A while ago I reviewed The Surrendered Wife, a commonly suggested book for RPW. Well I got my hands on a new book. Hot Sex: How to do it by Tracey Cox. I call it BP because it doesn't seem to be touted in any RP circles, and has some features that I think wouldn't jive with TRP very well. That and the author use to write for Cosmo. But hey, maybe I'm wrong and reds will eat it up. Anyway, between the cries of negotiating desire and the lack of BP advice I think this book might be a fair topic of conversation. Be advised, this book talks about building a good sex life. It is 361 pages of pure sex talk, so the bashful best turn away now.

Chapter one is all about masturbation. And for a hearty 6 pages it is pure biology, explaining the autonomy in detail.

As a general rule of thumb, the shaft of the penis is the least sensitive part and the head the most. The head is extremely sensitive to stimulation because it contains numerous nerve endings that are close to the surface of the skin. In other words, he’ll feel your touch here more than anywhere else…

Between the vaginal opening and your anus is a small area of smooth skin called the perineum. This area is highly sensitive to sexual stimulation. Like men, some women like a finger inserted into their anus on orgasm, though this is individual and depends very much on the woman (and the man who’s doing it).

This is followed by 10 pages of a guide on female masturbation and 6 pages for male masturbation.

As you [a woman] approach orgasm, press the heels of your feet together to increase the tension in the groin. You could also try squeezing your vaginal muscles in and out or deliberately clenching your buttocks to create pressure…

Making a loose fist and running it up and down the penis is the most common way men masturbate, varying the tightness of the grip, speed of the strokes and length of the movement to suit individual preferences.

I found the female masturbation section boring because it's largely stuff I already figured out (though it had some interesting tidbits). The male section had my interest because it was foreign. A lot of it I had already learned but some of the finer details were new and useful. Reviewing masturbation seemed a bit silly to me at first, but I found some value in reflecting on our sexual states without the pressure to preform.

But I think the final three pages are the most interesting. They actually tie masturbation into sex.

Partners can't read minds. So get rid of that 'If he/she truly loved me, they'd know what turns me on' stuff right now... Watching each other masturbate, you see first-hand what technique you each use - the pressure and speed, how you speed it up or slow it down approach to orgasm, how you stimulate yourself (or not) while you're actually having an orgasm and what you do with your spare hand. All you need do then is copy each other.

If your girlfriend's the I'm-game-for-anything type, doing it in front of her may simply be a matter of taking a hold of yourself during foreplay. Chances are, she'll sit back and watch - lots of women are fascinated. If she still doesn't get the hint ass, 'This is how I do it when you're not around. Watch.' If you want her to imitate your technique, get her to put her hand over yours so she can feel the pressure and rhythm you're using. Ask her to copy you and give lots of positive feedback - 'Wow! You're better at it than I am.'

Say you watched a show/a friend told you/you read about how watching each other masturbate will improve your sex life immeasurably. Ask if your partner agrees and suggest that the next time you make love, you try it.

She gives further pieces of advice on how to change up your masturbation routine to make for a better sex life.

[H]e can't turn himself into a human vibrator and give you the same sensation it does. So if that's the only way you can climax, you've got two choices: use the vibrator when you're with him or learn a more couple-friendly technique.

If you ejaculate prematurely... masturbate more frequently. The more you masturbate, the less sensitive your penis will be to stimulation.

One thing that struck me is how much nitty gritty this was compared to RP advice I've read. This book goes into great detail about what exactly to do once the pants come off. Where to put what body part, how hard, how long, ect... RP advice usually talks about general behavoir and attitudes. I realize The Surrendered Wife was a relationship book, and this a sex book, but it did have a sex section and it was starkly differently. Below are a few excerpts.

The more feminine you are, the more masculine your husband will be... To do this be as feminine as possible when you're together. Make an effort to be soft, gentle, delicate, and receptive. The more you act like the woman you are, the sexier you'll feel and the more attractive you'll be to your man.

[W]hen a wife relinquishes control of when, how, and where sex happens, she is free to focus on receiving and being vulnerable. In response to this, the man's masculinity awakens and he feels more inclined to be tender and generous with his wife.

And that honestly the naughtiest that book gets. Just 'be submissive', which doesn't go very far when you don't actually know what to do. Particularly because this book talks so much about what women can and should do in bed, The Surrendered Wife advice of not taking the lead seems awfully lacking to me.

So, what do you all think? Do you think 20 pages of rudimentary 'how to masturbate' is useful? Do you feel like you would benefit from knowing more of the oppisite sexs' antomony and how they go about getting off? What do you think about the idea of masturbating in front of your partner? What do you think about her advice on getting your woman to agree with it? Do you think this fits well with TRP or does following this book's advice cost alpha points? Do you think that TRP focuses too much on the mindset and not on the how-to? Do blues agree with this book so far? Reds, when you complain about lack of BP advice, is this part of it (that this book is lacking needed information) or is it the exception (this book is good but there aren't enough like it)?