getting over a betrayal - just how long does that last?

RPLawyer · 2019-01-30T11:54:51+00:00

Hey, it could be worse: some dude out there actually married this whore lol

RIP to that dude.

eye8yourbaby · 2019-01-30T12:11:05+00:00

In a very similar boat my man, but 5 or so months post break.

Lot of commenters have it right, it’s just human nature. And ya, it might be a little beta, but like it’s been said, how we are wired.

I have a feeling a lot of guys are going to call you a bitch and sack up and the like. While it’s kind of true, just focus on yourself. (I by no means calling you a bitch).

I’ve since been back at the gym (didn’t go because of her), focused on my new career and crushing it, my hobbies which led to some gigs and great opportunities. And banged a few randos which tbh didn’t fill any holes, well lol.

Just know you are better off now. May not seem true yet. This is a chance for you to learn and know what it’s like to be truly alone. To me, the ultimate test and lesson to learn (have my own severe abandonment issues since childhood).

My eyes are open now, and I feel calmer than ever. Her whore ass still pops into my head at times then I laugh. You will learn to accept that you are the prize. Thoughts will come into your head about her and eventually you will be able to just think of it as someone you used to fuck. If you’re young, don’t sweat it. I consider myself old in my late 20s, but then step back and realize I’m young with a ton of potential and no where near my peak.

Keep your head up. Focus on you. Become selfish. Things will come together. I know this from past experiences, as cliche as it sounds.

Ziczor · 2019-01-30T10:22:39+00:00

Men are hopeless romantics and we have to fight that with every available method. If a man cheats women get over that really quick, but if a cute, innocent girl has "ass to mouth" with some other dude behind your back, that's devastating, cuz it's not what you imagined.

Until you get other chicks jumping on your D several times a week, it will be drilling your head.

friendandadvisor · 2019-01-30T11:57:01+00:00

Remind yourself that what you had was an illusion that YOU created, not reality.

She is NOT the woman that you think she is, and her wanting to get back with you is NOT because she loves you, it is because the guy that she dumped you for found out what a POS she is. She still places a low value on you and your heart.

Cloak_and_Rose · 2019-01-30T12:20:43+00:00

Dealing with similar things myself, ex-gf of a year planned to go on a date with some other dude ( I found out just after breaking up with her cause it was really shitty at this point ).

Same for me, I'm improving, and I know fully it was the right choice, there were too many other problems and at this point it was just the cherry on top.
Problem is, sometimes stupid feelings get in the way. I just compare it to drug addiction, which it probably is even, and I'm just going through withdrawal, it will get better.

Doesn't mean it doesn't suck in the meanwhile, lol
Good luck, brother.

monsieurhire2 · 2019-01-30T17:18:26+00:00

Here let me help. The feels are abstractions produced by chemical reactions within your body. Oxytocin. Dopamine. Etc. etc. When you are with the woman, getting laid, etc, you are getting your fix. When the woman leaves, you are experiencing WITHDRAWAL. Just like a HEROIN addict.

Understanding it this way helps you see it for what it is, and helps you cope and move on. The feels and these reaction are evolutionary adaptions that came about through natural selection because they increased the likelihood that the organism would reproduce.

BusterVadge · 2019-01-30T13:31:27+00:00

2.5 years man.... That's a long time. Let me just say that my last LTR dumped me after 3.5 years. It was rough at first. It took a good 6 months and fucking several plates to be back to where I was before the LTR.

Now after 9 months I am stronger than I was before. Physically and mentally. I kept setting goals for myself and have pushed myself harder and farther.

INNASKILLZ2K18 · 2019-01-30T13:35:18+00:00

It happens, brother. When we've had a connection to someone, that connection remains. It changes, but it's still there.

It's natural for stuff to come up every now and then. It sounds like you have a handle on it, and you don't act on it. It's just a process of accepting those emotions will come up, and continuing to handle it. Eventually it will process. Just consciously devalidate the thoughts, when they come up. Literally choose to NGAF, when you have them. It's tough, but everything is a choice.

Keep moving forward, keep doing what you do, eventually it will all pass. You know in your head she was bad news. Just don't believe the sentimental lies your head tries to tell you.

0io- · 2019-01-30T13:55:19+00:00

The old PUA adage was go fuck ten other women. Which does work pretty well. But anyway, you just have to hit the gym, keep working on your mission, whatever that is in your life, get back on the horse, keep hooking up with hot girls.

