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Failed Comfort Test

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miIkisforbabies
September 1, 2019
9 upvotes
askMRP

Not sure if this is a case of a failed comfort test or simply a case of "the impossible comfort test". We alternate putting the kids down. When she puts them down I go off and do my own thing. She's always asleep by the time I come to bed. Tonight I came in the room earlier to grab something and decided to interact. I fully expected it to turn negative as all our encounters usually do. Instead of accepting my invitation she proceeded to complain that I'm never available after the kids go down and she always goes to bed alone. I asked why she doesn't text and ask me to hang out if that's what she wants and I directly asked if that was something she could do. She said she shouldn't have to that by me making the initiative it would show her that I love her. I pointed out that I am making an initiative now but I was getting this complaining so I just left. I thought to myself that I'm not going to reward her complaining but then it occurred to me that this was a comfort test and I may have failed it. But still I would like to reward positive comfort tests not negative ones. I don't want to encourage her complaining. If she would be a bit vulnerable and say she missed me then I could reward that type of comfort test. But the way she goes about things its like she points the finger and says "bad dog!" I mean, what am i supposed to do? Sit? Roll over? No, i got up and left. This has went on for years. She's not the type of person to be vulnerable and I'm not the type of person to do tricks.

Another issue recently that may actually be related. I hired a team to come do some work next week and I took off a few days to do some needed prepwork on the outside of the house. I had a list of things I needed to get done and focused on that. Which meant I neglected the inside of the house. Dishes pilled up etc. She comes home from work and I had been working outside all day, she proceeds to complain about the mess. Part of me is like, she's right, I need to own my shit but another part was like, this is my ship and I decide my priorities and my priority is to get this list done and be ready for the contractors. I let her know I would make sure all of my messes would be picked up even if I have projects like this. No leaving energy drinks etc. So it was a fine compromise but there's a general trend of her complaining and its very stereotypical wife behavior. Nagging wife. The more I DGAF the worse it gets but I DGAF. This reminds me of the 1000 foot rope and I just need to keep focusing on me and the fact that I'm even writing about this is proof that I DGAF enough.

My question is, should I be walking away from this type of complaining? Or are these failed comfort tests? I would like to reward her if she would be vulnerable and express her needs but she isn't going to do that.


Post Information
Title Failed Comfort Test
Author miIkisforbabies
Upvotes 9
Comments 37
Date 01 September 2019 03:02 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/251779
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/cy4up8/failed_comfort_test/
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comfort test
Comments

[–]The_LitzRed Beret26 points27 points  (4 children) | Copy

Brother it is pretty simple. You are not gaming your wife through the day. You disappear and expect her to be spread eagled on the bed.

She is down to fuck but you are farting around. She is basically asking you to game her.

Gaming her starts in the morning when you wake up, not 30 mins after lights out.

Kids are cockblockers, but stop this idea that sex is reserved for late at night.

As for the chores that are not done, I call BS.

You are not self aware, I am betting you are the kind of guy that tramps mud through the house with your work boots and don't even realise it was you who did it.

Regardless, you are in her frame. When she complained, you DEERed to her like you did here.

Do not retaliate with passive aggressive shots like 'Then you do the prep work', it is tempting but very weak. I bet you wanted to say it.

Bottom line is, a man's work is never done, and women will never be thankful for what you do. It is the very base on which covert contracts are built.

Suck it up.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

You are not gaming your wife through the day. You disappear and expect her to be spread eagled on the bed.

This is why we pay /u/The_Litz the big bucks

[–]FoxShitNasty834 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

Bottom line is, a man's work is never done, and women will never be thankful for what you do. It is the very base on which covert contracts are built.

This, got to drop the expectation! Own it and do it because you are the man!

[–]miIkisforbabies[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yep that is what I needed to hear. It doesn't matter that I worked my ass off all day. I left empty energy drinks and dishes everywhere and I need to own that.

