Hello everyone,

This post either goes out to the regular RP proponents of AWALT, or anyone who knows a lot about narcissism. I've just started learning about the disorder, and feel it could be causing a problem with my friend. The twist is that we've known each other 5 years… and her weird behavior only cropped up in the last 6 months?

 

Some background:

I noticed a close friend of mine, Erica, go through a lot of changes this year. After learning about narcissism, I feel she could be suffering from it. Erica and I are both in our early 20s. We've known each other since high school. Neither of us are that outgoing. I'm slightly more social. She's never had a big circle of friends – male or female.

I believe a weird thing is happening with Erica's personality… and it's related to not receiving much attention for being "pretty" before. I don't say this in a cruel way. I'm a guy, but I am actually similar to Erica in a lot of ways.

We're both nerdy people from Lebanese families, who were not exactly the rock stars of our school. Erica has especially dark features, curly hair, big glasses, etc. I think she's very normal looking, but this tended to make her invisible around the more stylish crowd.

In January, Erica resolved to go on a raw foods diet and exercise more by taking yoga. She hadn't been in the best shape until then. She was maybe around 5’6 and 170 lbs. I was proud that she stuck to her resolution. She lost 35 lbs by April.

 

Some people can lose that much weight and it doesn't show. With Erica, it turned out she had a really killer physique underneath. We never knew about it, because she'd been overweight pretty much since puberty. (I'm far from athletic myself, so that isn't a put-down.) With the extra pounds gone, Erica's chest remained quite large.

Despite having a thinner frame, her butt also stuck out a lot. When she walked around with that figure, it had an immediate impact on her self-esteem. Initially, the combination of feeling healthy, having more energy, and looking good made Erica an inspiring person to hang around.

For the month of April, I'd never seen her so relaxed. Over time, though, I think she went from having healthy self-esteem to being totally caught up with herself.

Erica was never a big Facebook person, but she started posting a lot of updates in January to track her progress with diet and exercise. By summer, this became a habit of constantly uploading selfies to FB, Instagram, Twitter, etc… several times a day.

I think her last post is an 8-second clip of a yoga routine where she bends over a lot. Getting into yoga has also enabled her to wear revealing clothes almost all the time. I barely remember seeing her in anything other than booty shorts and tank tops since June.

She lost another 25 lbs since April, and no one who sees her now – either in person or online – can avoid noticing she has a killer body. It seems like her butt and cleavage are permanently on display. As some of you can probably guess, this has also had a major impact on her social life.

 

Erica's number of female friends has remained low… She keeps in touch with one girl who's basically just a cousin. Where she usually stayed home 90% of the time, though, she now goes on 3 or 4 "dates" a week. Not with any particular guy… Erica still doesn't have a BF. It's mostly meetups from Kinder.

Increasingly, she will invite guys to join us when we're hanging out together… even if she's never met them, and doesn’t know what they'll be like. It's an arrangement so that if she doesn't like the guy, she can tell him we have other plans, and easily get out of the meetup.

If she does like him, however, Erica will send signals or drop hints in the conversation, suggesting that I should leave. I don't want to stop her from finding a boyfriend, so I usually oblige. One of our last experiences was unforgivable, though.

We were getting coffee, and I notice a tall, well-dressed guy hovering around our area. He comes over and introduces himself… politely, but with an almost fake-sounding deep voice. It's a guy Erica has invited to meet us, even though she didn't warn me about him in advance.

He sits down and inserts himself in the conversation, much better than I could have done. It becomes clear that Erica likes him. Soon she starts talking about my dog, asking if I usually take him for walks around this time…

 

We've been in the coffee store less than 30 minutes. I have no intention of leaving yet. I brush off her hints and continue trying to be social. Eventually, she suggests going for a beer. I'm not a big drinker, but accompany them to the bar anyway.

After a couple rounds, they’re getting friendly with each other, and I definitely feel like a third wheel. I'm still angry that she would encourage me to go home, 20 minutes after taking me out for coffee.

We go to another venue where there's loud music and dancing. Erica and the guy continue to drink and get friendly. She tells a few anecdotes where I'm involved. They both laugh a lot, pretty much at my expense.

Erica then suggest we all hit the dance floor, even though she knows I don't dance. The guy joins her, and they aren't inhibited about it. Before long, Erica is playfully grinding up against him. I quietly leave the bar.

The next day, she ironically accuses me of being a bad friend. She acts like I tried to sabotage her "date". I remind her that she never even told me a guy would be joining us when she asked me out for coffee.

 

When she first started "improving" herself, it seemed like Erica had a new lease on life. I kind of found it inspiring to talk to her, because she had so much enthusiasm. Eventually, though, I think this enthusiasm turned to self-absorption.

She was very excited to talk about a lot of things… but they all pertained to her. At first, it was cool when she told me about yoga, what her classes were like, how high her energy levels were, etc.

I liked hearing about the cooking she was doing. I felt happy when she would tell me that none of her old clothes fit anymore. I didn't even mind hearing about her many shopping trips.

The times when she actually asked me how I was doing, though, or just wanted to talk about life in general, became very infrequent. It got to the point where she didn't ask any questions at all.

I became impatient listening to all the drama and intrigues with her supposed "relationships". When we talked, there would always be a story about how the newest guy wasn’t working out, an incident at a nightclub, a fight she'd had with someone's GF, etc. Usually, Erica made it seem like she was asking for input… but she never took any of the advice I gave.

 

It felt like listening to a pointless soap opera I wasn't allowed to get involved in anyway. I know our friendship will have to end now – at least temporarily. So I can understand what happened, though, and actually get closure on it... does anyone think narcissism could have been involved?

- Could my friend have been "triggered" into being a narcissist, even in her early 20s?

- If so, could she also grow out of it, a few years down the road?

I've tried to shorten this post short by not describing my own emotions. I do feel terrible about losing such a close friend. Please share your thoughts if you you can.

 

tl;dr: I was proud of my friend for going through a lot of physical improvements since January. Since April, though, it seems like her personality has actually become more unpleasant.
As I prepare to end our 5-year friendship, I wonder if narcissism could be to blame? Otherwise, there may be people who think this is a standard case of AWALT? I'd be interested to hear either opinion...