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Declining duty sex

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IncitingDramah
December 5, 2019
21 upvotes
askMRP

So, a dumb thought crossed my mind while reading some of the stuff around here.

If your wife tries to give you duty sex, what's the best way to decline that? Or should you theoretically decline it? If the goal is to strive for validational sex vs transactional, of course.

Also, curious about thoughts on backing out after she or I initiate and you realize its duty sex.


Post Information
Title Declining duty sex
Author IncitingDramah
Upvotes 21
Comments 52
Date 05 December 2019 06:19 PM UTC (9 months ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/297946
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/e6l63k/declining_duty_sex/
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[–]0io-Tsundere47 points48 points  (14 children) | Copy

You shouldn't decline it, you should make it better. If it happens just do it whatever way you like the best. Treat it just as if she had said "I want you to do whatever you want with me!" If it makes you happy, it is more likely to make her happy. It's sidebar material, read up on "Caveman".

The worst thing if you're offering sex to someone and not enjoying it is for them to do it in some way that they don't enjoy either.

Obviously if she's telling you to stop or don't do something immediately stop. But in general making yourself happy is your first duty with "duty sex", so at least one person is happy. Odds are she'll give some suggestions for how she likes it and then you will be doing it in a way that makes her happy too.

In my opinion the worst thing you can do is be offered sex and then turn your nose at up at it, because in her mind she's thinking "WTF is OP's problem. I just said have sex with me and he said no. Something's wrong with him." The longer that goes on the worse it gets.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret19 points20 points  (11 children) | Copy

He's got it right here, OP.

Caveman when she offers duty sex. Always. It's all I was offered for about a year, so I'd just fuck the ever loving shit out of her each time. After a while, she found out she likes that and it was no longer duty.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret5 points6 points  (4 children) | Copy

But if now she tried to go back to duty sex on you, how would you take it? For me I'd rather just go do something else worth my time.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

In the rare cases i have sensed it, it was really nothing more than my own mind playing tricks on me.

It's an instant turnoff now. I can't imagine her doing it, but if she did I would just go do something else too.

It's some kind if unspoken weird mojo between us.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

My dick is now accustomed to filet mignon and caviar.

[–]Cam_Winston210 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Would you turn down a duty BJ?

If not, why turn down a different hole that she's offering up for your sexual pleasure?

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I can't even fathom anything "duty" now.

If anything, I'm the one giving duty sex. It's been a complete 180 from a year ago.

But let's say she insisted on giving me a duty BJ? I would likely just facefuck her instead and remind her of what a good little slut she is for offering her mouth up for my pleasure. Same with any hole.

[–]TheActionNerd0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

Hi Horns, I'm having trouble reconciling accepting duty sex. It is obviously something that newbies don't really want, but not we're not attractive enough or with strong enough frame to push for more (without going rambo). Cavemanning therefore makes sense but then I'm just continuing to subjugate my wife to "rape". Is this just a necessary evil that I need to accept while on the journey to becoming attractive again?

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Do YOU want to fuck or not?

Your answer lies in that response.

[–]TheActionNerd0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Yes so I will push through and cave man the duty sex. I was just having trouble with the message in every_unhappy_wife_is_a_rape_victim. I would love to already be the attractive man that can decline duty sex but I'm far away. Did it cross your mind back when your wife was giving you duty sex?

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

She's not a literal rape victim, it's how it makes her feelz. Read it again.

If sex is offered it's not rape, but feelz like rape. By cavemanning dominantly you can internalize that yes - this duty sex is for you - I'll take it. It also helps you to reassert to yourself that you're a man that wants to fuck.

Listen man, its already taken a bit of my time but maybe someone else is reading this. I'm going to bet that you've never really, really fucked your woman really hard and fast and aggressively because you're afraid it would hurt her or her feelz. Maybe she has even told you that before too. We have all heard it, myself included. Watch what she does, not what she says.

