I bear a lot of anger towards my dad

W_O_M_B_A_T · 2019-04-12T02:10:48+00:00

He was around, kid. He paid for your clothes and schooling and shit. He listened to your whining and didn't tell you to shut the fuck up. He helped you with your homework sometimes and picked up after your messes. He showed up to your sports games.

Stop being a ungrateful bitch. Have some gratitude and show some dignity and respect.

He could have done more,but he could have done a hell of a lot worse too. he didn't because because he gives a shit about you.

You'll understand if and when you have your own son.

If you're so pissed off, forget about your dad and consider that the person whom you hate even more is the guy in the mirror.

spiceb0ss · 2019-04-11T23:10:54+00:00

Im guessing you’re under 18? I felt the same way in highschool but its mostly the feeling of not having any freedom and looking to blame external factors. You gotta kick that immaturity and realize you are in charge of your own vehicle from here on out. Blaming your parents, while it may be valid, isnt going to get you anywhere near your goals, the opposite actually.

-ThePathIsTheGoal- · 2019-04-11T23:40:17+00:00

You can’t blame your dad for being a beta, he was never given a handbook on this stuff either. You can blame him if, for example, he didn’t bother to put in any time or concern for your hobbies, your well being, your interests/passions, be there for you when you were down, etc.

I don’t know the whole context obviously, maybe he’s a piece of shit and there’s more to the story. Your dad is your dad, but once you discover the red pill, it really is true the the Red Pill now becomes your father.

maljo24 · 2019-04-12T00:51:31+00:00

Your dad sounds like a good guy and you sound like you are putting the blame for your own failures someplace other than where they belong.

FlyingSexistPig · 2019-04-12T01:09:51+00:00

OP's post is the antithesis of the red pill.

Things happen to you. Some of them are good. Some of them are bad. Dad left when I was 4. Mom died in high school. Girlfriend dumped me for my best friend on my birthday, which was 6 weeks after the event in the previous sentence.

You can be angry. You can blame others for your misfortune. But that's not moving forward, and that's not why you're here. You came here seeking answers. Those answers are inside you. So go ahead and be angry. Rail against the injustice of it all.

And then tomorrow morning, get up and make your bed. Plan your day around getting to the gym for an hour. Skip dessert, just this once. Maybe make it a habit. Flirt with that hottie who is WAY out of your league.

The future's looking bright for you, my friend. Because you are the one in control. Other people might try to bring you down, maybe you didn't start with their advantages. But it doesn't matter, 'cause now you're the one calling the shots.

Better make 'em good ones.

mental_models · 2019-04-11T23:32:45+00:00

You don't have a time machine.

The best you can possibly do, is RE-FRAME your perspective from NOW.

TheRedPillRipper · 2019-04-12T00:19:36+00:00

How do I go about this recent anger boiling up in me?

Forgiveness isn't about those that you feel did you wrong u/MrNoFapztoday. It's interesting that you mention all the things your father didn't do;

I could have had a huge advantage in life. He should have fucking given me one.

My father never taught me how to be a winner

He knew damn well I wasn’t doing my best, he was just too lazy

Never any real advice

Yet he also did;

When I came to him he told me to figuire out

he’d just say "well you can’t do more than your best.

I’d get a pat on the back

we’d go home watch a movie, maybe get some pizza or ice cream

he’d watch many games

Know how I was raised? With a belt. Until I was old enough to stand up for myself. I began making rep squads and pushing to turn pro in my particular sport; My father forced me to forgo those apsirations for tertiary education. Worked my ass off for 10+ years then in one swift decision had it all taken away. I was angry. For the majority of my 20's but it spurred me also after graduation to kill it over my next two careers.

My mindset now? Gratitude. It was hard and society today would call it abuse. I however look at those past experiences with gratitude because now I have a unique skill set and a mindset that's fortified for the future.

I get you're angry about what you didn't have and maybe what you should've gotten. I am truly sorry for that u/MrNoFapztoday. Remember; however; FORGIVENESS IS FOR YOU. The anger will subside. When it does; look back at the things that were positive then use those memories to propel you forward.

Godspeed and good luck!

