To BPers: do you think women give sound dating advice to men?

buartha · 2014-10-28T21:48:54+00:00

Depends on the woman. Most people in general give horrific dating advice.

Generally though, if I were a straight guy looking for advice on women, I'd expect a man to have better advice in terms of what works for one night stands, and a woman to have a better idea of what works in long term relationship. Mostly because women have a better idea of what they like and genuinely want (which is more important for long term) and guys who try to get laid a lot will have a better idea how to approach someone at a bar without panicking or looking like a dick (which is more important for a one night stand with a stranger.)

Or you could just do what my friend does and ask the woman you want to sleep with what you'd have to do to get them home, which seems to have been a surprisingly effective approach for him.

goatismycopilot · 2014-10-28T23:13:08+00:00

I don't know about whether women would give bad advice in general, I personally would give bad advice about aquiring casual sex partners because I am a woman who was never comfortable with casual sex. So, not an area I had a ton of experience with.

myfatbrokethewall · 2014-10-29T03:45:01+00:00

If you could find an average to good looking woman who is one of 2 or 3 casual sex partners to a guy (or could see herself being in such a situation), and she was aware of what drives her and was willing to be perfectly honest with you even if it meant hurting your feelings then you could find out what works/would work on her. (And if she has friends she knows very well, she might be able to tell you what would work on them.) And if you asked more women, you'd get more answers.

You could also ask a guy who has 2-3 average to good looking casual sex partners, and if he's reasonably aware of what made him successful at this and is not worried about hurting your feelings, he could give you good advice as well, better advice than the woman could since he will have achieved what you want. Of course if this guy is hot, rich, and famous, his advice might not be any good for the average guy who cannot reasonably expect to become hot, rich, and famous.

Any intelligent person with knowledge of what makes people tick might be able to give you good advice, but unless they were living it out themselves they'd be giving you theoretical advice that might be logical/make sense, but not work in practice.

Of course anyone, male or female, could give you good advice if they know it second hand from people who know what they're talking about.

[deleted] · 2014-10-29T08:37:10+00:00

Which women? Really depends.

But again my issue is precise with the goal of "acquiring" "sex partners" based on looks, as I find the goal of finding a loving relationship where you find the whole of the other person and not just the looks attractive.

Putting it this way... it is almost like "Can women given sound advice in how to efficiently objectify women?" And the funny thing is, some can, as some even like to be objectified, still... the whole stuff is just not really healthy.

Thought experiment... if you really want to pursue this objectification thing... ask dating advice from prostitutes / sex workers. Not the ones forced to do it by poverty, but the ones who genuinely enjoy it. They will be brutally honest.

[deleted] · 2014-10-28T22:33:38+00:00

I don't think women give good advice when it comes to ONS, but give decent advice when it comes to LTRs. Vice versa. Either way, both genders give shitty advice, so be wary of who you are getting tips from, man or woman.

idhavetocharge · 2014-10-29T04:43:56+00:00

Sure ask the fisherman. But somewhere along the line of pass it on, one of them sat and watched the fish to see how the behaved and what they tried and didnt try to eat. Knowledge is observation and is a science. Blindly following what others tell you is religion.

I think even rp will agree with me here, the exact same approach does not work exactly the same for all people. If it did, there would be one standard pickup line and it would work on all available women.

But we are a varied species, sure there are generalities at play, but individual experience, cultural upbringing, and even stage in life have an impact on 'what works'.

In answer to your question. Some women can give you great advice on how to pick up women. Most women with dating experience will probably give you the advice that would work on themselves. Some women with little to no dating experience may not be able to give advice at all because of lack of experience.

I do not think i spent much time ever on thinking or learning how to attract and pick up women. I could only tell you what would work with me. And none of that 'be yourself and wait till someone trips over you' bs. That is dating advice for those that never thought about how relationships start.