You dodged a bullet, Bro! How would you feel if you were that guy who married this girl and then found out for the last 3 years she was engaged she was cheating on you with (you) and some other guys? Can't live in the past, wishing for things that never happened. Be glad you're not her betabux. Who knows how long she was planning to marry the guy she married. From his perspective his new wife was cheating on him with you for the whole time they were engaged.

But to answer your question, after you've hooked up with several more women, you'll be a lot less upset over this "one who got away".

flapjacksrbetter · 2019-01-30T14:09:34+00:00

U hatefucked her after she cheated on u?

throwinghthisoneaway · 2019-01-30T15:55:42+00:00

It really is just time. You dont want to hear that but if this is your first LTR breakup so its the hardest for your brain to process. This will not be the last time you feel ultimate betrayal. The important thing is to feel every bit of your emotions and keep progressing as your doing. Keep moving forward because every day you miss a chance to step forward is a day wasted.

This is a time to continue building the hardest form of discipline. The kind that takes months, fuck that 30 day shit for establishing a new habit. Youre not establishing habits during this time your in the process of establishing a routine. Transform your day, wake up to the cold and raw reality of life here and embrace the opportunity you get to experience.

Also stop talking shit to yourself. How would you like it if your friend spoke to you the way you did? Yeah its funny to banter but dont seriously call yourself a bitch for not being over a seriously heavy betrayal from a girl you dated for a long time. This is gonna take some time so accept it. I dated a girl 4 years and didnt have another serious relationship till 2 years after. Both left me for another dude because they are silly children that dont know whats best for them. Then they left that dude. They want to try every flavor and are all the same.

SalporinRP · 2019-01-30T16:12:19+00:00

Every guy has their own recovery time frame. I was cheated on by a long-term LTR too. After about 2 months I started fucking other girls again but I genuinely wasn't completely over it for a solid 8-9 months.

We aren't robots. It's okay to let yourself feel sometimes. When I found out my LTR cheated on me I cried like a fucking baby alone in my room. I'll admit it. I was 21 and it was my first relationship where I felt like I truly loved the girl. And I went from thinking she was an angel to having to face the hard reality that she was a cheating whore within the span of a day. Then I discovered this community a few months later and started to turn my life around.

When people say to start fucking other women they're telling the truth. I remember for the first 2 months after the breakup I was stalking my ex's social media 2-3 times a day. Making fake accounts to get around her blocking me. Essentially cucking myself by looking at pics of her with the guy she left me for.

And do you wanna know how I broke that cycle of self-hatred and masochism? I fucked a girl off of tinder. And then I fucked her again. And then a third time. In the span of a week. I kept her as a FWB and then suddenly I realized I hadn't even looked at my ex's profiles in 2 months because I was getting steady pussy.

Sorry you're going through this bro. Most of us on here have been there at one time or another.

DeatCoreBoy1 · 2019-01-30T17:00:45+00:00

For me, it was the day I found evidence which couldn't be denied by her. I was always seeking answers because my gut was ringing. Always took her back because I had no solid proof of what my instincts were telling me. But the day I got solid proof and said it all to her face and she just had to admit it among tears, something in me switched immediately and felt liberated. Really, it was like the switch you're looking for. It happened to me last Friday. Prior to this, I was always missing her and wanting to be with her. Believing what I wanted to believe to match my imaginary perfect gf. The second I got the solid proof, I managed to separate the girl I was idealizing with the bitch that she actually was.

our_winter · 2019-01-30T18:59:30+00:00

It’s actually biologically driven that men take longer to get over relationships than women do. It is damn hard. My advice is to write out all the reasons you broke up with her and then carry that around and read it every time you get sentimental. Bathroom. Bar. Before sleep. And so on. Leave copies of it all around and have it in your phone. Keep reminding yourself that you are the prize. Eventually it goes away. Counseling is huge, talk to someone.

Don_Draper27 · 2019-01-30T21:43:49+00:00

I've had 2 situations like this.

I had complete oneitis for this girl. I thought she was the most beautiful thing in the planet. I lost my virginity to her.

Cute love story right? Only thing is that she was in an LTR of 2 years. A few months later of her breaking up with him and me begging her to become public with me she becomes pregnant.

Oof, it was a lot for a 17 year old to comprehend.

I had the expectancy of becoming a father for half the pregnancy. All my family knew.