Just have some fun with it and let your testosterone fly. Grab that raw T from the depth of your balls and permeate it throughout your entire body. Fuck like it's your last fuck, always.

Go read pook.

That's why I asked if you want to fuck or not.

[–]TheActionNerd0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Thanks, appreciate the time and your assessment that I've never truly fucked my wife hard is accurate.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

So what are you going to do about it?

[–]redwall9210 points11 points  (6 children) | Copy

If you stop having sex with your wife in order to produce some sort of reaction in her, then you've probably got some work to do in your own head-space.

If you stop having sex with your wife because you've got better things to do with your time, then who cares what anybody else thinks?

[–]The_LitzRed Beret6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Declining duty sex and NOT looking butthurt is a skill very few men, if any, have.

It boils down to being passive aggressive, which has in the history of man, not moistened a pussy.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

If the goal is to strive for validational sex vs transactional, of course.

The goal is for neither. The goal is to have an enjoyable sex life. Not to validate your ego and not in a quid pro quo way. There's no way to 'teach' not doing it for validation - just work on yourself and it will eventually come.

If your wife tries to give you duty sex

Change duty sex to sex you want and lead the interaction. If there's resistance it means 1) your wife is a rape victim and 2) you're not very attractive to her. There's nothing wrong with at that point stopping with a "this isn't working for me right now" and go do something else IF you have the frame to pull it off. Based on this post - you don't.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

What is Duty Sex? A woman doing her duty and allowing her man to fuck her without her putting any effort in.

Why does a woman offer up Duty Sex?

Depends.

If you are unnatractive / Beta Bux / Nice Guy / she's doing it to placate you just enough to keep you around. She ain't fucking you like a pornstar because you're a fat autistic beta boy. That's what you get for being one.

In that case, just take what you can get. You can try the caveman approach, but you're such a fucking pussy that your caveman is basically grunting a bit louder and maybe muttering an 'oh baby' every now and again.

And you'll probably thank her afterwards, or say 'that was nice'. Cuz you're a fucking pussy. And you're belly looks like a gigantic blob of jello. Either way, the only other pussy you can get is a hooker and if they give you any more than starfish it's coz you paid extra. You might as well fuck the wife and save your money.

If you are a transitioning Beta, it's pretty much the same thing. Some days you'll get great sex, other days it'll be starfish. At this stage you should literally plough through it.. I mean, fuck the living shit out of her. Remember, she's receptive enough to fuck you properly when she's horny, so there's no reason for you to hold back. Shove her head into the pillow, throw her around the bed, smack her ass hard, stick your finger up her ass, pull her hair, cum on her face, in her hair, on her tits, up her fucking ass.. do it for your pleasure and treat her like a fucking meat puppet.

Might be a good idea at this stage to give her a safe word. In my transition period, I gave my wife one.. from an outside perspective, I'm sure that it might look like I practically raped her a number of occasions but she never used the safe word. She still hasn't. Plenty of 'no's' and 'you're hurting me' but all accompanied by a very wet pussy.. so watch what she does and not what she says. Unless it's the safe word - in which case, stop.

There were a couple of occasions only that I walked away from starfish, where I literally could not plough through it. She was 100% unreceptive. On those occassions, I pulled out, walked away and ignored her for the day / days.. until she came back, apologised and fucked me properly. Was I butthurt? Probably. Pissed off, fucking definitely. But I got to the stage where I decided that there was no way I was putting up with that kind of shitty behaviour anymore and if it happened, she could literally go fuck herself. And she knew that she was acting like a cunt, so I had to put the foot down.

Lastly, if you have transitioned from Beta to Alpha, you don't need my advice. You're already doing what you should be doing. If you're not, then there's something wrong with you.

