Living RP successfully but still a loser in my head

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December 19, 2019

So without getting into detail, TRP has really changed the way I deal with women. I am successful and I attribute a lot of it to the advice here.

My problem isn’t that I don’t believe in trp but use it anyways. I actually do believe that what I am doing is the most optimal way to do things and a lot of it is rp ‘strategy’. My problem is that even though I want to be more independent and not give a fuck what other people do, and even though I act like I am independent and don’t give a shit, in my head I care so much and am completely reliant on other people for happiness. Even though I know the right thing to do is love myself first.

For example, I can know a girl is being unfaithful by being with me, I know she’s a ho, and yet I cannot separate my shining logic from the bp shit in my brain that wants to take her out and go to the park and all that gay shit. I do everything perfectly, I lay pipe, and they never suspect a thing, but inside I am weak.

I guess what I’m asking is, if you can’t stop thinking a certain way even though you know better, you know your logic is flawed, how do you absorb that truth and ditch your old ones?

Post Information
Title Living RP successfully but still a loser in my head
Author FlatEarthBowlCut69
Upvotes 74
Comments 41
Date 19 December 2019 06:07 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
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[–]wowkwo173 points174 points  (15 children) | Copy

Let me tell you my story...

A couple years ago I broke up with my LTR of 5 years. She was great but clearly had Daddy issues and wasn't as intelligent socially as I wanted my future kids to be.

Till this day I still wonder if I made the right decision breaking it off, I still dream about her.

Well after about 6-7 months I had finally hit the contentment stage. I was seeing a couple chicks, but not seriously. I was happy with my work, gym, purpose, and my journey.

Well at that exact time an absolute dime walked into my life. She started texting me and asking me out, but since I was legitimately content, I really wasn't eager to date her. After about 3 weeks of her coming after me I took her out.

I had so much confidence and non-neediness that she immediately fell for me.

Fast forward a year and 3 months, we're still together but now my work is really slowing down. I'm all commission so not making as much money was seriously destroying my self esteem and self perception.

Slowly but surely I started to lean on her for more and more of my validation. "Hey my job sucks, but at least I have a super hot and awesome girl friend" I told myself.

Well after about 3 more months of me just playing video games and getting high she broke up with me.

I'm still reeling from the break up, but here's the lesson:

Find your own happiness and validation away from women because as soon as you depend on a women for validation and happiness is the second you will start to lose that woman.

No matter how long you are with a woman you should NEVER forget that.

You need to focus on building up your life and self esteem so that you aren't reliant on women for happiness.

This usually takes a fulfilling life (mission/purpose) and a social life. Your social life could even be mostly men, but you need to get connection somewhere else more reliable.

One you have a life that makes you happy then you won't be so beta in searching for a woman to fulfill you.

Unfortunately you aren't ready for a healthy relationship, no worthwhile woman wants to be with a man that 'needs' her.

Once you get there then you'll be ready for an actual relationship.

But remember when you do get a real healthy relationship to keep focusing on you because that's the only way to maintain it.

[–]kingofclubsmorde18 points19 points  (0 children) | Copy

Quality comment.

[–]northernhubbub6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Love this 👏

[–]Sin-Silver10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

"Find your own happiness and validation away from women because as soon as you depend on a women for validation and happiness is the second you will start to lose that woman."

This should be the TRP quote of the day

[–]RedSkeller5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Solid comment, deserves gold

[–]mchief1013 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

this!!! i noticed myself to, once i bring a girl/plate back into my life, my career and other things start suffering slowly compared to when i am on my own, things in my life work in an absolute positive momentum. things like working out, eating right, career growth, ability to go out and be more social, hobbies, time with family etc. It's like when they see you being successful and growing they come back but as soon as they see you showing some BP signs like focusing too much on them, they start pulling away. it is what it is!

[–]Bone_Coat3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

TLDR: if you lose success you lose female comapny

[–]Iluvalmonds831 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This comment is priceless. I feel that The end all goal for TRP isnt to be successful with women, but successfully become the man you want to be and am proud of being. That extends so far past attracting the fairer sex.

