I'm not even gonna fuck with you guys. When I first learned about TRP, I was just using this for the self-help aspects and couldn't care less about getting laid. I was more than down to just make money, fuck prostitutes, and focus on my purpose while being shredded af and in zen mode. But lately, I've just been feeling like you know what, maybe I want to give this shit a shot. I haven't dated in five years and as an average looking dude, online dating sure as hell isn't going to work. I realise now that escaping from my fear of rejection is going to reflect on just about everything I do in life. Like how the fuck am I going to be able to take a huge business risk if I can't even flirt with a chick and escalate? Yeah, there's successful virgins out there, but I don't have that genius "X" factor that compensated for their lack of social prowess, so having any sort of hesitation in life will likely fuck me over. I don't want to walk around without any real life experience of what a healthy non-paying sexual relationship is like, besides the fuck ton of theory that I've read. I have a feeling that it'll create a sort of mental demon that'll get harder and harder to face the older I get. One aspect of "being a man" to me is accepting that you have a problem and having the willingness to put your pride aside to solve it. Not addressing it will be like telling myself "you escape from your issues". Fuck that.

I'd like to consider myself a supportive friend, but seeing people who aren't assertive, not particularly good-looking, not confident, and are unaware of social dynamics and are just sort of coasting through life with their eyes shut getting into relationships puts question marks in my head. Is it luck and circumstance? Do they just lack the fear to approach in social circles and so despite lacking any attractive traits they still get success from time-to-time? My only success ever with chicks was back in HS was when I used social media and social status and would talk to chicks online before meeting them. And despite being nervous af and unaware af at that point, they were literally asking to be lead and I was to afraid to take that leadership position. I can literally pinpoint at least a dozen easy relationship I missed out on in High School from straight up being unaware, shy, and pussying out. One chick literally offered to give me a blowjob behind the mall and I pussied out hard. And more offers came and I'd use "religion" as an excuse. One chick was literally willing to do ANYTHING and what the fuck did I do? I took the bus with her to a bus stop. We sit down and talk a bit. Then I took her back to the original spot and dipped out. My other friend obv smashed within the next week because she lost interest. I would also ask for permission for ANYTHING sexual during that time. So all my experience with chicks, I discount it. So I basically count myself as someone with zero experience. If I could go back, I would also beat my younger ass for being so fucking autistic. And yet, besides my self-respect now, am I in any better position?

So because I've had no success using game or approaching without any social proof, it's like I don't trust myself to be attractive as myself. I've been asked out before, but to this day, I still doubt whether it was me or the status from back in HS that did it. Since then, for 5 years, I've rarely been "approached" by a chick, and even then it wasn't really an approach. More of a bystander interaction kind of thing. The most recent one was during frosh week and she made a casual comment, so I reciprocated and we talked, but I just felt so out of tune with myself and I was overthinking "text game" at that point so I texted her some stupid ass shit while forgetting to be human. I also don't vibe in social circles. I might see possible IOIs from chicks throughout the day, but then I tell myself that I'm lying to myself because I'm really average looking and it's not possible. I don't have this self-esteem issue anywhere else. It's just with chicks or dudes with high SMV. Once I get an experience under my belt where I can game a chick from start to end purely as myself (the best version though), without using any crutches, then I'll be able to pull from that experience and build momentum and believe in myself. That's how I function. And by the way, I know that we're all equal. We're all just humans. I've taken psychedelics and had those realisations. Yet, my body is conditioned to fear rejection and put chicks on a pedestal despite knowing how foolish it is. It's like without the experience under my belt, I'll keep doing it. When I'm in situations of pressure during an approach, my throat becomes hoarse, my brain zones out, I'm overstimulated, and I feel like I'm trapped in a fucking cage and want to run the fuck away. Every fucking time.

What have I done so far? Lift regularly. Give off confident non-verbals. Be positive and smile when I can and keep eye contact with people. MUCH better fashion sense. Focus on my hobbies/goals. Go out at least twice a week (despite school things in the way). Read the sidebar multiple times, including dozens of recommended books multiple times.

But it's this shitty fucking approach bullshit. Like it's pretty rare for people to do cold approach. And social circle game is better for certain types of people who do well in groups. Approaching in those situations is lower risk, and that's what most guys use, but even then I'm fucking trash at it. I just have this mental block. I know about "god mode" and all this other shit to get "in state". But fuuuuuck. Like what's in my brain preventing me from approaching? I just need to do it. I've watched like 300 videos on this shit. I know what I need to do. I've went out for 2 days and didn't do jack shit. I only did one approach in the past 3 months. Then I made excuses and tried doing "exposure therapy" by asking for the time, which is total fucking bullshit. Like I know how to speak to chicks, it just depends on the context. If it's about something school-related, no issue at all. If they speak to me first, not much of an issue. But if I approach, ego is on the line and I'm a wreck. Leading is also the same when it comes to escalation and then I become my own worst enemy. And now it's winter and the weather is trash and I don't feel like approaching for shit. Have you guys changed once you started approaching seriously?