Bored of sex in LTR

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May 29, 2019

I'm in a great (post-TRP) LTR right now with a HB8 who adores me and treats me great. TRP principles have kept it strong with only very minor issues.

The problem is - it's been about a year, and while I still love having sex with her, I of course constantly desire sex with other women now that the honeymoon period is over. She gives me as much sex as I want... it's just the variety is missing. I'm constantly tempted by porn, or the desire to sleep with other women, but I won't cheat as we have an agreement and cheating is a deceitful beta trait.

I'm really trying to avoid the trap of the grass is always greener, because we all know it's not always the case... and I know I'd miss this girl... but man I really miss having random sex and using game.

What do I do?

Post Information
Title Bored of sex in LTR
Author Bunglaroo
Upvotes 83
Comments 103
Date 29 May 2019 07:00 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Original Link
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Red Pill terms found in post:
betacheatinglong term relationshipgamethe red pill

[–]oooKenshiooo62 points63 points  (7 children) | Copy

I have been in a similar rut. For me, it was the missing thrill of the hunt. However, openly talking about my desire made my LTR crank up her sex game to even higher levels. No more boredom now.

[–]Dartleather19 points20 points  (2 children) | Copy

That takes some balls. How do you even approach that without her going full psycho?

[–]Endorsed Contributoritiswr1tten20 points21 points  (0 children) | Copy

Frame and game my friend

Be worth stepping it up for

[–]oooKenshiooo11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

A) there really was no other choice

B) we have a real talk rule. We always say it how it is, even if it might hurt the other person.

C) she is good ltr material and never goes psycho during a serious talk.

D) my frame is strong and does not tolerate psCho behavior - and she knows that.

[–]catriel2517 points18 points  (1 child) | Copy

"Hey babe, I'm not feeling like having sex with you lately, and I also desire to fuck other women".

If this is not an IDGF attitude....

[–]oooKenshiooo7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Talking about potentially troublesome topics is all about framing it the right way - communication 101. Amused mastery helps as well, because it shows understanding.

Because let's be real - she also desires other dicks once in a while. It is all about how you manage your carnal desires and integrate them with the higher ethical functions of your brain.

[–]Bunglaroo 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

Does that mean she lets you hook up with other girls?

[–]oooKenshiooo1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I am fairly sure, if I pushed for it, she would let me. She understands sex means different things for men and women. For now though, I aim to get her comfortable with threesomes.

[–]philbignig102 points103 points  (0 children) | Copy

welcome to life my guy

[–]Endorsed Contributoritiswr1tten88 points89 points  (38 children) | Copy

First of all, cheating isn't beta, it just might be against your particular moral code. The reason we forbid moralizing in responses and advice here is because TRP is about objective advice. What you choose to do is up to you.

That said, you are running into the textbook male issue. Men desire sexual variety.

You have 4 options

Don't cheat. This leaves you with "neutral value" of status quo

Cheat and keep it a secret. This is "maximum value" in terms of sexual strategy, but you may be personally morally opposed.

Cheat and get caught or bitch out and tell her out of guilt. This is "worst outcome" because you're either with a girl who now resents you, if she stays at all.

Open the relationship to some extent. This is a "high volatility" outcome because even if she agrees, LTR may be doing so out of duress. You also give her a free pass to blame you forever for this and bring it up during fights. She also might fuck other dudes! Lots of risk here. Promising monogamy then taking it back is a rough road but it can be done.

Pick anything but number 3. If you decide to cheat, own it and do it right. You might even find out you can do better than your LTR.

Remember that everyone loves to demonize physical cheating, but emotional cheating is a bedrock of hypergamy and all hot women do it. That's something to think about.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (9 children) | Copy

Love your comment but I think OP is right that cheating is beta. Why would a RP man want to stay in a relationship if he wanted more variety. I feel like RP theory tells us that we should just do what we want and not be deceitful.

[–]Endorsed ContributorAuvergnat10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’ve written at lengths about this. Dont use “alpha” and “beta” as labels for what you think is “good” or “bad”. Alpha is whatever generates the tingles in women and beta is whatever makes them feel secure and provided for. No more no less. 99% of your behaviour and actions are neither alpha nor beta, like cheating for example.

[–]Endorsed Contributoritiswr1tten31 points32 points  (4 children) | Copy

RP theory tells you that sexual strategy is amoral. Ascribing beta or alpha to a moral question does not fit the basics of TRP

[–]RolandTheDickslinger8 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy

Also, spreading your genes---via cheating or not---seems pretty alpha to me.

