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Tips for dealing with resentment

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May 8, 2019
13 upvotes

I'm looking for suggestions about dealing with my wife's resentment/anger. Currently I ignore her attitude, remove my presence, focus on my mission but it's seems to be an endless cycle. Half the week she seems fine, the other half she's a resentful bitch.

Quick Background:

I run my own very successful business, I lift 5 days a week(run gear), I have have hobbies and a great circle of friends. Sex is/was never an issue. Even with her shitty demeanor we still fuck 2-3 times a week. That said, her attitude stinks and is becoming a huge turn off.

I spent a good deal of time searching and learning on this sub and I know it's often said that she's a reflection of me, but I'm not resentful, I'm happy with my life, my mission, my progress. I've searched for posts about resentment but most seem to reference the anger phase, and it's not me who is angry. So I'm looking for insights that I may be missing.

My wife seems to be very entitled and selfish at times. It may be of no value but a couple months ago my sister in-law, out of nowhere, in private, said she knows her sister is an entitled selfish brat and she thanked me for "hanging in there"... I think this was like a kick in the nuts that opened my eyes.

It's very possible I just stuck my dick in angry (she was not like this while dating) and I've been to a couple lawyers in regards to my exit strategy should it need go that way. But I want to make sure I address my own bullshit before I go that route.

I don't have many expectations of her, she's a SAHM, kids are in school, outside of cooking a meal a couple nights a week and some laundry, she doesn't have much on her. I make good money and we have lots of support. She should not be stressed out given the circumstances, I don't know what she resents me for but half of every week is the silent treatment.

So I ignore her bullshit and focus on me but I'm concerned about the lessons I'm teaching my kids with this ongoing dynamic. I believe in extreme ownership so I know, regardless of the issue, it's my fault. But I'd like to see the fault more clearly before I take my next action. Thoughts...


Post Information
Title Tips for dealing with resentment
Author LocustOfOrigin
Upvotes 13
Comments 45
Date 08 May 2019 04:27 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/237920
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/bm7cr1/tips_for_dealing_with_resentment/
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Comments

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (10 children) | Copy

I don't have many expectations of her

And yet...you do.

You have a very large, glaring (and common) life sized covert contract of act and communicate like a man would or I-just-can't-even.

90% of men on here who are "winning yet confused" still can't grasp that a duck quacks, a dog barks, and a woman's moods are not going to based on the same rationale and criteria you set for yourself.

We love them, so we expect more of them instead of DIFFERENT of them.

You're around when the attitude is good. You find other things to do when their attitude is the-suck.

How about try every time she's shitty you fuck off. Eventually she'll curb it to the best of her ability or you will have spent so much time away you've made other plans for yourself.

You stop resenting the moment you stop holding malformed expectations.

It's tricky because you easily get fooled with comfortable good times or conversations that she's on your same wavelength.

She's not.

She'll never be.

Your head gets it, but your heart/spirit...emotions have not.

I don't resent my wife when I realize she's my wife...who is female and feminine.

The other option is grow to like anal intrusion and become the bottom, ya bundle of sticks. Then your top can come here and complain you are an irrational, whimsical, think the universe revolves around and responds to you twat.

[–]LocustOfOrigin[S] 4 points5 points  (8 children) | Copy

Valids points, cover contract and expectations. I’ll work on that.

To clarify, I don’t resent her, im trying to understand why she seems to resent me. I get that a woman is going to be a woman but her giving me the the silent treatment half of every week cant be the norm, can it?

So if the silent treatment is her way of communicating, wtf is she saying. I can fuck off when she’s like this but is that not addressing the symptom?

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

half of every week

Sounds to me like you need to address how you are handling tests.

I know it's easy to see what you think is coming and throw in the towel to punt before hand.

You can create a non-reset cycle and you end up creating the test and consequent O.I. by anticipating it. A feedback loop essentially.

You may vary up and just dig your heals in for AA/AM until she either breaks laughing or pisses off herself.

Occasionally if your go to IS to leave they may switch tactics to see how far it will go. To drum up drama. To maintain victim hood status.

TBH there were times where I got a hair trigger to O.I. and it fed itself. I was severely preferring hanging out with friends at all times over her and I had to retread my map and make sure that's what I wanted. And in the end I was feeding MY ego to create her as a problem-shit-tester and myself as the victim.

IOW in doing so I found that I was the one always in a foul mood at home , with a hair trigger and creating what I wanted and in the end it didn't jive with my long term plans as I want a balanced family life.

Still, if you maintain a positive attitude, don't take easy bait as "here we go again" and she still gets pissy? You still gotta find something else to do if you can't ignore or divert.

[–]LocustOfOrigin[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for this.

[–]BostonBrakeJob4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy

Why are you trying so damn hard to make her problem your problem?

[–]LocustOfOrigin[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Thats a interesting perspective. I’m just trying to understand it but perhaps thats a circle jerk.

[–]BostonBrakeJob4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

If she wasn't there, with no silent treatment to dissect what would you be doing with your time?

[–]LocustOfOrigin[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Im doing the same shit regardless. I don’t engage her bullshit but it’s certainly a value suck.

