Declined starfish, cold war ensued

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October 1, 2015

Howdy all,

Sunday night I initiated with my wife and she was receptive. I was about to get going when she stopped and said we needed to close the door (kids were already in bed, etc). I jokingly said that if she wanted it closed to go ahead (I would have done it if she pushed it). She gets up and closes the door. After this she allows me to start over but is no longer into it (doesn't want kisses, is now upset, mentions just finish, etc). I roll over and say that its not worth it if she isn't into it. She then immediately storms to the bathroom slamming the door. She eventually comes back to bed and we fall asleep.

Since then she has gone radio silent outside of logistics. I have continued to act cool around her and do my normal thing. Four days of this.

I'm wondering if I should just continue focusing on my stuff and wait for her to get over it? I am also wondering if it would be better to initiate again (fully expecting a hard no and for her to then start the puke fest) just to be done with this crap.


Very late update: Friday afternoon she texted me and asked if we could talk. Once I got home from work she started bringing up the fact that I never asked what was wrong all week and she had the worst week because of it. I just simply said that if she had a problem or issue then she needed to say something. This went back and worth in this manner for a while. Eventually she eased up after I gave her some beta feelz, I showed her some affection (hugs, etc. which she hadn't had all week), and then had great sex (huh!?)!? She never mentions me declining sex at all. The next day I get the kids to spend the night elsewhere and take wifey out for a real date (we haven't had one in a while). After was naked hot tub, ben wa balls, great sex along with a BJTC in the mouth which has never happened with her. Lots to learn and keep improving on!

Post Information
Title Declined starfish, cold war ensued
Author LBEB80
Upvotes 10
Comments 18
Date 01 October 2015 04:06 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
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Red Pill terms found in post:
hard nobetaclose

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill20 points21 points  (1 child) | Copy

Declining starfish is the right move here. Sometimes they behave like little brats and you need to call their shit on it. She still thinks that she gets to dole out the pussy to you. Look her straight in the face and tell her "Is there a problem? Because you are acting like a little girl. I thought we are grownups in this house?"

If she's ready to talk, then and there get your WISNIFG hat on. Be clear and use "I" terms. "I need passion, and passionate sex". Don't let her hamster try to convince you otherwise. She'll make up excuses and all that, "Oh but you killed the mood buy not shutting the door", use FOGGING, BROKEN RECORD and the like. "Yeah, I can see how you think that, but you wanting the door closed was your problem. It didn't kill the mood for me." Up the dread and tell her, "Hey if you don't want to have fun when we fuck, that's ok. But I want to have fun. Let me know if you can't have that kind of fun" Never be sorry for your sexuality. Never make excuses for it.

If she won't talk to you, tell her you consider this a no-issue. She thinks you are the problem not her, so make sure you put that right back on her. Then go on and have a fuck-ton of fun without her. show her that you and the sun don't revolve around her.

My wife was acting poorly once, and I called her on it. She stomped around for three days and then told me "You ruined the vacation". I told her in no uncertain terms "I had a great time, she was a big girl and could have used her big girl words, but chose to be a brat the whole time. It was her who ruined it for herself". The color washed out of her face when she realized it

[–]LBEB80[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Excellent, thanks for the response!

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret10 points11 points  (2 children) | Copy

Hmmm, should the Captain of the Ship let a stupid fight fester for days? Tough one.

No, it actually is not a tough one.

You should act as if nothing has happened. It is ONLY a big deal in her mind because it is a big deal in your mind.

Initiate if that is what you want. Let her yap and whine and then smile like a father and take her like a cave man.

She had a point about the door you know. She was distracted by the bedroom door being open. Kids were in bed but how is a mom supposed to let herself go if the kids might walk in?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I put a lock on the bedroom door last month. It's useful for mid-cycle when I push my wife's limits. Our kids seeing that kind of activity would be problematic. I'd rather explain the noises than the sights.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

Do not initiate sex as a response to this episode. Initiate sex when you want sex. Maintain your frame.

[–]itstartstoday1230 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Addition to your point.

Initiate when you want and how you want. If if she thinks she can go cold and make you go away then to her that says he is afraid of her. Initiating even when she is pissy says OI. It's a silent power move.

[–]LBEB80[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Perfect points.

[–]J_Incognito3 points4 points  (6 children) | Copy

STFU and continue life unfazed. "Act Cool" is often seen as "pouting", and certainly not OI. If you want sex w/ her, initiate at will. If you get a hard no and puke fest, don't engage and STFU.

BTW, declining starfish may been the right move, but, if she was into it, I would have jumped up to close the door and then slowly walked back to bed for some standing/edge of bed action.

[–]BooksofMagic0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I would have jumped up to close the door and then slowly walked back to bed

Agreed - This is the 'isolate' part of the seduction mantra.

[–]fakefalse-1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy

Elaborate on your first paragraph please. I am dealing with this angle off and on. I'm trying to get a better handle on it.

[–]J_Incognito0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

STFU means STFU. I get it, you want to use rationality and logic to explain to her why she's wrong. It never works, women run on emotions. How do you not engage? First STFU. It's tricky with a direct line of questions, but never accept the premise of the question (political debate tactic) and never answer directly.

Within 48 hours the OP will be derisively asked why he's been pouting the last fews days. Don't answer - don't deny being pouty. Get in her face, hands on her hips/ass, "Good, you're angry - sex will be good tonight". Smirk and walkaway. She'll call you an asshole and will fuck you that night.

[–]fakefalse-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah. That's a pretty good way of puting it. Thanks, it helps with the current impasse.

[–]LBEB80[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'll have to try this, thanks!

[–]itstartstoday1232 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

She got mad cause she had to get Up and do something she wanted done? And then she's angry about it? Does that make you laugh at her spoiled teenager tantrums?

You: there is something so sexy about you biting the pillow as I pound away at that juicy wet pussy.

Throw a pillow at her. Then Fuck her. Done, hamster didn't get out of the cage to Play. Granted she was lazy as shit and trying to get you to jump through hoops but inject some humor and set your frame for being OI.

Today, do whatever the hell you want. Her emotions are hers. She's been mad for four days about having to close a door? AWALT

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

I would have told her "We can only shut the door if you cum for me and make it loud."

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

If she starfishes just caveman the shit outta her. You must be new, because you're too fixated on her.

Just do whatever you would've done if you weren't butthurt and trying to pretend you're ok.

And I don't understand how dudes see a woman not talking as anything short of a mental vacation.

[–]itsgavinc-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

When you take away the only power she has (that of sex) she will become frustrated. That is what has happened. Do not worry. Her hamster will do the work that needs to be done. She is learning to realize that the only leash she has on you is in the process of being cut.

[–]spexer-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

always initiate. Be your happy self - remember you are the oak.

If sex is like that again, respond the same way. next day try again.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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