[–]stumpystan3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Needing to scheme against a woman to keep yourself from getting bored isn't beta, it's just childish.

[–]Pelikahn0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

To me, scheming to cheat is not alpha either

[–]availableEXCLAMATION1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah but lying to a LTRs face about the fundamental workings of a LTR, not cheating, that is fucking lame. What kind of person sneaks around, making up lies and stories and constantly being stressed of being caught. Little cunts do shit like that... If your an Alpha, figure out how to spice up the monogamous bedroom with the LTR, or break up like a man and don’t make that mistake again.. Don’t be some conniving sneaky liar. Be honest and upfront like a man.

[–]MinCad2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Most men in positions of power have multiple partners - now and throughout history.

Monogamy itself is an institution meant to stabilize society by pacifying betas with the promise of one welcoming pussy.

[–]Bruchibre0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Why would a RP man want to stay in a relationship if he wanted more variety.

Why not? if he wants both

[–]KaiSmashSmashSawmash3 points4 points  (5 children) | Copy

Number 5 knock her up

[–]lukeyj_gtfc24 points25 points  (3 children) | Copy

No. Because if you're in a country such as America or UK, she's entitled to your money for 18 years and your existence becomes far less free or enjoyable. Anything but that unless you're set on it.

[–]Trosso-3 points-2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Worthy sacrifice if you want a child though

[–]GainzdalfTheWhey0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy


[–]MaxwellPancakesMcgee1 point2 points  (16 children) | Copy

If you both discuss RP theory, why not initiate and ask for more variety with your LTR? A year imto a sexual relationship you can both stagnate, or you can keep escalating and trying new things.

[–]Endorsed Contributoritiswr1tten21 points22 points  (13 children) | Copy

This is my move but different. I seek out bi girls or those who have a kink for sharing me upfront. Once they earn OLTR status and we trust each other then we go hunt for girls together

I've found trying to change a relationship that's already started is unnecessarily difficult rather than screening for openness

[–]Popeman795 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

You sound like Blackdragon. Which is a compliment.

[–]Endorsed Contributoritiswr1tten4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Your flair is missing on asktrp. You should message the mods

And thanks

[–]harm_and_amor1 point2 points  (7 children) | Copy

I’ve got an LTR who seems interested in finding another girl, but it seems like she wants me to do most of the work setting it up or creating the situation in which it happens. Any advice on how to go about it?

My nagging suspicion is that she has merely agreed so she can seem like a fun and adventurous gf while laying enough rules to make it virtually impossible that it could ever happen. Nonetheless, I certainly want to give it a proper try so that I don’t spend too much time in a relationship under false pretenses.

[–]Endorsed Contributoritiswr1tten3 points4 points  (6 children) | Copy

On the first point, you have to do most of the work. Women are generally terrible at the type of game required to attract bi women, because your GFs will gravitate toward the male energy.

Use apps if you want actual poly, you can pick up 3rds in bars but it's usually a ONS or occasional plate thing. Hinge and Tinder are best, set one Tinder profile gender as female seeking female and a second as male seeking female.

Need to know a few things before I can give you my advice on the actual situation.

How long has the LTR been exclusive? Any fucking around at all with girls, even making out at bars?

Has LTR had an actual relationship with a woman? In other words, did she develop a strong enough emotional connection with a woman where she would reminisce about her as a lover?

[–]harm_and_amor0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

4 months exclusive. No fucking around at all even while drunk. She has never even kissed a woman, and only fondled tits at a strip club.

We set her bumble profile to seeking women and quickly had an assortment of matches. She would text me the convos so I could text back to tell her how to respond. This seemed to get tiring for her, and she said she would just prefer that I set it up. I was tempted to set up her profile on my phone so I could do the texting, but I feel like that crosses the line toward some level of lying to the other girl in a way that I felt would be uncool. My LTR has also made comments about how she would prefer fucking a girl by herself than with me. I told her that that’s not an option until we first have our threesome and see how that goes. Her reasoning may be jealousy or maybe she has some lesbo tendencies and thus wants to enjoy pure dick sometimes and pure vag other times.

[–]Endorsed Contributoritiswr1tten4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy

Ok. Logistically yes, it's annoying to middleman the apps. Imagine being her, that shit would be whack.

Accept that as long as you're clear you are a couple, it doesn't matter if you are piloting the chat and getting the digits. At all. It's just a retarded dance you have to do to get the first date going. OLTR also "tires out" quickly because women, and definitely hot women, have no desire or skill to be chasers and closers.

