Is it possible to have strictly platonic male friends?

ILoveCuteKitties · 2020-09-22T10:25:24+00:00

My experience is that if you are attractive it is very difficult to have purely platonic male friendships. If you are traditional, conservative, up keep your appearance, and have domestic skills you will likely have men eyeing you. I generally think it’s a bad idea for ltr anyways. Infidelity frequently happens on accident when the relationship goes through the unavoidable and normal rough patches of life. Conservative couples often find it odd if two opposite sex members of “the crew” spend much time alone talking. That would raise some red flags to everyone. I’m sorry that you’re struggling to much to find female friendship. I think it is important not to write off other women just because they have different political beliefs. I have several very liberal friends and there are plenty of other things to talk about. We should be able to gracefully hear opinions we don’t agree with as well and not assume the the left has everything completely wrong. Are there females in your field that you can connect with? I’m not sure of your age but as you get older it’s very normal to have only a couple of friends, especially as you get busy with marriage, kids, and work.

MrsChiliad · 2020-09-22T13:09:10+00:00

If you’re friends because of a circle of other people, sure. One-on-one, texting about your day, type of friendship? Not in my opinion, and I’ve thought so since even before I became more conservative.

IcarusKiki · 2020-09-22T18:39:22+00:00

Do your husbands friends have wives maybe you could click in with? Maybe y’all could hang out as couples and see where it goes from there.

Unwritten_Excerpts · 2020-09-22T18:12:37+00:00

I think it's totally possible, but you'll likely have to set limits that you may not have to set with female friends. Stuff like one on one hangouts, constant texting, etc may be totally unproblematic with female friends but can quickly skew into unclear, romantic territory with guys (especially since men don't tend to do these things with each other).

NoirDoll · 2020-09-22T18:26:49+00:00

In my experience it’s never happened. They all always tried it on🙄That’s why I decided if I ever had male friends again, he/they would have to be someone who’s my exact type and/or if that’s not the case, would have to bring something to the table in compensation. That way I won’t be grossed out or annoyed and in a super awkward position when he inevitably puts the moves on me, as I’d already find him physically attractive or has other desirable traits and qualities to offer in lieu of that.

It’s a moot scenario anyway, since I’ve a husband who is all I’ve ever wanted and satisfies me wholly, so I’ve no need or interest in men friends. He’s the only friend I have and need, male or female.

DelicateDevelopment · 2020-09-22T20:05:36+00:00

I am sorry to hear about the difficulties you have at work. This is why I keep my thoughts mostly to myself, since I do not want to put myself at risk.

I don't have a solution to that. I am in a very similar position and it is difficult to find female friends who are not feminists and constantly talk about how women are discriminated against. I cannot hear the sentence "they only do this because I am a woman" anymore.

And I more or less completely distanced myself from almost all friends I have, except exchanging birthday wishes and so on and I have not been able to find a new social circle. The people in my area that I know exist are either too radical or I don't know how to connect with them.

I think if your husband accepts it and you keep the friendships on a level that is mostly related to the hobby that connects you then most likely it should be ok.

What I imagine that what could turn out difficult is if you ever feel the need to emotionally open up to someone who is not your husband. Emotionally opening up, as e.g. seeking comfort about something or discussing feelings should be reseverved for female friends. Of course one will never be able to exclude everything personal from a friendship but one can keep the level of intimacy with male friends really low and I think most of them respect that.

What surprises me is that you describe that the difficulties with your male gaming friends only show up after you tell them that you are female.

This is just a guess, but from this I assume that maybe you have adopted male communication patterns so well, that without you telling them that you are a guy, they don't really realize this.

While still being at university in a male dominated research field and while therefore also having mostly male friends I kind if did not want to make an issue about being a women and tried to be friends with the guys by imitating their jokes, their communication patterns. I think that this has led them more often than not to attempts to cross borders.

Since I started to read RP and started to act more reserved and femine actually nobody has made inappropriate remarks towards me or in my presence anymore.

So somehow I think that by the way I was communicating with men I kind of send unconscious signals that it is ok, because I am "cool", not bitchy, but also not feminine enough to hold them back.

I think you should really try to connect with at least one or two women in your life that share similar ideals and that are not related to your husbands circle of friends. One the one hand for you to nurture your feminine side and on the other hand for you to be able to speak about deeper emotional topics with a woman in a setting where you can say whatever you feel without the fear that it might affect the friends of your husband or your relationship with your husband. I think we women sometimes need someone with whom we can speak without filters. Men can definitely not serve that purpose, because if they do, then they are just ony tiny step away from desiring more.

There must be housewives in Vegas... And maybe you need to add one or two topics that allow you to find people with a wider range of interests. Something that is interesting to almost everybody irrespective of political background. Like a sports club or a book club.

It took some time until I could enjoy popular culture again, but now I kind of can and consciously do so that I have something to talk about with most people.

Among the sports clubs you can try to choose some which are more elitist but also attractive to hard working people. Those could be the ones with a less liberal mindset.

Also check if you have Eastern European communities somewhere near you and go to some of their public events. The mentality of the people seems to be pretty rational on many situations and even though almost all the women I know take some pride in their carreer they did not unlearn how to be feminine and playful and humorous. So whenever I can I meet one of my older friends, because it feels so healthy and refreshing to me.

justa_game · 2020-09-23T12:23:30+00:00

Yes it is. I've come across some really good guys in my lifetime who hasn't hit on me even though I am attractive. These men are very secure and comfortable with themselves. It seems like the crowd you're in is kind of scummy

frenchie-martin · 2020-09-25T21:02:04+00:00

Most “progressive” men when you think about it claim to be non-judgemental about sex, to be pro-choice, anti “slut shaming”, pro-choice etc. Ask yourself... are they truly egalitarian or do they support these ideals because they make it easier to get laid?

UnDefinedLegacy · 2020-09-22T06:45:07+00:00

It's completely possible. Some of my closest male friends are the friends of my gal pals and former classmates that I admired their artwork etc. But alas they themselves have spouses in their life. My second closest of male friends are work friends that I have traveled and had dinners with in group hang outs with other co-workers. So if more organic the ones that stick to being platonic have been ones already together and from those I met at work who have an incentive to keep it platonic. The usual male friends that kept it platonic were well tbf old men who liked raunchy mods in the games we played and shooting the shit on a Saturday night. No dirty comments towards me but definitely towards the idealistic female characters. So those were my experience with platonic male friends ships.

katwithclass · 2020-09-23T20:21:50+00:00

I personally think that in a married relationship, friends of the opposite sex are only appropriate if they’re in a couple’s shared social circle, and only spend time with them when in a group and with your spouse. This will keep anyone from hitting on you. I would never be ok with my husband having a female friend who isn’t also my friend, or who he hung out with alone or outside of our group. Vice versa.

If you want female friends, it sounds like you’ll have to try a new hobby to find them. If you want friends in your current hobbies, it sounds like you and your husband will want to create a video game social group.

VanderLinde6000 · 2020-11-02T10:05:37+00:00

Yes, if your male friends are gay, asexual or already in a relationship. Otherwise? No, just no.

TwinLune · 2020-09-22T05:47:33+00:00

[removed]

JadedByEntropy · 2020-09-22T13:11:33+00:00

You can if you think with your brain

Title	Is it possible to have strictly platonic male friends?
Author	TwinLune
Upvotes	15
Comments	25
Date	September 22, 2020 5:43 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/ixhmf8/is_it_possible_to_have_strictly_platonic_male/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/is-it-possible-to-have-strictly-platonic-male.266104 https://theredarchive.com/post/266104

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