How do I develop a tough personality?

matrixtospartanatLV · 2019-11-09T21:36:46+00:00

Mixed martial arts.

By ‘tough’ I think you meant strong, as opposed to some dark, narcissistic asshole douchebag fuck.

Toughness occurs when something is torn down and built back stronger, over and over and over again.

Go to a BJJ gym and get humbled by a 110lb, 15yo girl with a green belt.

The range of emotions you will feel, confront, and control as you roll will help develop toughness over the long term.

YouTube it.

lifeisweirdasfuck · 2019-11-09T22:04:00+00:00

Go in search for the pain.

Toughness is earned, not faked.

thrwy75479 · 2019-11-09T20:35:37+00:00

Boundaries go 2 ways. You can't learn about your boundaries until someone pushes your buttons. Spend more time with people that aren't your family. Rely on them, and have them rely on you. This will inevitably create conflict, which will sometimes lead to resolution, and resolution to growth.

But I absolutely hate this and I overthink every time I dont stand up for myself.

You'll eventually go into depression, and develop anxiety due to suppressed emotions. If you don't learn how to be assertive, the bottled up emotions may also come out in the form of angry outbursts. Check out Jocko Willink's video on not being a doormat.

TigerTamingSword · 2019-11-10T00:19:02+00:00

After working in an ER for a year, while I maintained my low key personality, I developed the capacity to go from 0 100 or close pretty quickly. In such environments, you have to learn to put your foot down or else all goes to shit. What I'm saying is that you have to expose yourself situations that demand responsability, quick thinking and leadership, even if it isn't for the long term, like a project or promotion at work. You'll probably end up surprising yourself.

As for martial arts, it can work if you dive in with the right mindset.

Sylvester_Sterone · 2019-11-10T00:37:30+00:00

Exposed yourself to any situations that make you uncomfortable

FereallyRed · 2019-11-09T21:11:50+00:00

"Tough" and "weak" are container words. What they mean to you isn't what they mean to me, and I don't think you actually have a definition yourself other than some nubulous idea.

Try thinking about exactly what you mean and want.

Emperorvoid · 2019-11-10T02:55:04+00:00

You avoid conflict... That sounds like a hell of root in a weak personality.

Why?

People pleasing... What people? Do they do the same for you?

I'll tell you this much. Being beta is a state of mind. That state of mind is a choice. However you have to be aware, self critical, and not just wanting but willing to push through. Embrace the suck, life isn't fair and it doesn't give a shit about your feelings. Suck it up. Find your determination. You're angry? GOOD! Use it. Anger, if directed through will, and tempered with mind, is powerful. It can push you further. If you are weak, that has been unconsciously YOUR CHOICE, but now that you are at odds with it, you can become aware.

One of the first steps I recommend is questioning everytime you automatically have an opinion, a feeling, an action, a behavior, or something to say on. Is that you? How if it is? Did you logically come to this, or was it just knee jerk, persuaded through time period, experiences, culture, or personal influences of family/friends/idols? Why is it? Did you actually decide that is you, instead of the external world outside of self telling you that is you? When did this become? Were you always this way, raised this way, slowly adopted it without thinking about it? Who are you? Are you nothing more than the end sum of everything outside of you, or are you YOU because you took the time to deconstruct, and separate yourself from what the external world tells you who you are or should be?

You want to be strong? You need to know who YOU are. You won't know YOU unless YOU deconstruct yourself, debrainwash yourself. You are a different you beyond your culture, your time period, your influences, and your experiences. That is where you find your true strength, in the pure YOU.

Everyone else in here can tell you to toughen up this way or that. Most of them are still not even understanding true personal strength. However if you want true personal strength, FIND THE YOU DESPITE THE WORLD YOU HAVE BEEN IN!

hoopingblob · 2019-11-09T20:50:57+00:00

What I usually do is go every morning to the mirror and tell myself how great I am and that I can do anything. It helps a lot.

Lid12478 · 2019-11-09T23:50:36+00:00

You could have muscles and be a bitch, tough personality is all about the mentality of yours

Greaterbird · 2019-11-10T01:28:00+00:00

Toughness is forged in fire. Do difficult things and get through them. Get cheated on and dumped in really shitty ways and let that scar over.

GayLubeOil · 2019-11-10T02:12:16+00:00

If you've been lifting for a year and don't have a tough personality it's because you have been cuck lifting. I really don't understand how it's possible to pick up 315lb from the floor and be a emotionally weak self doubting person.

If I'm wrong post a picture of yourself holding 315lb

cji25 · 2019-11-10T01:34:48+00:00

You get out there and live a a tough life.

th33unsaltednutt · 2019-11-10T02:22:13+00:00

Been up against the ropes getting kneed the shit out of. Been in the ring face first on the canvas not knowing what happened. Been in the cage getting my ass guillotined. Depsite all that there was always something in me that wouldnt let me give up. I just couldn't let myself down even at my worst moments.

