Why do I yearn for something I will never have?

JohnGalt316 · 2014-10-25T11:37:59+00:00

you want unconditional love; get a dog

[deleted] · 2014-10-25T12:04:21+00:00

[permanently deleted]

IVIaskerade · 2014-10-25T10:53:34+00:00

The reason that you feel longing for a soul mate is because a part of you still believes it to be possible. This is mostly a result of what you assimilated when you were growing up - all those disney "true love" stories, all those films where the guy gets the girl at the end, everything was telling you "the right one is out there for you."

Your acceptance of this being wrong is a good thing, but it's kind of like losing the last of your childhood innocence - there will always be a part of you that longs for the simpler days of yesteryear, when your worries were few and trivial (compared to now), and your whole life was an adventure.

And as to

Am I looking for an idea of love that can only be understood by a man's mind?

Yes, but I don't think that even gay men find this relationship very often - they might find more fulfillment out of relationships equivalent to yours because they both want the same or similar kind of love, but the "ideal" relationship is so rare than even two people who want the same thing might not find it very often.

zxDanKwan · 2014-10-25T17:01:52+00:00

Shift your perspective and expectations. It is possible to achieve more than the generalizations here would lead one to believe.

There are no unicorns, but that doesn't mean you need to settle on a horse, either.

There are some zebras out there...

copralalic · 2014-10-25T14:06:14+00:00

If you believe religion, then that is the end state.

If you don't, then you know what the Teacher meant in Ecclesiastes 1:2 -- "Vanity, vanity, all is vanity." The existentialist school says that we are all Sisyphis, vainly pushing the boulder to the top of the hill, only to see it roll down again. If this world is all there is, the only reason NOT to put a gun in your mouth and pull the trigger is stubborness.

The ennui you are experiencing is the curse of the successful man. You have won; now what? A new game? Will winning that be as satisfying as the game you already won? Or as dissatisfying, as it were?

I think that's why golf is so popular among successful men. It's impossible, basically, so you can never be so good at it that you grow tired of it.

should_ · 2014-10-25T20:48:53+00:00

This is gonna sound beta as fuck, but listen closely: you're actually looking for self-love, commonly understood around here as self-actualization.

Your mind can't find in your self the support it needs, so it looks for that thing in other places -- girls you fuck or would fuck. Whatever is missing in terms of your own validation for yourself, your subconscious supposes can be provided by another. You can't completely validate your own existence, so let's get help from another sentient being. This mentality for BPs translates to the ultra-importance of having someone else in your life, but we know better.

Edit: let me add that of course self-actualization suggests getting big, earning it, and things that don't have to do with "self acceptance," which here is associated with weakly accepting your shitty beta parts too. In my experience my emotions have been incredibly positive for myself only when I've been the most alpha, with or without an audience. So, that's the self love I'm talking about.

wiking85 · 2014-10-25T15:42:14+00:00

Why do people yearn for utopia, which by the way means no-place? Its pure Weltschmerz, the pain we feel for the world not being the ideal we want. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Weltschmerz

DafyddBreen · 2014-10-25T23:02:31+00:00

Learn to embrace loneliness as you did companionship.

guy2435 · 2014-10-25T17:57:25+00:00

Why do we yearn for something that we can't have?
Maybe our brain is hardwired that way, that could be the reason we survive and persevere.
Yearning the unicorn is different than yearning for a nice car.
You know the way to appease the yearning of a nice car, go and have enough money and buy it.
The yearning of a unicorn cannot be appeased, because they just don't exist.
I realized that this yearning is the byproduct of conditioning.
I was made to believe that the unicorn is true and attainable.
I was tricked that I am incomplete, that a woman completes a man.
No you are yourself and thus in itself you are complete.
The woman is for the survival of the species not for attaining completeness.
TRP has taught me the tools and has outline the process of my recovery.
And hopefully provide me with an idea of a real woman, closest as reality can provide, to the "unicorn" I can have. And prepare me for the possible consequences.
Or since that that yearning can never be appeased, I'd get over it and move on.
Once I understand this I know that that loneliness is baseless, illogical and a byproduct of conditioning.
Get a dog.

All IMHO.