If you are fishing for actual advice on having multiple fwb, then mett lots of people, be upfront with what you are looking for, move on fast if you get a no. The more you look the more likely you are to find people that also want what you want. A bit of honesty will save you tons of grief later. Keep sexual safety in mind and make sure everyone gets tested, and is on the same page. Poly and non monogamous relationships are starting to be acceptable, but honesty is the rule for making is a success. Head over to /r/polyamory and read a bit on how to juggle keeping up with multiple partners. As long as the people you bring into your relationships also want the same as you do, then everything is a bit easier.

Here is a secret for having fwb, or multiple relationships. Honesty is the best policy. The moment you try to include someone that does not want the same thing, or you start trying to hide and become dishonest, That is when things get super difficult to maintain and people get hurt and hate you.

MagicGainbow · 2014-10-29T05:05:23+00:00

Lesbians give great dating advice.

tomatostew · 2014-10-29T13:32:28+00:00

I think it definitely depends on the woman. The average woman might be thrown off (to say the least) by the request for this advice so their answer may not be the best. I think asking the right women the right questions can result in some good advice. I'm not sure if it is better than the advice of men that may have had these kinds of sexual relationships, but anything is possible, I guess. I don't think we are able to generalize enough because everyone is different and instead of asking for advice based on the sex of the potential advice-giver, it would be better to seek out advice based on their personality and life experiences.

MissPearl · 2014-10-29T13:54:26+00:00

I think people who have either lived a problem or have a good range of experience with the problem give good advice.

There's several billion women though, so the reality is that that question presupposes such a big selection pool that odds are neither the average man OR woman knows how to answer that question.

DaThrowaway808 · 2014-10-28T21:33:46+00:00

The amount of women that will give you good dating advice is low, but you want them to give good dating advice on how to date multiple women at the same time? You're just crazy.

ILU2 · 2014-10-28T23:19:02+00:00

I think I give great advice to women, but not so great advice to men. The reason I say that is a lot of the time when I give advice to a male friend, he thinks we're flirting. And if he fails with her, then... :/

I really really have bad experiences from giving guys advice. And I guess I'd be useless with helping him to 2-3 casual sex partners anyway. That sounds ew to me anyway.

exit_sandman · 2014-10-29T13:07:06+00:00

There was a thread over there at /r/punchingmorpheus where the OP wondered why redpillers (or PUAs in general) consider female dating and relationship advice rather useless and took offense to the wording ("asking the fisherman, not the fish"). I wrote a rather extensive post on that, but here it fits as well (by the way, also serves as an explanation why women profess to prefer "Nice Men", when actually, they don't).

The metaphore with the fish and the fisherman is of course more tongue-in-cheek and for anyone's amusement than an actual analogy, but that should go without saying. Well, one thing still does apply: If you could ask a fish what he'd think about a thread with a hook attached, he'd probably say something along the lines of "woah, that's so transparent one had to be really stupid and/or a masochist to fall for that". Which of course no one has ever heard women say about the different kinds of "game".

But I digress. The question at hand is: Should you ask the fish or the fisherman? For this I have to tell you an anecdote from my last year in high school (well, my country's equivalent for it), where one of my classmates gave me probably the most sincere and most relevant dating advice I've received up to that point: "Sandman, women want you to treat them like crap." He didn't say this with a smug "dem bitches"-face, but rather with an expression of resignation and incomprehension, like "I don't understand it either, but that's how things are." I was bewildered, and dismissed his advice as machismo swaggering - I couldn't imagine a woman saying "hey Sandman, we really want to be treated like crap", and could not wrap my head around why women would get off on being belittled and bossed around and worse (this wasn't what I've learned how to properly treat women, and apart from that I wouldn't have been able to pull it off convincingly anyway), so I didn't question him any further. Now you might assume that he was a jock who had to resort to fuck women of low moral fiber, but otherwise was universally loathed, but that's patently wrong - he was actually popular with the girls, and his girlfriend was one of the really pretty ones in our class. Whom he cheated on with another even prettier girl at our prom party (and said girl wasn't exactly know to be a vapid, easy slut either, but had cultivated an aura of classy coolness; certainly not the type that would cheat on her boyfriend far away for a one-night stand on a toilet - so, if you're wondering were concepts like "AWALT" comes from, that's it). So yeah, suffice to say that this guy probably knew what he was doing, and he knew it well. So in hindsight, I should rather have asked the fisherman than listened to the fish.