Shadowslight3x · 2019-04-12T00:17:04+00:00

Go watch some Elliott Hulse on YT in regards to learning how to deal with the trauma

I understand your father wasn't as good as he couldn't been. My father wasn't in the picture at all

That's irrelevant though. Masculinity is inside you. Do you have a pair of balls? Do you have testosterone? You're a fucking man. Those traits are found naturally in you, you just need to provoke them

VigilantSmartbomb · 2019-04-12T01:51:42+00:00

Bro we can all sit here and kick rocks and shoot bricks over our dads. My dad NEVER told me ANYTHING in regards to how I’m doing because he wanted me to do everything my self and find my own way and while I appreciate it to an extent, sometimes I wonder if he had been more guiding. No negatives, no positives, just a bunch of well what do you want to do?

Perspectives man, one day he’ll be dead. He’s a person too.

Edit: don’t forget he had the choice of his dreams or raising a child

Slut_Slayer9000 · 2019-04-11T23:44:14+00:00

I'm going to save you alot of pain, self inflected torture and most importantly time. Forgive the deadbeat and move on with your life. Holding grudges will FUCK your life. All those negative thoughts will consume your thinking and will prevent you from progressing. So forgive and forget and move on. Instead replace that anger with happiness at how great of a Dad you'll be in in your lifetime by giving your kids an advantage and raising them the right way. I'm speaking from experience, I've learned more of what NOT to do then what to do from my father and I'm a better person for it. Listen to my sage advice and move on with your life, literally bury that shit, say it out loud and you'll feel a new zest for life you've never felt before.

[deleted] · 2019-04-12T04:55:33+00:00

REEEEEEEEE.... REEEEEEEE..... IM UPSET..... My life SUCKS and I FIGuRED OUt Why.....It HAS to be one of THoSE ThiNGs I COULDNT CONTROL......MY DAD!!!! I am InCaPabLe of agency or gO-getting.... AND I AM UPSET, VERY VERY UPSET DID I MENTION THAT??

FUCK YOU DAD. YOU DESTROYED MY LIFE. HOW AM I EVER GOING TO GET OUT OF A GODDAMN PAPER BAG NOW WITHOUT ASSISTANCE??? YOU RUINED ME YOU FUCK, YOU BROUGHT ME TO THIS PLANET ONLY TO RUIN ME, YOU FUCKING FUCK. KILLED MY COMPETITIVE VIBE, KILLED MY POTENTIAL TO GROW, MADE ME A BITCH. REEEEE I AM SO UPSET.

Haha u funny af kid.

"I could have had a huge advantage in life. He should have fucking given me one. Made me into a strong man, a leader, a winner. Not an insecure piece of shit scared of eye contact, asking everyone for permission for the smallest things until 2 years ago when my girlfriend cheated because I was a needy bitch and she was already above my league at the time."

Someday, you'll look back at this line and realize what a cringy entitled little dogshit u are. Life is hard, get hard.

SolarTortality · 2019-04-12T05:40:29+00:00

You are angry with your father for trying to be there and provide the support for his son that the whole of society had been telling him is what a good father does? You are angry with your father for trying to be a good father. Perhaps he was misguided. Perhaps he should have tried to make you strong instead of content with yourself. The fact of the matter is you had a father who cared. Wow, what a lucky motherfucker you are.

Your resentment and angry towards him is juvenile and frankly pathetic. It’s your responsibility to make your father proud. It’s your responsibility to do better than he did so that he knows his whole life wasn’t put to waste. It’s your responsibility to learn from his mistakes and do better for your own children. That being said, judging him for not being the most ideal father possible is simply you lashing out and assigning blame to the external so you don’t have to accept that your failures are on you.

You are responsible for your failures. Everything you have ever done that was sub par is on you. You failed. Internalize that and you will be better off. Life isn’t about being happy, life is about being fulfilled. Start working towards correcting your shortcomings and stop blaming your father for the fact that you aren’t winning. You aren’t winning because you aren’t a winner and that is on you. Now get to work or you’ll stay a loser forever.

Lambdal7 · 2019-04-12T08:01:09+00:00

Be happy that he didnt beat you up. You’re a spoilt brat. Stop blaming others for teaching you everything. It’s your duty to learn these things on your own. .

NIbenioncd · 2019-04-12T08:39:34+00:00

Not an answer, but in moments like this I can only be grateful for my dad, if he is the true definiton of alpha.

He never ever validated me, always pushed me trough my limits, only god knwos how many times I cried because I felt
misunderstood . He understood me more than anyone actually but didnt wanto to grow me a pussy thank you dad, now I am a man and it is mainly beacause of you.

thrwy75479 · 2019-04-12T10:18:07+00:00

You've realized you suck, and are seeking help.

That you have reached this stage of growth, is it not partly because of successful parenting?