It’s like marching 100 miles with a rock in your boot. Sure you can ignore that shit and keep going, and sometimes thats what you have to do. But at some point you ask yourself, why the fuck am I still carrying this rock?

[–]BostonBrakeJob0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Is posting online about her silent treatment "ignoring" it?

why the fuck am I still carrying this rock?

Well, why are you?

[–]rocknrollchuck0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The problem is that you show that you care when she gives you the silent treatment. Learn to love it instead of trying to "understand" it.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Gentle solid wisdom here. Good shit.

[–]RStonePT6 points7 points  (7 children) | Copy

deleted What is this?

[–]LocustOfOrigin[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

Not trying to manipulate her feelings. Im trying to understand why half the week shes piss and vinegar and sweet as sugar the rest.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

Her AP's work schedule is such that he is only able to see her a few days of the week.

Shelly was the same way with me.

[–]LocustOfOrigin[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Maybe you’re right motherfucker

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Does she have a vagina?

[–]RStonePT-2 points-1 points  (1 child) | Copy

deleted What is this?

[–]LocustOfOrigin[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If she was on the rag every week then atleast id get the plus side of ovulation weekly as well?

I think its manufacturing drama on her end. Shits too good, she has nothing to complain about. She wants my attention and shes trying to get it by pushing me away. This would explain why she wakes up pissed off and then its like it never happened. A child misbehaving.

Funny how it’s obvious after you guys though down some insight. Or perhaps im way fucking off, who knows. I’ll switch shit up and see what happens.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

you cannot manipulate people into feeling what you want them to feel

No, but I can manipulate them into doing what I want them to do.

[–]RPeed7 points8 points  (3 children) | Copy

Extreme ownership doesn’t mean “it’s all your fault”. It means you take responsibility for every aspect of your life. The difference is not subtle.

In practice that means addressing the shortcomings of others directly. Not working harder and harder in the hope they’ll up their own game. That would be a covert contract which is in fact what you are describing.

It’s at the start of the book. Immediately after the catchy title.

Read the book.

[–]RPeed1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

/u/locustoforigin not sure if you deleted your reply (maybe because you DEER like a faggot?) but I can't reply directly;

I wasn’t exclusively referring to jockos book. Addressing her silent treatment directly would likley be a waste of time. That book is for men, women dont need accountability.

Im talking about taking ownership of outcomes regardless. I created this outcome, i chose her. I'm to blame because at the least i vetted poorly.

I'm not talking about the book either. I'm telling you to take ownership of how someone else impacts you have to do something about it. Usually that means managing expectations and ultimately cutting them loose. Fire the fucking customer. Or at least work towards it. The message is different if you already, objectively, handle your own business. I am comfortable taking a very binary view on it. YMMV.

Living in parallel to your wife and telling yourself (and us):

"it's not me, it's her" (EXTREME OWNERSHIP OVER HERE!)

is passive-aggressive BS.

The fact that you post this shit means:

YOU resent HER.

YOU are affected by HER mood.

YOU are in HER frame.

YOU have a massive covert contract with HER.

Own that faggot.

So I ignore her bullshit and focus on me but I'm concerned about the lessons I'm teaching my kids with this ongoing dynamic.

You are teaching them to be an avoidant beta bitch. I'm not suggesting you start berating your wife. Quite the opposite. You need to learn to call out bad behavior, stand your ground calmly, and let all the tension dissipate.

Couple of things I did:

  1. Told her to knock off the sass and stop being a moody bitch;
  2. Stopped trying to encourage her to finger paint or whatever and told her to occupy herself or get her fucking lazy ass back to work.

Now she fucking loves fingerpainting all day. Funny how that works?

Reading NMMNG and WISNIFG helped. Yes I was/am a shit hot, successful, social, hard nosed negotiator in other spheres. I still couldn't confront my wife's moods without getting angry/frustrated or withdrawing.

I cringe to write that, it's the truth.

Swallow your pride stud and read the sidebar.

[–]LocustOfOrigin[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

I didn't delete the comment, I can see it when logged in but its gone when not... perhaps a mod can help.

First, you guys really need to reconsider what DEERing means inside the locker room here, adding clarity to something said or expanding on a thought, is a growth process. Sure DEERing is weakness but if you don't explorer weakness you can't create strength. Otherwise how are you anything but an autist screaming at a wall?

You made alot of assumptions here, some of it way off but there's is some value too. I'm not going to unpack this here but I'll take what value there is. Thanks.

[–]LocustOfOrigin[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I wasn’t exclusively referring to jockos book. Addressing her silent treatment directly would likley be a waste of time. That book is for men, women dont need accountability.

Im talking about taking ownership of outcomes regardless. I created this outcome, i chose her. Im to blame because at the least i vetted poorly.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret11 points12 points  (7 children) | Copy

I don't have many expectations of her, she's a SAHM, kids are in school, outside of cooking a meal a couple nights a week and some laundry, she doesn't have much on her.

Here's your problem. Your wife is bored. She will continue to manufacture ways to make her life interesting. Sounds to me like you've been a shitty leader by not giving her an outlet for her need for emotional drama. Have you encouraged her to do.... anything?