[–]Balls_Wellington_Main Event + Coronavirus2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

Sing this to the tune of "If You're Happy and You Know It":

If you want to fuck your wife, just fuck your wife

[clap clap]

If you want to fuck your wife, just fuck your wife

[clap clap]

If you pout and then deny it, you're being a giant faggot

If you want to fuck your wife, just fuck your wife

[clap clap]

[–]becoming_alpha2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

If the goal is to strive for validational sex vs transactional

No. Neither one of those is good. You don't have sex for validation. Your self-worth must be independent of her. Transactional is no good either, unless your wife is a hooker and that's how she makes ends meet.

You're overthinking it. If she offers and you're into it, go for it and take what you want. Caveman her. If you're not into it, just say that and go do something else productive.

[–]hack3geRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I would cave man the shit out of her at the beginning - flip her over and pound away at her doggy while pulling her hair. Turns out she actually enjoyed me using her as my fuck toy.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don't condition your wife negatively when she's doing something you want her to do.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Go Caveman.

-if she acts like a whore then treat her like one.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

Faggot do not get to turn down sex.

[–]RedPillGlasses0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I don’t know, I’ve never had it.

[–]Smuggler-Tuek-2 points-1 points  (16 children) | Copy

I’ve been trying to see it from my own view lately. Do I want sex? Okay. Do I not? If it’s duty sex I’ll decline. If she’s going out of her way to try and initiate sex, even if it’s just because she’s trying to please me, I’ll go along because I don’t want to discourage that behavior.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (6 children) | Copy

Jesus, you are overthinking shit... fuck your wife. It doesn't matter "why" she's doing it, get out of her head. You don't need a complex decision tree here.

[–]Smuggler-Tuek0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

Good point. Overthinking is often a habit of mine. I appreciate the perspective.

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points  (4 children) | Copy

Here I made a nice flow chart for you.

https://imgur.com/a/t0THjen

[–]Smuggler-Tuek4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Made my day. Great work lol.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

fucking brilliant.

[–]Balls_Wellington_Main Event + Coronavirus0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

But what if I just want to cuddle?

[–]JoeBuckYourslf0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

And I thought he was just fucking around.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy

If she’s going out of her way to try and initiate sex, even if it’s just because she’s trying to please me, I’ll go along

Ok, so you'll take sex if she's really into it? (cue: validation)

Do I want sex? Okay. Do I not? If it’s duty sex I’ll decline.

So, if she doesn't want sex, you'll decline. (cue: validation)

What the fuck are you trying to say? You're fucking saying two different things. Do you still fuck if you want sex but she doesn't?

All your advice here is validation seeking bullshit. OP don't listen to this.

[–]Smuggler-Tuek0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy

Yeah it is kind of unclear, my bad. If it seems like she’s quasi initiating and it’s evident it’s just because she feels obligated for whatever reason, I’ll turn it down. The only reason I won’t turn down sex is if she’s clearly trying to be more sexual with me and it’s behavior I would rather capture. Hopefully that makes more sense.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret5 points6 points  (6 children) | Copy

If it seems like she’s quasi initiating and it’s evident it’s just because she feels obligated for whatever reason, I’ll turn it down.

Good luck with that approach, buddy. IMO duty sex offerings are just little shit tests to see if you can move her from "meh" sex to DEVI (mostly Dominant/Submissive) sex and really move her emotions/world into a more fulfilling sexual encounter where you're the satisfied party and she isn't "gifting" you sex. I use that term loosely here because it's not really gifting. It has covert contracts attached of "If I fuck him he'll be happy and shutup and blah blah blah".

You take that covert contract and rip it to shreds.

But that's hard for n00bs and even intermediate MRPers to understand. You seem to be in the intermediate stages.

Next time she offers duty sex, go caveman her. Hard, fast, take whatever you want. Cum all over her then get up, throw a towel at her and say, "Headed to lift now." Leave her in her own puddle of cum and pussy juices.

You could really use some time reading Pook. Fuck her like it's your last time you'll ever fuck.

Declining duty sex just screams, "Meh, too hard" like a butthurt little manlet.

[–]Smuggler-Tuek0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Solid advice. Correct I haven’t read that yet so I’ll add it as my next book. Thanks dude.



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