I just found this place. Wow. Anyway, in regards to first dates and who pays and what it signifies mentally.

Xemnas81 · 2016-01-18T04:02:01+00:00

You have an adorkable white traditionalist knight BP streak and may be higher SMV aesthetics-wise, which leads some women to give you IoIs in the form of offering to pay.

Don't knock that, them offering to pay. Rare treat that. Privilege for most of us mere mortals.

Xemnas81 · 2016-01-18T04:03:24+00:00

1) In your face gold digging whore

2) Shit test, expects you to pay

3) Possibly sincere, possibly shit test

Apexk9 · 2016-01-18T04:12:30+00:00

Wants you to pay

I dont care

Wants to pay

I dont care

Is okay with splitting the bill.

This is what we're doing like it or not.

oryxic · 2016-01-18T04:29:07+00:00

So for what it's worth, I will always offer to split the ticket on a date. I was taught that it's incredibly rude not to offer to pay your part when you're out with another person. If the guy then really wants to I'll let him, but I don't expect it.

If I really don't think we're going to have another date, I'll insist on splitting it after he offers because I feel like it's a really ultra-shitty thing to do to let him pay for my dinner knowing that if he asks me out again I'm going to say no.

I usually offer to pay if I think I've been more socially awkward/stranger than normal and feel bad that you just sat through that. :P

cats_or_get_out · 2016-01-18T14:38:46+00:00

Run! Flee! This is the Hotel California where you can check in any time, but you can never leave. We are the land of lotus eaters.

us

Or stay and pop gender pills with us.

Interversity · 2016-01-18T04:28:47+00:00

I think this is very simple.

You decide whether you feel the need to split the bill every time or go back and forth or pay it yourself every time. Then, once you decide, make that decision clear. If some girl won't respect your decision on the first date, there's no second.

WowRedditMuchCool · 2016-01-18T04:53:13+00:00

[permanently deleted]

energyvolley · 2016-01-18T05:04:43+00:00

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damaskrose · 2016-01-18T13:54:27+00:00

Just my opinion:

Girl wants to pay: She's nontraditional, and she likes you a lot.

Girl wants you to pay: She's either very traditional, -or- she doesn't really like you, and wants to get her money's worth.

Girl wants to split the bill: She views you as a friend, and thinks you're on a "friend date".

wombatinaburrow · 2016-01-18T07:50:22+00:00

My brother in law was like this. He looked so cute and starving that girls would take him out for meals/cook for him and want to take care of him.

MorpheusGodOfDreams · 2016-01-18T08:37:00+00:00

you need to understand the point of going on a formal date and paying in the first place is to demonstrate your value as a provider, which was once considered an important part of dating. Women were supposed to make the offer to pay for half, then get graciously rejected by the man who would pay the whole bill.

You need to understand that women DO NOT communicate in the same way that men do. When men speak, we are trying to get things done, and so use direct language. We mean what we say, and we say what we mean. This is not true at all for women, who frequently don't mean what they say or say what they mean. So even if she does offer to pay, this is not a genuine offer without consequences, like you would experience from your male friends.

Because of the feminist movement, women no longer need a provider, since their fathers pay for everything in college and they have many free government services to provide scholarships and daycare and other things when they are older.

So the idea that you are providing for them is basically dead. Instead, going on a formal date and paying for it is a sign that you are a complete sucker who will give free meals. The very same girls that you have bought dinner and drinks for has slept with other men who have paid absolutely nothing. In fact there are many stories about young women going on formal dates for a free meal and ending it with a kiss, only to get home and invite a different man over for sex. This attitude right here:

it seems like the right thing to do.

means that you will be taken advantage of. Seriously ask yourself why it "seems right" and you will eventually understand that it is based on traditions that no longer apply.

It seems like you have a healthy view on the cult of feminism, but don't quite get how deep the rabbit hole goes. If you are interested, I wrote a general summary of my opinion here. I cannot stress this fact enough: the traditions you have been taught are long dead, and holding to them will only hurt you in the long run. I understand that you don't need TRP, and that is a good thing. Hopefully you will stick around in this debate sub and share your insights.

PoopInMyBottom · 2016-01-18T14:04:00+00:00

Ok, here's the thing. Dates are an excuse for two people who like each other to see each other. That's it. Lots of people abuse them, but that's their function.

Don't listen to this bullshit about "showing her you're the provider." Yes, dates can be about that, but they aren't by default. That's the minority of dates. Most dates are just: "Hey, girl I like, want to see me? Here's a socially acceptable excuse." To be honest, half the time once you've met up with her you don't even need to go to the restaurant.

That said, this is what the bill means:

If she offers to pay, it's because she likes you. Some girls will make a point of flipping the script, I guess to show they're non-traditional or to show they aren't a gold digger. This one is pretty clear-cut.
If she wants you to pay, it's because either she has it in her head that men should pay for dates, or she doesn't like you and wants to get out of paying. She might well like you. Some girls think letting a guy pay is a good way of showing interest.
If she wants to split the bill, it could be because she likes you, it could be because she wants to be fair. It could also be her telling you she doesn't like you.

Don't overanalyse it. You can't reliably draw conclusions. The thing is, you shouldn't really be paying for dates - split, every time. If she won't split after you tell her that's what you're doing, she's either manipulative or she doesn't like you. Run a mile either way.

To be honest, if you're going on a date with a girl and you can't tell she likes you, something's gone wrong somewhere along the way. That stuff should be obvious from the get go. If you've hidden the fact you're into her and this is an excuse to see each other, you need to be clearer in your intent. Both of you should know what's up.