[–]Onein1024th1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Or own it and DGAF

[–]tom-anonymous20 points21 points  (4 children) | Copy

Dude you are in for a world of hurt if you keep this up with her.

I did the exact same thing as you. For years we'd put the kids to bed, I'd go down to watch tv and fall asleep until 2am and she'd go into our room and fall asleep alone. I'd also do the same faggot behavior of telling her she should just tell me what she wants.

Fast forward 10 years and you're going to end up like me, and it's going to happen like this:

  1. Wifey is going to continue to complain and you're going to continue telling her how she should just explain to you what she wants (as if she's a guy).
  2. Wifey is going to start giving you shitty comfort tests that you'll continue to fail.
  3. Wifey is going to become resentful and distant with you even more.
  4. Wifey is going to encounter a beta / chad hybrid that's not as good as you, but good enough to make her feel excited from his attention.
  5. Wifey is going to start thinking more and more about beta-chad until she get's to the point he's all she thinks about.

As 1-5 happens above, you're going to be sitting on the couch watching tv alone wondering why she just doesn't tell you what she wants.

Come to bed with your wife. Even if you don't have sex with her, you're missing out on a lot of intimacy and connection.

[–]tspitsatgp1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Could have written that myself.

[–]Onein1024th1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I'm in the same boat as OP.

How do you bridge that gap though? Her complaining right around bedtime is a long way from me gladly climbing into bed with a fatter grumpier version of the woman who stopped fucking me after the honeymoon.

[–]tom-anonymous2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

If you're thinking of it that way, then you're still thinking of her as a someone who processes things the same way as a man. The physical aspect is separate from the emotional aspect of her complaining. Is it her weight or her complaining, or both that makes you avoid her by not climbing into bed?

If it's the complaining then you haven't started seeing the code in the matrix yet. That moment when you realize you can stop bullets in mid-air.

Trust me, I didn't have to deal with any weight problems on her part, but I sure as hell had to deal with her complaining, and it was all because I had this wall up because I didn't want to reward her for bad behavior. But you don't have to, that's not what I'm saying.

You have to start convincing yourself that emotionally she is not equivalent to you. You have to imagine that inside her adult body lives a teenager who thinks with her emotions instead of pure logic.

Once you can do that, the complaining and nagging aren't powerful. When you're with a teenager you don't take her seriously. You pick your battles and only put your foot down when there's blatant disrespect. That's when you tell her you never allow people outside of the house to speak to you like this, so why in hell would it be ok for her to do that? All the other times you just laugh inside and let her pass her emotional moment until she forgets about it. That was my biggest surprise. It's amazing how women will forget and move on if you don't pick fights with them about stupid shit.

In the end, she'll be crawling in bed with you and wanting your affection (even apologizing) knowing even though she was a pain in the ass, your frame was solid as a rock. This will never come if you're whining about how terrible she is because she complains before bedtime.

Regarding her overweight problem, you just need to focus on you. If she sees you looking better, she's going to want to look better too. If she doesn't want to look better, then she's a lazy ass who doesn't give a shit about herself and you can do better.

[–]Onein1024th0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

the complaining. I'm making good progress at gym

so do you A&A or just let her vent and ignore it?

Understood on the setting boundaries

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (5 children) | Copy

But still I would like to reward positive comfort tests not negative ones.

I'm not sure that there's a difference.

If she would be a bit vulnerable and say she missed me then I could reward that type of comfort test.

Well that explains the above. You're coming across as really whiny and needy here like there's some kind of underlying insecurity.

Or are these failed comfort tests?

I'm of the opinion that what you described about not spending time with her after she puts the kids down is a failed comfort test.

With the situation with the home project, it sounds more like a combination of her not trusting you (which, I don't know if she has reason to or not) and you potentially not handling your responsibilities (which, again, I don't know which responsibilities are yours and which aren't based on just this post).

I would like to reward her if she would be vulnerable and express her needs but she isn't going to do that.

