Is staying married setting a bad example for my sons?

BucketOfSunshins · 2015-10-22T15:34:48+00:00

However, I have two boys and I would never advise them to get married. In fact, when they come of age, I intend to advise them not to get married.

Marriage isn't 100% bad. Some suck. Some don't. Some of us are happy with the risk/reward ratio. I'm happy with my choice.

When your sons are old enough, explain that cost/benefit to them and let them make the choice.

whinemoreplease · 2015-10-22T20:31:34+00:00

I'm not against marriage. I'm for incredibly thorough vetting. There are great women out there who can be made even better by a proper leader. Spend more time on RPW and less time on TRP - shit is inspirational because they highlight what women can be.

For example - https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/3pidoh/fr_my_very_1st_rpw_field_report_and_some/

For the record, I am against most men and most women getting married. Most men can't lead a marriage and most women aren't worth marrying.

kxb220 · 2015-10-22T14:22:58+00:00

Assuming your wife is not a harpy shrew who ruins your life, I think you are showing your sons that even when you make a mistake, you do everything you can to follow through on your commitments.

itsgavinc · 2015-10-22T17:15:41+00:00

I go against the grain when it comes to MRP and marriage. I get the impression (and some have stated) that they are a part of MRP because they were already married when they swallowed the red pill. If they had to do it over they wouldn't get married.

My thought is one that is echoed by Rollo Tomassi, essentially that marriage can be wonderful IF you enter into it with an understanding of hypergamy, the female psyche, etc. Swallow the pill and then get married if you choose. That's the proper way to proceed.

I enjoy being married. I find fulfillment in the value my wife has in my life. I love my children.

Countpudyoola · 2015-10-22T14:31:53+00:00

The marriage culture sucks for men on a lot of fronts due to the legal liability we face as men that has been creeping up in ridiculous proportions over the years. With that in mind, and for the protection of my sons I would advise them the same. However I think a lot of things in society swing like a pendulum, I >hope< this changes over time making the prospect of a marriage not quite so unsavory.

Chances are still good at some point your sons may marry no matter what you advise. I'd make sure to try to inoculate their mindset-in-a-marriage should it come to pass so that it doesn't eventually cause some sort of rift between you.

I think if you turn your marriage around by improving yourself, you'll be setting a great example of how to act in a relationship-in-general. If you end up leaving, you demonstrate how NOT to be treated in a relationship and what your personal limits are.

Every time a beta continues being married to a shrew that treats him like a bb... THATS when the bad example happens. Ie. get married and let your woman run roughshod over your life..it's what we must endure. I think you're beyond that now.

nantucketghost · 2015-10-22T16:55:16+00:00

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strategos_autokrator · 2015-10-23T08:05:58+00:00

Improve everything you can first. Your marriage does suck, and most of it is your fault. Yes, there are problems and challenges with the institution, and it is ok later to discuss them. But while you don't even know how much you can improve it, your opinion is empty, probably based on resentment.

Stop thinking what you will advise in the future if you haven't done your share. In the end, what you really want to teach them to lead their lives, and from that, they will make the right assessment about marriage. Leading their lives might mean taking a different path of yours, and that is fine. Only once you are really leading your family, your words will have authority. And only when you have that family, will you able to communicate the plus and minus stuff of marriage in a concrete way (not a theoretical hamster way). The only way to teach them this is if you are a strong leader, and with actions. Once you establish that, and they are men, it is ok to share the plus/cons, and let them decide. Become a leader, and treat them like leaders. The details matter less than teaching them that frame.

assured_destruction · 2015-10-23T17:32:21+00:00

My son is just out of college, bright and ambitious. Ive told him i dont want him to get married, and definitely not before he's 35.

I dont think marriage is inherently bad,just hard todo right. His mother is about as good as it gets, not perfect but manageable. I shudder to think of bring with most women i know.

Education and expectations are the key with kids

dandar4600 · 2015-10-22T15:00:06+00:00

The advice against getting married is due to the financial hit a man takes when the woman gets the house, alimony, custody of children and child support.

If you're not married you can kick her out, keep the house, improve the chances of keeping the kids by keeping the house (stable environment for the children) and therefore have much lower if any child support payments and obviously no alimony.

Once you're married though, it's much better to stay married to avoid the above mentioned pitfalls. That way you also get to be 100% in your children's lives. Of course if your wife is cheating, then staying married would be a bad example. You don't want to show your kids that being a doormat is OK.

hva_vet · 2015-10-22T16:44:46+00:00

Raise your boys to be men and when they come of age they will make this decision on their own. My son is 16 and at this point I'm simply setting the RP example in the family. I've slowly leaked some RP truths to him wrt to women in general. Once he's on his own it's none any of my business if he decides to have a family or maintain plates or whatever. My job is to not raise a mangina and prepare him for the hostile world out there.

Squeezymypenisy · 2015-10-22T17:36:11+00:00

Show them that you found a woman worth it. The odds of that happening nowadays are rare, but who knows. One of your sons might find a female that holds traditional values to the heart.

0kool74 · 2015-10-22T18:07:24+00:00

Best cure for divorce........don't get married.

stonepimpletilists · 2015-10-22T20:12:30+00:00

Depends on the example you set really...

ThatOtherMarriedGuy · 2015-10-23T14:05:37+00:00

Lots of excellent replies here. Thanks, men.

alpha_as_wolf · 2015-10-22T19:12:27+00:00

Why not get married? Because they are not man enough to lead their families?

Why does your marriage suck? How can YOU improve it for YOURSELF?

Title	Is staying married setting a bad example for my sons?
Author	ThatOtherMarriedGuy
Upvotes	5
Comments	17
Date	October 22, 2015 2:12 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/3prx21/is_staying_married_setting_a_bad_example_for_my/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/is-staying-married-setting-a-bad-example-for-my.207992 https://theredarchive.com/post/207992

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