I feel like giving up - what to do when being a RPW doesn't come naturally

misscleanex · 2019-10-01T09:31:42+00:00

Without more details, there's not much to say here, other than by saying what you've said he has said about marriage, you make it sound like he's not dating you, he's dating your potential, and dating anyone because they don't like who that person is today but they like what that person could one day be is horrible behavior.

In essence, he's trying to fit a square peg into a round hole here, which is a dangerous situation to be in, and that's the only thing I can go off of.

That being said, nobody is perfect, and you can't work at everything at once. Remember: Baby steps is still moving forward, Rome was not built in a day, and the person who moves a mountain first begins by taking away small stones.

ShootingDanks · 2019-10-01T11:31:41+00:00

What are you bickering about?

Do you believe that you have more or better information about the issue than your man and therefore doing things your way is the better way?

You describe him as "alpha", yet your resistance to his wishes tells me you don't really believe that. What makes him "alpha", according to you? To me, a key aspect of the alpha is his ability to compel others to defer to him, naturally, without the use of threat or aggression. It's a silent acknowledgement that he is the smartest, most powerful person in our midst and therefore we will all do as he says, obviously. Readily. It makes sense to do so.

Examine the source of your resistance to your leader. Do you think you know more than him? Are you smarter than him? Do you find yourself struggling to respect his opinions? Are you dismissive of his ideas? Do you sometimes find yourself thinking negative thoughts about his actions or statements, such as he's being an idiot/stupid? When I referred to him as your "leader", did that cause a feeling of resistance to rise within you? Do you accept that he is your leader, do you trust him to guide you for the rest of your life?

notyetsaved · 2019-10-01T13:46:19+00:00

What, specifically, are you not being “submissive” about? Taking “marriage off the table” until you behave the way he thinks you should behave is a constantly moving, never achievable goal.

I would consider the relationship to be over at this point.

vintagegirlgame · 2019-10-01T17:40:53+00:00

I’ve been in your position OP. 4 years into our relationship we almost split up and I swallowed the pill and started my transformation. We saved the relationship and things were going smoothly. He had his own commitment issues he was trying to get over and when my old stubborn defensive behavior would flair up, it would set us back a lot. I’ve worked really hard on myself over the years but I still can revert back to old patterns, and I’m doing even more work to recognize and dissolve these patterns which I can clearly see I inherited from my mother.

Thing is he still proposed (one month ago), even though I was still messing up from time to time. Even the day before he proposed my stubbornness created a big fight (interfering w his romantic plans which I had no idea were in the background). Looking back I’m so grateful he stuck with me and stayed committed to his course to propose, even with me getting in the way of my own dreams. I feel fully accepted for who I am, even with my imperfections, and it makes me want to work on them even more. We still have arguments about the same old patterns, but we are committed to figuring them out and even had a breakthrough discovery about why our heads were butting during our most resent flair up.

When you first swallow the pill, it’s like a catalyst that starts some major changes. Perspectives and behaviors can shift dramatically during this initial swallowing, and the rate of change decreases from there. But in the long run it takes a lot of discipline and work to help new patterns set and avoid a slippery slope to previous bad behaviors. You only swallow the pill once so you have to find other ways to fuel the fires of change. Personally I’m a Learner so I’m always looking for new transformative experiences and ways to shake up old patterns.

Do you have any women’s support groups you can lean on to help in this transition? I know it’s hard to find RP style teachings out there. I received so much support and growth from attending the Women’s Weekend offered by the Sterling Institute of Relationships. I knew it would jive with RP style thought when I read all the online criticisms saying it was a misogynistic cult, haha (but seriously don’t let the online stuff scare you away). It’s all about helping women be feminine, learn how to be submissive to the right man and set up a strong marriage and family. My fiancé had attended the Men’s Weekend before I met him which is why he was already so RP without even knowing about the online movement. Anyway it’s an intensive 3 day weekend and is a great way to follow up w a RP transformation. There are also women’s classes afterwards to help digest the material and develop a strong support group.

