Q4W: Englighten us on your "confession of feelings" statistics.

SmurfESmurferson · 2019-10-11T14:02:08+00:00

I confessed first? Twice. Had a serious LTR with one (ended because he was just too damn intense for me), and married the other

He confessed first? All other times - they generally beat me to the punch. There was no consistent outcome - sometimes I brushed him off, sometimes we dated briefly, sometimes it was a serious LTR

(EDIT - amusingly, one guy told me he loved me in the middle of the second time we had sex. IIRC, my reaction was “don’t say that”)

Never confessed? Only when there was a solid reason not to confess. If we couldn’t be together anyhow, what was the point?

Ofourkind · 2019-10-11T08:35:55+00:00

How many times have you confessed your feelings to a man FIRST, and what were the results?

Ah jeez. Maybe 4 or 5 times? They all returned the feelings except for one.

How many times has a man confessed his feelings to you first? What were the results?

Hundreds and hundreds of times. Likely thousands. Obviously the vast majority were "nos", with a few "maybes" and "hell yes".

How many times have you had feelings for a man but decided to never confess? What were the results?

One stands out. He asked me out when we were 18 and I said no out of sheer fear. We had been friends forever and remained very close friends for many years after. We existed in that "will they or won't they" space off and on for many years, but it never happened. I was in love with him, but naively believed he would reject me because I rejected him years before. Which I now understand was stupid. Anyway we both ended up happily married and I wouldn't change anything, but I still kick myself for how retarded I was.

Texastentialism · 2019-10-11T12:16:17+00:00

How many times have you confessed your feelings to a man FIRST, and what were the results?

I think twice. Both in high school. One was met with the standard "I don't see you that way." The other guy I guess had feelings too and we became makeout buddies for a bit but it never evolved to a relationship.

How many times has a man confessed his feelings to you first? What were the results?

I'd say around 10? Two became relationships, the rest were gentle rejections, with one exception which became kind of A Situation because he was one of my direct reports at work. The first time it happened I told him it was inappropriate but I was willing to let it go if we could both just pretend it never happened. He didn't hold up his end of the deal and kept sending me increasingly inappropriate emails until I had to get our supervisor involved.

How many times have you had feelings for a man but decided to never confess? What were the results?

Pretty much most times I've had feelings for a man. I tried to signal my interest other ways and he either pursued or didn't.

87AudreyHorne · 2019-10-11T15:27:52+00:00

How many times have you confessed your feelings to a man FIRST, and what were the results?

ONCE, and only time I even show anything is when I know he has feelings for me. In high school there was one occasion when I was bold enough to slightly chase after a guy because he was attracted to me, there was just a practical obstacle between us (his friend). In the end he was too afraid of his friends backlash, but it wasn't an ego shattering rejection just a realization that it won't go anywhere, and the need to clarify the situation is what led me to just say it openly anyway. I'd never do it again though (not because of that one outcome, just because I don't think I should ever have to do it if the guy also likes me, which is supported by my entire life experience.

How many times has a man confessed his feelings to you first? What were the results?

I'm not shitting you, but I really couldn't remember the number. It's been a lot of times, many times bluntly, many times slowly. Of course to different results. Top of my head... I have no idea.

How many times have you had feelings for a man but decided to never confess? What were the results?

Few times when I was younger and had a crush on someone who was older and hardly obtainable (3x). I enjoyed having this "safe" attraction for a while, I don't think I particularly needed anything to happen.

Every other time I would successfully get the guy I like to confess to me or make a move even if it took some dancing around from both sides ("seduced" them), and even the above-mentioned guys I didn't do anything with had chemistry with me. I don't really like anyone who didn't already get my attention by liking me or being especially nice to me.

Orange_Paisley · 2019-10-11T15:28:32+00:00

I’ve confessed my feelings on at least 2 occasions. One time completely accidentally. I’ve had a number of guys confess theirs to me, some requited and some not so much. Usually it’s not really necessary to discuss too much because you both know the feeling is there.

ElderlyAlder · 2019-10-11T16:01:32+00:00

How many times have you confessed your feelings to a man FIRST, and what were the results?

Never done it

How many times has a man confessed his feelings to you first? What were the results?

A few times, I married the one I liked back

How many times have you had feelings for a man but decided to never confess? What were the results?

Depends what you mean by feelings. I've had lots of crushes that I never confessed, but I've never like, fallen "in love" unrequited

lilacluna548 · 2019-10-12T17:46:20+00:00

Ive confessed feelings three times. I dated one of the guys for a few months but I dont really count it since it was middle school. The other two were rejections. Ive had one guy ask me out after having a crush on me and I dated him. When I was younger (high school) I dated a guy who I had prematurely rejected when I suspected he had a crush on me (which I was right about) but I ended up changing my mind and developing feelings (and confessing those). A friend of a friend had a crush on me once but never confessed himself (our mutual friend tried to wingman) and I didnt feel the same.