You're cutting your nose off to spite your face here. Your post history is essentially empty, so I have no idea what your background is or what work you've put in, so I can't advise based on that context.

My best advice is to get over yourself and start passing the softball comfort tests. You're needlessly shooting yourself in the foot all because mommy won't tell you that she wants you to spend time with her (even though she's literally telling you that she wants you to spend time with her).

[–]miIkisforbabies[S] -1 points0 points  (4 children) | Copy

k. I can work on passing these comfort tests. Its not how I treat my kids though. When they whine and complain etc I nip that in the butt

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (3 children) | Copy

You're not married to your kids.

[–]miIkisforbabies[S] -1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy

So I should not only tolerate her tantrums. I should reward them? Hmm. K

Edit: "Hmm. K" = I don't understand but I'll do it anyway. not sarcasm.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy

You're complaining that your wife will not show that she wants you. When she shows that she wants you, you shut her down and make her feel like shit about it. How you don't see that this is a problem is beyond my understanding.

If your way worked, you wouldn't be here. You need to get your head out of your ass.

But hey, you clearly think you're right. I mean, things are going exactly how you want them right? There's no way you could be wrong.

Just keep repeating the same stupid shit over and over. It's really worked for you so far.

[–]miIkisforbabies[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

If your way worked, you wouldn't be here.

You're right that's why I'm asking for advice.

But hey, you clearly think you're right. I mean, things are going exactly how you want them right? There's no way you could be wrong.

Just keep repeating the same stupid shit over and over. It's really worked for you so far.

Why would I do that? I'm asking for advice on what I can do differently and trying to understand where I'm screwing up. I know I'm wrong. Otherwise I wouldn't be asking for advice.

[–]0io-Tsundere10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

>never available after the kids go down

wife wants sex.

>why can't she text and ask me to hang out

she wants you to initiate.

---

>Dishes in sink, etc

>wife complains

>let her know blah blah blah

Too much talking going on here. Action not words.

[–]red88lobster11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

Do your dishes .

Wait till kids are in bed .

Throw wife on bed .

Fuck wife.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (9 children) | Copy

Get some duct tape and put it over your mouth. What’s with all this overt communication? She’s not a guy; stop expecting her to act like one. You’re a dumbass - she is communicating, practically screaming at you in womanese and you’re clueless.

You’ve gone DNGAF Rambo while not OYS.

If you want to give comfort - do it. If you don’t - then you probably don’t like your wife. Do you like your wife?

[–]FoxShitNasty832 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy

I might... how fat is she?

[–]miIkisforbabies[S] 1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

60-70lbs over. I'm 20lbs over and know I have work to do. But yeah her weight doesn't exactly inspire me to try to game her. I'm going to try based on the advice here but not because I want to.

[–]FoxShitNasty836 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

Good news, I crunched all the numbers and we can swap wives! Do what you want with her and for the love of God dont send her back.

[–]miIkisforbabies[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Lol k

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I crunched all the numbers and we can swap wives!

LMFAO

[–]rocknrollchuck1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She's a reflection of you. She's on a 1,000 ft rope, trailing along behind you.

​

How to lead your wife to get in shape.

[–]SoggyTrainCucked by machines0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If she is that overweight you have to be a faggot as she isn't scared of losing you. She knows she can be a fatty and still boss you around.

[–]miIkisforbabies[S] -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

Get some duct tape and put it over your mouth. What’s with all this overt communication? She’s not a guy

Hmm. Ok. So I don't have covert contracts but I should have covert communication. I'll try that.

If you want to give comfort - do it. If you don’t - then you probably don’t like your wife. Do you like your wife?

I don't when she's acting like a bitch. I guess I'll try to game her and give comfort to see if that helps.

[–]gameoflibidos-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

She's a bitch, you're a bitch.. it's a house full of bitches.

Seriously, you are hamstering over this way too much. When she's being a bitch, ignore her.. dont be a bitch back, don't engage in arguments, don't even entertain trying to create arguments, don't put her in a corner with a dunce hat... just simply ignore it. Women being bitchy is like passing storms in Florida. It's not like Seattle where it rains all fucking day.