[–]biezpiens1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm guessing this is one of those mistakes guys will make regardless of how many times they've seen it happen to others

[–]abomba241 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is awesome, thanks for the write-up. I'd recommend a post on this as there are a lot of lessons here

[–]GreedoGrindhouse1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Find your own happiness and validation away from women because as soon as you depend on a women for validation and happiness is the second you will start to lose that woman.

No matter how long you are with a woman you should NEVER forget that.

This belongs on the sidebar if it isn't already. So well said. Thanks dawg.

[–]thetempest8881 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This deserves all the gold in the world.

[–]AceMav21-1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy

Bitches just like money

[–]wowkwo1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Bitches like guys who have confidence and a plan, the money is a byproduct. In retrospect I should of been more open about my money issues and explained my plan out.

Ignoring it and pretending it wasn't happening only compounded the problem.

[–]AceMav212 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Why communicate anything about money with a bitch unless she lives with you and your finances are conjoined?

[–]wowkwo1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm not saying show her your bank statement, but bottling things up inside can make things much worse. Showing a little vulnerability from a position of strength and confidence is better than hiding shame.

The truth is always shining through.

[–]nateydanger13 points14 points  (1 child) | Copy

My problem isn’t that I don’t believe in trp but use it anyways.

This is like going to the gym hoping to get ripped through Osmosis. You will always be a BP until you buy into the RP design. You are fucking complicating a simple thing.

There isn't some magic bullet or word or phrase that is suddenly going to make sense. You start doing the things that RP suggests you do. Focus on yourself, treat your body right, engage in activities you enjoy, and stop caring what other people think. It may seem odd and you may not see results at first but chill with the instant gratification. You start noticing a couple girls looking your way but since you are focused on yourself it doesn't matter. Girls say you look great but you don't care because it's not about getting outside validation it's about treating your body right. Girls are gonna start asking you what you are doing this weekend and you tell them "Im busy with activities I enjoy but if you want to come you can". When other males try to knock you down a peg or you get rejected by some girl, guess what? You don't give a fuck. All these things combined are what girls are looking for.

RP isn't about getting pussy and girls and all the shit you think it is. It's about self care, self love, and self improvement. Getting girls and pussy is a byproduct.

[–]abomba240 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Ya I'd like to understand that whole not believing in TRP thing explained a bit more. I assumed most were like me and once swallowed know it's true, the problem is enforcing the principles in your life

[–]Intentional696 points7 points  (5 children) | Copy

Too many dudes asking how to run before they can even walk. It starts with YOU. Your self improvement. Your confidence. Your life. Taking care of yourself always comes first. Self reliance is key. Sometimes it comes naturally to others, me? I had to learn this lesson and game the hard way. I was so naive and ignorant back then it's laughable and truly eye opening once you see everything for what it really is. They weren't lying with the term "ignorance is bliss".

[–]Iluvalmonds831 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yes, exactly. So many try to just skip all that and “go through the motions” of how to act like they are improved instead of making real changes with themselves and adopting the mindset. Inner game will always trump external game

[–]Intentional691 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's one of the hardest processes to go thru. I have friends who still believe in the "Family & Marriage" aspect of life and all I can do is congratulate and be happy for them, even though I know the outcome. I've been there and done that. Knowing what I know now is like a cheat code. If I would have known this back in high school?? God the opportunities I WOULDN'T have passed up

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

See my issue is everything is great, I never even consider the bp option when it comes to my actions and reality. I successfully apply trp and I believe in it, I know what I act on is truth. My problem is that despite all of this I just cannot get my mindset to swap. I’ve done everything and am pursuing my mission, I still just cannot get rid of these deep general bp thoughts and considerations. I’ll tell myself what is bothering me is bullshit and I know it, chill out, etc. But I still can’t fully shed this neediness even though I know I’m a top priority person to love and care for (by myself)

[–]Intentional691 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I don't know your age, but you can't expect to rid yourself off this conditioning in a year or 2 when we've been exposed to this BP mindset since we were kids. This shit takes time and discipline. Keep moving forward

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for the advice, I guess all there really is to do is keep pushing.

[–]Lateralanouncer5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Your not a loser and nothing is wrong with you.

