Hi guys. Been a while since I've posted. For those of you who've never read my past posts or don't know me, here's a little back ground.
I'm 42, wife is 43. Second marriage for both, and we each have two kids to a previous marriage, sharing 50-50 custody with our exes. Children are on the exact same custody rotation, so when we have them, they are always together.
I'm 6'1", 225 lbs, work out regularly. Could stand to lose 10 lbs, so I started running again. In general, both of us are fit, healthy and attractive.
My kids are 12 and 7 (boy and girl, girl is oldest) My step kids are 12 and 9 (boy and girl, girl is the oldest)
In general, my kids behave much better and listen better than my step children. My kids don't talk back, they do their homework, do their chores, shower and go to bed without any guff or problems. My step children are good for the most part, except for the occasional talking back (always to my wife). They also are super passive agressive when it comes to bed time as well.
My wife always brags about how she's a staunch disciplinarian and how her kids "tow the line." She always seems to be chasing after and yelling at her kids. However, they seem to listen well to me, and when she's not around or working, I have little trouble with them.
I know she sees this and gets mad sometimes. One time, she'll criticize my more laid back parenting style, and tell me I "don't do it right" (but I shrug it off and ignore her because I see results). Then the next time, she'll be struggling with and yelling at her kids being passive agressive by (for example) avoiding getting ready for bed at bed time, then she'll come to me whining for help saying, "God, I wish my kids listened like yours... I need your help." It seems as soon as I get involved, my step kids seem to fall in line and they're off to bed. I can't exactly say what it is I do to be able to lead like that, I just know that I can do it and it happens naturally.
So, here comes my situation and my questions.... I have a rule in the house that the kids aren't allowed to have food in their rooms. Drives me nuts. I also have a philosophy that ALL the kids need to be monitored and checked on in aspects such as cell phones, video games, tv, etc. My wife follows this lead and has instituted a rule of the random room flip and bookbag search / dump.
Yesterday, I got home from work, and my wife is sitting in the kitchen with a bag of candy and a couple of cookies in front of her. She proceeds to tell me that she pulled a random search on the kids' rooms after she got home from work, and found the food in my daughter's bedroom. She flipped out and demanded that it be addressed. Now, MY daughter is actually been the biggest offender of my no food in the rooms rule historically. I told her, I agree... I'll handle it (with her staring in silence). We didn't have the kids yesterday evening, so I had to wait until tonight.
Kids all go to bed tonight, and I went to my daughter's room to say good night and struck up a conversation. I brought up that we did a random seach of the rooms last night and we found the food. My 12 year old froze, then instantly owned it and admitted it. I asked her what the rule was, and she said "no food in the rooms... I'm sorry, I won't do it again." I said, "ok, I believe you, BUT breaking the rules has consequences." I took her cable box and tv remote for the evening. She instantly started crying, and told me that I was mean and to please leave her alone. I kissed her on the forehead, hugged her and told her I loved her, then said you can have this back tomorrow.
I came back up upstairs and my wife pounced on me and wanted to know what happened eagerly. I calmly told her what I said and what I decided. She rudely said, "ha, surprised you didn't cave and followed through with a punishment." I said, "ok" and didn't DEER, and walked back downstairs. My wife followed me and continued to shit test, poking at her perceived "weakness" in my parenting philosophy. My daughter came out of her room and up to the kitchen to get a drink of water, moping and silent, then went back to her room. I chuckled about her (my daughter acting pissed) after she left the room.
My wife rails on me saying, "I can tell you're bothered by the fact she's upset." I just shrug and blow her off. She keeps ranting and "bragging" about how she "doesn't care if someone's mad at her.. blah blah blah..." female bullshit ranting. I admit, pre-redpill I would have taken that bait, but I resisted." I did however, chuckle lightly, which made her say, "what's so funny" in a snooty voice. I teased her and called her out on bullshit about not caring if someone's mad at her. She pissed and moaned more, "oh, so now you're inside my head... asshole". She then kissed me goodnight, told me she had to get up early and went to bed.
Question: did I handle this properly and what kind of grade do I get for holding frame? I give myself a B / B- at best.
Also, any of you guys have a blended family? What have you seen with respect to parenting differences?