You get pissed.. it can last for days... that's why the "reset" rule exists for dudes. Wake up and reset, no matter what happened yesterday. Women can be super pissed or super bitchy for like 20 mins, then their mind switches to alternate topic and they are fine. You're confused cause you over here trying to ride the ups and downs of her moods. That's loss of frame.. she wants you to be the even keel, the balance that keeps her from ever going to high or too low... you're just chasing her like a confused puppy.

Stop it.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

So your wife is sitting upstairs in bed, all alone, every night, bored.

Out of the blue, you ask her to communicate directly with you.

She tells you - pretty directly - that she is tired of sitting upstairs in bed, all alone, every night, bored.

Failing to recognise that women - unlike men - rarely communicate overtly, you get pissed at her for not communicating like a man. You basically tell her this and then walk off in a huff.

Meanwhile, you leave your wife sitting upstairs in bed, all alone, bored and wondering why the fuck you don't just "get it".

What a fucking retard.

Once you understand that women are not like men, they're a lot easier to figure out. Women are quite simple. How you figure them out is very simple too..

READ THE FUCKING SIDEBAR.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

The nagging is a lagging indicator of her not being attracted to you.

It gets compounded too when she comes home to see dishes all over the place and the house fucked up. Sets her off even more- it’s the downhill spiral of doom - I’ve been there. She’ll find the smallest thing around the house wrong and shame you for it.

“fully expected it to turn negative as all our encounters usually do.”

Why? Sounds like you are a hard worker... but you aren’t gaming her. She needs some Feelz from you. You aren’t providing the tingles ^ Another reason she’s acting out.

Go to work on yourself - sidebar- learn how to game your wife.

[–]miIkisforbabies[S] 2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

The nagging is a lagging indicator of her not being attracted to you.

The nagging makes me unattracted to her. I want to get far away.

She’ll find the smallest thing around the house wrong and shame you for it.

Yup. Work my ass of and get shut done and she always finds fault. I expect it now.

Why? Sounds like you are a hard worker... but you aren’t gaming her.

I don't game her at all. She's over weight. It would be nice if she had a mindset like what RP encourages of OYS and get attractive etc. if she got attractive I'd be motivated to game her. She is not a starfish in bed but she is in the relationship. Expects me to do everything and she should be accepted without any work. It's the blue pill feminine narrative. It's been years but at one point I encouraged her to use her sexuality to motivate me. She has zero seductive ability. Before we started dating I had no clues she was interested. She gave no hints. I pursued her and later found out she had been attractive to me for a while. Which is fine. Just sucks that attitude extends to staying physically attractive. She doesn't care about her appearance. As far as I know I need to become outcome independent, get fit as fuck and attract other women. And apparently game her at the same time so she feels like she has something to lose. All the while not having a covert contract by expecting her to change because I can only change me and have to be willing to leave if that's what I want.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

Sounds like a troll- has all the keywords but no follow through.

Stop reinventing the wheel- work your ass off to increase your SMV. If she doesn’t follow, start banging other hot chicks.

[–]miIkisforbabies[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Will do. Thanks

[–]RisingUpAgain2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah that’s about it.

OYS and lead the way and maybe she’ll own hers

Or just bitch about how it’s not fair.

[–]Perfectinmyeyes1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Nice post you summed up what these guys were saying

[–]WolfofAllStreetz1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Can’t imagine a 70lb overweight woman telling me what to do and getting mad at anything she did.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm not the type of person to do tricks

Bullshit, she’s got you doing all the tricks. You say you DNGAF, but you are telling her all the shit you are going to do, which is basically saying you DO GAF. She reads it that way, and that’s why it jut gets worse. You may not be even conscious of it, but it’s obvious you are trying to make mommy happy, and that is validation seeking and needy.... very unattractive. You need to quit bullshitting yourself



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