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r/askmen talk about their experiences regarding womens revulsion toward emotional vulnerability

marlybarrow
March 26, 2014
70 upvotes
/r/TheRedPill
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Post Information
Title r/askmen talk about their experiences regarding womens revulsion toward emotional vulnerability
Author

marlybarrow
Upvotes 70
Comments 67
Date March 26, 2014 7:28 AM UTC
(12 years ago)
Subreddit Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/21ebvu/raskmen_talk_about_their_experiences_regarding/
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/raskmen-talk-about-their-experiences-regarding.230640
https://theredarchive.com/post/230640
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Comments

[–]assinmygenes 63 points64 points65 points 12 years ago (40 children) | Copy Link

Some of the stories are just cold. A man cries a bit at his Grandmother's funeral and his woman admits to not wanting sex because she doesn't see him as a man anymore? I'd like to say that you should just never let a woman see you cry, but how do you not mourn the loss of a close family member even a little?

[–]Endorsed ContributorCrimsonCapsule 40 points41 points42 points 12 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

Totally. I hear you.

I broke down and cried during a tough period with the SO — after we'd gone a month without sex. Think she jumped on the stick? Hell no.

Crying is not sexually attractive to women. The "good" reason doesn't matter.

Dude is free to cry all he wants. No better time than a death of a loved one. But if crying moistened panties we'd be cutting onions before heading to da club

[–]domedagena 6 points7 points8 points 12 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

http://markmanson.net/vulnerability-and-manipulative-women

Mark Manson makes a pretty good strategic move on a pre-selecting women you want to fuck or date long term. It'll reveal their character pretty early on and you can dump her quickly without investing too much.

[–]TehFuggernaut 4 points5 points6 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Perfect example: I'm dating a girl now. I was seeing 3 girls when we first started dating, all since dropped for an exclusive relationship. She brings it up about once every 2 weeks because of her insecurities. Last night she called me during my commute and started on this topic. I mention (for the first time ever) that she has succeeded in making me angry by bringing this up again. Click. Immediately hangs up, after I just listened to her piss and moan for 10 minutes, and tried my best to diffuse with jokes. I just mentioned my anger/annoyance, I didn't even raise my voice. Never again.

[–]FortunateBum 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

What, no example of a "vulnerable woman"? Guess that doesn't exist.

[–]PlanB_pedofile 14 points15 points16 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Thats where the quality test fails. If a woman has that low of empathy for your pain she needs to be NEXT.

Women shit test us all the time, Might as well quality test them back.

[–]Endorsed ContributorrebuildingMyself 27 points28 points29 points 12 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link

Apparently that's not what your SO is good for. Mourn with your family and friends.

Hell my gf cunts out even if I have a really bad day at work and make the huge mistake of venting about it.

[–]Endorsed ContributorCrimsonCapsule 40 points41 points42 points 12 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link

Honestly, mine is comforting and supportive when I've had a bad day. Hot meals, back massages, cups of tea...

And a dry vag. Hey, not her fault.

[–]JJTheJetPlane5657 13 points14 points15 points 12 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link

But at least she's making an effort to support you!

To be fair, I don't think crying really gets anyone hot and bothered. I was hooking up with this girl once who was upset over someone else, and she started crying and venting to me and I lost my drive too. I just felt.. You know.. Bad. No one (or most people) likes to see someone cry.

But the people saying "My girlfriend peaces out when I'm upset" just don't have good girlfriends. My female friends care about me when I cry/am upset/had a bad day, and so does my girlfriend.

[–]Endorsed ContributorCrimsonCapsule 8 points9 points10 points 12 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

Absolutely. That's the reason I think there's something in our relationship to salvage. RP is helping bring back attraction.

[–]JJTheJetPlane5657 4 points5 points6 points 12 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

Well congrats that things are on the mend, and I hope that trend continues for you =]

People are super critical of TRP, but I also think that a lot of good can come from this sub.

[–]Endorsed ContributorCrimsonCapsule 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Like so many things, it is what you make it.

