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Last night first date was a flop

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Atheist_Utopia
September 17, 2019
80 upvotes
askTRP

Now first of all this girl is a co-worker and I shit where I eat because IDGAF about this job and will soon be quitting. HB6, nothing special. Took her to a park on my motorcycle, talked a bit and did a bit of kino. She has insane trouble with eye-contact and can't hold it for more than 2 seconds, especially in silence. Called her out on it in a playful way.

Didn't sense any IOIs except for being neutral to my kino. Thought about kissing her but didn't because it would've been too forced. In the end we hugged and went our separate ways. Anything I could've done better? Was my first date with a girl in 5 years by the way (I'm 19).


Post Information
Title Last night first date was a flop
Author Atheist_Utopia
Upvotes 80
Comments 56
Date 17 September 2019 09:49 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/253614
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/d5eomx/last_night_first_date_was_a_flop/
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kino
Comments

[–]TheStumblingWolf128 points129 points  (11 children) | Copy

In what way was it a flop? If you truly dgaf then you don't care about the outcome. You did walk away with 1 thing though no matter how you look at it: experience. In my opinion, any experience I learn from is valuable no matter the outcome. That's what I focus on.

[–]Atheist_Utopia[S] 34 points35 points  (10 children) | Copy

In what way was it a flop?

Guess I was a bit outcome dependent. Least I expected was to makeout, and maybe sex. Both didn't happen, so was kinda disappointed.

It definitely gave me experience though, and that's invaluable indeed.

[–]nateydanger39 points40 points  (5 children) | Copy

I expected was to makeout, and maybe sex.

this is why it was a flop man. You went into it with a motive and probably smelled a bit desperate for action. Next time don't go in with the goal of sex, let it be a byproduct of executing flawless game.

[–]E9er0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

shit is this true? i always go in with the mentality to minimum make out and complete success if we end up fucking. you’re advising otherwise??? don’t expect result??? i’d picture keep your eye on the prize?? i don’t think i’d feel relaxed on a date if i didn’t have a motive before hand otherwise what are we doing here? i can see going in with not having sex? but if you’re not going in with goal of getting action then you’re wasting both your times! clearly she wants something and so do i! let’s facilitate

[–]nateydanger0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Theres a big difference between expecting it and earning it.

[–]E9er0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

i’d figure it was a given if i did it right and she was feeling my energy... unless i fucked something up. i mean every girl i talk to i expect i’m gonna eventually have sex other wise why give her plenty of attention. i got my goal in mind and if i did it right i get my reward as you call. i just assumed it was best to keep your goal in mind. let her know what is how it is why it is...

[–]Atheist_Utopia[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Then what is the definition of flawless game?

[–]nateydanger13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

To me game is not a means to an end. To say that I execute game to have sex keeps me in the same endless blue pill cycle. I need to master the art of talking to girls so they will sleep with me. You are still deriving self worth and happiness from female validation.

What is flawless game? Means different things to different people but for me personally if I am going into a situation without expectations there is no pressure to win anything. I demonstrate my value to her and show her the charming, intelligent person who has his shit together. Let her decide if she wants to fuck or not and if she doesn't oh fucking well. Abundance mentality bro.

I myself am still a student learning the ropes i am sure there are people way more educated on techniques than I am (check the sidebar and read)

[–]That_Deaf_Guy20 points21 points  (1 child) | Copy

Having expectations in these situations is a great way to be let down or disappointed.

[–]MrAnderzon3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Same here. When I push for sex with my FWB's and dates it doesn't happen usually.

But when sex is not even on my mind and not wanting . And I'm there to have fun. Here she goes throwing herself at me. Looks like it goes back to them sensing that your desperate.

On that same note women do want to be desired.

[–]TheStumblingWolf1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Maybe so. In any case, your next date will go better because of this :)

[–]krizzywizzy23 points24 points  (1 child) | Copy

bro.. i see dates as like martial arts or any other sport. So as somebody who's new to this acknowledge that you're a noob.. You're goal is to win(fuck) but you should focus on the moment and not depend that much on the outcome. That's because it not about the single game(date), its the series of games thru out life is what define an athlete.

but personally man, my best advice for you is to stay away from dates unless you're on your fucking grind. dont use women as an escape from a shity life, they should just simply enhance it. peace.

