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[–]Algermas 10 points11 points12 points 11 years ago (17 children) | Copy Link
advice on BPD girls from a redpill perspective.
Here's my advice:
Stay the fuck away, listen to uncle Algermas when he tells you to walk the fuck away for your own sanity and wellbeing.
BPD is the mental equivalent of Ebola, it is the final form of unrestricted, no holds barred female behavior.
Listen to Algermas or you'll wish you had 3 years down the road.
they seem like they would much better respond to bluepill behavior.
No.
[–]hamsterenema3 points4 points5 points 11 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
This exactly.
I work in mental health. These girls destroy lives and cripple futures.
Get away and don't look back.
[–][deleted] 11 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]Algermas 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
He's not an asshole, he's being honest. Countless males have had their lives wrecked to the core because they got involved with a BPD woman.
I would no more recommend a man get involved with BPD than I would a woman date a serial killer.
[–][deleted] 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Algermas 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you, I aim to please.
[–]attababy 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
This is right. I am a girl with BPD, and my ex-fiancé was the most blue pill good man you can imagine. Our relationship nearly broke both of us for multiple reasons, but looking back, my disorder made it impossible- absolutely literally impossible- for any of the love he offered me to touch me. (Long story, traumatic past that makes it impossible for me to believe that anyone in the world could care about me.)
He tried everything. Don't make his mistake. :(
To finish the story, now we are obviously separated, still best friends, but have a LOT of healing to do, from old and new wounds. Life sucks and then you die, yo.
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
I am a girl with BPD in a wonderful supportive relationship. We rarely fight and whenever I have a big freak out and he calms me down I do my best to return the favor in some way, such as cooking his favorite meal. Successful relationships are possible. It just requires equal effort on both sides.
[–]attababy 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm glad you have a better experience, but my own experience shows it can go either way. At the minimum, caution and care is needed. I am sure it took a certain degree of self awareness and effort on your part to contribute towards making the relationship work. OP's prospect may or may not have the same degree of self awareness of the disorder and the adjustments (cooking meals after freak outs, etc) needed to balance it out. In my case, my BF lacked a certain level of emotional development and maturity. I was too big of a problem for him or me to know how to deal with.
If only we all could be so happy.
[–][deleted] 11 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 11 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
Also fuck you for referring to women as bitches. I bet you get all the ladies with your charm and I'm sure they are real pieces of work to even appreciate your company. What type of person is your girlfriend? Or do you just sit in your basement masterbating and criticizing others because it makes you feel better about yourself? My guess is the latter.
Also fuck you for referring to women as bitches.
No, fuck you
I bet you get all the ladies with your charm and I'm sure they are real pieces of work to even appreciate your company. What type of person is your girlfriend? Or do you just sit in your basement masterbating and criticizing others because it makes you feel better about yourself? My guess is the latter.
I could be a 3rd degree blackbelt turbovirgin neckbeard, that still wouldn't change the fact that men should avoid BPD women like they would the bubonic plague.
[–][deleted] 11 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]oldmantrp -2 points-1 points0 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The OP should def. follow this advice.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
OP needs to listen to this.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This whole thread is a shit show.
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points 11 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
Jesus fucking christ. You people are being assholes. Instead of kicking a person while they are down maybe you could consider being nice. Try to be understanding. If she is someone you care about you would try to help. I get mood swings like crazy but my SO knows how to handle them and even offered to come with me to DBT. We have been living together for over a year and a half and have never come close to a break up. Instead of running away you could try being supportive. She most likely needs a helping hand. It goes a long way. When I get really upset usually just compliments and hugs calm me down a bit, and my SO knows not to take my irrational emotions seriously. I think the real question is do you actually care about her. Sounds like you don't.
[–]Algermas -1 points0 points1 point 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I get mood swings like crazy but my SO knows how to handle them
Stockholm Syndrome.
BPD isn't a mental illness, it's regular female behavior on steroids because there was no strong paternal figure to set boundaries.
