Struggling, ladies.

Gravida · 2016-11-20T18:53:41+00:00

Essentially, you reject him frequently for selfish endeavors. You need to let go of your wants right now. You can have time for yourself when he isn't home.

He wanted the family to watch a movie together and you blew him (and your daughter) off. I think most people would be irritated with you over that.

CoochQuarantine · 2016-11-20T18:55:13+00:00

OK well it's troubling that he feels like you sold him an extroverted version of you only to find out you're not that girl. You lied in the beginning about how much extrovert time you can give to a person. Honestly it may be that you say no more often than you think you do. He is clearly telling you his perspective and you're outright rejecting it which isn't healthy. Finally, what's wrong with reading a book next to your man while they watch a movie? Or doing whatever quietly next to them while they engage in the activity they like. Just because you don't want to join doesn't mean you can't be present. Another thing is you may want to try to specifically carve out "me" time so that you're available more when he wants "us" time. Like now I do baths once or twice a week. No one bothers me during that time. But on days where I just wanna curl up in bed I make more effort to hang out because I know they make the effort to leave me alone in my bath time.

Food for thought.

Irisandoleander · 2016-11-20T19:19:49+00:00

I don't feel this is true.

Well, he feels this is true. And his feelings are 100% as valid as yours.

Look, I don't always like doing what my husband likes. I don't get video games and the garage is cold when he's wrenching on a car in November.

But! I love time with my husband. So I find a way to be a part of it. If he's playing Fallout I am looking up maps and cheat codes on my laptop to give him while looking up recipes on Pinterest. If he's working on the car I have a book and a blanket.

Tomorrow is not promised. And because you weren't interested in a movie you lost out on a night with your husband and kiddo.

StillTraveling · 2016-11-20T20:29:25+00:00

Damn, y'all don't pull no punches... rubs wounds, lol.

Well, my argument for the whole "while we were dating" thing is that when we were dating, we didn't see each other as much as we do now, so it was easier to be more "on" when we were together. Also, I fall on the autism spectrum, which I didn't know yet when we were dating. Autistics develop obsessions, and when we were dating, well... HE was my obsession. I know it's not an excuse, but it does play a part in all this. But yes, maybe I do say no more often than I realize.

I don't think he'd be okay with me reading while he watches a movie. I could always ask, but he's hinted in the past that he considers that just as much a form of not being together.

sugarcrush · 2016-11-20T18:54:27+00:00

Is it possible you are somehow insulting or offending him when you bow out?

Could you not read or whatever in the same room while he's watching his thing? I know I like being in the same room as my husband, even if we are doing separate things.

In any case, it sounds like he is rather hurt by you not taking an interest in his movies & shows. Maybe you could find something based on a book that you could read first and then watch together.

frozen_strawberry · 2016-11-20T22:33:34+00:00

Just a practical thing: would it have been so bad to watch the movie with your husband and kiddo and then spend some time by yourself when your kid is in bed?

PhantomDream09 · 2016-11-20T23:51:55+00:00

If you and your husband both work - and your daughter goes to school - then you already spend the majority of your time away from each other.

An easy way to get some extra 'me' time is to wake up earlier, go to bed a bit later. On another note, watching a movie does not involve being 'on.' You don't have to focus on being social, conversing, or doing anything other than cuddling up and being close to the people you love. It's a passive activity that doesn't drain energy stores and literally only requires you to sit quietly. It's a sh-t move to bow out of an activity like that.

I'm a very sensitive (easily drained and overwhelmed) introvert. I'm not sure why being around your H is draining, but your experience may be a lot different from my own. Being with my SO doesn't tax me, and being near him is actually more beneficial to me (in terms of feeling relaxed).

Adjust the things you consider to be me time, and that may help. Taking a shower, driving somewhere, walking to and from places - basically anytime you are alone (even if you are still in public) should be helping you recharge a bit.

Cooking is probably my biggest slice of 'me' time every day. It's something I can do while listening to a podcast while unwinding from my day.

Goingdowntheroad · 2016-11-21T02:17:58+00:00

Sadly, I can relate to this and have done the same thing to my husband...I'm an introvert too and yes, life can get overwhelming, and I sometimes find myself saying no to too many of my husband's ideas of family fun.

He's very patient and understanding but I still don't think it's right. Sharing the little stuff keeps us close and makes it easier to talk about the big stuff.

Like you, I need time alone. But for me, it works best when I make that time alone productive: when I tun, or write, or catch up with a friend instead of vegging out on the internet.

I think you should apologize to your husband, gently and lightly. Maybe do something sweet for him, make him a cup of tea or a good meal. You'll feel more like your own pleasant self again if you do something pleasant for him : )

tintedlipbalm · 2016-11-21T04:30:23+00:00

The DH says that I do not want to do things with him unless they interest ME.

[...] I don't feel that this is true. We have many common interests and we do a lot of things together...

Can you see what you just wrote there? Because it confirms what he says. In the venn diagram that is your interests and his, you're only willing to do the intersecting ones, so that doesn't refute his statement.

Title	Struggling, ladies.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	6
Comments	24
Date	November 20, 2016 6:33 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/5dzd7j/struggling_ladies/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/struggling-ladies.209381 https://theredarchive.com/post/209381

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