[–]Atheist_Utopia[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

but personally man, my best advice for you is to stay away from dates unless you're on your fucking grind. dont use women as an escape from a shity life, they should just simply enhance it. peace.

I'm well aware of this, brother. My focus on women is as the isolation exercises after my main workout, a.k.a. the icing on the cake.

[–]andyturbo2000 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy

Even flops are experience gathered. The best still get flops.

​

Positives I take from this:

Motorcycle - check - excitment

DNGAF - remains to be seen whether or not your truly believe in this. At least you know - at 19 you're way ahead of the curve.

Kino - see above

​

Negatives

Always be escalating. If you truly did not give a f**k, you would have gone for that kiss.

[–]TheBunk_TB3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Unfortunately; I agree with the sentiment that you should have gone in for the kiss. Men are physical beings. If you don't try, you don't know.

[–]Deathrow221 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Adding to this: OP there is not a „magic moment“ to kiss a girl.

As someone here or on the main sub said: „we‘re not living in a romantic movie“

[–]BusterVadge29 points30 points  (5 children) | Copy

Hey, at least you're getting dates, right? Just move on to the next. I personally had one last week that I couldn't figure out. Hot younger submissive girl. Date was amazing, ended up VERY physical. No second date because she's afraid of getting too attached to me and I spelled out my intentions beforehand that I will never want anything serious.

Bottom line is you can't win them all, but there are millions of women out there, so keep moving on to the next.

[–]ColdBeing18 points19 points  (0 children) | Copy

Should've said you're looking for a connection

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points  (1 child) | Copy

Hmm I feel like it’s a bad idea to say you’re not looking for anything serious so overtly. Maybe she would have felt the same after a couple dates and it would have been win-win. I feel like saying that stuff so early is a red flag for girls regardless of what they’re looking for. Maybe not though just throwing it out there

[–]BusterVadge1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think you and the other posters may be correct. I met this girl through the BDSM community, she's 20 years younger and says she's an experienced submissive. If that's true, then she knows the drill. But we all know that women lie from time to time.

Perhaps if I was more open to the idea of something more than simply sex, she'd have not been too afraid of getting attached. I'll try that for my next hookup.

[–]MrAnderzon5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

How the others have stated its how you said you don't want anything serious. Girls really care about their social image and if you're making them look/feel slutty by saying I only want you for sex.

I'm searching for a connection

Looking to have fun

I'm maybe open to something like that

Agree and Amplify

Always dangling commitment like they dangle sex.

[–]Dimenzije903 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ooo rookie mistake always tell them "im down to settle down if the girl is right." That will make her try even more. But yeah you can call her again i doubt she will flake if she has high interrest in you.

[–]GregTRP2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's perfectly normal to have a bad date.

Sometimes you'll just end up out with a chick who has no personality and you can't get anything out of. No one steps up to bat with a 100% record.

On to the next.

[–]downvotesanimals1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It happens.

[–]AceMav211 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy

What kinda bike is it an underwhelming Ninja 250 or?

[–]Atheist_Utopia[S] 2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

Even better, a Derbi GPR50.

[–]AceMav210 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Yeah just buy a 15 year old 600 super sport and your good. Whatever you do though no under glow or stretched swing arms

[–]Atheist_Utopia[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Too young for my A2 license brah. I'll be upping my motorcycle game the moment I hit 20.

[–]AceMav210 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Idk what that means in Massachusetts you get a permit which is multiple choice questions then you can hop on a Hayabusa if you want and can afford it at 16

[–]Atheist_Utopia[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Europe here. A2 is for motorcycles up to 35kW. Need to be 20 for this.

[–]AceMav210 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

What a KW? We do horse powa son. Murica. America FUCK YEAH.

[–]rosesmellikepoopoo2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Sometimes when you haven’t been on a date in a while it’s really weird as you try and get used to it again.

I’m guessing you’re too young to drink? (18 in my country)

I don’t do first dates that don’t involve alcohol, but don’t worry, think about what you did well and what you can improve for the next one.

[–]Atheist_Utopia[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

18 is the drinking age here, but I really couldn't care less about alcohol.