[–]stupid_fucking_name 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Great username, btw.

[–]southernmost 8 points9 points10 points 12 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

Lap dances are better when the stripper's crying...

[–]stupid_fucking_name 2 points3 points4 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I can't think of a single situation that couldn't be improved by a crying stripper.

[–]Sturmgeist781 1 point2 points3 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Well I find it quite a thrill, when she grinds me against her will...

[–]tcts 2 points3 points4 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Saw something a while back that shows there are chemicals in the tears of females that naturally upset men. The theory is that if they are crying, we need to be upset and go solve their problem.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Get into the habit of coming and fucking her. Trust me, if you walk through that door with a face determined to get some stress relief, she will respond.

[–]Clauderoughly 6 points7 points8 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

but how do you not mourn the loss of a close family member even a little?

Within a trusted male peer group, or with family. Never around a woman you are fucking.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I would punch a woman in the face if she said that to me.

Downvote all you want, at some point, even women cross a line.

[–]lucidub 4 points5 points6 points 12 years ago (19 children) | Copy Link

Any women or person that acts in this way is simply an emotionally immature individual who deserves no one's time but that of others who lack empathy.

[–]marlybarrow 28 points29 points30 points 12 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link

What the askmen thread demonstrates that there were no exceptions.

There was not a single example of a woman witnessing her man breaking down or crying and then standing by him in his hour of need.

Each man that posted there said that every woman in their lives had reacted in a similar fashion and not one person, male or female, brought up a counter-example.

In other words, they aren't defective, they're just women.

[–]Endorsed ContributorUsherai 10 points11 points12 points 12 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

And what's funny is that all the special snowflake women crop up talking about how they're totally not like that. Yeah. Right...

[–]jeffsfather 7 points8 points9 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

what's funny is that all the special snowflake women crop up talking about how they're totally not like that. Yeah. Right...

In their minds they're ego invested in believing they're not like that. They're deep emotional creatures looking for a soul mate. It's written in the stars. They don't really need to acknowledge (nor can they reconcile) that when push comes to shove, they'll do like women do.

[–]JJTheJetPlane5657 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

There was not a single example of a woman witnessing her man breaking down or crying and then standing by him in his hour of need.

This isn't true of all women though. I don't know if you saw the post yesterday on "screening" women by whether or not they hold the door for you (a college guy said that he always asks for a girl's number if she holds the door for him), but I think this could be something similar. A good person (man or woman) should care about the people they supposedly care about.

My dad doesn't cry a lot, but my mom didn't look down on him for crying at his friend's funeral or crying on 9/11. And she doesn't look down on him when he has a bad day, or when he's in a lot of pain (he has back problems), or when he cries at movies (if there's an orphan or a dog in the movie, it's almost a certainty that he'll cry).

But I also think my parents are really awesome, so..

[–]modernneo 8 points9 points10 points 12 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Unfortunately, not all women are like your mom.

[–]stupid_fucking_name 5 points6 points7 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Insert NAWALT joke.

[+]domedagena -7 points-6 points-5 points 12 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

I've seen my boyfriend cry in front of me because of the stress from knowing his grandfather died. It didn't make my vag dry up or any of that nonsense. Some people have empathy and the whole "shield of armour" in any circumstance is just a front that no one can keep up with all the time. I comforted him and helped him out with small acts of gestures too. He helps me emotionally whenever I need it so it's instinctive that I want to be there for him too when he really needs it.

It's unreasonable for women especially to expect their men to have no problems or not be able to talk about vulnerabilties. You'll find women out there that don't live in a fantasy world.

[–]jeffsfather 12 points13 points14 points 12 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

You'll find women out there that don't live in a fantasy world.

Just wait for it, the right one is right around the corner! Be yourself! It's going to happen when you stop looking! There are unicorns, I promise!

I've seen my boyfriend cry in front of me because of the stress from knowing his grandfather died. It didn't make my vag dry up or any of that nonsense. Some people have empathy and the whole "shield of armour" in any circumstance is just a front that no one can keep up with all the time. I comforted him and helped him out with small acts of gestures too. He helps me emotionally whenever I need it so it's instinctive that I want to be there for him too when he really needs it.