Illimitable Men Maxim #59: Women thrive on drama, it allows them to weaponize emotion and push an agenda. Starve them of emotion, and they have nothing to fight with. A woman starved of emotion will become desperate to sustain her psychological onslaught. As such, she will attempt to pry it from the dead, exaggerating observations and manufacturing issues in order to sustain the indignance necessary to maintain her psychological assault.

One last thing - go post in OYS in /r/marriedredpill - we don't know fuckall about you (wtf is run gear?) post some stats.

Sounds to me like you basically have this ego that you're alpha and interesting. If that was the case your wife wouldn't be acting like a spoiled little brat.

Probably time to introduce spankings for her. She doesn't see you as dominant at all, otherwise you would have told her to shut her harpy cunt mouth or you'll have to "work her in sooner".

[–]knuglets8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

wtf is run gear?

To run gear means to take steroids.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

lolz, understood. For some reason my brain was processing run gear as... gear for running...

[–]BostonBrakeJob14 points15 points  (1 child) | Copy

Sounds to me like you've been a shitty leader by not giving her an outlet for her need for emotional drama. Have you encouraged her to do.... anything?

Not his job. Not his problem.

I set a trap for myself awhile back, that it was my job, as a man, to lead her through nearly every aspect of her life, as a woman. It's not. And you'll drive yourself crazy trying to do it.

[–]Reach180Red Beret11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

This here....been chasing my tail for too long on this one too.

The "You gotta Lead, BRO!" meme that was so hot here for a while doesn't fit every situation. Some bitches just be lazy.

[–]LocustOfOrigin[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I think she is bored, and i do encourage anything she shows interest in.

I give 2 shits about being alpha or interesting, i do what i enjoy. Shes not a harpy, never nags. Its always the silent treatment. I think you’re right she wants drama and attention.

[–]An_Actual_Politician1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Does she have any interests that you and her could turn into a side hustle for her? Plenty of women do etsy bullshit. Could be something non-arts and crafts depending on her background and education.

You successfully own a business so you could help set that up and turn her loose.

[–]LocustOfOrigin[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She has no drive. I work out 5 days a week, her 0 days a year. I have hobbies, she has none. Can't make her follow, not going to do it for her.

[–]redwall922 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Have you ever seen your wife contribute to something with her whole self? If you haven't, then I'll predict you're in for a surprise when she gets involve in something ... possibly with a strong male leader like a school headmaster or similar ... and she throws her whole self into that thing (and the people involved).

If she's not a part of what you're doing in life, then she's floating, coasting. Eventually, she's going to attach to something in a heavy way. Maybe you hope it's you or your mission. Maybe you don't care.

SAHM's ... man, when they attach ... it aint pretty when they attach to something other than their husband/husband's mission.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy

Tell her to get a fucking job.

Up the tren faggot.

Add in some HCG so you can find your balls again.

[–]LocustOfOrigin[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Hcg ups the estro, pass.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

You clearly know shit about running gear faggot.

[–]LocustOfOrigin[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Not interested in a pissing contest but Google that shit and show me something that says different.

Most of you guys are on an AI year-round That shit is killing you. I’ve been on TRT for over a decade

[–]hack3geRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You do know that an AI can't impact intratesticular E2? So its actually pointless to take with HCG? Plus you only need a low dose of HCG to maintain testicular function.

Also if you are on TRT for a decade how the fuck are your nuts not like raisins? Mine just shrunk at 6 weeks and I'm like wtf.

[–]egc61 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It could be that she is just an unhappy fuck with mental issues that everyone, including her family, knows.

I don't have many expectations of her, she's a SAHM, kids are in school, outside of cooking a meal a couple nights a week and some laundry, she doesn't have much on her. I make good money and we have lots of support. She should not be stressed out given the circumstances, I don't know what she resents me for but half of every week is the silent treatment.

Maybe this is it. She could be bored as fuck and has no purpose in life. Does she have a place in your mission? It is captain and first mate after all. Does the first mate have shit to do that actually matters in the larger scheme?

[–]ibelieveican19821 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Send her to work.

[–]wild_deer_man1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

she knows her sister is an entitled selfish brat

So many people come here claiming they want the truth, yet they deny what is right in front of them.

So she hid from you her shitty parts while dating. How is that relevant now?

Do you think you can change her?

[–]LocustOfOrigin[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Fuck no I can't change her. I'm exploring options and looking for insight. I'm preparing to take my next action, in that I'm exploring beyond my own mental models...

[–]hystericalbonding0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Maybe she should post.

You used the term resentment. I expect that you have a shitty track record, but the post is about her instead of yourself. Nobody can help you with only a thought fragment to go on, beyond telling you to OYS and read the sidebar books.

[–]LocustOfOrigin[S] -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

Nope, she hoped onboard my train. My track record is solid. I know i fucked up in that I gave her too much without making her earn it but i cant undo that now.

[–]redwall920 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

i cant undo that now

If you truly believe this, then nobody here is going to judge you when you act on that belief.

[–]Realworld520 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Your SIL sure has you on a string



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