[deleted] · 2014-10-25T10:42:13+00:00

He feels it. But he doesn't give a fuck.

Sandkasten · 2014-10-25T13:44:54+00:00

I know the idea of a soul mate, the perfect woman, is just a myth. There is no unicorn out there. There will never be a woman who loves me for me. There will never be a woman with whom I can drop frame without her losing attraction. I've accepted all these things, and my relationships have improved.

Good for you. The one does not exist. I like to keep it simple, there are good women and bad women, but no soulmate.

So you are aware of the soulmate myth, but you did not accept it. Now in search for a replacement, a new definition of love. You still believe in questionable social conventions.

You get shamed by your friends, family and society. Pressured to commit. The Peter Pan syndrome. People around me get engaged, married or get children. Everytime when this happens there is a moment where the focus switches on me. Especially with my cultural background, it's really uncommon to be single at my age. "You'll end up alone, Sandkasten".

Just like the soulmate myth, there is this myth of loneliness. I'm alone, but not lonely! I have my family, friends and hobbies I love. I have plates, sometimes a girlfriend I love spending time with. I can give you my idea of love: I love my freedom.

You feel like you are missing something? There is an experiment in behavioral finance. I can't remember the specifics. Two colleagues get a raise, but one of them gets more than the other. So what happens? He's asking himself why his colleagues gets more. His envy casts a cloud over his joy.

Stop focusing on something you can't have. On something that not even exist.

vengefully_yours · 2014-10-25T20:15:55+00:00

I thought I needed someone or something to not feel incomplete. It's nothing more than what you have been told about love/women/relationships getting confused with the chemicals in your brain that feel good. You want something that doesn't exist because of how it feels when you get laid the first few times, have that strong attraction to some chick in school. Oxytocin, dopamine and others is what you want. I'm 45 and still get the occasional feeling like that, but I know it's bullshit. I can get better satisfaction from building a fast car, going on a hike with my dogs, working out, and living a full life. I don't need some bitch camping in my wallet to complete me.

I just want to fuck her for a while, then she can go hop on another dick. Catch and release.

[deleted] · 2014-10-25T20:16:54+00:00

the only real hope is starting a new society, the things op talks about existed, but were torn apart by self interest, so obviously getting those things in modern cities is something akin to unburning ashes possible with a huge energy investment, but not happening in practice, starting a new life is however possible. how do you start a new society? well you first hope you will live old enough and be wealthy and mobile enough to find one when it happens.

wantonton · 2014-10-25T14:22:25+00:00

I think you're projecting ideals onto your innate drive. In my observations, healthy men are driven. Driven to build, to move, to learn, etc. Our drive can obtain a focus, such as a degree, or pursuing a women, but these things did not create the drive they just channeled it for a while,

This isn't necessarily bad, it provides the drive for continual improvement. To do that it usually creates a sense on longing, and if we don't understand this it can create confusion and frustration in us when the longing keeps coming back.

Channel it appropriately. This includes using it to achieve better understanding, frames of mind and values. As we get older I think the drive should lead us first to obtain, then to achieve, and finally to understand.

RedBigMan · 2014-10-25T15:04:14+00:00

You yearn for it because you were fed the disney soul mate brand of love all your life growing up then found out it was a crock of shit.

You still want that same disney brand of love but you know you'll never get it. Much like how gamblers can believe they can win the lottery but the odds of winning are minuscule enough to be non-existent in practice.

DarkSayed · 2014-10-25T17:15:35+00:00

Yet I still feel incomplete.

Good. You are never going to be complete, because no person is perfect or has the perfect life.

On the other hand, I don't know why you feel that a "soul mate" is required to make you complete. That just means you are dependent on others.

CauisCosades · 2014-10-25T17:16:51+00:00

Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.

Transmigratory · 2014-10-25T17:22:51+00:00

That's human nature, we all want what we can't have. There are a rare few who can legitimately detach from it all, however.

