Nice guy behaviour?

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December 24, 2019

I feel like an emotionless robot

I’ve realised during all my self improvement that I’m not a very emotional person, this in itself doesn’t sound like an issue, I mean I don’t want to cry every time my girlfriend is nasty to me or my kid brings home another shitty painting from school but it would be nice to feel passionate or really pissed about something occasionally.

The main event that got me to thinking about this was the recent death of my mother, I feel Like I took way to well, my siblings have been distraught and I’ve just been, well, ok. To put this in to context I’m the youngest by 10 years and I was the closest to her and also the only one present when she died.

My question is, am I just an emotional retard or is this nice guy behaviour, never wanting to rock the boat? It’s not on a conscious level, I’m not stifling feelings or having to keep them in, I just don’t feel them. There are certain projects or activities in my life that I’d like to feel passionate about and I just feel vanilla. Is this just years of conditioning myself to not stand out? And is this something I can work on?

Post Information
Title Nice guy behaviour?
Author RoccoPinkman
Upvotes 16
Comments 34
Date 24 December 2019 09:58 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
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[–]FoxShitNasty8320 points21 points  (4 children) | Copy

I watched a family member die in my arms. I was fine for about a year...... My mind then basically melted sending me panic attacks mild PTSD and all sorts of physical and mental symptoms. Went to the doctor's "fix me, my body is broken it hurts" he kept telling me it was my head that was broken. Lies!! stupid dr's.... He was right.

Meditation brought me back to my emotions. Scary shit, now I just lift and talk to my lifting buddy. Bless his soul. Fuck I was a wreck, don't do that.

Edit: if you do get like this it goes without saying STFU. Talk to the dog, talk to a buddy, talk to your imaginary friend just don't talk to the wife.

[–]RoccoPinkman[S] 6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy

Firstly, sorry for your loss bro.

For me though it wasn’t as traumatic as what you went through, I had lots of time to get used to it.

Although you’ve just reminded me of something I read a while ago In ‘The power of now’ about meditating and being acutely aware of each emotion and how it makes you feel, I’m going to revisit that.

[–]FoxShitNasty834 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

It ultimately led me here. I am greatful for the lessons it taught me.

[–]RoccoPinkman[S] 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

My mother’s dementia led me here, not being able to fall back on her as I always had ( as sad as that is at 34 years old) forced me to do what normal boys do at 18.

[–]zuhal930 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Welcome to the year 2019, where most boys never become men -- usually only by a combination of luck and crisis.

[–]SepeanRed Beret6 points7 points  (5 children) | Copy

You’re probably dismissive avoidant.

[–]RoccoPinkman[S] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

Can you elaborate?

[–]SepeanRed Beret8 points9 points  (3 children) | Copy

High self esteeem, performance anxiety, rarely feels negative emotions, poor access to details of childhood memories, little need for intimacy, is annoyed by and ignores emotional demands from others.

In attachment theory it is classed as being dismissive avoidant.

[–]RoccoPinkman[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I identify with everything you described minus the high self esteem, I have low self esteem.

I’m going to read up on this!

Edit: after doing some research, my personality fits the, fearful avoidant traits.

[–]WolfofAllStreetz3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like a productive person. 😂

[–]FoxShitNasty832 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yup, this describes my wife ;)

[–]rotkohlblaukraut3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Sorry for your loss. Two things come to mind. If the flat affect is recent, maybe you're high functioning depressed. If you're always this way you might want to follow up on sepean's line of thought. Traits like yours can also have an impact on how your own kids develop -- by not learning to process their own emotions due to lack of a healthy role model. The book "running on empty " by J Webb explores this . Might be worth a read. And yeah, dementia sucks.

[–]RoccoPinkman[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think sepeans suggestion was pretty much spot on, book added to reading list! Thanks.

[–]WolfofAllStreetz2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Bravo on the flair.

[–]RoccoPinkman[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks bro.

[–]tspitsatgp1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Is it that you aren’t emotional at all, or, that you aren’t emotional at specific moments/periods where there’s an external expectation that you should be emotional?

[–]RoccoPinkman[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I’d say, yes, times when other people may have a strong emotional reaction to Something, I don’t. I can get upset but generally I don’t get stressed or angry about things.

[–]Terminal-Psychosis0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is a bonus. Don't see the problem at all.

[–]IRunYourRiver1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

With all the emphasis on getting in touch with your fee-fees it's easy to forget that it's okay not to cry. Sometimes it just isn't there or that just isn't how your psyche wants to deal with this particular input. And it's perfectly fine.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Do you ever cry during movies? I find it difficult to experience intense emotions as well. When my father died, I cried. It felt good to actually cry and feel something.

I cry more in movies than I do over real life. I don't usually cry because I am sad but I experience intense emotions of happiness or something. It happens in shit like avengers or even star wars shit. I don't understand what is wrong with me.

I like that I have emotional stability. Being emotionally volitile is not helpful in any way shape or form, be happy bud.

[–]RoccoPinkman[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I cried when I found out my mum only had two weeks left. I think it was difficult because she was still walking round, able to feed herself, take herself to the bathroom etc, so yeah, then I really sobbed but I was ok after that.

I do get that it’s not cool to be volatile, it’s just a strange feeling when everyone around me is falling apart and I feel, well......ok.....not happy not sad just ok.

Maybe I’m just over thinking this too much and I should just be happy I’m stable.

[–]Terminal-Psychosis0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Being emotionally stable is a Good Thing.

Zero reason to get all worked up unless it brings a benefit somehow. Mostly it does not.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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