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J_Milton_Jr · 2019-10-11T08:45:32+00:00

1.I confessed to my BF but i kinda knew he was into me

Hmm...2 times or smth (ex BF's)

3.Happend a couple times in high school, met some of the guys later in life and they said the had a crush on me too but also didnt want to say anything 🤷🏽‍♀️...after school i never had a crush on someone who wasnt into me as well

abaxeron · 2019-10-11T10:45:32+00:00

How many times have you confessed your feelings to a man FIRST, and what were the results?

4 times. They turned me down each time. Two were hook-ups that I wanted a relationship with, and two were guys I'd never slept with.

How many times has a man confessed his feelings to you first? What were the results?

Many times. I have no idea. Most of them i told them no or ignored them, a few of them I was into and we ended up in a relationship.

How many times have you had feelings for a man but decided to never confess? What were the results?

Many times. I'd throw signals and he'd either pick up on them and reciprocate and make a move, or he wouldn't and nothing would happen.

sublimemongrel · 2019-10-11T11:33:35+00:00

I don’t think I ever have nor do I think most men I’ve dated have either it just sort of became obvious when we hung out all the time. Like I could tell how he felt about me. If you just mean who said “I love you first” - that would be the three men who have said that to me and then I said it back.

FinchRosemta · 2019-10-11T17:57:30+00:00

How many times have you confessed your feelings to a man FIRST, and what were the results?.

I cannot remember but I don't think it's more than once or twice. I'd say zero but I'm sure I must have. Nothing came of it. Oh wait, now that I think about it I thought people liked and then I kinda showed I liked them back. They weren't actually interested. But I've never confessed to anyone "Hey, I like you" or anything like that before.

How many times has a man confessed his feelings to you first? What were the results?

Maybe a couple times? I remember 2 guys from when I went to church. I wasnt interested though I found one very attractive. But I knew I wasn't going to stay in that religion (or country) and I did not want to come between someone and their faith. Also the kids things. They wanted kids. We are still friends. Went to the first ones wedding and great friends with his wife and baby (same church). Second dude good friends with him and his kids but I don't like his wife for some shit to did my best friend (who I'll talk about later). I didn't go to his wedding because I was not in the country but my entire family did because they all get along well. I think it's for the best because I don't think his wife would have wanted me there. Other feelings things just naturally progressed. No confessions etc.

How many times have you had feelings for a man but decided to never confess? What were the results?

This is my SOP. Non confessed feelings. If I like someone I keep my mouth shut. If he likes me, he'll let me know. If not we carry on as friends and everything is ok. I'm not weird about it or anything. Romantic/Sexual love isn't that important to me.

I liked a guy from age 9 (this is as far back as I can remember him in my life and having feelings for him but he's known me since I was 3) - mid 20s (actually if he asked me to marry him today I would probably say yes). But I never told him. I'm sure he knew/knows.

When I was younger I doubt I could hide it very much. When I was a teen, I weighed the odds of telling him. I knew teenage and first romances rarely work out. I was unwilling to risk my friendship with him over the chance of something more. Also it would have been illegal then because of the age difference.

When I was 20 I thought maybe, we are both old enough now. We are like best friends so we talk about everything. I casually brought up, if I liked someone should I let them know. He said if the person knew me well and liked me back they would speak up so I ldidn't have to. I consider that conversation the closest to a "confession" I've made and his response an obvious "No". No harm done. He's still in my life, attended every important event for me (I did the same for him), people thought we were a couple. I'm pretty sure our families thought we were going to get married. He's treated as a member of my family. Everyone loves him. He's the first person I see when I go home (after my immediate family).

Other than him there have been other guys U have had twinges for. No need to say anything. Just enjoy the feeling until it either passes or it is reciprocated and turns organically into something more.

slavicgypsygirl · 2019-10-12T00:17:40+00:00

a1. I haven't ever told a man I am sexually attracted to him first

a2. A lot of men have told me that they love me but I never believe them & tell them that

a3. I am frequently sexually attracted to men but never tell them

[deleted] · 2019-10-12T00:51:35+00:00

I don't remember the last time there was any "confession", it's either we both are on the same page or we're not. The last time I remember having a crush or anything that would necessitate a confession of feelings was maybe 2 or 3 years ago. Never worked out well for me. I was very.. socially retarded and missed out on social cues and my "confessions" were always awkward of course.

I think the last time a dude confessed his "feelings" for me was probably a few months ago. Every time a guy confesses his feelings for me, I already know and it's always weird. Never goes anywhere, nothing more suffocating than someone who barely knows you pretending they have any kind of emotional connection to you. "You're the most beautiful, nicest, funniest, smartest girl I know and-" like it just seems like grovelling or begging to me.

Having feelings and not confessing them and letting the relationship fail due to extremely high tension and me emotionally and psychologically terrorizing the object of my affection is much preferred, then I always get to remain in the upperhand by remaining a martyr for unrequited love. /s

Title	Q4W: Englighten us on your "confession of feelings" statistics.
Author	abaxeron
Upvotes	2
Comments	41
Date	October 11, 2019 8:22 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/dgc3kr/q4w_englighten_us_on_your_confession_of_feelings/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4w-englighten-us-on-your-confession-of-feelings.289759 https://theredarchive.com/post/289759

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