If some women stay with their abusive husbands because of War Brides syndrome , why do some men stay with their abusive wives?

TheGreasyPole · 2015-09-04T10:21:14+00:00

Lack of other available and useful options. Lets have little stab at this one from an Evo Psych viewpoint....

Human emotions have evolved to guide "meatbags" (thats us) towards behaviours that increase how often those genes are copied.

The genes that did so spread through the population at expense of the genes that didn't.

So you'd expect that in any situation where "Leaving your current sexual partner would reduce the number of genetic copies reaching adulthood in the ancestral environment more than it would create new copies.... the human animal would feel emotional drives that pushed against that action"

I.e. What happens to meatbag is immaterial. If sticking with the abusive wife means the kids will do good, and he doesn't have the werwithall to snag another chick and have even more kids, then his emotions will push him toward staying.

Even if rationally.... for HIS own well being... This is a bad idea.

He wouldn't know WHY.

He'd just "feel" that he should stay. Staying would feel "right" and leaving her behind would feel "wrong" to him. No matter how many plates she throws at him.

This theory would generate predictions...

Men would only stay if another mating candidate was perceived to be unavailable
Men would be much more likely to stay in the event that children are already born and present in the household
Men who currently provide lots of support to their children would be more likely to stay, and those that do not provision more likely to leave
Violence would only become a critical factor for the male when it is so severe that his future ability to provision or sire children could be irreperably harmed
Higher SMV men (who have other opportunities) would be les likely to stick, and lower SMV men more likely
The genetic fitness of the female would also be a factor. The "hotter" she is, the more this weighs the balance in favour of raising the current children than going and siring others
We would expect to see sexual dimorphism in behaviour due to the fact that women have higher sunk costs in the children than men, and the fact that she has a max number of copies biologically (usually said to be 10) that he does not share. Therfore, we would expect men to be more likely to leave an abusive relationship than women if there are currently children existing... (sunk costs) but expect men to be less likely to leave an abusive relationship than women if there are no current children (women trying to avoid greater sunk costs)..... Although I have to say this particular effect may be swamped by the fact that the kind of aggresssive and dominant men who are abusive are also more desirable due to these characteristics being advantageous in other ways.

Thats off the top of my head, reasoning from the first principles of assuming it's a genetically derived set of desires (and consequently, are all based around rationales relating to copy number....NOT.... What is good for meatbag).

Do you think those predictions would be what we found if went to go look ?

alreadyredschool · 2015-09-04T09:37:32+00:00

He blames himself and wants to repair the relationship, men are great at ignoring, excusing and forgetting bad behavior.

The GF of a friend said she would kill herself, a friendzoned guy of her called the paramedics, that was an awkward situation, but once it was clear that she just faked it he was able to leave. Could be a reason for other people as well.

Abusive partners reduce your confidence, a guy at rock bottom is more likely to stay.

And let's not forget "Doesn't matter had sex"

Also I am nearly 100% sure that you misuse war bride syndrome here.

Subtletorious · 2015-09-04T10:29:56+00:00

Some reasons not already mentioned.

There a close to zero support networks for men who a victims of domestic violence. You may find yourself in a women's program where you will be told that men are the aggressor.

A man may loose access to his children. If he leaves the household, he has abandoned his children, which is not looked kindly by courts.

Speaking of children, he may be trying to be a shield between the women and the children.

If his divorces an abusive partner he can still be Divorced Raped, with the insult of paying her alimony for being so abusive he couldn't live with her.

Cyralea · 2015-09-04T14:04:18+00:00

Just as women exhibit hypo-agency, men express hyper-agency. They think that it's in their power to be able to repair the relationship. Not just that, but it's their responsibility as a Man^TM to do so.

It comes down to loyalty. A lot of men will self-sacrifice until there's nothing left of them in order to fix things and make them right, rather than take the easy path of starting fresh with a new prospect.

exit_sandman · 2015-09-04T09:58:21+00:00

Scarcity mentality.

grendalor · 2015-09-04T12:51:19+00:00

Divorce sucking and not wanting to lose contact with the kids is a big reason is many cases. In many cases, they're just beaten down -- they've given up, given control to their wives, and just want to keep their heads down, not get into too many fights, and get through life. You can tell these guys when you see the interactions between the couple.

Maoist-Pussy · 2015-09-04T16:06:02+00:00

Because they are betas that wouldn't have any idea how to find a new woman post-university.

RPSigmaStigma · 2015-09-04T09:50:14+00:00

Some people, both men and women have addictive personalities where they become really emotionally engaged with that cycle of highs and lows.

I would say the sort of person who would fall in deep with someone who is abusive, might find someone who is consistently kind, to be boring.

PIBagent · 2015-09-04T12:07:49+00:00

Probably because she'll take everything he owns in the divorce if he does leave and will make it near impossible to see his children.

Torquelewith12 · 2015-09-04T18:23:21+00:00

When standards of what makes men abusive are applied to women, all women are abusive, it's standard female behavior to be abusive and controlling

5th_Law_of_Robotics · 2015-09-04T12:36:40+00:00

Maybe low self esteem, thinking they deserve it, or normalizing this behavior, all relationships are abusive not just ours.

Probably similar reasons as why women stay.

With the added bonus that if they try to leave, defend themselves, or report their abuse they very well may end up in jail, something abused women don't have to worry about.

winndixie · 2015-09-04T13:53:31+00:00

Because when men say they're going to do something (till death do us part) they do it. To men those words have meaning and a promise is made to keep vows and promises because we treasure the promise and relationship. We've been bred to do that because that's how you make things last and make things strong. Relationships are the same.

A woman would divorce after losing an argument.

belletaco · 2015-09-04T14:11:01+00:00

It seems all the reasons TRP are given for men are the same for women. Interesting.

Title	If some women stay with their abusive husbands because of War Brides syndrome , why do some men stay with their abusive wives?
Author	HappilySingleWoman
Upvotes	1
Comments	37
Date	September 4, 2015 9:27 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/3jlk1a/if_some_women_stay_with_their_abusive_husbands/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/if-some-women-stay-with-their-abusive-husbands.279818 https://theredarchive.com/post/279818

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