"Maintaining frame" in a relationship?

birdiesss · 2018-06-22T00:11:44+00:00

Just relax and chill. If she doesn't accept you for who you are, she isn't the right one anyway. And for most people who aren't douchenozzles, the "right one" exists, or at least, someone who accepts and loves you, even when you struggle emotionally.

Do you think you can keep up being "the rock" your entire life? Is it worth it?

cyranothe2nd · 2018-06-22T04:08:07+00:00

That RP stuff is garbage. My husband has depression as well, and our marriage is so much stronger since he's confided in me and talks with me about it. And I don't feel so powerless either; I feel like I can do things to help him.

If your GF loves you she will stay. If she doesn't, she won't. But it won't be because you overshared. It will be because she isn't the right person or this isn't the right time. Relationships break up all the time. But the way to maintain a relationship isn't to pretend you're a completely different person that you are. You deserve someone who loves you for you.

emailpassword12 · 2018-06-22T00:01:17+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Yesm3can · 2018-06-22T10:47:33+00:00

This is difficult and will make me sound like a damn hypocrite.

Alright OP, I came from one of those conservative countries where the men are mostly stoic. Because they were groomed and raised to be like that. Men just do not cry, not even at a funeral. Not even when parents died. Not even when life long bestfriend died. You'd hear a lot of 'if 'I were a woman, I'd cry' things being said a lot. So the men do have desire to cry and be weak sometimes, but they keep it in. And they managed to do it after years of being raised by family, then school, then society as a whole like that. In that kind of community and society, it is indeed not so great if you show weakeness, because not even your parents or grandparents will symphathize. At worst even some aunties will join in, in berating you for your weakness.

If you are living in a more modern society where mental health is actually discussed and being taken seriously, most of the people regardless of gender, do not think of anything of seeing a man in his more emotionally vulnerable state. It is even being viewed as something comforting if a man is able to show his real emotion to his partner.

DarkestTimeline24 · 2018-06-22T07:40:21+00:00

The will to change Is a really good therapy/self help book

TheMadWoodcutter · 2018-06-22T17:58:40+00:00

I'm going to give it to you straight OP. If you insist on suppressing your emotions in order to try and appear to be some immovable rock, you'll end up dying inside and eventually it will come out anyways. You need to be real with her and with yourself. In all honesty, it's possible you simply cannot be what she needs in a boyfriend right now, or that she simply cannot be what you need in a girlfriend right now. There's nothing wrong with that if it's true, that's just life. But you need to not pretend to be something you're not, that's deceitful and she deserves to know the truth about what's going on so she can make an informed decision about whether or not to remain in the relationship. You owe her that. You don't need to be the strong male, you need to deal with the shit that is causing the anxiety and depression, and that's naturally going to make you a less effective partner. You can't have it both ways, and if you try, you'll only end up making the anxiety and depression worse, and probably lose your girlfriend anyways.

Deal with your shit OP. Let your girlfriend decide if she has it in her to stick by you in the meantime, and do not judge her if she decides that she does not.

BlastedScallywags · 2018-06-22T15:42:45+00:00

I would suggest perhaps writing out, very carefully, how you are feeling as though you are writing it for her. Write about the worries that you have not just with your mental health but your ability to discuss those issues openly and not bottle them up inside. Write it carefully, take your time. You don't even have to give it to her to read, but even just writing it out as though you were might help you get the confidence to talk about these issues and worries. Your feelings are absolutely valid, and it's a core part of the trust that comes with healthy relationships that you should feel able to discuss those with her and vice versa.

kusshha · 2018-06-23T00:21:49+00:00

a caring person regardless if male or female, will be there emotionally for their partner. try to forget trp advice. i love when a partner came to me for advice cause it makes me believe they value what i say and they trust me to be vulnerable with me. youve been with her for 6 months, she has probably seen a lot of you and she doesnt need you to be a rock 24/7. show some emotion. tell her what is bugging you. its likely she will try to help you to become a better version of yourself. and if she isnt able to be there for you, maybe she is not emotionally ready for that kind of relationship. but maybe she is. dont let it stress you out. you are allowed to have weak moments and issues. you dont have to bottle it up and deal with it alone while faking a smile. it does not make you any less of a man to talk about it.

britdd · 2018-06-23T20:39:10+00:00

Its a very natural human behaviour to feel and express emotional or vulnerabilities. Its not healthy to bottle up feelings, nor use a SO as a mental health therapist so there is a line there somewhere.

If she's worthy, she will stand by you through good times and bad. If not, she's not worth it. Its that simple. Relationships with anyone should not be complicated.

CryonicFusion · 2018-07-20T18:38:15+00:00

Find a hobby. If you spend a few hours a day doing that fun hobby, then you will feel better. I don't think you need to "maintain frame". You can be yourself and still be a leader.

Red pill is crap!

Gibson8899 · 2021-12-26T14:15:18+00:00

You didn’t read the red pill right.

You need to be a rock as you know who you are and you own your vulnerability.

Title	"Maintaining frame" in a relationship?
Author	bcserver
Upvotes	7
Comments	24
Date	June 21, 2018 8:04 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/8sv2ak/maintaining_frame_in_a_relationship/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/maintaining-frame-in-a-relationship.300064 https://theredarchive.com/post/300064

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