I run apps as both "the girl" and "the guy" but with the exact same profile. I don't notice a difference but have only been on apps for 2mos. When I'm the girl I just use more emojis and other woman horseshit abbreviations. They never figure it out, and they never care even if I reveal on first date it was me. I have my girl profile "give her number to my man" when I #close then just text logistics.

Quite frankly I am way better at it than my OLTR, but for uber hotties I have her DM them on insta because I know they get eleven gorillion matches an hour. It's more effective. She just uses a quick "hey we found you on [app], you're so pretty!" bullshit opener. If hottie seems down I just slide in and take over. There's a lesbian and bi app called Her only OLTR uses.

As far as fucking girls without you that's listening to what she says, which is a no no. She's trying to bring you into her frame, you did well by setting a boundary but defeat the hamster asap. You've smashed girls and read the sidebar, unicorns don't exist. If this blows up your LTR, you've confirmed you were better off single. Life is too fuckin short to not have what you want.

I don't let OLTR fuck girls without me unless I'm in the house. This isn't a problem because I own LTR's soul and half her jollies come from her watching and participating in me fucking the other girl. YMMV but I bet you can get her into that frame if you worked it.

[–]harm_and_amor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks man, this is fantastic advice. Life is short indeed. Time to have some fun.

[–]harm_and_amor0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

There are girls from my past, some I’ve hooked up with and some I never really dated but have stayed on good terms with. Do you think there is a way to bring up the idea with those girls to see if they’d consider something like this?

Also, you mentioned having a dating app account for ourself and one for your OLTR. What was the purpose of having both? Are they connected in some way? I feel like the woman’s account is naturally going to get way more hits, or perhaps that’s more the case for me due to my LTR being extremely photogenic.

[–]Endorsed Contributoritiswr1tten1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

They're both profiles of us as a couple seeking a girl, but one has female as the profile gender and one has male. Both seeking women.

[–]harm_and_amor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That makes sense. Have you ever reached out to a girl you already know (former plate or not) and brought up the idea with her?

[–]Bunglaroo 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

Honestly this 100% seems like the right play in the long term. I've slept with and dated a lot of women, and from my experience the type you're describing are a rare find, though they do exist. My buddy had a FWB for awhile that was all about it and he never cashed in - it drove me crazy that he didn't capitalize on it.

Do you have any particular strategy for seeking them out, or for getting this part of the screening out of the way early?

[–]Endorsed Contributoritiswr1tten6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

I can't think of a "reliable" way to make it happen (they're either legit bi or they're not), but I can put some pointers out there and I'll order them so they flow and build on each other.

  • 90% of the small population you could do this with will keep the poly thing on the DL. This is because dudes who don't get it have turned it into what they consider a "gross sex thing" way too fast

  • The other 10% are raging sluts

  • Ease into it - it's the same as her giving up the pussy. In a sense, that is literally true in a few ways

  • You have to earn her trust and build a rock solid emotional foundation with her first to do poly. You just need the trust to do 3somes

  • Consent is king and your OLTR always gets right of first refusal

  • Your masculine frame is the one they both lean on - keep your pimp hand strong and never forget YOU are in charge of all the girls

  • Running this shit is work sometimes

  • There will be catfights and conflict. Pimp hand strong. There's a reason I'm saying it twice.

  • When you pass those double barreled shit tests you can have a really good submissive fuck with both of them

  • Last but not least, the ultramajority of dudes lack the frame to do this, and fucking multiple women at the same time takes real sexual prowess. Dogs chase cars, but would be confused and scared if they caught one.

[–]WIA20XX6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

If you both discuss RP theory.

Are you insane?

[–]MaxwellPancakesMcgee1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sorry, I was referring to her receptiveness to TPR principles in their relationship.

[–]RuleTheOne0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

What if she has cheated on him already?

[–]Endorsed Contributoritiswr1tten12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

Then you get a new girl and ghost that bitch

[–]VigilantSmartbomb0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She also might leave you for a dude who’s 18 after you decide you wanna. Lose the relationship, after a kid. Happened to my dude

[–]availableEXCLAMATION0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Regarding your last paragraph, I’ve considered that all hot woman cheat, emotionally/physically... And your point? Just because woman do something means we should do it back? If we lived like that we’d all be emotional fucking wrecks... Maybe we should learn from the mistakes of woman and not be like them.. Like maybe just break up and learn from the mistake of Monogamous LTR rather than act like a insecure woman running around sucking dick behind her husbands back for whatever woman logic reason...