BellatorCordis · 2014-10-25T17:23:06+00:00

You evolved to make babies. Any emotions that aid this goal are heavily rewarded with hormones and neurotransmitters that make you feel great. Oxytocin, dopamine, etc. Your happiness and disappointment are immaterial to the goal. So, often your biology will promote behaviour that simultaneously promotes reproduction, but makes you existentially unhappy.

oldredder · 2014-10-25T18:07:20+00:00

1) loneliness is an emotion, an impulse, and it can be turned off and kept that way

2) you are an evolved creature & your ancestors had the instincts to protect his mate & to hold onto a good one

3) a long time ago those instincts worked

4) they don't work now because society, culture, law & our biology is all changing over time, evolution never stands still.

You still have an appendix, wonder what it's for? So the fuck does everyone else

yeahweewee · 2014-10-25T19:18:59+00:00

the idea of a soul mate has been around and believed in since the dawn of civilization, its a very common human idea, just as common as believing murder to be wrong.

its natural in human thought to believe in a soul mate, and yes it may be influenced by media but it has to exist as an already there idea otherwise it would just seem silly. Just as natural as it is to believe in a afterlife because we can't comprehend death

but neither afterlifes nor soulmates are truely logical but that doesn't help us or the 90%+ of people who follow a religion

BRENDORVEGAS · 2014-10-25T20:17:00+00:00

Because you're human. We all want something that we want, but the price of getting what you want is getting what you once wanted.

BrianW1999 · 2014-10-26T00:00:49+00:00

Life is lonely. We all go through life in our own minds and body. We are alone much of the time.

I'm not saying loneliness is a good thing, but we have to accept that it is a part of being human.

Dorrog · 2014-10-26T01:23:52+00:00

You are not a kid, but an adult. Only kids recieve unconditional love, and some not even then. Such is life, deal with it.

dashing_nash · 2014-10-27T19:29:15+00:00

Maybe there is a unicorn out there.. Have you actually looked for one. Or just accepted that amongst 3.5billion female humans out there. That not one of them is your unicorn.. Don't kill the dream man!

TheOneTrueMagnet · 2014-10-25T15:42:51+00:00

Due to most of Western Society turning into matrilineal society, you can't own your legacy. The women will get your children if they want them with only the most heinous being the exception. The gratification of raising your children as your own is a pipe dream these days. Neither her family, friends, church, nor state will be able to stop her from taking everything in a moment.

You will feel loneliness. You must accept that you are lonely. Then you do something about it. You can then say, "Fuck the odds, if I have a 10% chance of being happy, then I must latch onto it with all my might." Then you do TRP on ultra-hardcore mode. Or you spin plates until you die.

It just depends on whether taking a small chance at great happiness is better in your eyes than a great chance at small happiness. Life as a man is built upon taking risks and making decisions. This just happens to be the hardest one.

LS_D · 2014-10-25T13:58:25+00:00

the whole 'one on one' monogamous relationship thing is a failure imo

But for many men, accepting the reality of being with women they can't/don't 'posess' is one they can't deal with

I personally think humans need to establish a new paradigm when it comes to relationships and breeding .... it's insane to stick to a failed system anyway!

I could see a world where the grandparents raise their children's children as being a more successful one than the one we currently have. In fact I think small 'groups' of people who interact can work a similar method, where the 'elders' raise the young ... which is how the best information passes from generation to generation, not just the best genes

as I believe in the Greek concept of 'love' ... and the fleeting sensory reward we get from 'eros' type love which is well known to flood our poor helpless brains with drugs like oxytocin which simply fuck up the average primates logic cells! And then they get hooked and the next thing you know the bitch has left you, taking the kids and the car at the same time! damn ~~whoremoans~~ hormones! hey 'hormones rule!' 'k?

seriously, any person who makes me 'feel' this way gets my attention, at least for a while!

I know, I'm just a smart ape who accepts this shit!

it has always seemed to make much more sense to 'love too many' than love too few' ... you know "better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all"

sway_usa · 2014-10-25T17:56:00+00:00

Economics. Simple. We all want what we can't have. Now that you know you can't ever really have it, you want it more.

Title	Why do I yearn for something I will never have?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	32
Comments	36
Date	October 25, 2014 10:12 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2k9yew/why_do_i_yearn_for_something_i_will_never_have/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/why-do-i-yearn-for-something-i-will-never-have.23578 https://theredarchive.com/post/23578

Comments