MattyAnon · 2019-04-12T12:11:23+00:00

He knew damn well I wasn’t doing my best, he was just too lazy to push me to get better

And you blame him or yourself for this?

I could have had a huge advantage in life. He should have fucking given me one. Made me into a strong man, a leader, a winner.

NOONE gets this. Very very few fathers know how to do this. And how do you know it would have worked? You might have hated it, hated him and needed support while you got on with your own motivation.

I think you're looking for someone else to blame rather than getting off your ass NOW and getting something done YOURSELF.

Intentional69 · 2019-04-12T12:19:23+00:00

Anger phase: well look what the Wind blew in.... Stop complaining. That's not an insult. You need to accept that you have no control over what you didn't learn from him in the past. You know exactly what you need to do, now go fucking GET IT

linkschode · 2019-04-12T16:57:19+00:00

Agree with the other commenter - try and let your resentment go. No parent is perfect, at least he stuck around and provided.

Think of it this way ... he could have done a much, much worse job.

I went through all the same feelings with my old man. It’s only recently I’m starting to get over the things he did (or didn’t) do.

To give you a bit of perspective, he was the enforcer. He worked 2 jobs my whole life. My mom was a lazy sack of shit who let my brothers beat me and there would be no consequences. All she’d say is “you’re in trouble when your father gets in”.

Then he’d come home, exhausted from working so much - my mom would say that we’d all been giving her shit, and he’d beat us.

So I’d get 2 beatings for doing nothing.

Plus, when he was around, he’d just sit there watching the game. If anyone disturbed him, it’d be a beating, even if it was an emergency. The funny thing was, they’d always be recordings because he was never at home to see them live, so he could have paused it. He’d sit there shouting at the TV and all I could ever think was, “what a dumbass, the game as over yesterday”

Still to this day it makes me anxious to hear the drone or cheers of a crowd at a sports event on the TV.

He was never there for me. I remember a few times I was out late at night in trouble and I phoned him for help, all I’d get was the answer, “I’m not your god damned taxi service”.

Definitely couldn’t ever go to him for advice either. If I showed any weakness I’d be berated or humiliated.

In the end my mom left us when I was 13 because she couldn’t deal with his bullshit any more, and I had to live with him. The beatings increased as I got more confrontational and less willing to put up with his bullshit.

Eventually, there was one fight we had where I beat him (I’d been working out and growing a lot). He never laid hands on me again after that, but the verbal abuse continued just the same.

I realised at this point that he was no more than a toothless tiger, and a bully. I had lost so much respect for him.

Now he’s a sad, lonely bitter old man who can’t let go of the past, and his children are all he’s got. But you know what? He always provided. Always. We never went hungry, and we’ve always been welcome in the family home all throughout our adult life, rent free, if things got tough.

He might be a useless sack of abusive shit when it comes to being present emotionally, but at least he did the bare minimum and provided, something a lot of fathers don’t.

Be a better man than him. Be grateful that you know what not to be. Many of the strongest most competent people I know had weak parents, and many of the weakest people I know had strong parents.

[deleted] · 2019-04-12T00:14:02+00:00

Your mad at your dad for not putting pressure on a kid. Dont be mad. Love the dude. Seriously bro tf is wrong with you. Hes a baby boomer most likely. They were the softest generation in history. Dont blame him. If he wasnt a beta you should be shocked and greatful

furcryingoutloud · 2019-04-11T23:57:31+00:00

OP, your dad did the best he could with what he had. You have one advantage over many, he was actually there with you. We're never really very forgiving of our parents and always, and I mean always, are the worse judges of how our parents raised us. But you really should appreciate the fact that he made every attempt he knew how to be a good father.

Having said all this. You don't owe him respect and adoration. You owe him love. Plain and simple. Sit down and make up, in your mind, a man who you would respect. It doesn't really take much to imagine the type of man one respects. Once you have a clear picture, your goal is to be that man everyday. It's ok if your father is not this man. It's your job to become this man. Being someone you have a lot of respect for is one of the best things you can do for yourself.

Your father got you to where you are today, good or bad, it's where you are. Now it's your turn to carry on and fill in the gaps. Good luck.

dneat · 2019-04-12T00:09:58+00:00

experiences ➡ thoughts ➡ actions ➡ results ➡ beliefs

since you're a rational, intelligent being, you can't truly change your beliefs without first having results.

you can for a short time, but believing something that you currently know (the sum of your upbringing and experiences) to be untrue is delusion.

so, you may be insecure because your dad let you down, but at least you're aware of your situation.

without awareness you would be destined to be a chode for life.

but since you're not - it's your responsibility to "clean up the mess"

new thoughts ➡ new actions ➡ new results ➡ new beliefs ➡ new life

*edit - something practical.