[–]Baldone234 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I have a feeling I'll be down voted into reddit-oblivion, but I need to speak up. BPD is chronic with no known cure. Most times those with BPD are initially misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder. Only certain Drs are willing to help because it's a (relitavely) new diagnosis. Not many in the medical field know how to approach this let alone try to treat it. They fear we are only trying to manipulate them to get more pills and those who are suffering really don't like doctors anyways. They refuse to work with BPD because the patients refuse to work with them. That being said- I was diagnosed with BPD when I was 17 (5 years ago). It's destroyed many relationships and has hurt many people..... Because I let it. We are known for manipulation and lying and we constantly make ourselves the victim. If you're involved with someone who uses this mental disease as a crutch, an excuse for why they're flipping out, then they're not mentally capable of a relationship at that point. It will control them as much as they let it. There is a wide variety of medication combinations that are available to us. The meds don't cure us. They take the edge off just enough so we can cognitively see what is the BPD talking and what is reality. The only way medication can work is if they are willing to work at understanding this problem and doing everything they can to not let it control their every waking moment. This disease is hell. We are trapped in our minds like a jail cell, knowing we aren't normal, feeling like freaks all the time, knowing there isn't a cure and that we are to live out our lives in this cell. It's dark and scary and people don't understand that we are just doing our best to survive. I found this post on the BPD sub. I guess someone has it saved and their SO saw it and is convinced their relationship is over. I'm sot sure who this is- but please be patient with her. She's most likely in physical pain from anxiety tieng her stomach into knots, her mind is going a million miles a minute and she doesnt understand why she has to deal with this imbalance in her head. Those who are willing to work at it with knowledge and as much logic as they can grasp are fully capable of functional, happy lives. I've been married for 2 years, I'm in college with a 3.7 GPA and have a home and 2 step kids. I work my ass off every day to make money, pay the bills and pass school and most days I want to curl up in a ball and scream and just die. But I don't. My mom and dad are very supportive and my husband is my partner who always does his best to understand that I am doing what I can and I need patience. Saying everyone with BPD is crazy us like saying anything with a dick is an asshole.
TLDR: stop being assholes. Generalizing is a great way to not get you laid.
[–]Algermas -1 points0 points1 point 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
It's destroyed many relationships and has hurt many people..... Because I let it. We are known for manipulation and lying and we constantly make ourselves the victim.
Or they could just date someone sane.
[–]Baldone234 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Plus I guess he doesn't realize that the crazy ones are typically the freakiest. I've experienced enough crazy to know this fact. ;)
[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points0 points 11 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Just some food for thought: Most psychologists and therapists refuse to work with Borderline Personality people. What does that tell you?
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It tells you some people with fancy degrees are assholes and lack any sense of kindness and altruism
[–]Rain12913 -1 points0 points1 point 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
That's complete bullshit. I'm a clinical psychologist who knows hundreds and hundreds of other clinicians and never once have I met someone who refuses to work with borderline personality disorder. There's certainly some intimidation regarding how to best treat it but noways it's considered to be very treatable.
[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points0 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I'm going to assume you live in another country, most likely in the US, since people in the US always seem like they're state of affairs is the only one in the world. I believe TRP has a word for that. What is it again? Oh yeah: Solipsism. So if you treat BPD good for you however there are people in parts of the world that will not deal with it so keep your shitty US opinions to your shitty country.
[–]karlmarcs31 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Someone disagreed with what I said? Better turn into a psycho and attack them.
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Abundance Abundance Abundance.
You picked a broken one. It happens. Move on. Get your head out of your butt and stay away from toxic people.
[–][deleted] -3 points-2 points-1 points 11 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Nothing is broken. Borderline personality disorder is a very treatable mental illness. It even has an entire system of therapy specifically designed to treat it. It is also one of the few mental illnesses that doesn't require medication to treat.
[–]strategos_autokrator -4 points-3 points-2 points 11 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
Go ask in /r/bpdlovedones. They will scare you away from her w the truth.
People have a tendency to filter out the positive things and only look at the negative. Most likely the people in positive relationships don't feel the need to post. That is by no means something that can be used as data to figure out how many relationships actually work.
[–]MetacognitiveMan -1 points0 points1 point 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Listen to everyone here. Next her. I recommend a soft next/fade away.
Whatever you do, don't tell her why or mention BPD to her.
[+][deleted] -6 points-5 points-4 points 11 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
If you have an issue you should voice your concern and then figure out how to make things better. If breaking it off seems easier it is probably because the issue is you.
[–][deleted] -4 points-3 points-2 points 11 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Do your self and everyone else a favor and next this bitch as fast as you can. I speak from experience, nothing good can come from this.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Or maybe something good will happen and with support she will get better. It is a treatable disorder unlike most things. I think the question is should people with BPD date assholes. No, they shouldn't.
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I'm just going off of personal experience. could things be just fine, sure they could. One of my exs had BPD, and things were always tough with her constantly flaking. It got to the point where she would disappear for days at a time only to get back in touch with me later and profusely apologize. She tired it again, and I said that if she didn't get in touch with me by x date I would consider it over. She didn't get in touch with me. All I know is that it's damn tough to date someone with serious problems and in terms of risk/reward it's too much risk for me to justify.
[–][deleted] 11 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Like I said, risk/reward. You're right, with the right person, willing to admit they have issues and who is willing to take responsibility for putting the work in to make a relationship work things will work great, probably even better than normal simply because they are already willing to admit that they have to put in effort to make a relationship work. That said, as hard as it is to find someone willing to put the work into a relationship add in the added effort needed to deal with additional issues and you're looking at a one in a million situation. High risk for high reward, I have trouble justifying it without a lot of good points to help offset the risk.
