Overcoming Alpha Widow

bchlladyfrog · 2019-05-09T17:40:58+00:00

This might be a little abrasive, but hopefully it helps.

Let's discuss what "Alpha Widow" means.

You had a good man.
You were unable to convince him to commit long-term, or he died.

There's not a lot to it, other than that.

"Alpha Widow" sucks in two ways. The first, more immediate pain is the invariable ego hit you take from not being able to land the guy long-term. The second, more lasting sting is the feeling that you'll never find someone "as good".

As far as your ego is concerned - get over it. Prettier, smarter, younger, funnier girls with bigger boobs and nicer asses than you have lost worse men than the one you lost. Dating in today's society is no longer a dogmatic mutual-pairing-off-and-dying-together-after-60-years experience. People move around, play the field, explore their options, and just generally have real problems with long-term commitment and the responsible dedication that it requires. That's the world we live in. Don't like it? Change your strategy. Offer more RMV, or start dating smarter / more experienced guys who are sick of chasing tail and want to settle down.

With regards to the "I'll never find someone better" concept, fuck off with that. There are plenty of handsome, smart, well-to-do men in the world. You can find good men from virtually every country, ethnicity, background, social class, educational system, and whatever other dimensional slice you want to use. Those men deserve better than to be compared to whatever pseudo-Chad you can't get over. You can't judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, and you can't judge every man by the standards set by some other guy. Look at Jennifer Lopez as an example. In her lifetime, she's dated musicians (Diddy, Marc Anthony), actors (Wesley Snipes, Ben Affleck), and athletes (Alex Rodriguez). You think Diddy can hit a fastball? Can Wesley Snipes make a top 40 hit? Does Alex Rodriguez know Shakespeare? These are all different men with diametrically opposite goals, dreams, talent stacks, personalities, blah blah blah blah. There's also tons of other walks of life out there. I personally know handsome and brilliant computer scientists, plumbers, oil rig workers, construction guys, and military personnel. Open your eyes up to the world of possibilities in front of you.

The critical takeaway here is that you can't control what people do, but you can control your reaction to it. So what if your "Alpha" didn't want to commit? There's tons of great men out there. Don't focus on the one you can't have, focus on the one who might be next.

stripethrowaway · 2019-05-09T14:36:44+00:00

The reason it's called being alpha widowed is because you dated someone who you can't move on from.

I suppose the only way to truly get over being alpha widowed is to find someone who is better than the person who alpha widowed you. This would mean lots of time maxing out your SMV and RMV because the other assumption behind being alpha widowed is that the man who alpha widowed you was outside of what you should be able to get smv-wise too if I'm not mistaken.

(I'm guessing btw, take this with a grain of salt. I'm outside of my expertise here.)

Regardless. Work on yourself. Date a little. That doesn't mean put out, but there's nothing wrong with going on a few dates just to remind yourself that you still "got it." Hit the gym. Eat better. Find hobbies and new friends. A lot of women find changing their appearance therapeutic. Maybe do something new and funky with your wardrobe and hair. Change your environment. Ever want to move and start over? Are you in a position to do that? If you are, why not? Nothing better than a whole new city to distract you from grief.

Of course, first and foremost, cut ties with him and anyone too closely connected to him. Seeing pictures of him on social media will mess with your brain chemicals. Block his number. Block him on all social media. Yes, even Snapchat. Take every single photo of you and him off your phone and computer and save it on a thumb drive and put it in a shoebox in your closet. If you added close friends of his or his family, lose them too. Rip off the band-aid. Don't worry about what people will think, and if anyone has the balls to ask, there's no shame in telling people that you needed to do what you did in order to move on.

When you get the urge to go look for him or see photos or contact him, write yourself a letter to remind yourself that this is a dead end, you are struggling, that's okay, and you're going to rise from this, etc. Whatever motivates you. Then read it when you get the itch.

HarshaCity · 2019-05-10T02:21:06+00:00

My advice is: first, monk mode for about 4 months, let everything calm down. Second, let other men try to impress you even if you are 100% sure they are not better than your ex. Chances are, someone will eventually catch your eye, which will make you forget about the ex.

CHENGhis-khan · 2019-05-09T17:47:53+00:00

Alpha widow doesn’t mean you’re stuck on someone. It means that you’ve dated too many guys to settle for one. When you compare any prospective partner to the library of men you have dated, they will always fall short in some way to at least one of the individuals in your past. This prevents someone that is empirically better in the aggregate compared to any one individual from your past from being better than the library of individuals, from which you are judging them.

ivanovserr · 2026-05-04T17:13:52+00:00

Probably go to the therapy is the best way to fix it.

It will be a way more helpful comparing to self-help from reddit.

I assume that therapist will help you to complete the grief and accept the reality.

Reality that you will never have such an amazing guy again. And it hurt, I know.

And it's exactly the way to healing.

Title	Overcoming Alpha Widow
Author	bchlladyfrog
Upvotes	7
Comments	20
Date	May 9, 2019 2:18 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/bmkd8j/overcoming_alpha_widow/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/overcoming-alpha-widow.237746 https://theredarchive.com/post/237746

Comments