In general, developing feminine friends and spending time around successful couples is an important part of the RP journey. No one should do it alone. Just being around other women (even if they’re not “red pilled,” but just as long as they’re not feminazis) will help a lot. Develop these friendships and don’t be afraid to ask happy couples for advice.

There’s also tons of RP reading to keep on top of. Reading constantly will keep your transformation in the forefront of your mind. There’s a lot of links to good reading material in this sub.

I’ve also made amazing breakthroughs by studying with a shaman. Not sure if this is up you’re ally, but there is a lot of research showing that psychedelic plant medicines taken in a safe, controlled environment with the intention for healing subconscious blocks is very effective. I feel like I got years of therapy with just one 15 min session of 5meoDMT. It helped me internally heal a lot of feminine trauma and issues w my mom. It also helped my fiancé get over his commitment issues, dissolving some of the last blocks that kept him from taking the plunge into our commitment. If you’re interested in these routes as long as you have a well trusted indigenous shaman with an ancestral lineage, you’re totally safe.

Well that’s a lot of what’s been helping me get the feminine to sink in. Your BF may be having second thoughts (mine expressed a lot of the same doubts). It’s a valid fear for a man that as soon as the wedding is over, the wife will start to get super lazy. But as long as you can show him your commitment to yourself, he will also see that he can commit to you.

FluffyLlamaPants · 2019-10-02T02:30:25+00:00

No matter how awesome, handsome, rich, amazing in bed, alpha, whatever he is, you gotta know and like YOU. Because life's waaaaay shorter than you think it is, and the person that you gonna spend most of it is yourself.

There's a big difference between a good Captain who expects his first mate to keep up, all while encouraging and supporting her climb, and a man who hammers down every sharp edge and imperfection in you, in order to see his own reflection better. Think carefully about which one you want.

bchlladyfrog · 2019-10-01T09:32:00+00:00

From my experience, bad fights i have had in the past could have been avoided if the man I was with had more frame.

I'll apologize and be extra good for a week or two, then the old me starts to come out again.

I'm not sure, but this might be what is called "shit testing". I think through these fights what you are doing is testing his frame. Red pill LTR requires balancing on both parts.

I feel like I'm slowly losing part of my soul and who I am while being with this guy.

This is the bottom line, and what I'm going through right now as well. As long as you do the work to change, and you analyse your behaviour as objectively as possible, and it's still not enough, the problem might not be with you solely, but with the dynamic between you two.

Is there anyone here who feels like being a RPW isn't who they truly are, and that they're living a lie?

You will feel this way a lot because it's still a rather new way of thinking. Maybe this post will help: https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/d2bzm5/dont_fall_for_natural/

I also think more details would be useful.

I am aware my answer sounds like I am blaming the man, but there's no other way around it. Please correct me where you think I am wrong.

mandoa_sky · 2019-10-01T08:39:19+00:00

more details would be helpful here, to be honest

LateralThinker13 · 2019-10-01T13:59:44+00:00

You have control issues. Until you go get help and address them, you're going to keep acting out in ways that sabotage yourself. You need to figure out WHY you're acting this way. What drives you to it? What happened in your upbringing? If you know what doesn't work, and you know what does, and you STILL can't refrain from backsliding, you need to get a good psychologist and sort it out.

ManguZa · 2019-10-01T08:18:09+00:00

Try harder and keep faith, it may takes years to things to come naturally but you will suceed.

Title	I feel like giving up - what to do when being a RPW doesn't come naturally
Author	girltryingveryhard
Upvotes	12
Comments	22
Date	September 30, 2019 10:28 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/dbjgtr/i_feel_like_giving_up_what_to_do_when_being_a_rpw/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/i-feel-like-giving-up-what-to-do-when-being-a-rpw.287017 https://theredarchive.com/post/287017

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