I don't disagree with the idea that the person make the difference, my point is that having additional issues is a red flag that must be added into the risk/reward analysis anyone makes. You are willing to put in the work on yourself to address that risk factor, and I commend you for it. It's a hard thing to do. When I run the risk/reward analysis, for me it raises too many red flags. That being said I have a tendency to go for complex, intelligent women, who tend to have more then their fair share of issues so I may be a little gun shy. Again this is just my two cents on the issue.
[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points0 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I dated a girl who was on Zoloft for bipolar and god knows what else. She was really fun, a bit strange and loved to fuck. It didn't last but I didn't worry about it. Her older sister was jealous and manipulative and I just didn't want to be in that kind of a strange family dynamic.
[–][deleted] -5 points-4 points-3 points 11 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
So I am a medical student, just had my psychiatry rotation this year. Gtfo. Seriously, there is nothing the medical field can do to fix them, dont even try.
Soft or hard next her, its prolly going to suck either way.
[–]Year_Of_The_Horse_ 6 points7 points8 points 11 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
Dialectical behavior therapy
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
It is a long term treatment which can help them manage / deal with symptoms, however it is by no means close to a cure
Also requires them to be motivated and involved which in itself is problematic
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 11 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
There are people who get significantly better and even cured. You know what helps the most? A strong support system. I feel sorry for the poor girl. Clearly she doesn't have one.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Maybe you should double check your information source. DBT is specifically designed to treat BPD. My psychiatrist was very happy to figure out I was BPD and not bipolar since it is possible to make a full recovery, even without medication.
[–]Rain12913 -1 points0 points1 point 11 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Sorry you've had such shitty medical training. I'm a clinical psychologist who helps train psychiatric residents and medical students, and all the trainees I work with become quite familiar with DBT and other evidence-based treatments for borderline personality disorder. You mention in another comment that DBT is "a long term treatment and by no means close to a cure" and that it "requires them to be motivated which is problematic". Reading those things makes me glad you haven't chosen psychiatry, because there aren't really any treatments in the field that don't fit that description.
Just look at the research on recovery rates in BPD: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3158489/
Edit: I gotta say I'm laughing pretty hard right now that you would leave a comment here touting your psychiatry knowledge after completing your rotation when in the past you've left comments like this:
Sick of my medical degree. I'm also sick of the complete lack of direction of teaching. Eg my paediatric rotation, I get 9 weeks to learn it. Ill have a grand total of 8 1hr bedside tutes where we might see one or two patients with a doctor and 8 2hr standard tutes. That's all the formal teaching. The rest is meant to be self directed and passive. Its just not enough.
Pull your head out of your ass.
[–]fnordsnord-1 points 11 years ago* [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Either she does have some diagnosable mental issue like Bipolar Disorder OR she just doesn't' respect you.
You need to gently disengage, to avoid a potential Sharon Stone moment.
She might initially respond to bluepill behavior, but will ultimately drag you down into a spiral of bad behavior, emotional drama, and potential physical violence (where everyone will perceive that it is your fault).
You might get the bang out of this, but this is a long term disaster in the making. Quietly walk away.
[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points0 points 11 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Or maybe he doesn't respect her and she should walk away. There needs to be respect and understanding on both sides.
[–]urmomsacct -5 points-4 points-3 points 11 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Run and never look back. BDP women (and men) are a lost cause. They will never change or seek help. They don't respond to RP or BP methods.
Consider yourself lucky for determining this early! You are a much smarter man than me!
Source: ex-wife is BDP. 3 years of living hell.
[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points0 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
There are plenty of people who seek help and change. You are just basing everything off a single situation. Maybe you should be a little less judgmental. A person isn't their mental health disorder. Ultimately it's a matter of if you love that person and are willing to help. A person with BPD needs a strong support system in order to get help and make progress.
[–]urmomsacct 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
As an individual, I agree with you. We are all responsible for our own happiness and seeking help is something that must come from within us. Individuals can make a decision to change and succeed.
However, being in a committed relationship with a BDP is hell on earth. If you have a chance to avoid this situation, do so at all cost. It is not your responibility to save anyone, and nothing you do will work. It is all up to the BDP person to take the initiative which rarely happens. Please don't try to fool anyone about the severity of the situation.
In my case, I did have a child with one and I do genuinely love her and I will support her both emotionally to a degree and financially completely for the rest of my life. She is the mother of my child, and I am a responsible man so I will do what is right.
I'm not trying to bash anyone, but if this person has a chance to avoid this situation, do it. I wish someone would have given me this advice earlier.
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[–]Algermas 10 points11 points12 points (17 children) | Copy Link
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