[–]rockyp3223 points24 points  (12 children) | Copy

Quit porn and do no fap stop watching or even thinking about porn. Porn is designed to pretty much make everyone over promiscuous seeking that next sexual high. Quit that and your love for your girl will grow

[–]launchpad459 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–]tallwheel0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

IMO, watching a bit of porn because you are bored by your significant other is a whole different issue from being a porn addict who hasn't touched a real pussy in years/ever. Most who really need nofap tend to be the latter category.

[–]NextForever5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Not sure mate, this is a tough one.

Maybe you are slightly depressed? Grains (especially wheat) messed with my perception for pretty much all my life; the ketogenic diet’s fundamentals saved me.. Could be worth checking out. Also, semen retention is integral (imo) to a healthy sex life. Being able to cum 3x in a session without a refractory period is a game-changer..

A good friend, easily one of the most alpha/empathetic guys I know, was in your very predicament. He loved his Korean LTR and spent 4 years with her traveling the world; then harbored similar sentiment and impulsively ended the relationship out of the blue. It’s been almost a decade, and it still haunts him beneath is thick, yet only human stoicism.. Although I do not intend to directly compare his one-itis with your predicament; I urge you to do your best with objectively assessing the sustainability of the relationship and not letting momentary emotions decide your future. Easier said than done. Best of luck!

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Try any of the below:

Of Human Bondage – Uncle Vasya’s Guide for Men Who Like To Tie Up Young Ladies.

-The Field Guide to playing knotty games with naughty girls.

Of Human Bondage, Part II: Slave Girls Are Fun

-When Life Sends You a Slave Girl, Put a Collar on Her.

Be Her Darkest Sexual Chapter

-How Alpha Widows Are Born

Uncle Vasya's Guide To Threesomes

-When It Comes To Head, Two Heads Are Better Than One

[–]__Archaeus__4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

Dude, I’m in a similar situation, but been in hard mode for a few years longer though.

I have just discovered a new ideology called Karezza. If you’re like me, and open minded, it’s worth some research. I’m trying it out with my chick for a couple weeks to see how it works. But I have a feeling it’s a really good path to go down.

[–]kawkawprawpraw 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy


[–]__Archaeus__0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I haven't been able to commit to the fully ideology of Karezza yet. But one thing that has come out of it is I don't let me girl cum every time anymore. She has to wait days until I say she can, and it gets to a point that she is horny as hell and begging for it. It's pretty hot. She went three weeks once. That was intense.

We are going to try the full version of it soon, just need to actually buckle down and do it.

[–]kellykebab2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You have to figure out who you are as a person, dude. Do you want to commit to a woman or do you want to play around? At some point, you can't have both. Just think about where you want to be in 2, 5, and 10 years and make the right call based on that.

I think TRP sometimes underplays the necessity of self-knowledge. As you get older, you realize that this is essential.

[–]purnoss6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

cheating is beta? says who?

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

Cheating isn't beta..suppressing your feelings is beta..if you wanna fuck other women, do it. Because most women would do the same and say no word. Ltr isn't marriage.

[–]mrmaika1033 points34 points  (0 children) | Copy

Cheating isn’t necessarily beta, but doing something with the justification of “women do it” most certainly is.

[–]Bleu_Cheese_Pursuits 1 points [recovered]  (3 children) | Copy

Have you tried thinking about someone else when you have sex with her?

[–]Rkingpin4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Next post "LTR caught me moaning someone elses name, what do?"

[–]tallwheel1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Every man in an LTR or marriage has done that.

[–]Sake992 points3 points  (17 children) | Copy

100+ , are you serious?

[–]KaiSmashSmashSawmash4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

If you think about it from when you’re 16 that’s only 7 girls a year and you haven’t even peaked yet

[–]Bunglaroo 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

At 30yo I'm definitely getting more female attention than I was in my early and even mid 20s.

[–]KaiSmashSmashSawmash2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I wouldn’t doubt it.

[–]Sake990 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Probably more than 7 girls a year, make 10 which is still a good number.

[–]Final_Pantasy5 points6 points  (7 children) | Copy

I lived in Asia for many years... like shooting fish in a barrel, even when you're a blue pill bitch so long as you're white, young, and aren't 50+ pounds overweight. I don't know my n count, but it is definitely over 100, maybe 200. I'm 30 now. Since I've been back in the states and practicing red pill for the past year, I probably add 2+ girls a month, I'm at 5 for the past month.

[–]Sake991 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

You , demi sex god, you could've spelt the name of the country. And you used condoms in all of them?

[–]Armydude19 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy

Literally any asian country. My step moms brother is 20. Dude has blue eyes and blonde hair. He keeps texting me how easy it is over there, girls are always looking at him. He's in china for vacation for 2 months and his 2nd day he got laid. Barely did any work he said.