Not trying to be rude, but your data point doesn't really change anything about this effect, nor provides any actionable solutions for the problem.

[–]domedagena 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

He mentioned an /r/askwomen thread and said there was no exception to the rule. I am sharing my experience and another poster did as well to contradict that notion, so of course I am going to use "I" instead of talking abstractly.

The whole point of this thread: men saying that women do not want to have sex with them and feel disgusted after seeing them cry.

[–]down_with_whomever -2 points-1 points0 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

My experiences were like this too - when I showed emotional vulnerability, my girlfriends supported me.

As I so often say, it comes down to character judgement. People are on a spectrum. There do exist emotionally mature women, and immature, emotionally selfish women.

But literally, not with any of the girlfriends I've ever had, did they behave less sexually interested in me after I showed emotional vulnerability or even cried (not that i cried often...)

[–]TRP VanguardCyralea 17 points18 points19 points 12 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

Being emotionally vulnerable always damages your value. Always. A woman might still find you attractive despite your vulnerability if your value is high enough, but you're doing yourself no favours.

Never, ever express emotional vulnerability in front of your woman. Talk to close friends and family, but you are the strong, immovable rock in your relationship. The second your woman doubts that is the beginning of the decline.

[–]down_with_whomever 2 points3 points4 points 12 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

Never, ever express emotional vulnerability in front of your woman

I don't think this is good advice. It's far too extreme. Never? There are plenty of times when it's appropriate.

Straight up, man, if you're dating girls who will lose respect for you for being human, you're dating the wrong girls.

Besides, what the hell good is a companion who isn't really your companion? Who the hell wants that?

[–]TRP VanguardCyralea 7 points8 points9 points 12 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

There are plenty of times when it's appropriate to break down. That's irrelevant, because this doesn't change the reality that a woman will still perceive you as weak when you do so. Not saying that a woman will leave you if you show vulnerability, if she doesn't leave it's because your act of weakness hasn't sufficiently dropped your value. At best the outcome is only a small negative.

I know what you're thinking. There's no way you can be strong all the time. Which is why I say stick to friends and family. Your woman needs to see you as being strong. The way she feels about your strength is important to her. If you're important to her, yes, she will stick by you when you're weak, but she will feel differently about you afterwards. Why jeopardize it?

[–]down_with_whomever -1 points0 points1 point 12 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

I totally see your point, and i get the logic behind it. It's just that it contrasts with my experience.

I think this is just one way of looking at it. But a man who has feelings, who has overcome adversity, who has experienced weakness (even if he has shown it) and persevered in spite of it is far more masculine, and far more complex and interesting a person, than someone who is just pretending and puts up a macho front all the time.

[–]TRP VanguardCyralea 6 points7 points8 points 12 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

If I had to wager a guess, I'd say that it was the fact that you were accomplished (overcoming adversity) that built value in her eyes, not having been weak. Women don't like weak men, nor do they particularly appreciate men who were once weak. They like men to be naturals. It's why they hate the concept of game, and PUA. It's the same shit naturals do, but because it doesn't come intrinsically it's somehow worse.

The other thing is that pretending to be anything will make you look worse. You can actually be convincingly stoic all the time, even if you feel that way only 95% of the time.

[–]down_with_whomever 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

it was the fact that you were accomplished (overcoming adversity) that built value in her eyes, not having been weak.

This is likely the case, but don't the two go hand in hand?

[–]TRP VanguardCyralea 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

You can overcome adversity without necessarily being weak. A man whose house burned down can recover and prosper, or an amputee who learned to run full speed with a prosthetic.

A man that was terrible with women but learned how not to be isn't the same, not in her eyes. It likely has to do with being able to select for the best genetics. Betas imitating the behaviour of alphas still had inferior seed, so women likely developed ways to filter them out.

[–]Endorsed ContributorRS73 4 points5 points6 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Besides, what the hell good is a companion who isn't really your companion? Who the hell wants that?