Raise your income
Move out
Create your own rules

golgynat0r · 2019-04-12T00:44:12+00:00

Lift. There is no other way of handling that anger inside.
Mine is the same, just he isn't beta at all which makes it even worse. Never in my life had any support or anything regardless to that, only passive / negativity based / worst-case scenario.....

Life in general, advices, girls, school, social dynamics....nothing.

He just didn't care.

Don't feel discouraged brother. Train, read and don't follow the trend.

marcus8crassus · 2019-04-12T00:47:48+00:00

Let go of it bro, the anger serves you not. Forgive and find the positive in it and be grateful. Show gratitude. Regardless if you cut him out or not, accept him for what he is. It’s tough being people and like another poster said, the boomers were soft as fuck. Good times make soft men, soft men make bad times, bad times make hard men. You get to choose for yourself, so make the right decision.

myoclonicdork · 2019-04-12T01:36:20+00:00

Find role models. They're out there. I like to read Jocko Willink, David Goggins, and other types to get inspired. My father was a pussy and a horseshit example of how to be a man. I seek the example elsewhere and it's been a much better path than just succumbing to what I learned growing up.

VigilantSmartbomb · 2019-04-12T01:53:34+00:00

Also, talking does help, it takes two to tango and I’m sure your dad would appreciate another perspective, but being friends with your dad is different than being friends with your mom, you gotta grow up first lol. When are you gonna start taking care of your dad? (I know it’s not common in this society but when you take on or share the responsibilities of your father, a different friendship will be had)

ashhjr · 2019-04-12T01:59:12+00:00

I went through the same fucking thing. My dad is literally the biggest beta you can find. I mean he's your textbook nerd beta. I'm physically the polar opposite of him though, I'm 6'0 and pretty decent looking while he's 5'5 and not so pleasant to look at. People always get surprised when they find out I'm his son since we look nothing alike. When I was young i used to look up to him and wanted to be just like him. This made me pick up all his beta traits and i was always this shy beta kid growing up. Things changed when I went to Uni though since i started getting attention from girls and i was roommates with alpha guys. I started getting laid and realized how much of a difference being alpha makes.

But honestly there's nothing you can do about the past and blaming someone else isn't going to change anything for you. So the best thing to do and what I do is instead of blaming others for your flaws, take responsibility and fix it yourself. So even if it's not your fault your dad never taught you to be alpha, it's your responsibility to fix it and overcome that.

xx-Rain_Maker-xx · 2019-04-12T02:17:40+00:00

Kill your ego. Don't be a dick to your dad. At least you have one and he loves you.

jonadragonslay · 2019-04-12T02:38:34+00:00

Growing up, you realize that your parents are people who fucked and had a baby and have no real clue how to raise you. Forgive dad. You know better now. Raise your damn self.

CaptainBW · 2019-04-12T03:08:59+00:00

Doesn’t sound like he was a bad father at all. First of all, he was in your life. Second, he had you be a part of things, like sports. He also hung out with you. His advice isn’t even bad advice. Ultimately all you can do is try your best, and often times you’ll fail, and through that failure you become better. It sounds like you’ve spent too much time on here and are projecting your own insecurities onto him. Take a step back from this place, and be more thankful for the things and people in your life. I think maybe once some time passes you’ll be more appreciative of how he’s conducted himself as a father. Would it really be better to have a boot camp instructor as a father? Please. Fuck that. You’re a man capable of your own independent thought and your own discipline, and ultimately it was always up to you to instill that within yourself.

vullnet123 · 2019-04-12T03:09:09+00:00

I resented my dad also for being there, he let my mom mold me into a beta basically, when I got my first GF all he said was "wear condoms, shes your first not your last", my mom told me "don't be like your dad, treat her good". When she dumped me, my mom said "you'll find someone who appreciated you" blah blah, meanwhile I talked with my dad and realized his mindset with my mom is why they're still together. I've been closer with him lately, and while it sucks I didn't have him guiding me, you can't go back and change it.

WizardSenpai · 2019-04-12T03:24:00+00:00

how about take some damn responsibility for yourself and make yourself into the man you want to be instead of crying about it.