I found out that the baby wasn't mine about halfway in the pregnancy. I confronted her about it but I was only met with silence while looking into her eyes that screamed, "I'm so sorry".

A few months later I met a new girl. I quickly became exclusive with her and we were together for almost 5 years.

Thanks to TRP, I realized that I had become a complete beta and that I was settling for a mediocre relationship and lifestyle. I bit the bullet and broke up with her. She cried and she begged for another chance but I stuck to my guns.

It wasn't very long for her to start riding the cock of the guy she'd tell me not to worry about.

I know you don't want to hear this but shit just takes time.

It's now been 8 years since the events that happened when I was 17. And yes, I'm over it. I've not heard from them and I'm happy to see that they are still together and raising their daughter. If I ever saw them in the streets, I'd smile and wish them the best.

I'm still getting over my last ex as 5 years of emotional investment is a lot to just try and pretend like it was nothing but what helps me a lot is just becoming a better person and living a better lifestyle.

When I was in that LTR of 5 years I was unhappy and miserable. I had lots of bad habits, no ambitions, still lived at home with mom, I'd lost my individuality because all my actions revolved around her.

Now, 18 months later, I'm moving into my own apartment, Most days I'm completely content, some days I'm happy, and every once in a while I'll have a "bad" time but I just sleep it off. All of my habits reflect the lifestyle I want to live, I thrive on becoming a strong individual with my own presence who relies on no one and is looked up to by friends and peers, and I've pondered and began the process of starting my own business and feel like I've found my calling in life.

I still feel a little salty about my ex girlfriends, but the higher up the mountain I go, the farther down the ground seems when I stop to look down at the inclination I've accomplished.

Self-honest · 2019-01-30T23:30:27+00:00

Just use that negative energy to do something positive.

As far as how long it lasts... As long as you view it as a betrayal, you will feel feelings about it. You already know what actually happened and articulate it pretty well. Accept it. She didn't betray you. She was always going to put herself first. You handled it right and didn't fuck yourself over. Take pride in that.

rugged79 · 2019-01-31T19:47:09+00:00

Think of the situation like this: when 9/11 happened and the twin towers fell, the next day, was everyone able to just not give a fuck and go on about their day? While this is an extreme example, it demonstrates how effective an attack is when you're unprepared for it.

What matters what happens next. That you're going to need a certain amount of time to process and make peace with wtf just happened is a given. It's like being on the last mile of a marathon. You've survived the worst things she could probably do to you in this situation, so there is little possibility she can hurt you any more than she already has. You're on the last mile, so you need to focus and aggressively spend all your time, energy and emotion on sprinting as far away from her as fast as fucking possible in order to make it to the finish line.

There are actually a lot of options you can try but here's some of my favorites. Try outdoor mediation in a place with little to no people. Also find a gym with a punching bag summon up all your anger and try 3 minutes of straight slugging it out with the bag. And for godsakes, don't ever take this bitch back. This bitch acting like she's the First Round Draft Pick and she probably don't have anything going for her except vagina.

modimian · 2019-01-30T10:39:13+00:00

It’s not fucking weak man . It can’t be that all guys are fucking weak on the planet . Even the guys who get laid the most develop feelings sometime. It’s your whole being that wants to reproduce and leave a legacy behind . Leave some kids . Reproduce and survival . Telling your body not to catch feelings is like telling a dog not to bark . Now thanks to feminism and girls opening Instagram and receiving a thousand likes and comments from thirsty guys , that creates an abundance mentality to them . Also the read those stupid feminist books that tell them to go against their nature and not pursue the man and let him become the bitch . See how fucked up is that ? Also commitment ain’t meaning shit anymore to all sides . Girls have a take it or leave it attitude where is was supposed to be the other way around . Remember what sex is about . You are a man and want to leave a legacy behind . You’re fighting nature as much as women do when they play hard to get instead of pushing for commitment like they used to. Feminists tell women , hey if men fuck multiple women you can do it too . But yet men are polygamous and women hypergamous . Women try to be men and men are trying to become women . Women catch feelings when they have sex with a random guy . Men don’t when they fuck a random slut besides their girl.

Title	getting over a betrayal - just how long does that last?
Author	lolurfucked
Upvotes	13
Comments	53
Date	January 30, 2019 10:05 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/alb9ua/getting_over_a_betrayal_just_how_long_does_that/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/getting-over-a-betrayal-just-how-long-does-that.210485 https://theredarchive.com/post/210485

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