On it's face the words "we're a team" makes me cringe, because it's been overused by those who want to promote a absolutely equal partnership. "We are a team" goes right up next to "we are each other's best friends" to invoke my gagging reflex. However, I think that it is simply because of the misuse of the phrase that has caused this, rather than thinking about what it really means to "be on the same team" as your partner.

If one reframes the phrase from an RPW point-of-view, it actually make a lot of sense. To me, "on the same team", means that you are working together towards a common purpose. You share the same goals. You may not be on the same position, one could be the goal keeper and another could be the forward. These positions are very different but are both very important, and they both serve the same purpose, to win the game.

I think it is important to not lose sight of this on your quest to give up control.

When I first wrote the words "bring your captain your problem, not your solution", I was, in part, addressing this issue. There are many women who think that giving up control means never letting their SO know when something is bothering them. No. If something is going wrong with you, then that hurts the team. Trying to ignore it is like trying to run a 3-legged race when one person has a broken foot. You can't function well as a team when one team member isn't... functioning. When you "bring your captain your problem, not your solution", it means you tell him when something is wrong, but you don't tell him what do to solve it. That is the part where you give up control. It is important that you give him all the information you can, because he can't lead well if he doesn't know what's going on with you.

I think that making sure your SO has all the relevant information to make decisions is one of your most important responsibilities. He can't make good decisions without knowing everything that is at play.

Further, this extends to alerting him about things that are going to cause a hinderance and helping wherever you can. If you notice a weak spot in the enemies defense, you tell him about it. The goal is to win the game, not to test what your SO can do without any input. If you're going to miss a turn on the freeway, it is okay to tell him about it. Here you give up control by not telling him what to do about it, he could, for example, decide it's unsafe to try to get off now, and turn around. But if you don't tell him things that could help him, you are actively hindering him. You are losing sight of the purpose that you are supposed to be working together.

He may be the leader, but you're the support system. Without you, he is perfectly capable of working things out on his own, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try to make things easier for him, and lighten his load whenever you can. That is what it means to be working together, and part of a team.