DevilMayCry · 2019-04-12T03:26:34+00:00

Channel that anger into lifting heavy weights.

ozzalot · 2019-04-12T03:29:41+00:00

So you're boiling from the inside because your dad bought you some ice cream after a soccer game and told you to buy candy when you were seven? What should he have told you? "Hit it and quit it, son." Grow the fuck up.

rockyp32 · 2019-04-12T03:32:47+00:00

I did this and sometimes still do with my mom. But I realize they did what they thought was the right way to do it. No one showed them the right way we’re lucky cause we’ve learned the right way it starts with us

TheTrenTrannyTrain · 2019-04-12T04:04:22+00:00

So you're going to blame your clueless BP father for your failing in life? You're going to hate your father who taught you BP things, not because of malice, but ignorance?

You sound like an entitled bitch. If you have to blame, blame yourself for acting like one.

volvostupidshit · 2019-04-12T07:02:35+00:00

This is why I'm not having children until I'm a millionaire, its fucking irresponsible and possibly the most selfish thing you can do, there's nothing more selfish than raising a kid just so you can feel good about yourself, putting him into a world where it would most likely cause him great pain.

Asktrpthrowaway420 · 2019-04-12T07:30:52+00:00

You have redpill knowledge now. You are now free to become the person you want to be. Don't blame things that are in the past, just move forward.

KillaJewels · 2019-04-12T12:51:07+00:00

You can't change the past.
You don't get to choose your parents or how you were raised. Becoming an adult means identifying your past, how you were raised, what you are and what you ultimately want to be.
Like everyone else as an adult, it is up to YOU and YOU ALONE to educate and redefine yourself.
That said, take responsibility for everything. Be kind and forgiving towards your dad for not knowing any better. He was probably young and trying to figure it out himself, except he didn't have a manual to raise you, TRP or similar group/mindset that he could look to for guidance on being a real man.

The best you can do is learn to be a better man and raise your kids in the way you would've wanted to be raised.

[deleted] · 2019-04-12T21:52:29+00:00

The good thing about weak genes is that they circulate out of the gene pool, so you can be happy your kid won't feel this way!

maloven · 2019-04-12T02:16:59+00:00

There are some seriously brain-numbing astonishingly retarded posts in this subreddit but this is the only time I've actually gotten angry about a post. It is not your dad's responsibility to make you a winner. Your dad already sounds better than most parents out there, who don't give two shits about their kids. The only thing you can ask from a parent is for them to care about you. Parents can only do their best, they're only human. TRP is a set of principles, not the only way to live life happily. No one has all the answers. Do not blame someone else for what you are, you have the ability to change yourself.

_Last_Man_Standing_ · 2019-04-12T00:03:11+00:00

take some responsibility for your self faggot...

mrrooftops · 2019-04-12T00:13:47+00:00

Well, aren't you a humble braggin little bitch. Imagine this: You "lost a game, shot or whatever" and your pop drags you home and beats the fuck out of you for embarrassing him. Another scenario, you "go to him and say you like a girl", and he calls you a fag and that you haven't got a chance. Or maybe he could have not ever been there, not wanting to know your ass from birth. Or maybe he could have ONLY wanted to know your ass, if you know what I mean. This isn't my story, my story is similar to yours, but i can tell you that sort of shit I mentioned is rife in this world. Be grateful that he gave you a decent amount of peace growing up so you could entertain a reasonably independent mind and relative temperament to not be in jail, be a total loser or cycle following abuser. Buy him a fucking cake, car, holiday or something for giving you a safe childhood you ungrateful fuck.

ias18 · 2019-04-11T23:39:31+00:00

I have the same experience with my dad. The problem was that he did not actually spend any time with and taught me nothing useful. I think the best way is just to let go and build your frame and personality isolating such external factors as I am trying to do. Cheers!

399oly · 2019-04-12T05:32:09+00:00

JFC my dad was the exact opposite when it came to sports didn’t matter if we won it was essentially not good enough. Made me hate sports ended up getting shittier hobbies like vido games and keeping to myself.

Idk where you get the lazy thing I’d say at least 95% of guys honestly try to win whatever they are playing

xNinja36 · 2019-04-11T23:51:48+00:00

I feel the same way and I've completely removed him from my life.

Title	I bear a lot of anger towards my dad
Author	MrNoFapzToday
Upvotes	28
Comments	56
Date	April 11, 2019 11:08 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/bc6i7z/i_bear_a_lot_of_anger_towards_my_dad/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/i-bear-a-lot-of-anger-towards-my-dad.225090 https://theredarchive.com/post/225090

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