That's precisely why guys have moved to "plates" versus "companions." Expecting to find a "companion" among American women in 2014 is only slightly more realistic than expecting to find your own personal unicorn.

[–]Mooshaq 15 points16 points17 points 12 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

That didn't take long at all for me to find several NAWALTs. Good find OP!

NAWALT #1

I think you were with the wrong women, good luck, try being vulnerable in little bits

NAWALT #2

Hey now, don't generalise. We're not all like that...blah blah blah...blah blah blah...But we aren't all that way, and I hope you find someone who might make you change your mind.

NAWALT #3

Have you considered that the women you've picked might be shallow?

NAWALT #4

Yeah, all these generalizations about women are being made...I don't think I am like any of the women you guys are talking about.

Etc., etc., etc.

[–]icanteventhecat 7 points8 points9 points 12 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Someone responded to that perfectly. Basically, they said how do we know you're not like that? We don't and we can't. If you had a 75% of chance of losing your love because you decided it was ok to cry, would you cry or hold it in?

[–]Sturmgeist781 2 points3 points4 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

C. Tell her to get the fuck out and let me handle my business.

[–]DarkCircle 12 points13 points14 points 12 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

The funny thing is you will meet some women for the first time and barely 10 mins in they are telling you about their asshole boyfriend, bad day etc. the moment you reciprocate they nope the hell out of there or even worse try to use what you tell them against you in an argument.

I jus have no sympathy when people like that get treated badly in relationships. They really deserve it.

[–]Rienfleche101011 3 points4 points5 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Good lord, this actually happened to me about a year ago.

I sit down at the bus stop and not 5 mins later a girl that resembles this guy, sits down beside me.

She asks me the time (classic), and afterwards tells me how her boyfriend and her best friend's husband have just left them and to go sell weed since they're both out of work.

Oh and she included that she's jealous of her friend for having 2 kids at 22 already, and that she wishes she could have a kid but she can't work since she has a curved spine.

So she's just collecting disability while waiting to get knocked up. Great environment for a child.

Now, I know she's crazy and obviously low class, but ffs.

How about we stop ruining kid's lives?

[–]TVTestPattern 11 points12 points13 points 12 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

It's about masculine vs. feminine behaviour I think.

Being overly emotive in your social interactions is a feminine trait. Therefore women do not respond to this behaviour in men favorably.

How would you guys feel about a girl making fart jokes with her friends, doing chest bumps, then walking over and picking you off the ground while you squeal and kick your legs helplessly?

That make anybody's Tenis Pingle?

'Course not...

[–]down_with_whomever -3 points-2 points-1 points 12 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Actually, kind of. I mean, farts are gross, and chest bumps are odd when anybody does them. But if a girl could pick me up off the ground she must be strong as shit, and that's pretty hot. I wouldn't squeal, though, because why would i do that?

[–]1aguy01 10 points11 points12 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

No, dude..

[–][deleted] 18 points19 points20 points 12 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Haha, a lot of them are almost TRP but I get the feeling they would still deride TRP.

[–]modernneo 9 points10 points11 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

It's funny how you can talk about RP strategy without mentioning the words "red pill" but as soon as you do everyone loses their minds. It really is sad to see so many people pass up something that could really improve their lives. More chicks for us, I guess.

[–]Endorsed Contributoraaron_the_just 16 points17 points18 points 12 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

I "open up" to women, but it's usually either made-up emotional drama, or I pick something very specific that's horrifically heartbreaking and just focus on that.

The posters in AskMen seem a lot less sweet on feminism than usual.

[–]TRP VanguardCyralea 19 points20 points21 points 12 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

A lot more men would be against feminism if they saw how much they're being fucked over by it, the way some of these men have experienced. Pro-feminism men are typically blind to the ramifications. They think that they're just being helpful and kind.

Truthfully, I think it's part of their really weak attempt at sexual strategy, trying to "nice" their way into a chick's panties.

