Question about new relationship

uniqueeleni · 2019-09-08T14:50:16+00:00

When he does ask you questions and has a deep conversation with you, definitely reward him and tell him how much you enjoyed the conversation, in order to encourage him to do that more. And when you feel like sharing something, don’t wait for him to ask you, just do it, like he does too.

ragnarockette · 2019-09-08T15:04:42+00:00

Oh man film industry guys. I know them so well. This is just how a lot of them are, especially the younger ones. Most people find film glamorous and interesting and so they definitely develop a taste for talking about themselves and their work.

What line of work does he do?

[deleted] · 2019-09-09T20:15:02+00:00

So it sounds like you have 2 separate problems here -- the lack of deep conversations, and his tendency to talk about himself.

The talking about himself thing is probably because he's in a high stress, competitive field. My husband is in a different field but similarly is absorbed in his work and tends to talk about it a LOT, especially during busy periods when he is working a lot; he also, without even realizing it, steers the conversation back to his work just because that's what his mind is full of. (I guess similarly, I can tend to steer every conversation back to our kids, because that's what's on MY mind all day. I need to work on that.)

I'm not going to lie, all the work talk can get annoying at times. But at this point, he kind of knows when he's going too far and laughs at himself with a good grace, and that helps a lot.

As for the lack of depth, I think you have to wait and see how that develops. Maybe he is shy and doesn't want to bare himself yet. Or maybe he is a bit shallower than you but values your depth. I'm not sure how long you've been together but you say this is a new relationship, so you might want to wait and see.

MirriMazDuur · 2019-09-08T15:30:23+00:00

Have you tried telling him about it? People can't fix their deffects unless somebody points them out to them.

PinkNinjaKitty · 2019-09-10T23:33:35+00:00

Coming late to this party. How long have you been dating? I read in Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus that sometimes in the initial stages of dating a guys talks about himself to impress his romantic interest (without realizing it’s a turn-off). Do you think that could be what he’s doing?

melitele3 · 2019-09-08T22:27:55+00:00

I will just say: Tell him. Just do it. That is what I always do whenever I find something bothering me. I just tell them straight up what I think and I ask them what they think.

It happened to me once with one of my friends. Conversations with him were very casual and funny but they lacked the depth and I was constantly finding myself talking about some profound ideas and him responding with - mhmmmm. So I asked him why doesn’t he elaborate more and why he can’t produce a sort of “speech” about anything and he just bluntly responded me with: Well I just don’t think about deep stuff. I don’t think about anything but the present. I don’t dwell on things and events and I can’t speak the way you want.

That was clear and I got it. I didn’t continue to talk more and form friendship because I felt I prefer people I can talk with about less trivial things.

So my advice is to just ask him bluntly. There is no need to go around topic really.

blimpette · 2019-09-08T22:58:16+00:00

Could be a narc. If so, tread lightly.

Try gently and kindly confronting him on it. If he responds in a healthy way, that’s a good sign. If he gets hyper-defensive or turns the blame around on you, be careful.

Title	Question about new relationship
Author	Estelita91
Upvotes	26
Comments	16
Date	September 8, 2019 2:44 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/d1brny/question_about_new_relationship/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/question-about-new-relationship.252350 https://theredarchive.com/post/252350

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