  1. Many famous people are like that. Look at kurt Cobain for an extreme example. Betters himself to please others.

  2. If you want to be in an ltr purple pill. There are two types of ltrs. if your a beta male your relationship will be 1. Damaged by default.. If your not naturally alpha you will be on hard mode. If you naturally alpha and don’t let anything get in your way easy. remember no high quality man or woman wants to be around a useless lazy fuck.

  3. Damaged. Those that want you to save and follow them. They suck you dry and you will wast your time, thoughts and dreams looking after them. If at anytime a ltr starts to look like this get on your mission to automatically apply dread. If you can’t as she is damaged or to strong headed get out ASAP.

  4. Good ltr. Those that push, support and follow you to be the best man you can be. Woman understand you are a man on a mission and do not want to get in the way of your passion. These woman will also feed off your drive and be the best they can for you.

[–]sonofgoku1232 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I learned to quotes that I really like, and try my best to stick to.

First one is: to know and not to do, is to never really know at all. I learned that one from moveU Mike.

The other one is: the work comes before the belief. I learned that from the mfceo podcast with Andy frisella.

[–]janaheyiloveyou5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Guy friends and women friends are the only people you can slightly lean on and support each other.. Women you date will only want alpha you to fuck them.. Its fun to just fuck them and date but keep it at that.. Know that.. Its only sex and validation that they need

[–]1XXXMersenne1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Cognitive dissonance from being a faggot and having what you think the antithesis namely Chad woulda had. "I should feel better about meself!!!"

I suggest you lift Heavier & Harder, and read some deliciously complex philosophy.

This is "difficult" (if we're going off of what you wrote) but if you perserve to comprehend the book and create a workout specific to your needs it will inevitable burn out the dross of faggotry and your impostor syndrome will fall away like leeve in winter...

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Helpful reply. thinking about it, cognitive dissonance is a solid diagnosis. I always figured when I trusted the process and applied trp, and it started really working for me, I would just naturally shed my inner bp nonsense. but clearly that has not happened. Also that lifting channel is good shit, thank you.

[–][deleted]  (2 children) | Copy


[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I already did but it still feels like I’m faking, I’m just really good at it. Internally I am screaming.

[–]2319Skew1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

It takes a long time and a lot of effort to unlearn bad habits

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Facts, this is a brief comment but it’s actually very helpful to consider that I haven’t been at this a long time (year?).

[–]BallinPoint1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

At some point you realize, that literally everyone is dependent on other people. Being completely alone is something only a handful of people can actually do. Other people having no effect on your emotions is utter utopia. We are social creatures.

The fact that you're romantic even with a ho is AWESOME. I'd be so happy. I am not this way anymore and I am only learning about attraction. But I can still enjoy doing nice things like that. It's not gay shit. I also don't think it's weakness unless it's really bothering you. I had a friend who had a problem with "emotions" and was always absorbed with whores. He eventually settled with a chick he really liked. Maybe you'll need to do the same.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I don’t want to be alone (I mean sometimes it would be nice to turn off biology and have human contact as an option, not a necessity) but I want to be OK with it during times in life when it happens.

As for the hoes, I think you misunderstood. I’m not romantic at all, just the opposite. I’m actually a bit of an asshole and am all the more successful for it. My main problem stated in the post is that in my head, I feel all of this romantic bullshit that I know isn’t realistic, but it still bothers me. I faked it til l made it but I still feel like a faker. I’m living this shit but in my head I feel I have little control.

[–]failberry0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy


[–]K-Samra0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Work on the solar plexus chakra

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Fuck u mean b

[–]OfficerWade0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Interesting comment, it seems like you (OP) are ashamed of your own sexual drive, your sexual nature and need to be sexual with women. I would say if she’s not a good catch don’t try to turn her into a wife but that’s hardly the advice you were looking for. Sorry.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It isn’t shame. I don’t feel ashamed when I lay pipe or whatever. To put it simply, it’s more like this. I don’t even necessarily get bad feelings, but I get strong oneitis for any pretty face, but only after I have gotten to fuck and spend actual time with her, not the orbiter kind of oneitis where you haven’t had anything real.

But yeah even if there’s red flags and I see them it’s like I’ll try to reason my way out of sanity and back into beta nonsense.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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