[–]amphix3390 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Exact same situation happened with me, 19 as well. Took her for a 2nd date, and that's when I got the ass. Some girls need to get more time to get comfortable if you're not showing immense amount of SMV.

That being said I wouldn't put in too much effort if she's just a 6, it may take multiple dates as you got no IOIs

[–]Atheist_Utopia[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Took her for a 2nd date, and that's when I got the ass.

What did you do differently on the second time?

[–]amphix3393 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I genuinely don't know. I think she just got more comfortable with me

[–]W_O_M_B_A_T0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Doesn't sound like she was that interested. Shit happens. Game other women.

Sounds like you were tense. Your amused mastery frame wasn't as strong as it could have been.

That takes practice.

Most of all it sounds like you were treating her like she's the prize, instead of you being the prize.

The attitude is, she did nothing to deserve the effort of kissing her.

[–]mountainbiker1780 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The attitude is, she did nothing to deserve the effort of kissing her.

Just had a similar date as OP. I really like this.

[–]Sylvester_Sterone0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

No eye contact...

Was she busy with the instagram or too shy to look at you.?

[–]Atheist_Utopia[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Definitely not the phone, but she wasn't shy either. She found it too awkward and intense to hold eye contact whether we were talking or not talking.

[–]Domebeers0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

If a girl can't hold eye contact have a staring contest with her, I know it sound silly but try it and let me know. In my experience it's a winning move, I usually go for a kiss after I 'win' or 'lose' the contest.

[–]Atheist_Utopia[S] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

What did you think I did? She lasted 2 seconds and refused to play after she failed.

[–]Domebeers0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

shit dawg, damn

[–]Atheist_Utopia[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Just kissing her with 0 eye contact would feel extremely unnatural. What would you have done after she refused to play?

[–]ZeppKfw0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'd have done the same thing as you. It takes two to tango my friend.

[–]Domebeers0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I think you said you were at a park, right? I would have teased her for being no fun, and then challenged her to a race. Loser has to (whatever your conditions are). If I can feel the girl is kinda into me (ie if you've been getting ok response from kino) I make the bet something silly like she has to kiss me when she loses. (IE I do this and it has worked for me, ymmv)

[–]TrolsMan20 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

If she is neutral to your kino, just keep escalating... Jesus

[–]Atheist_Utopia[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Lol don't know how to swim? Just dive headfirst into water!

[–]TSM_Bjergson0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I liked how you called her out on not being able to hold eye-contact. I wouldn't call this a failure by any means. You will learn from this and be better.

If kissing her is what you wanted to do you should have gone for it regardless of "how forced" you might think it would seem. Making the move and setting the vibe will ALWAYS be on you. I used to have a lot of these mostly platonic dates when I was your age until I realized this.

[–]asorals0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The only thing you should've done differently was kiss close.

Rejection is better than regret.

[–]TheLongerCon0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

In general, the women should be talking way more during the date. My guess is that you talked too much, it's a common mistake for newbies.

[–]Atheist_Utopia[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Nope, she talked 2x as much.

[–]Senior ContributorMentORPHEUS0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

She has insane trouble with eye-contact and can't hold it for more than 2 seconds

There can be many reasons for this- cultural differences can be a big one. The main body language fundamental you're missing, in the context of a female on a date with you is:

Not maintaining eye contact is a signal of submission.

So why the fuck are you using those moments to push a spergish staredown upon her?

She might be young, inexperienced, and accordingly slow to escalate. From your description it might be worth trying a second date. Try to get more push-pull going instead of you just push-push-pushing to her.

Or most likely, she just wasn't that into you. No big deal, dating is a numbers game so keep at it and you'll rack up some good scores, getting better as you go.

[–]Atheist_Utopia[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

There can be many reasons for this- cultural differences can be a big one.

Bulgarian. I don't know if that has to do with it.

Not maintaining eye contact is a signal of submission.

Oh I'm well aware of this. But in the context of her other micro-behaviours, it seemed to come from a place of personal issue rather than submission. I've seen girls do it out of submission before and it was very different.

[–]iceporter-2 points-1 points  (1 child) | Copy

what is IOI ?

[–]EpixJacob3121 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Indication of interest. Read the sidebar.



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