Not sure if this is a case of a failed comfort test or simply a case of "the impossible comfort test". We alternate putting the kids down. When she puts them down I go off and do my own thing. She's always asleep by the time I come to bed. Tonight I came in the room earlier to grab something and decided to interact. I fully expected it to turn negative as all our encounters usually do. Instead of accepting my invitation she proceeded to complain that I'm never available after the kids go down and she always goes to bed alone. I asked why she doesn't text and ask me to hang out if that's what she wants and I directly asked if that was something she could do. She said she shouldn't have to that by me making the initiative it would show her that I love her. I pointed out that I am making an initiative now but I was getting this complaining so I just left. I thought to myself that I'm not going to reward her complaining but then it occurred to me that this was a comfort test and I may have failed it. But still I would like to reward positive comfort tests not negative ones. I don't want to encourage her complaining. If she would be a bit vulnerable and say she missed me then I could reward that type of comfort test. But the way she goes about things its like she points the finger and says "bad dog!" I mean, what am i supposed to do? Sit? Roll over? No, i got up and left. This has went on for years. She's not the type of person to be vulnerable and I'm not the type of person to do tricks.
Another issue recently that may actually be related. I hired a team to come do some work next week and I took off a few days to do some needed prepwork on the outside of the house. I had a list of things I needed to get done and focused on that. Which meant I neglected the inside of the house. Dishes pilled up etc. She comes home from work and I had been working outside all day, she proceeds to complain about the mess. Part of me is like, she's right, I need to own my shit but another part was like, this is my ship and I decide my priorities and my priority is to get this list done and be ready for the contractors. I let her know I would make sure all of my messes would be picked up even if I have projects like this. No leaving energy drinks etc. So it was a fine compromise but there's a general trend of her complaining and its very stereotypical wife behavior. Nagging wife. The more I DGAF the worse it gets but I DGAF. This reminds me of the 1000 foot rope and I just need to keep focusing on me and the fact that I'm even writing about this is proof that I DGAF enough.
My question is, should I be walking away from this type of complaining? Or are these failed comfort tests? I would like to reward her if she would be vulnerable and express her needs but she isn't going to do that.