Go out and struggle and find what you are made of.

liquorbaron · 2019-11-10T03:29:39+00:00

Sounds like fight club almost. Toughness is born out of being torn down and humbled. Finding limits you didn't know you had. You gain toughness and resilience by dealing with it and coming back for more. In real life even tough people will still avoid unnecessary conflict just to avoid the headaches that come with it. Why take a mental beating when you don't have to? I mean if you want to gain mental resiliency just deal with a psycho nagging bitch of a girlfriend every day or work in retail.

Tqis · 2019-11-10T09:39:16+00:00

Learn how to say no. Best advice I got. Also, taking up something like bjj can help develop your mental toughness and you would also meet new people

MR_SKINNYPENIS69 · 2019-11-10T02:30:59+00:00

Get a job that requires you to deal with people every day.

Sales or management toughens you up.

Sales because you have to learn to be pushy in a charming way.

Management because you have to show a strong example and deal with asshole employees.

Whichever one you choose you will suck at at first and find that it makes you very uncomfortable. Be persistent.

boy_named_su · 2019-11-10T02:23:43+00:00

learn to fight (striking and grappling)

read up on Stoicism, in particular practicing temporary discomfort

take improv to get faster at witty comebacks

Zero-Milk · 2019-11-10T04:04:28+00:00

You don't develop a tough personality, man. You either become tough, or you don't. The good thing is: life has a way of hardening a man who actually works through his struggles.

TheCiph3r · 2019-11-10T04:17:43+00:00

Even though this may sound cliche: the toughest persons (both mentally and emotionally) I met have gone through a lot of suffering and pain (war survivors and refuges, rape victims, cancer survivors)

I have been through dark times myself that I almost died for real but I was able to conquer them. So now whenever I'm in a situation when people give me shit, when people are being dicks or ladies shit testing me a lot. It doesn't bother me that much and I can handle them well since I know i've been through hell and these shit are trivial.

Obviously you shouldn't seek tragedy on your own but try living a more risky yet smart lifestyle; move to a new country, starting your own business, approach random women on the streets, do martial arts and some risky sports like climbing, skateboarding. Purposely put yourself in danger, overcome that fear and learn from your mistakes.

ColdBeing · 2019-11-10T08:23:20+00:00

Develop a IDGAF attitude. Don't react to anything. If something amuses you, laugh/smile. If someone says some shit to you, don't look butt hurt. Be unphased

Rely only on yourself. Don't be worried about other people. YOU comes first. When people ask me to do shit especially something simple, I make sure to push my boundary. I say "Only if you say please" and the other person will usually succumb to you. That's if I'm feeling nice. If you just do shit, they are just going to keep asking you and you end up being their bitch.

Control the pitch in your voice. Don't go high pitch. You want a Slow, steady calm deep voice.

If something you don't like happens you stand up. It's fight or flight. Don't like it then either leave or confront. You establish your own boundaries, if something happens and you don't like it, you need to say/do something.. Don't just sit there like an idiot. But be wise and choose your battles. Do it smart. Don't try to reason with drunken idiots or mentally unstable people.

CasualPlay3r · 2019-11-10T09:23:31+00:00

Oof... been therw before man, i know what you mean...

The thing is, people advocate self improvement here like no tomorrow, and it works... but there's this thing called your mind, that no matter how tough you look or are, will make you feel weak if you allow it.

It sounds stupid, but just fake it till you feel it. Im built good enough thanks to lifting, i know i can fuck people up easily with my size. They know it, and it shows off them.

What im trying to say after all this wall of text is... just trust yourself, wanna be tough? Dont take shit from anyone. Value yourself, have fun and make people around you have a good time, and thats it

Standgrounding · 2019-11-10T13:03:39+00:00

Lift. Get muscular.

Get a job with a strict boss. A real strict one. Will toughen you up ASAP.

MattyAnon · 2019-11-10T15:14:49+00:00

of which is involuntary) then I go outside in order to have a good rep and make friends. But I absolutely hate this and I overthink every time I dont stand up for myself.

Try more.

Stand up for yourself, take the consequences. Do a bit at a time.

kumora411 · 2019-11-10T17:54:53+00:00

Do martial arts brother. MMA or Muay Thai/bjj will fix you

frognads · 2019-11-10T06:08:38+00:00

Labouring

Title	How do I develop a tough personality?
Author	notashittyperson69
Upvotes	78
Comments	65
Date	November 9, 2019 7:44 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/du0owy/how_do_i_develop_a_tough_personality/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-do-i-develop-a-tough-personality.294624 https://theredarchive.com/post/294624

Comments