He went to Japan 2 years ago and had the same experience. Had a chick there that was spoon feeding him and treating him like a king.

My brother is a darker skinned Hispanic. His luck hasn't been as good.

If you're white go to Asia. Especially if you have blonde hair/green/blue eyes.

[–]Sake990 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I'm brown, guess I have to rely on my game, how much muscles play part?

[–]Sake990 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

RSD Tyler make picking up US women like walk in the park and here is a guy telling me its only 2+ girl a month. Where is the disadvantage, aren't you white enough?

[–]Final_Pantasy5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy


RSD Tyler has an entourage, a very successful business, and may or may not be lying about how much success he has because his business relies on it.

I am not RSD Tyler. I'm an average looking 5-6/10 guy that dates 5-7 chicks with an average career and small social circle. 2+ a month is probably more than most average guys get in a year. When I first came back to the states from Asia I went into a deep depression and didn't get any fuck for 2 years. RP got me out of that rut. Change doesn't happen overnight but I'm on the right track.

[–]Sake990 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You are right but I've seen guys getting success from a lot of things what he does.

[–]Bunglaroo 1 points [recovered]  (4 children) | Copy

Yes. I pulled a lot of women in my BP days.

[–]11-Eleven-111 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

How? Even red pilled I can't pull women and you did while bp? Were they quality women?

[–]mrmaika100 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Not op, but I also pulled women in my bp days, just not the kinds you would want to pull. The ones that would accuse you of rape, the ones that would post 1000 pictures of you on their social media, the kind that had endless red flags. Good for a quick nut sure, but definitely not plate material

[–]11-Eleven-110 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I should probably do that for a bit. I have high standards but my game sucks and I'm too afraid to approach the girls I actually like so I don't get any.

[–]tallwheel0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Probably not a good idea to pull those who would falsely accuse you of stuff... but definitely a good idea to try lowering your standards a bit if you're not getting enough action. You may be able to bag hotter girls later after you get some more experience and DGAF attitude.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Tell her shes got to up her game cause youre bored and will look elsewhere otherwise

[–]cafeitalia0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Start getting other women and fucking them. Your ltr will be totally fine with it if you are truly red pilled as she would be happy to bring the excitement you want, and as a true red pilled man you will not have any emotional attachments to the women you are bringing in for sex. Win for you and win for your ltr.

[–]party_dragon0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I really miss having random sex and using game. I wonder if my high n-count (100+) has ruined me for LTRs, at least until my sex drive declines.

No. Every incel misses sex and variety. It's just part of being a man.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I of course constantly desire sex with other women now that the honeymoon period is over.

Yes, this is one of the biggest problems with a LTR.

What do I do?

Choose a lifestyle that suits you rather than one that doesn't.

[–]chachaChad0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Talk to her about what you want. If you want other women, tell her that. If you want a threesome, tell her. If you want to jack off in a parking lot while a group of old men watch you, tell her. Get her involved.

Cheating is avoiding reality. Deal with the problem. Face it. Find a solution, Try that solution. If it doesn't work, try another.

I'm guessing you're boring as fuck.

[–]adeptintact0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Cheating while immoral is not beta. Calling it a cowardly act sounds like some white knight beta shit.

Red pill is amoral. Time to plate her and move on if the sex isn't doing it for you.

[–]0io-0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Go for threesomes. Tell her you know some girl who thinks she's cute who is DTF.

You can always make your own porn with her, and watch it while you're fucking her, or watch somebody else's porn together too.

Have you played Barbie with her? Get a cosplay wig and some fun outfits for her to wear.

Sex toys? Whips and chains? Mix it up a little bit.

[–]xoxuv0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

but I won't cheat as we have an agreement and cheating is a deceitful beta trait.

The entirety of that phrase is beta.

You are making it a moral matter to justify your betaness.

[–]drakehfh0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Tie her up, deepthroat her, treat her like a slave, make her call you daddy, be dominant, make her beg for orgasms

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Is cheating beta in your opinion?

[–]gsp9511-3 points-2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Have sex with a prostitute. Don't forget to use a condom. Problem solved. No need to worry about getting caught or whatever. You won't get a next day call as well. Whenever you are feeling like this, save up some money just for this need.

[–]Oh_FuFu-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you really are jock la cock grande you should have little to no issues having multiple LTR’s simultaneously.

If you can’t. Step your game up. If your bitch leaves, you weren’t worthy. Go back, monk mode, try again.

[–]bigboxguy-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

Asians get boring

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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