Personally, I wouldn't recommend dinner dates. You're trapped in a confined space with a physical object between you, in a super formal atmosphere. It's impossible to kick back and get to know each other. Plus, a lot of girls don't like guys watching them eat. I'd normally take a girl to a bar, or if I want to splash out I'll suggest somewhere off the wall, like a rap battle or a ski slope. Way more fun, and way more casual.

alreadyredschool · 2016-01-18T14:51:36+00:00

People still go on dates?

The first time I met a girl outside of her place does not happen within the first weeks.

RobotPartsCorp · 2016-01-18T22:27:19+00:00

Silly. I have my own career and I take pride in my work and the compensation I get for me work, and I also like to eat fancy delicious foods.

I will always offer to pay. Always.

My current boyfriend and I tend to split things evenly, we have similar salaries so that helps. We both enjoy eating fancy foods.

I dated a guy who insisted very strongly that he should always pay. He made half of what I did, he was stupid. He had a hissy fit about my "expensive" tastes, well I would always offer to pay for him because I didn't want to stop eating fancy foods! I dumped him right then and there, in the restaraunt, after just dropping cash on the bar and walking out.

I dated another guy who was broke, maybe made a third of what I made. He LOVED fancy foods. I would always take us out to eat and pay for it, and he would fix stuff around my house or bring me fresh produce. That guy was awesome.

Wumpus1 · 2016-01-18T23:31:36+00:00

I believe the true answer to your question is: It;s all based on context.

A shitty answer I know, but really that's the truth. Any of the 3 scenarios can play out in any type of outcome or lasting impressions. If you have sharp game it is possible to turn almost any situation into a positive one.

My advice: Just go with whatever. Use the woman's suggestion as a possible insight into how they value money and equity in relationships. This type of situation is great for finding a small piece of their character and who they really are.

PollaTronante · 2016-01-19T09:07:35+00:00

I don't quite understand what you're getting at, but personally, I always offer to pay on the first date. If I'm not interested in the guy, that makes me more likely to want to pay. If I am interested in the guy, I figure I'll get the chance to pay for the next date we go on.

eddiae · 2016-01-19T12:53:57+00:00

women have jobs nowadays so there is no point in being "traditional" and paying for her unless you're rich and dont give a shit.

closetrpw · 2016-01-19T17:23:05+00:00

So after the initial check dance where the girl politely offers to pay her share and the guy refuses:

I will absolutely insist to pay my share of the bill if I don't want the guy I'm with to confuse our outing as a date. This was back in high school and college where I naiively thought my orbiters were genuinely good friends, or once where I was on a double date and wanted to signal to the guy that I was not interested in sleeping with him and more taking one for the team and being present for my friend.

I've gone so far as to hide a $20 bill in a guy's car because I didn't want him to think I owed him anything. I've even been on something that was an agreed upon date, and insisted I pay for drinks or dessert when I realized I was not interested in my date. I've snuck behind a double date's back to pay for my next drink because I didn't want him to pay for all of my drinks and pressure me to go home with him (I guess I just get really paranoid about guys pressuring me to go home with them).

I'll also offer to pay (usually for the WHOLE bill) if I really like the guy and want to treat him; however, after the first or second "no I got it" I will let him pay because it feels awesome to be treated by someone you really like.

So I'd say to gauge how insistent the girl is on paying. If she's not a gold digger, she will usually feel uncomfortable letting you pay her share if she wants nothing to do with you, and will be more insistent. If you guys are "friends" then she might feel more comfortable letting you pay and still want nothing to do with you. I will say though that if she seems more hung up than usual about splitting the check, she probably doesn't want you to think she owes you anything. But if she offers once and then backs off, she's probably just being polite and actually does like you, ESPECIALLY if she's offering to pay for the whole bill and not just her share.

EDIT: and in your situation, I'd say since she is offering to pay for the whole thing and not just her share, then she likes you. How many rounds of "no I'll pay" do you go through? Does she offer just once and then you just say yes? I think in this case, you might be taking advantage of her need to be polite and should say something like "no no, my treat" once in a while and I bet she'll let you pay. If you go through many, many rounds and she insists on paying for the whole thing, she might just like to feel in control and not want to feel like she owes you anything.

Honestly, I know we live in more modern times but I've definitely been in a situation before where the guy insisted on paying for everything, and then was very pushy about getting me back to his place (even after a very clear NO) and the whole thing just made me really uncomfortable so maybe she's like me. Or maybe she's really rich and just feels bad making you pay. It does sound like she likes you though. She might be trying to send the message that she wants to be intimate with you because she wants to and not because you paid her off. As masculine as it is for her to do that, it might make her feel less slutty.

insurrecto · 2016-01-18T05:23:22+00:00

LOL. All I got from your essay was that you're a white knight Beta who just wants to show the damsel in distress that you're there to rescue her and provide for her!

Guess what, paying for her food won't make her panties wet.

Go to r/theredpill. Read the sidebar. Hit the gym.

Title	I just found this place. Wow. Anyway, in regards to first dates and who pays and what it signifies mentally.
Author	WowRedditMuchCool
Upvotes	1
Comments	82
Date	January 18, 2016 3:59 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/41h6vf/i_just_found_this_place_wow_anyway_in_regards_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/i-just-found-this-place-wow-anyway-in-regards-to.276859 https://theredarchive.com/post/276859

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