How do you react when he upsets you?

teaandtalk · 2019-03-10T08:09:33+00:00

It sort of shocked me how he knew all the little things he’d done but hadn’t done anything to fix them as they arose

So he abandons you at an afterparty to flirt with another woman who he says has a crush on you, and he recognises that but still does it? Nice. Is he usually this thoughtless/disrespectful?

Zegiknie · 2019-03-10T08:48:45+00:00

Was he by any chance trying dreadgame? Applied incorrectly that makes for terrible manners.

I would do nothing and see how he fixes it. You are hurt, he knows it. Can he handle this? Keep vetting.

MsScamander · 2019-03-10T13:36:22+00:00

He displays poor boundaries and is proud of the fact that it gets a rise out of you! Big Red Flag!

Apologises immediately and lists all the things he’s done wrong and how sorry he is that he’s done them.

Words are cheap. Set your expectations and follow through.

ObedientLittleWife · 2019-03-10T12:05:42+00:00

See if he tries to make it up to you and show that he cares, also take note of this and see if he behaves differently in the future. You don't really have to do anything apart from being honest with your feelings and observing his actions.

GirlWithAPalette · 2019-03-10T09:29:38+00:00

he ignores me for most of the evening, leaves without me, doesn’t look in my direction at all, doesn’t introduce me to anyone.

Maybe he ACTUALLY was busy and didn't do it deliberately. How okay is he if you introduce yourself and talk to people whom he knows w/o him having to introduce you, how about you make yourself comfortable in that way?

But it caught me by surprise how he didn't avoid doing things that upsets you :/

I told him that it was easier for him to upset me because I love him so much.

What did he say?

How do you react when he does something to upset you?

I think confronting and telling him that those kinda acts upsets you and really hope he doesn't do the exact same things. This will serve the purpose.

The other thing you could probably do is putting yourself in his shoes and understanding his pov. If he genuinely can't help but do those things then you can't help it. He needs to be thankful that you understood.

RedPillSailor · 2019-03-10T14:05:04+00:00

to be an RPW, you don't seem to appreciate how directly men communicate. if it's not a dominance-display, it's just direct speech. just tell him what you felt, and why it made you feel that way. if he gives a damn, he'll apologize, then you'll see him put in the effort to make it up to you.

but if you just sit there and stew in how upset it made you, it will never get addressed (let alone fixed), you'll resent him, and he'll (obliviously) wonder why you're so angry.

have a straight conversation with him, or walk away from him. literally any other course of action will lead to resentment and hostility. make your choice.

lieutenantdonut · 2019-03-11T01:27:18+00:00

He didn't do anything wrong. You're overreacting and setting up unrealistic expectations for him.

It's a meeting regarding an activity he takes seriously - and not just that, but is the captain of, and it's annually held. Both of these make it into a significant event that isn't just puttering around at the mall or hanging out at the bar. He will understandably be focused on other things than you. He is popular, plays an important role, and is expected to be socially adept during the event. As a result, most of his time and effort will not be spent on you, and it is unrealistic and childish for you to want it.

However, it is difficult to play tag-along to these kinds of events when you're only dating the person that is playing said important role. You feel out of place, unsure what to do, and without his attention, you're having to fend for yourself socially. So while this is not an easy task, it is what you are required to do if you want to continue being with him. You did the right thing in socializing with others and trying to find things to do while he was kept busy; but any interaction he gives you during this important time, you should take with gratitude, not with resentment for not having received more of them.

Expectations will only hurt you, not help you. Be grateful for what you get, and don't complain about what you don't.

Had he agreed to something beforehand that he later went back on, that would be a different issue. (For example; if, knowing your feelings on this 22 year old coach who evidently likes him, he agreed that he would not talk to her, and then he does, that's reasonable for you to feel upset because he lied to you or did not stick to his word. However, this is not the case here.)

If you are so inclined, and it's really that much of a problem, you can attempt to talk to him about your thoughts and feelings, and ask for a compromise here. I'm not sure which one is more of an issue to you, but from what I've read here, it appears both of these things bothered you equally - the fact he didn't give you much attention throughout the night, and also his speaking to this female coach at length who you are obviously leery of.

Keep in mind though, the moment you start trying to put boundaries and restrictions on your guy, the moment you're starting to lose grip on your relationship. If you've never read about Pandora's Box, you need to. Curiosity killed the cat, and jealousy kills so many relationships it's not even funny.

Bottom line is, good for you for not trying to ruin the event by voicing your feelings or showing how upset you were in the event. That is never acceptable. All you can do is talk to him about it later, even if it's just to process your feelings of insecurity all to realize in the end you're being over analytical and jealous.

This may sound harsh but it's true. And I say it because I have lots of experience with this kind of thing, because my first LTR was with a military guy, and I went to the navy ball events they'd hold which were SUPER formal affairs. I'd have to be introduced to all these people I didn't know as a girlfriend, and in the military (as you may or may not already know) it's pretty normal to get married pretty much immediately. I might have been one of two people there that were only "girlfriend" status - which of course gets looked down on. I also didn't know military lingo hardly so most of the conversations being held there were not ones I could participate in. I had to stand around looking pretty. Not a fun time, but you're there for your dude, not for your own ego.

TLDR; get the fuck over it, you were doing just fine at the event with keeping busy, keep that up and don't take it so seriously, if you're actually worried about this female coach you have other issues to talk about, and good luck :)

Edit; lol @ people downvoting good advice because it doesn’t cater to mUh fEeLiNgS

MissNietzsche · 2019-03-10T15:54:29+00:00

Has it been an LDR the whole 9 months you've been together?

enamite · 2019-03-10T10:43:26+00:00

Maybe just don’t go to things if he’s too distracted. What if you do the same to him and not realize it?

Title	How do you react when he upsets you?
Author	Throwawayyyerrr
Upvotes	21
Comments	18
Date	March 10, 2019 7:30 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/azdexr/how_do_you_react_when_he_upsets_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-do-you-react-when-he-upsets-you.221415 https://theredarchive.com/post/221415

Comments