Because female opinions are even less than a mixed blessing. Occasionally you may get decent advice, but the net result from these opinions and the background noise (from all sources combined) is often negative because there's so much stuff included that's actually counterproductive. I'll list several points, they include both direct advice and indirect advice through opinions and observations, and some of the points may be partially redundant, but bear with me for the time being.

Ajaxeler · 2014-10-29T03:41:10+00:00

Depends on the girl. If you ask a 20yr old how to pick up for casual sex you will probably get vague answers. She probably doesn't even know what she wants. You ask a 30yr old who has not only lived through the scene owned the scene is more confident in what she wants and you are likely to get more accurate responses.

Skratt · 2014-10-28T22:02:32+00:00

As a half blue, let me spit something here.

We leave out a lot of stuff when giving advice. ;)

238472398 · 2014-10-28T21:39:16+00:00

It depends on the person. Men and women are equally capable of giving good advice.

FollowThisAdvice · 2014-10-29T02:05:33+00:00

Not BP but I think women give terrible advice in general.

lxnarratorxl · 2014-10-28T23:43:54+00:00

Both genders can give advice equally, however the quality of that advice is all that matters. Most women I would talk to (when I asked them about these things) would give me the advice they wanted to have work for me rather than advice that would work. i.e. be yourself, smile, make her laugh, be friendly, show interest in her. Now I wouldn't call that bad advice but other advice I got from male friends who were more successful than me romantically and the other group of girls was better. i.e. Dress well, be direct, don't act like you care, don't make her a priority, etc.

Based on my experiences with women romantically over the past decade the women I have treated more with the latter advice have made me feel much more desired, have initiated more sex with me, and became more emotionally invested in me faster. The other relationships I always felt like I cared way more than she did, always was the on initiating sex, and often times had to tag along to her events if I we were going out rather than doing something I had suggested or something we both decided on.

As to your specific question I know of very few girls would even want to answer that or who wouldn't ask why 1 women wasn't enough for you.

FollowThisAdvice · 2014-10-31T17:49:58+00:00

Thats not dating advice, that advice on how to have random sex.

hairybeermonster · 2014-11-01T22:36:40+00:00

They can, of course.

But it's a simple matter of credentials. You don't hire consultants who've never worked in the field on which you're looking for professional advice. Let alone act on their advice. A straight man is going to know a lot more about dating straight women than just about any woman.

[deleted] · 2014-10-29T01:31:01+00:00

No. fuck no.

If you want advice on how to get women as a man, ask a man that gets a lot of women. You don't ask a fish how to catch fish, you ask the best fishermen.

You can ask women all you like and that can be a fun conversation, but if you want shit that works you have to discuss it with real players (preferrably IRL, not just TRP). Honestly girls won't tell you what your real inadequacies are to your face, they're too soft and friendly for that. Not to mention there is a complete disconnect between what women say they want and what they in reality respond to.

And yes I am speaking from experience on this.

[deleted] · 2014-10-29T02:25:08+00:00

What's that thing they used to say on /r/seduction? If you want to catch fish you ask the fisherman not the fish.

SirNemesis · 2014-10-29T21:10:03+00:00

As a red piller, I must point out that NAWALT. I'm sure Norah Vincent could give good dating advice to men.

Title	To BPers: do you think women give sound dating advice to men?
Author	238472398
Upvotes	6
Comments	43
Date	October 28, 2014 9:28 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/2klz0x/to_bpers_do_you_think_women_give_sound_dating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/to-bpers-do-you-think-women-give-sound-dating.284490 https://theredarchive.com/post/284490

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