[–]Endorsed Contributoraaron_the_just 3 points4 points5 points 12 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

I gave up on feminism mostly because I grew weary of the logical inconsistency, infighting, and acceptance of Hugo Schwyzer.

It didn't personally fuck me over - I've always used feminism as a tool to get access to more women.

[–]TRP VanguardCyralea 5 points6 points7 points 12 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

I'd be inclined to say that if you're a guy who desires a long-term relationship with a woman, then feminism has fucked you over. Trying to discourage a woman from marriage is like trying to get your hungry dog not to eat your plate of bacon.

[–]Endorsed Contributoraaron_the_just 5 points6 points7 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Well, it's hard to discourage her from Marriage 2.0.

Women run kicking and screaming from traditional marriage.

[–]CreepAcceptance 9 points10 points11 points 12 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

A lot of people will simply follow the herd and keep their heads down for fear of social punishment. I believe a lot of people hold beliefs they are unwilling to voice until there is someone else voicing them more loudly. With TRP growing apologetically those who already held similar beliefs are becoming more willing to voice them, a trend I see continuing.

[–]Endorsed Contributoraaron_the_just 2 points3 points4 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I have witnessed the same as well. Amongst certain male friends, I unabashedly say what everyone else is thinking. I now have a few comrades at arms doing so.

[–]jobs33ker 1 point2 points3 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I "open up" to women, but it's usually either made-up emotional drama, or I pick something very specific that's horrifically heartbreaking and just focus on that

I kinda do this too, to an extent. And only after i've banged her. With my personality type and look, it kinda goes along well with it, of course, you have to be emotionally unavailable most of the time.

[–]2insickness 15 points16 points17 points 12 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

Wow, these examples are excellent.

A lot of 'feel-good' types in the PUA community talk about how important it is to be emotionally vulnerable with women. It's a load of horseshit. It's what nice guys want to hear. They think acting vulnerable makes them genuine. I used to believe that myself but enough experiences have shown that too much can easily turn women off.

You need to demonstrate your capacity for deeper emotions in one way or another, through storytelling, etc., but a little goes a long way. On dates I'll tell one single story that shows I have some regret or deeper feelings but then I change the topic. I'll give her a peak and then take it away. A little of this goes a long, long way.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm not convinced the problem is revealing emotions so much as being a sissy in most cases. Humans have a great deal of control over how depressed, ashamed, neurotic, or otherwise emotionally volatile they are. For example, people develop depression roughly independent of quality of life or life success. This is because depression is largely caused by habitually fixating and obsessing over negative feelings.

As a man, women expect you to stop fixating on your problems and start working on solutions. If you're doing this regularly, then you won't really have much 'vulnerability' to share.

[–]jobs33ker 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Very true. You want them to think "Oh, he has such a tough exterior, but I know there's something under there.." Course you don't want her to ever SEE whats under there.

[–][deleted] 12 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]InferiousX 2 points3 points4 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I'd also add if she tries to make cracks or bust your balls.

Sorry, I have a million male friends for that. I don't need another person in that category just because you have tits.

[–]boredinclass2 6 points7 points8 points 12 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Good God. This is why it's known as r/askhamsters around here.

[–]Sturmgeist781 1 point2 points3 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Avoid that sub at all costs.

[–]iamnotfromtexas90 2 points3 points4 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Louie ck covered this subject well. In one episode a bunch of jocks fuck with him while on a date. After not fighting, she admits he's a huge turn off. He's like, but if I fought you'd have walked out. She's like yea, but now you're just a pussy in my eyes and I'm instinctively disgusted by you.

[–]reddishman 1 point2 points3 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Good god, hasent anyone read up on vulnerability game ?

Calculated strokes of vulnerability is important. It gives women a fake hook which they believe they can use to emotionally manipulate you. They want to feel that they have control over you.

https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2009/01/29/vulnerability-game/

[–]fiat_lux_ 1 point2 points3 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I like AskMen, despite the criticisms they get for being AskBetas. (Heh)

More often than not, they're just saying the same honest things espoused in this sub, only in a more "polite" way.

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