing on you. Your dependence on her for your own happiness, desperation and neediness is pushing her further away without you realizing it. Take your wife's advice, and if not, take what you get here and internalize it.

Tell me, with all the effort you put into attempting to control what your wife is doing, have you seen any positive results? Did you begging her not to go out, not to drink, not to fuck other guys work? Is your relationship better for it? Or are you seeing her push away from you, trying to make her own life better and to be free of her over dependent husband?

itstartstoday123 · 2015-11-16T00:13:14+00:00

Move back into your house immediately. I can't believe you left. If she wants space she can go. I take it you are paying for it?

Ignore her. She wants you to do everything. Why are you prepared to continue to do everything she wants to make her happy. You obviously are not happy. Ignore her and start lifting MORE(if you are at three days then go to five). Where are you at in the reading?

She left. Fuck her. If she says you are no longer married in her eyes then act like it. You have this pussy on a very large pedestal. She is setting you up to grovel and beg cry over her. She moved on and abandoned you!

This has ceased to become about her. From now on you do nothing for her. This is purely for you. Answer phone calls if you feel like it. Now your busy every fucking day and she can take the leftover days. You won't need her and you don't need to be pussy whipped anymore.

All those hobbies or have been ignoring are now more important than her.

You became what you thought she wanted and she still kicked you out. Now you'll be who you damn well feel like and she can come along it she wants.

Move back into your house today!

Edit: start reading, read the guide to shit tests(learn to recognize and pass), peruse the side bar, start on the beginners guide videos, spend many less fucks on her

BluepillProfessor · 2015-11-16T08:28:34+00:00

Good lord! You are so far in this woman's frame it is sickening.

shes told me she wants space and that we aren't married in her eyes anymore.

Next....

She came to me and told me it wasn't working and told me what i needed to do to fix our relationship

She TOLD you to start lifting, working on hobbies, and all that other stuff?

i can stay over when she wants me there

Great! So on the nights your wife is not fucking other guys she can fuck her husband? Well fuck you very much if you like sloppy seconds and Herpes.

She has told me that I need more guy mates also... because i'm starting to act like a little bitch. Always wanting to talk about us and feelings and stuff... which is hard for me because I want certainty and that i don't have it

Holy...Fucking...Shit

Most guys have no clue what to do and you are saying your wife gave you the entire playbook?

give me three things she needs me to start doign immediately to get things back on track... and she just kept saying listen... listen.. listen.

Well not the whole playbook. It is NOT 'Listen..listen..listen. She wants a MAN, not whatever it is that you have become. Here are 3 things for you to do right now:

STOP having deep emotional relationship conversations.
START doing what YOU want to do and get Busy with your life.
Stop focusing on your wife. I think you are following her around like an irritating little puppy.

I need space after your post.

WhiteTrashKiller · 2015-11-16T00:11:34+00:00

Let me ask you, would the misery be any diffrent for you if it ended today or continued this prolonged back and forth nonsense? She is spelling out RP truths to you, you're here on this website so I am sure you know what RP is but you aren't following the basic rules. Shut up, go to the gym, work on you. Good God man, She is literally begging you to be absent, mysterious aloof so she can chase you. You're asking a woman how to be a man(3 things to fix), how the fcuk would she know. Build your social proof with friends, money and for fcuk's sake don't share your feelings.....

Here is food for thought, since you mentioned work! Careers mean shit, if you make 200k a yr working your ass off @ two jobs or 16 hours a day at a good one what's the difference. You'll have the cash to do the exciting things you want to do, you wont be around enough to spread your victim puke on her. Find another job at night, be around less. If you lose her which doesn't sound much different than where you are at already the outcome will be the same.

Get your head out of your ass....

alphabeta49 · 2015-11-17T23:02:11+00:00

On the condition i can stay over when she wants me there

Oo boy, are you whipped or what.

There's nothing urgent here. By working on yourself you're automatically working on the relationship, so don't worry your head about balancing giving her space "while also working toward mending our relationship".

I see you've been privileged to have jackten give his commentary. Its gold, man. Internalize that shit.

RedCML · 2015-11-16T09:41:54+00:00

Congratulations! You are a single and free man now.

Why do you need to give her space? This is space for you. Go enjoy yourself. You've got time now. You can lift, have an adventure. You don't have to check in with her and let her know what you're doing.

Your wife is fucking other men or actively looking to fuck other men.

Move on with your life.

envious1986 · 2015-11-16T02:22:49+00:00

Right now shes texting me about how anxious she is at work at the moment... and just got off the phone to her....

So her actions are saying she doesnt want space... but then she tells me to give her space?

Title	Need some urgent advice
Author	envious1986
Upvotes	1
Comments	41
Date	November 15, 2015 11:54 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/3syfh8/need_some_urgent_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/need-some-urgent-advice.207905 https://theredarchive.com/post/207905

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